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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:00 AM
Original message
My son's car was vandalized last night
and I'm sick to my stomach. We live in the mountains of northwest NJ and with the exception of the occasional mailbox being smashed by kids driving by in cars, it's pretty quiet as far as crime goes.

He slept at his friend's house, parked on the street, and woke up to a swastika on the hood, a drawing of a penis, and the words "all fags must die" and "die fag die" all over the rest of his red car in black spray paint. The cops came, took pictures, and told him to save any receipts or estimates he gets to repair the damage. They also said this is happening a lot up here now and that the detective's car has been hit twice already. His friend drove him to school and she'll be taking him to work if he can't get it all cleaned up after class.

My son is gay and has a small rainbow flag on the back door. He drives my old Tracker, so it's right near the spare tire. It's only as big as a shipping label, and it's just the rainbow, no words or printing at all. It's been there for two years now without incident, but I think he's scared. I'll leave it up to him as to whether or not he removes it since he's 19, but how do you get it across to your kid that it's OK for him to be who he is when he has to worry about shit like this?

We've had the "Matthew Shepard" conversation numerous times. I'm always telling him to BE CAREFUL when he goes out because there are too many intolerant assholes in the world and it's usually 2 or more that jump the lone "gay guy". That's my biggest fear...that something will happen to him because of who he is...this whole thing just makes me sick. I have to get ready to go to work and I can't stop crying. WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? WHAT JOY OR HAPPINESS CAN THEY POSSIBLY GET BY DOING THESE KINDS OF THINGS?

I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.
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greencharlie Donating Member (827 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:03 AM
Response to Original message
1. wow...
Edited on Wed May-05-10 11:03 AM by greencharlie
intolerant jerks. He needs to get out of the area... I hate to say it, but many rural areas are not welcoming to gay people.

I wish him the best... be strong and be proud. But be SAFE.
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dencol Donating Member (297 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 10:41 PM
Response to Reply #1
52. I worked in Denver.
And was fired for being gay. So were 8 others in my department. It's just as bad in the cities, although not quite as spectacular as outright vandalism - but just as damaging.
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:30 AM
Response to Reply #52
62. WHAT?
That's insane! I'm so sorry that happened to you! Were you all able to get together and bring some kind of suit against the company?
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SharonAnn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 10:26 AM
Response to Reply #1
122. The son of one of our friends was killed in Philadelphia because he was gay.
Edited on Thu May-06-10 10:27 AM by SharonAnn
A couple of guys followed him from gay bar, jumped him, stabbed him, and left him to die on the street.

He was a single businessman, dressed in a suit and tie, had been in Philly on business, but someone had to kill him because he was gay. His parents were devastated. The police haven't found who did it and now that it's several years old, I doubt that they will.
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-07-10 12:29 AM
Response to Reply #122
133. How horrible!
That's my biggest fear with my son...that he'll run into a bunch like that because it's NEVER a fair fight. It's always two or more homophobes ganging up on one poor innocent person who's minding his own business.
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bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:06 AM
Response to Original message
2. The car can be fixed.
Glad your son was unharmed besides the damage to the car. I'm sorry this happened. We always have to watch our backs because of punks like the ones who did this to your son's car. :hug:
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liberalmike27 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 10:38 AM
Response to Reply #2
126. One has Only to go through High School
To know the world is absolutely filled with intolerant idiots.

If only we spent 70 Billion on defense, and a Trillion on education, the reverse of what we do, then maybe we could correct the horrible parenting going on that produces these morons.

I worry about having my stickers on the back of my car for Obama, but I figure the more we have out there, the more those who would do this sort of thing will feel there are eyes everywhere. So I leave them on.
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PDJane Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:07 AM
Response to Original message
3. I have no idea why being gay is an issue.
I'm so sorry...I have no advice at all. Who he loves should not be an issue; it's an integral part of who he is, but It's no one else's business.
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greencharlie Donating Member (827 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:15 AM
Response to Reply #3
6. there's more to it than that...
You can dig deep into their psyche and see a lot of reasons. Part of it's FEAR. Part of it goes back as long as human history goes... it's the fear of someone or something that's "different".

Today... I believe it's because by and large the gay community is accepted and embraced by MOST of the population (minus Cali prop H8'ers) think "Queer Eye..." and a half dozen celebrities we see every day on TV. So you have these knuckledraggers who have to make their own statement to counter all the normal, accepting people.

Intolerance... it's history is disgusting. Killing people because they go to a temple instead of a church, because they have dark skin, because they fall in love with the "wrong" person...

Makes me ashamed of the human race most days.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:16 AM
Response to Reply #3
7. I think some people will gravitate toward any issue that gives them an
opportunity to hate. It's pathetic and sad. Sad like all hatred and it's stupid and cruel. Some people feel empowered by hatred. They look for opportunities to hate. I don't know if it's more now than in the past, or just that it's better communicated.
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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:13 AM
Response to Reply #7
92. "Some people feel empowered by hatred. They look for opportunities to hate."

Yes, some people are like that. I can only think their lives are so miserable that hating someone or some group makes them feel good or feel superior.




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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:11 AM
Response to Reply #3
90. Gay people are perceived as a threat to a patriarchal society by some people.

ITA it's no one else's business. Glad he wasn't hurt.



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BobbyBoring Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 10:18 AM
Response to Reply #3
121. exactamundo
You'll find that ALL of the wedge issues that have been so cleverly placed in the spotlight by the Religious Wrong are mind your own business issues. What difference could it possibly make to ANYONE if someone else is gay, has an abortion, goes to the "Wrong church", or doesn't go at all. If people would enjoy a nice cup of STFHU and worry about themselves, the world would be a better place. It sickens me that the defenders of freedom and the Constitution are the first to want government intrusion in to OTHER PEOPLES lives, just not theirs. So typical~
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:09 AM
Response to Original message
4. I am sorry.
That sounds horrible.
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sinkingfeeling Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:12 AM
Response to Original message
5. Sorry that this happened. We're evolving into tribes instead of learning that we share so many
traits with all humans and animals.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:19 AM
Response to Reply #5
8. That is a good description, "We're evolving into tribes..." I hadn't thought
about that until you mentioned it and as I think of events it really is groups of tribes. Without technology, the world would not be very advanced IMO.
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BreweryYardRat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 06:36 PM
Response to Reply #5
22. You mean "devolving."
The tribal state is the original hominid/human state. People who regress back to it are not evolving.
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Kalun D Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:19 AM
Response to Original message
9. Decals and Stickers
you might as well paint a target

You have to realize the class of low-life you are dealing with. These people will kick you when you're down and stab you in the back.

Freedom of speech is one thing, asking for trouble is another. Too bad this country is not enlightened but denying reality only gets you hurt or your property destroyed.
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Dappleganger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:22 AM
Response to Reply #9
12. +1
This is why we have no stickers or emblems on any of our vehicles.

I'm so sorry about the OP's son, that must have really shook him up to experience such a personal kind of attack.

:hug:
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Sherman A1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 04:59 AM
Response to Reply #12
82. Precisely
The only sticker I have on my car is the one that came with my iMac.. the little white Apple.

No social agenda stickers

No political stickers

No stickers of any other kind

You just don't know what people will do and frankly I really don't want a bunch of stickers with this or that opinion on my car at all. I also don't want it to become a target.
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1955doubledie Donating Member (224 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 12:45 PM
Response to Reply #9
19. A sticker consisting merely of a rainbow is "Asking for trouble"???
Blame-the-victim much?
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lame54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 06:45 PM
Response to Reply #19
23. agree..
Edited on Wed May-05-10 06:48 PM by lame54
edited because I again didn't check who was logged on (me or hubby).
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unapatriciated Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 06:49 PM
Response to Reply #19
24. agree..
15 years ago my daughter was raped simply because she told the guy she was gay and not interested.
His comment was "you hadn't met the right guy yet". The police handled it poorly and blamed her for the rape.
She still hasn't met the right guy but will be getting married this summer to a wonderful, beautiful woman
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 07:14 PM
Response to Reply #24
28. Glad she has found happiness, unapatriciated


:hug:
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unapatriciated Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 07:28 PM
Response to Reply #28
30. She has been in many relationships, but I have never seen her this happy.
Her fiancee is a wonderful woman and I love her for bringing joy into my daughters life.
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 07:40 PM
Response to Reply #30
33. It's a long road to happiness


for some of us, but so much more appreciated after all your daughter has been through.

Don't want to hijack this thread but want to say: do keep us posted on the wedding.

I hope njlib's son can see past this current ugliness to a beautiful life ahead as well.

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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:45 AM
Response to Reply #33
65. Thank you, Tsiyu
He really is a good kid and went through hell in 5th & 6th grade. He was the kid who got beat on every day, ate by himself in the cafeteria, and would burst into tears when I'd pick him up from the afterschool program. Up until 5th grade, he was confident and outgoing, but became unsure of himself and terrified of being ridiculed or ostracized. He used to cry and say "All I want is ONE friend. Why can't I just have ONE friend?" and I'm sitting her tearing up just thinking about those horrible years. 7th and 8th grade got better and by high school, he had plenty of friends and all of a sudden, everyone was very accepting. Those who weren't just left him alone. He even was involved in starting a gay/straight alliance club in high school.

Now he attends community college and is having the time of his life as a performing arts major. He loves being on stage and is the biggest ham you could imagine. His kindgarten teacher had said "One day, I'll be seeing him on Broadway" and nothing would make him happier! He's NEVER home because he's always out with his friends, so things have definitely gotten better. Anyone out there who's either experiencing this themselves or with their kids, just keep hanging in there....things will get better!

What I'm afraid of with all of this is that he'll go back to being that scared, introverted kid...that this will drudge up his middle school feelings.
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 07:27 AM
Response to Reply #65
87. Makes me cry to think


any kids have to go through that. It makes me sick.

You are doing everything you should do, supporting him and letting him know that he is fine; the jerks are the ones with the problems...

There are just a lot of ignorant idiots in this country. I hope upon hope the ones who vandalized your son's car will be caught and prosecuted.

Keep us posted. :hug:
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:37 AM
Response to Reply #24
63. I'm so sorry about your daughter
What the hell is WRONG with people?? I can't imagine how horrible it was for her and am glad she's found someone who can provide her with the love and support she needs. So, since the police couldn't be bothered, was her attacker ever brought to justice?

I always say I love animals and hate people. The reaction I get is either 100% agreement or a look like I'm crazy. Sorry, but animals don't treat each other like people do...they don't hurt each other just for kicks or to "teach each other a lesson". I'll take my dogs, cats, and assorted outdoor wildlife over most people any day of the week!
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Mopar151 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 02:18 AM
Response to Reply #63
75. Some of the roughest, toughest outlaws I know
Say the same thing. My favorite version so far? "The more dogs I meet, the less I like people!"
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unapatriciated Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 11:00 AM
Response to Reply #63
127. yes in civil court
Edited on Thu May-06-10 11:11 AM by unapatriciated
The reason the police didn't pursue it was because she became pregnant and didn't abort. Her attacker than claimed it was consensual in order to have a child.
It was a five year court case and set president regarding hiring practices ( he was a temp hired during the holidays with a record of sexual harassment) and security checks. She was a security guard for a major studio.
The judge stated (in the civil case) that he should have been criminally prosecuted but unfortunately by then the statue of limitations for filing were up.


edited to add: tell your son to stay strong and proud of who he is, I will keep him in my thoughts.
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BlueInMass Donating Member (34 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:47 AM
Response to Reply #24
99. Awesome
I think that's great she has found her "one".
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Posteritatis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:41 PM
Response to Reply #9
40. Yay, victim-blaming! (nt)
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Warren DeMontague Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:56 PM
Response to Reply #9
59. Yeah, things would go so much better if we would all stay silent about our beliefs.
Fuck that.
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hobbit709 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:18 AM
Response to Reply #59
95. +1000
I'm not afraid to put my opinions on my bumper stickers.
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Lagomorph Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #9
61. I have to agree, unfortunately...
Stickers are a message, no matter how subtle.

The vast majority of people will honor your right to free speech, but the few who don't understand that "free" means "free" will step all over your rights.

If they want to disagree, they've got their own bumpers to do so.
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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 04:20 AM
Response to Reply #9
79. That sounds like Bill O'Reilly
blaming a woman who dresses attractively if she got raped.
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POAS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 04:27 AM
Response to Reply #9
80. I better run right out and take the Obama stickers off my car...
NOT!
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a la izquierda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:11 AM
Response to Reply #9
91. I drive around Oklahoma with all sorts of...
stickers on my car.
I'm not about to take them off because a bunch of dumb hicks might do something.

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handmade34 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:45 AM
Response to Reply #9
98. NO!!!!!!!!
this is like blaming the victim of rape because she wore her sweater too tight...

we must act and work together to fight the inhumanity
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 10:31 AM
Response to Reply #98
125. That's what I immediately thought of. nt
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:50 AM
Response to Reply #9
116. It's up to him, but I can't agree with that advice.
The way to make this country enlightened is to remind people that gay people are among their friends, family and neighbors. Car stickers are a cheap, effective way to do it.
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nashville_brook Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:50 AM
Response to Reply #9
117. ugh -- couldn't disagree more.
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Xithras Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 10:27 AM
Response to Reply #9
123. I tend to agree. Not a single political sticker on my car. Not even my DU donor sticker.
Too many keyed paint jobs, nasty notes written in lipstick across my windows, and angry confrontations with pissed off conservatives who camp out at my car and wait for me to return just so they can scream at me about being a "socialist", "traitor", "tree hugger", or "fag". I was more than willing to go toe-to-toe with these dumbshits when I was younger, but the last thing I want to do today is to walk out of store with my 6 year old and be confronted by some inbred teabagger angered by my political stickers.

Stickers on your car are, essentially, public political statements. When you make public political statements, there's a segment of those who disagree with your positions who are always willing to stand up and debate you publicly about them, whether you're interested in hearing their opinions or not. There's an even smaller segment who are willing to take their opposition much further than just debate. When you make public political statements, you must be aware of that possibility, and be willing to deal with it if it comes up.

I'm not willing to deal with it anymore.
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catrose Donating Member (591 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 11:12 AM
Response to Reply #9
129. I don't put political stickers on my car for that reason
Where I live, it's an invitation to thugs.

During the penultimate election, a friend found her Kerry sticker covered with "Clinton C***suckers for Kerry" (spelled out, of course). The first time she removed it. The second time she left it so that the mommies in her neighborhood could explain to the children.

She was lucky to avoid car damage.
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City Lights Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:21 AM
Response to Original message
10. Sorry you and your son are going through this.
:hug:

I have no tolerance for intolerance.
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BanzaiBonnie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:22 AM
Response to Original message
11. I am so sorry that you and your son have been hurt by these bully/cowards
Their point is terror - spreading terror. They have been emboldened by the political climate. Be cautious, but try not to remain in fear of these creeps. I understand, I'm a mom too. And I know I'd be more worried and scared for my child than if I was threatened myself.

Breathe, know that there are loving arms here to support you. You and yours are in my prayers today njlib.
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Echo In Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:22 AM
Response to Original message
13. As a parent, I can imagine the awful unease you're experiencing
If I were in your moccasins I'd have a very serious talk w/your son, urgently stressing the need to be highly wary and diligent in keeping an eye out and heads-up since it's apparent he's been targeted.
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GardeningGal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:26 AM
Response to Original message
14. I'm sorry this happened to your son.
I hope he is able to deal with this without too much trouble. I also wanted to mention that I read something recently that WD-40 is good for removing paint, tar, etc. from cars. I've never tried it but thought it might be worth trying.

Good luck to him.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:29 AM
Response to Original message
15. As another poster mentioned... I too keep all decals, stickers, etc., off of
my car, even political. I find that sad, but there are so many crazies running around. You are bound to drive by them or they see your car parked, etc. Isn't this a sad way to live. ...but, in this world today, I think it sets one up as a target. Damn, around here even if you put a democratic sign in your yard it is stolen. What a F'ed world in many respects.
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defendandprotect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:08 PM
Response to Reply #15
35. I had the experience of sticker removal by "pro-lifers" from a church near me!!
Edited on Wed May-05-10 08:09 PM by defendandprotect
Dealing with neo-Nazis still a bit different!!

But the message I got from it was that they have a low threshold for being

challenged -- can't take it.

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ejpoeta Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 05:35 AM
Response to Reply #15
85. stamping out expression of any idea they don't agree with seems to be their idea
of the american way. they seem to think what they think is the only acceptable way to think and that we must all adhere to their ideas. try to tell them that no one wants to push anything on them and they insist that WE are the ones forcing something on them. give me a break. a sad world when you have to fear just putting a damned bumper sticker on your car. tell me how that is not terrorism!!
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political_Dem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:32 AM
Response to Original message
16. I'm sorry that happened. I hope they can find the perpetrators that did this.
eom
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:48 AM
Response to Reply #16
66. Thanks, political_Dem
The cops were able to get a palm print, so I'm hoping that if they can at least catch one of the little bastards, they'll be able to scare him into ratting out his cohorts by letting him know they have prints. We were told to save any receipts or estimates for repair so that if they do end up catching someone, we can sue...not that I'd really want to let them know where we live, but they should have to pay for what they've done.

Apparently, Magic Eraser really works like magic because he was able to get EVERYTHING off the car and windshield! What a relief!
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political_Dem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 03:17 AM
Response to Reply #66
76. You're Welcome. And I am very glad for the update and that the grafitti easily came off the car.
:hug: Here's to hoping that justice comes for this incident. I will certainly hope that the others will be found so that you guys can find closure.

Please tell your son to hold his head up and never be intimidated by those who are against him. I wish you, your son and the rest of your family bravery and courage as you go through this ordeal.
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Angry Dragon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:37 AM
Response to Original message
17. No one should have to live in fear
I am sorry you are going through this.
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:43 AM
Response to Original message
18. Thank you everyone for your support
and kind words. I have to leave for work now, but will check in later and respond in greater detail.

Thank you again!! I LOVE DU!!
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NM_hemilover Donating Member (381 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 01:33 PM
Response to Original message
20. Don't know if this counts as "good" advice but,


Suggest your son throw a ball glove, ball and a bat in his car, that way he's always ready for a spontaneous game at the park, and also a rational lawful reason to have a bat in his car when the "lone gay guy" beats the shit out of someone if he feels threatened.

Gay or straight, an applied ass whoppin is sometimes the only lesson learned by idiots.





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RedRoses323 Donating Member (175 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:22 AM
Response to Reply #20
108. My thoughts as well....
:fistbump:
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lumberjack_jeff Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 06:16 PM
Response to Original message
21. FWIW, my advice is a concealed carry permit.
(In Washington you have to be 21, but I don't know NJ law)
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Pavulon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 06:51 PM
Response to Reply #21
25. In the NE it is generally income and race based. If you can pay, you can get one.
Edited on Wed May-05-10 06:54 PM by Pavulon
however 21 is the standard. VT being the exception.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 07:30 PM
Response to Reply #21
31. Yep, and some have joined Pink Pistols
Edited on Wed May-05-10 07:44 PM by RKP5637
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_Pistols operating now in 33 states, 60 chapters.

To me at least it's a sad commentary on a supposedly civilized society to have to pack a gun, but I can certainly see it as a solution for some. Years ago one of my friends used to have a permit for a concealed shoulder holster and packed a gun.

He was not a gun nut, did not look or act gay in the least, but had been hassled. Today IMO there are an awful lot of crazies running about. Some need no provocation at all to beat on someone gay or straight. Another of my friends was a professor and was jumped and nearly killed, some jerks thought he was gay when in fact he was not in the least and was married. He just did not look like a thug like them.

Weird world and even stranger people. It has crossed my mind more than once to carry a concealed weapon.

PS: I have no idea what the laws are in NJ for guns.


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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:00 AM
Response to Reply #31
67. I was thinking of telling him to carry pepper spray
The thing is, he's not a violent person. I had wanted him to take kickboxing with me a few years ago. I was doing it for exercise, but wanted him to do it to at least feel comfortable throwing punches if he had to, but he didn't want to do it.

In 6th grade, he finally got tired of being hit every single day and ended up stabbing the offender with a pencil. I got the call from the assistant principal at work. She told me what he had done and said he was going to be getting detention! That's when I lost it and ended up screaming and yelling at her that I had already been to the school numerous times to talk to the principal and teachers about what was happening to him. I had told the principal "If I hauled off and punched you right now, I'd get arrested because you'd call the cops. My son is getting punched every day by the same kid, in the same class, and nobody's doing a thing to stop it". The principal's answer was that some kids just need to "develop a thicker skin"!!! After about 20 minutes of my ranting that if they punished my son for defending himself I'd be getting in touch with a lawyer, she finally backed off and said "Well, this behavior will not be tolerated in the future". I told her she'd better make damn sure "this behavior" wasn't being practiced by any of his classmates in the future and that he had my full support when it came to defending himself.

I then wrote a letter to the superintendent, detailing every incident, every conversation I had with every teacher, the principal and assistant principal. I never got a reply...
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wellstone dem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 06:54 PM
Response to Original message
26. I am so sorry
This is so wrong, and I will be thinking of you and your son often.
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-..__... Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 06:56 PM
Response to Original message
27. "the detective's car has been hit twice already"?
Any discernible reason for that act of vandalism that you're aware of?
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Posteritatis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:43 PM
Response to Reply #27
41. Probably generic "fuck the cops lolz" stuff, I'd wager. (nt)
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femrap Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 07:25 PM
Response to Original message
29. I've quit putting anything on
my auto....people are simply too willfully ignorant these days.

I'm sorry that you and your son had to deal with such 'people.' May they drown in their own stupidity.
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 07:32 PM
Response to Original message
32. It must hurt to see that someone wrote these things


about your own child.

Let's hope the cops find the scumbag(s) and that the lowlife(s) are prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

:hug: for you and your son






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Cha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 07:42 PM
Response to Original message
34. ..
Edited on Wed May-05-10 07:42 PM by Cha
Ohh, :hug: I would so upset as a mother whose child was a victim of random ugly ignorance..or any kind. Life is tough enough. :grouphug:
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Jumping John Donating Member (597 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:14 PM
Response to Original message
36. OFF mosquito reppelant has toulene in it. Spray it on a rag and wipe the graffitti off
with the rag. That is how paint and body shops take off over-spary. It will work pretty good and not damage the original paint. Try it if you want to be victimized again by having to pay to rid the car of the vandalism.
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defendandprotect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:17 PM
Response to Original message
37. This is the "America" that the right wing wants . . . taking us backwards . . .
I would try to get him out of that RED car if you can???

Personally, I think these people do these things because they've been educated to

be enraged with homosexuality. And, more and more gang mentality, neo-Nazi stuff,

and right wing homophobia seems to be being encouraged -- even towards violence.

It's quite out in the open now!


And, I agree with another poster who is saying as homosexuals are being welcomed in

our families, communities, society -- that further enrages homophobes.

And they may, perhaps, feel more secure in being in a less populated area?

All oppression is kept in place by violence and intimidation -- no one can deny that.

Hope they will soon catch whoever did this.

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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:05 AM
Response to Reply #37
68. LOL
The red car is all either of us can afford!! It's my old Tracker. I bought it new in 1999, first new car I ever owned, and gave it to him when he got his license 2 years ago. Back then it had 173,000 miles on it and now it's pushing 225,000 miles! It's still a reliable vehicle and it's got 4wd, which we need up here in the mountains. He only works part-time because he goes to school, so for now, he's stuck with it! If I win the lottery, then he'll get a blue vehicle!! :)
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defendandprotect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:12 AM
Response to Reply #68
104. Have my fingers crossed ....
on that lottery win!

:)
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Enthusiast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:15 AM
Response to Reply #37
73. I agree.
Fascism, bullying, cruelty and intolerance all stem from the same far right mindset that is being CULTIVATED in this society. This is exactly how they achieved their aims in 1930s Germany.
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Liberal_in_LA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:23 PM
Response to Original message
38. awful! Sorry this happened to your son. :-(
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The Wizard Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:39 PM
Response to Original message
39. Sounds like you're
in the Imperial Wizard, Scott Garrett's district, Skinhead center and Klan corner. Next thing you know they'll burn a cross on your lawn. NJ-5, where the goose step is considered the new dance craze.
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:07 AM
Response to Reply #39
69. You got it!
Every so often, I open my mailbox and see his ugly mug on a fundraising piece and I want to throw up! Election time is the worst up here...nothing but repuke lawn signs as far as the eye can see!
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madmax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:52 PM
Response to Original message
42. My heart and love go out
to you and your son. This is a disgrace - each day I'm more ashamed to admit that I was born and raised in NJ. Moved here 2 years ago.

Love and peace to you and your wonderful son. :grouphug:

We shall, overcome - soon, I hope.
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:09 AM
Response to Reply #42
70. Thank you, madmax
What part of Jersey are you from? I'm originally from Bergen County...Wood-Ridge to be exact...and have been up here for about 10 years now. I love the peacefulness and the wildlife, but the assholery I could do without!
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madmax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 05:35 AM
Response to Reply #70
86. I lived in Central Jersey
Edited on Thu May-06-10 05:36 AM by madmax
East Brunswick - near Rutgers. A lot of liberal college types. One of my brothers in law is gay and he tells me stories that make me want to just slap the stupid out of some people.

Another brother in law and sister in law live in Bergen, they just moved so and can't think of the town. We also have few in other friends in Bergen. Never heard them talk about any gay tension but...

Stay strong. :loveya:
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FourScore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:54 PM
Response to Original message
43. k/r
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marmar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:55 PM
Response to Original message
44. Sick sh*t.......People of conscience have got to start standing up for each other.....
...... if the bigots fell disempowered, they will scurry back into the woods.



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Stinky The Clown Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 08:57 PM
Response to Original message
45. Your son has many friends, but sadly, it takes only one enemy
Most of the sane people in the world are your son's friends. I count myself among them. Sadly, it takes only one enemy to create a tragedy. I think your advice to him was sagacious.
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eagertolearn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 09:10 PM
Response to Original message
46. I've seen so much more hatred for anyone different lately.
One of my daughters best friends is a guy who is gay and we love him like one of our kids. He was harrassed a little during high school (without being open about about being gay) but now that he is in college he came out. But i worry when he returns for the summer. This is very redneck country! I'm sorry this happened and I can only imagine what it must feel like for you having to worry about this. Maybe he needs to go where people are more tolerant eventually. I hope this hate climate can be turned around...only worst with politics. i just don't understand how people can be so mean. :grouphug:
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tilsammans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 09:11 PM
Response to Original message
47. (((njlib & son)))
:grouphug:

I live in your area, too . . . and am ashamed at the number of sick, bigoted assholes around here. :grr:

You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:11 AM
Original message
Thank you, tilsammans
I've said it before and I'll say it again, why can't the rest of the world be like DU?
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Berry Cool Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 09:52 PM
Response to Original message
48. I'm so sorry this happened
and that there are so many assholes in the world. :hug:
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FLyellowdog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 10:09 PM
Response to Original message
49. I am so sorry that this happened to your son.
These dangerous people don't get joy or happiness from doing these types of things. My guess is that it just fuels their hatred and makes them feel superior to all others. So sad...Give your son a hug from me. :hi:
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aikoaiko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 10:21 PM
Response to Original message
50. I used to hang in West Milford, Sparta, and Newton and this doesn't surprise me
Edited on Wed May-05-10 10:21 PM by aikoaiko
Your son should be prepared to defend himself.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 10:40 PM
Response to Reply #50
51. NJ has 44 hate groups in it, about 4th highest in the nation. I just
checked the Southern Poverty Law Center http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/hate-map
I was surprised, had no idea NJ had that many.
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Divine Discontent Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:11 AM
Response to Reply #51
71. wow... just wow. that's horrible. makes sense, NJ is a rough state & some of the people go into
groups to lash out about their anger.

I sure hope the OP gets her wonderful son into some self-defense classes if he doesn't know them already. And it encourages me to do the same, or at least get my mace back. I carried a can until I had to give it up to enter a building, but getting some basic defensive techniques would be useful.

What horrible people those idiots have to be to spend their time painting on a guy's car just because they know that he's Gay/Gay friendly.

GOD BLESS HIM & THE OP!

:hug: all around!
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:14 AM
Response to Reply #51
72. Thank you for this!
I've lived here all my life, with the exception of ages 12-16 when we moved to Phoenix, then back to NJ. I had no idea we had that many hate groups here. I'm going to look at your link over the weekend, since I have this weekend off, and I'll bet most of the 44 are headquartered in the rural areas here up north and down south. Disgusting...
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:59 AM
Response to Reply #72
102. Here's the list of the 44 hate groups in NJ. I was amazed and shocked...
http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/hate-map#s=NJ

AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Atlantic City
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Somers Point
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Little Egg Harbor City
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Manchester Township
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Absecon
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Wildwood
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Marlton
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Browns Mills
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Linwood
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Galloway
AC Skins, Racist Skinhead, Woodbine
Aryan 88 - The Official Johnny Rebel Website, Racist Music, Maple Shade
Aryan Nations Revival, Christian Identity
Aryan Terror Brigade, Racist Skinhead
Aryan Terror Brigade, Racist Skinhead. Flemington
Bergen County Hooligans, Racist Skinhead, Wallington
Bergen County Hooligans, Racist Skinhead, Garfield
Cinnaminson Skinheads, Racist Skinhead, Cinnaminson
Council of Conservative Citizens, White Nationalist, Fort Lee
East Coast Aryan Brotherhood, Neo-Nazi, Gloucester City
East Coast Aryan Brotherhood, Neo-Nazi, Lindenwold
Eastern Hammerskins, Racist Skinhead, Brick
League of American Patriots, The White Nationalist, Garfield
Micetrap Distribution, Racist Music, Maple Shade
Nation of Islam, Black Separatist, Newark
Nation of Islam, Black Separatist, Camden
Nation of Islam, Black Separatist, Trenton
National Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, Ku Klux Klan
National Socialist Movement, Neo-Nazi, Livingston
National Socialist Movement, Neo-Nazi, Birmingham
National Socialist Movement, Neo-Nazi, Hoboken
National Socialist Movement, Neo-Nazi, Jersey City
New Black Panther Party, Black Separatist, Newark
New Black Panther Party, Black Separatist, Trenton
North East White Pride, White Nationalist
South Jersey Skins, Racist Skinhead, Monroeville
South Jersey Skins, Racist Skinhead, Gloucester City
Supreme White Alliance, Racist Skinhead
The Israelite Church of God in Jesus Christ, Black Separatist, Camden
The Israelite Church of God in Jesus Christ, Black Separatist, Hackensack
United Northern and Southern Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, Ku Klux Klan, Mays Landing
Vinlanders, Racist Skinhead, Pt. Pleasant Beach
Vinlanders, Racist Skinhead, Cherry Hill
Vinlanders, Racist Skinhead, Waretown
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-07-10 12:39 AM
Response to Reply #102
134. Wow...with the exception of the two in Bergen County
these are all central or south Jersey. I'm surprised that there's nothing up in my neck of the woods in Sussex county. I thought for sure there'd be some sort of group, since this is whitey whiteville repuke land!! I honestly never thought NJ was that fucked up...I've always thought of this as a tolerant state. I'll just never understand hating people that you don't even know.
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Robbie88 Donating Member (242 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 10:52 PM
Response to Original message
53. That is terrible...
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened...
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RainDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:15 PM
Response to Original message
54. so sorry to hear this
I am hoping these are the last, desperate throes of a dying mentality.
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Kerrytravelers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:33 PM
Response to Original message
55. OMG. I am so sorry to hear this.
I have taken my decal off my car. I just don't feel like being messed with. I drive a lot for my job, and, at times, into areas not near as friendly as my uber-liberal town. Where I live, the liberals absolutely rule. There is no fear... unless one of the nuts comes into our town. But they are so outnumbered and they are such cowards, I never fear when I'm at home. But I can't risk my health and safety by these lunatics.

My best for your son and his safety. I can not believe the way human beings treat other human beings.

:hug: :hug:
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tango-tee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:36 PM
Response to Original message
56. It saddens me and also makes me angry
that this happened to your son. I'm so sorry!

And you stated it very well: Why are there people out there who are so screamingly ignorant and filled with hate? Why can't they just let others be who they *are*? I can well imagine that you are both shaken up.

All the best to you and your son! Wishing him much happiness and love in the future.
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bertman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:36 PM
Response to Original message
57. Tire iron meet nazi fascist homophobic head!! I'm sorry your son and you have to deal with this.
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frustrated_lefty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-05-10 11:52 PM
Response to Original message
58. Send him a tazer for May-day, or any holiday.
A lot of college age young ladies I know carry them. They go to class late at night and are frequently alone. I think the same situations may apply to your son. From a self-defense perspective, they buy the owner enough time to run away. If it were my child, that's what I would do. Keep my child safe, and worry about the law after.
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 01:19 AM
Response to Reply #58
74. His birthday is May 12th and a tazer would be a good gift!
Like I said upthread, he's not a violent kid and when I wanted him to take self-defense or boxing classes a few years ago, he didn't want to do it. Maybe now he'll change his mind, but a tazer is something I might seriously look into. I work 3-11 in a nursing home and have to walk through a dimly lit parking lot with lots of bushes & trees. I can never get a spot near the door and am always nervous when I leave at night. I've only been there since April 19th and last week, one of the other nurses was telling me there was a serial rapist in the neighborhood not too long ago. They ended up having security patrol the parking lot and escort the night shift nurses to and from the building until they caught the guy. I might end up going the double tazer route! Thanks for the idea!
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proteus_lives Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:01 AM
Response to Original message
60. Time for a CCW and safety classes.
Google Pink Pistols.
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zonkers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:42 AM
Response to Original message
64. Does he have any basic self defense skills? They could save his life.
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wake.up.america Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 03:30 AM
Response to Original message
77. If at all possible - move. Those idiots are not going change .
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Mopar151 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 03:36 AM
Response to Original message
78. Car guy here...
I use a Magic Eraser in the bathroom - they rule! Likely, the reason the paint came off so well is because of some residual wax and/or "dead" paint on the surface. Also, the paint on the car is fully "cured", and is much tougher than some cheap spray paint. If the paint on the noble steed is not too bad, some good cleaner/wax will make it look way better, and protect it, now that it has been prepared for paint to stick to it. Something like this:

Barry Meguiar is a nut - watch his "Car Crazy" show on Speed channel sometime (Dude looks like they use his own products to make him up!), but his family has made a full line of good polishes for years. Rubbing compound can be used to remove even cured paint (i.e. truck lettering), but you can remove paint all the way to metal with it if you go too far! Some kitchen cleansers are quite effective - my buddy's "secret" ( Davy has no secrets after 4 beers) paint prep techchnique involves Soft Scrub with bleach and a Scotch-Brite pad

Chemical weapons: If you ever have to go past the magic eraser - like for pine pitch or road tar - a mild Xlyene solvent, like Thin-X usually does it, as will kerosene. WD-40 contains some kerosene, but the light oils in it work really well on ADHESIVES - like tape or bumper sticker residue. I've seen WD-40 take off stuff lacquer thinner would'nt touch!
If that don't do it - you are entering nuclear option territory! Most of the solvents in this category are form the "ene" family - including tolulene, heptane, acetone, and various other clhorinated solvents. Carb cleaner is a tolulent/Xylene mix, brake cleaner is mostly Heptane.
Carb cleaner or lacquer thinner (tolulene, acetone, alcahol,xylene) will remove most uncured paints, and will attack cured paints somewhat. Brake cleaner is more agressive than that, as is straight Acetone.
I don't know what to say about the rainbow sticker - I see 'em all over NH and VT, but thugs are everywhere. Is there something a little more subtle? And he's "marked" in that neighborhood anyway, so get a coat or 2 of wax on that thing!
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njlib Donating Member (754 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-07-10 12:56 AM
Response to Reply #78
135. Thank you so much for all this valuable information!
I miss all of my "go to" guys from my last job!! I'd ask all kinds of home improvement and automotive questions and they always had the answers!! Thanks again!!
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Meldread Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 04:55 AM
Response to Original message
81. I'm so sorry that this happened to your son, but as a gay man...
...I can also tell you that it happens from time to time. Please, don't let fear be the overriding emotion here! Looking at this objectively:

1. It was just some random jerks going around vandalizing things. Your son happened to be targeted, and they didn't even realize he was gay. It's very common for vandalism against other individuals to use racial, sexist, and homophobic epithets. It could just be a coincidence in that regard.

2. It was some random jerks that noticed the sticker on your son's car and decided to vandalize it. This is perhaps the most likely. The intent behind the vandalism could vary from a bunch of teenage pricks to adults attempting to intimidate him.

3. It was the work of a hate group, designed to intimidate him, but they did not know who your son was - they just saw the sticker.

4. It was someone your son knows, and they're either trying to bully him, or threaten / send him a message.

Of the four, the fourth is the most dangerous. If it was just some random jerks, there isn't much to worry about, though I would be cautious traveling the area again.

Over the next month or so your son should be slightly more cautious. Cautious as in alert. Avoid situations in which he might find himself isolated from others and in danger. It is very unlikely that he'll be attacked if others are nearby. Gay bashers generally strike at night, when they have a large number advantage, or when your alone.

A taser and pepper spray are recommended. I don't know if you have a daughter, but I would say being gay doesn't place you at any higher risk than being a woman. (After all, you can't really tell if someone is gay or straight just by looking!) Just imagine if your son was a daughter, and she awoke to find the c-word all over her car. How would you feel then? Many of the same feelings, certainly, but would you feel the same level of fear? You and your son should not allow these people to have control over your emotions. The intent behind their actions was either to just be assholes or to intimidate. If it is the latter, allowing fear to be the overriding emotion gives them what they want - no one can or should live their life in fear.

Try to tone down fear and replace it with caution, because that is more prudent and useful. Caution is good because it keeps you alert, but fear clouds out sound judgement and can lead to emotional and mental paralysis.
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Nay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 05:24 AM
Response to Original message
83. Your poor son. My total sympathy for you and him. I have no advice,
Edited on Thu May-06-10 05:35 AM by Nay
because like a lot of people in this thread, I have seen the human race for what it is, and I'm not impressed. Just be very alert and careful! Carrying pepper spray may not be a bad idea, either....

:grouphug:
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ejpoeta Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 05:32 AM
Response to Original message
84. i tend to think they have latent homosexual feelings that they are afraid of.
the same way people like those religious nuts who are so vehemently anti gay then are found doing stuff. these folks go around taking some kind of anger out on people and their cars to prove that they are NOT gay. you know the 'i think thou dost protest too much'.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:29 AM
Response to Reply #84
96. Exactly, and a well founded reason IMO. I agree!!! "'i think thou dost protest too much'." n/t
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wial Donating Member (362 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 07:34 AM
Response to Original message
88. I have a vivid memory from high school
I was at a party with people I didn't know very well, and at some point I was drawn out into the street by something that they seemed to be enjoying immensely. There was a thin young man down the street and the people I had been with were collectively taunting him. I was shocked, but a girl I had been talking with reassured me, saying it was OK because the victim was gay.

That mindset needs to be eradicated. Every church where it is taught needs to turn into a battleground of ideas.

I wonder how dangerous it is to go into one of those places and testify on the side of the angels? Jesus did it. MLK did it. John Lennon did it ...
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a kennedy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 07:42 AM
Response to Original message
89. I just cried when reading this.......
keep him safe..... :hug: :grouphug:
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lunatica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:15 AM
Response to Original message
93. I hope the cops catch the vandals and that they get punished
Edited on Thu May-06-10 09:04 AM by lunatica
They would like to see their crimes make people scared. Hopefully the gay community and their families and friends will rally and demand the perps get caught.

Scare them back.
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Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:17 AM
Response to Original message
94. Ugh. These hateful jerks make me sick.
:(
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Junkie Brewster Donating Member (301 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:43 AM
Response to Original message
97. That sucks. I hope he's careful
My guess is that this was done by someone who he knows, probably from school. Not a close friend, but someone who knows him well enough to know that he's gay.

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ZombieHorde Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:52 AM
Response to Original message
100. Super scary.
:grouphug:
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handmade34 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 08:53 AM
Response to Original message
101. give your son a hug for me
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valerief Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:06 AM
Response to Original message
103. This country sucks. His only hope for a civilized life is to move to a civilized country
unfortunately.
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tjmoore2 Donating Member (2 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:13 AM
Response to Original message
105. I have had that happen
I put a Darwin fish on the back of my car a couple years ago. Within a week, someone keyed it all down the right side. It took me all afternoon to rub the scratch out. I figured some good Christian probably did it.

I no longer put ANY stickers on my car.

When my lesbian daughter was in college she had all of the windows broken out of her car in the parking lot of a gay bar. I figured some good Christian probably did that too.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:20 AM
Response to Reply #105
106. Yep, you can often count on the good old christians to bring someone misery IMO. Absolute
hypocrites.
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RKP5637 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:23 AM
Response to Reply #105
109. Oops, I forgot to say Welcome to DU!!!
:hi: :hi: :hi:
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TwilightGardener Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:22 AM
Response to Original message
107. Sorry that happened--I can imagine you must be worried for his safety.
If other cars have been vandalized, then maybe it was just a spree and he's not being personally targeted (just stupid assholes reacting to the sticker and moving on to the next car). It's a shame, though, that he probably will have to maintain more situational awareness than usual for a 19 year old--just too many vicious jerks out there.
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lonestarnot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:26 AM
Response to Original message
110. I'm sorry njlib.
:(
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peace13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:38 AM
Response to Original message
111. Love and energy to you and your son.
This should not be happening. The people who did this are ignorant cowards. Peace, Kim
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RedRoses323 Donating Member (175 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:39 AM
Response to Original message
112. I understand and care njlib...
My son is also Gay and he is not violent - however, he knows that some folks need to be "Corrected." B-)

:grouphug:
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:46 AM
Response to Original message
113. Cowards.
:grr:
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loudsue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:46 AM
Response to Original message
114. He can buy a tazer or a pepper sprayer online.
I would.
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southernyankeebelle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:49 AM
Response to Original message
115. It is very sad situation. If he is smart don't bring attention to yourself. I
stopped putting any bumper stickers on my car of any type that way I don't get any damage on my car. I realized a few years back when I had a bumper sticker supporting a democrat congressperson and someone scratched through it then and there I decided not to put stickers on any longer.
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Swede Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:53 AM
Response to Original message
118. Bullies intimidate.
I don't know why,but they do enjoy it. Cowards.
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SteppingRazor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:57 AM
Response to Original message
119. I'm gonna try to answer those two all-caps questions, though I know they're rhetorical.
First off, deepest sympathies for your kid. People are assholes sometimes.

As for why they have to be like this, well, I really do believe that all bigotry is based in ignorance. It's especially evident in "half-bigots." You know the type. People who remain largely racist or homophobic, but the couple of black or gay people they know "don't count."

"Well, sure, our neighbors Mike and Joe are OK, but they're not out there molesting boys like the rest of those queers."

Well, sure, ace. Except that the rest of the gays aren't out there molesting boys either. But you don't know enough of them to lose old stereotypes that have been burned into your brain since you were barely old enough to walk.

But of course, the guy in question is several degrees removed from the type of person who spray-paints a cock on a car upon sighting a rainbow flag. There's still the ignorance, but also a level of hatred and loathing absent in our above example.

It's not really about gays, you understand. But because of the ignorance, gays are a useful scapegoat. Your life sucks. You've been dealt a crap hand. The TV's showing you all these amazing lifestyles you will never know, powerful people with Friends and Fame and Money, living their lives as carefree as the dolphins in the sea, but with Ferraris and gorgeous women. And here you are with your crap gig stocking shelves at the local Walmart, no real prospects for the future, no even half-decent woman will return your phone calls (or is it a man you're really attracted to? Well, that's a possibility in some of these cases.), and even the used Tracker with the rainbow flag on it that you just drove by is better than this piece of crap you're driving. And why the hell does that fag get a better car than you, anyway?

And all this rage just keeps building up and building up, and there's no outlet -- no legitimate outlet anyway -- so eventually you lash out at something, anything to prove that you have some power, however little it may be, and to stop the anger at yourself and your little existence.

To answer your second question, then, as to what joy or happiness acts like this can bring, joy and happiness doesn't have anything to do with it. It's more about quelling self-loathing, however briefly.

So take that for what it's worth. The person that did this is probably a very sad, pathetic character.

Or they really did get some joy out of doing this, in which case they're sociopaths, which is its own whole breed of sad and pathetic.

In any case, after the new paint job, I'd go out and get an even bigger rainbow flag for the car. Your son shouldn't take any shit from these pissants.
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unapatriciated Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 09:25 PM
Response to Reply #119
132. +1
That's the most honest explanation I have heard.
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Gormy Cuss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 10:05 AM
Response to Original message
120. I'm sorry that this happened.
although if you're in the northwest corner of NJ it doesn't surprise me that there are people with such low tolerance for gays --or for anyone who isn't white, Christian, and not from NYC.

I hope that your son takes this seriously and is vigilant about his personal safety.
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 10:28 AM
Response to Original message
124. I am so sorry the homophobes
vandalized his car!

:hug:

I hope they catch whoever did this
and throw the book at them!

:( :grr:
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sui generis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 11:07 AM
Response to Original message
128. "all fags must die"
Edited on Thu May-06-10 11:13 AM by sui generis
It always amuses me that some knuckledragger thinks people should be dead because of an idea that you can't prove or disprove in any meaningful way, and certainly can only admit to or be accused of.

An idea.

If it's any consolation - the homophobes have to pack up like feral dogs. They hate gays because they view us as not quite manly enough, (or womanly enough), and weak. And YET they're too damn scared to knock on the door, instead skulking around like cowards and shit heads in the dark and using spray paint like a bunch of stupid teenagers. They're not proud of their opinions, and too cowardly to wear "all fags must die" on their own cars. Think about that. If they really believed in it, they'd put it on a bumper sticker and sport around town on their own vehicles.

The best revenge your son can take is to not be scared of those stupid adolescent sissie men who hide in the shadows and won't try to gaybash someone all on their own because they really are cowardly little shits and actually afraid they might get their own asses kicked. Maybe your son should learn to kick ass a little, for confidence if nothing else.

The other best revenge - your son should not be afraid to learn to take care of himself . . . so he can take care of others.

The car is already fucked up. I'll bet you if he parked it out there again and kept a camera in a dark window somewhere he could get some pictures of them when they came back to admire their handiwork . . .

Empower him to DO SOMETHING about it instead of being a victim. These guys are no different than terrorists - they want to manipulate people by fear and fear of violence.

Don't let them win.

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foxfeet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 11:34 AM
Response to Original message
130. I wish peace, healing and protection for you and your son.
And, although one would think that what I'm about to say would be unnecessary, thank you for being such a good and loving parent to your son. Many gay folks are not so fortunate.
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Mopar151 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-10 12:54 PM
Response to Original message
131. Self-expression for the Tracker
I thought I'd check out custom spare tire covers, see if there's something "the kid" could express himself with without drawing the ire of morons - i was delighted to find some REALLY cool art with a number of themes!

I'm kinda partial to this one:

this is cool too!
Here's the link - http://www.tirecovercentral.com/index.htm

My old boss was a Roy Rogers nut - his Samauri had "Happy Trails" on the cover.
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