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The Rude Pundit - Confederate History Month Is for Losers

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meegbear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 11:43 AM
Original message
The Rude Pundit - Confederate History Month Is for Losers
Let's get this straight, oh, dear people of the South: the North kicked your cracker ass. You begged them to stop. You bent over and said, "No, c'mon, if we let you fuck us in the ass, will you end this?" You thought you were so fucking tough, seceding and daring the North to fuck with you. And when you ended up with your cities burned, your slaves freed, and your fake government in ruins, you never got over it, not since Appomattox. So you fetishize this shit. You build monuments to traitors, you parade around with your shirts and your yards and your pick-ups sporting the flag of your defeated pseudo-country, jacking off to the idea that one day...oh, god, shit, smack it, one day, Dixie will rise again.

Except it won't. And as much as you prance around and pretend that the good ol' days are anything but ol' and gone, you'll wallow in the mud pit of ignorance with the rest of the pigs of history.

So Governor Robert McDonnell of Virginia declared April "Confederate History Month," in order to, as he proclaimed in his mighty proclamation, celebrate Virginia's participation in "a four year war between the states for independence." You see, Virginia's gotta "understand the sacrifices of the Confederate leaders, soldiers and citizens during the period of the Civil War." And part of that is to see the end of the war not as a loss due to strategy or incompetence, but because the Rebels were "ultimately overwhelmed by the insurmountable numbers and resources of the Union Army". It's the polite way of saying, "Holy fuck, they fucking reamed us, turned us over, and reamed us again."

Now, as an expatriate from the South, the Rude Pundit has had more than his fair share of discussions with knuckleheads pretending to be smart over the cause of the Civil War, usually ending with his question to said knucklehead, "Would it have happened if it the South hadn't had slaves?" Because whatever other "grievances" the South had with the North, go fuck yourself if you think, at the end of the day, there was any other reason for the war.

But, hey, go ahead, Virginia, and celebrate your slave-owning exploiters of the poor, white, racist yeoman farmers who made up the bulk of the Confederate Army. Celebrate how the wealthy plantation owners and politicians manipulated a bunch of undereducated tools into doing their bidding. It's fuckin' par for the course for conservatives, you know.

Remember, though: the Confederacy was a criminal enterprise and its defense was massive thuggery. Polish that horse turd, if you want, but it took two fucking presidential pardons to clean the slate of the huge act of treason that occurred. Congratulations, Virginia, for honoring a violent conspiracy to keep human beings enslaved without even mentioning it in the proclamation.

Historical revisionism is a beautiful thing for, as we learn from the Governor, after they had their asses handed to them by the North, "the surviving, imprisoned and injured Confederate soldiers gave their word and allegiance to the United States of America, and returned to their homes and families to rebuild their communities in peace." Yes, we all remember the century of peace and harmony that existed in the South after the Civil War, until, you know, it was fucked up by the civil rights movement. You can't give an inch, man.

http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/
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Botany Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 11:56 AM
Response to Original message
1. Bottom Line they fought the right to keep people as slaves


You knew this was going to happen when they elected a governor who went to
Pat Robertson's college of knowledge.
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Skidmore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:43 PM
Response to Reply #1
7. And as far as I can tell, they are still fighting that fight.
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n2doc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 11:57 AM
Response to Original message
2. Why not German history month? Or British History Month?
Or Japanese History Month? They all fought wars against us, with the same outcomes. Celebrating an enemy of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA is UN-AMERICAN.
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:20 PM
Response to Original message
3. One of the best Rude Punditings of all time.
Edited on Wed Apr-07-10 12:20 PM by Commie Pinko Dirtbag
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Cirque du So-What Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:20 PM
Response to Original message
4. As bad as the Confederacy got their slavery-lovin' asses kicked
they got off easy IMO. Imagine if they'd succeeded in separating from the rest of the nation. You think that healing would have occurred and we'd have 'normal' relations with the Confederate states like we do with Canada? Think again! It would have been like the Iron Curtain with armies & militia on both sides just itching to start some shit. When it finally reached the point where invasion became inevitable, US forces wouldn't be so happy about having to go back in and kick their asses a second time. Besides, they would no longer be 'fellow countrymen'; they'd be 'dirty furriners' who didn't deserve our tender mercies. No, they fared much better by not having become a separate nation for any length of time.
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change_notfinetuning Donating Member (750 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:58 PM
Response to Reply #4
11. Their militias would still be firing their muskets, or whatever, and you can't
even imagine the underground that would have arisen. The South would have been toast, unlike today, when they are the "deciders".
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Dr.Phool Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
5. April is a good month to celebrate this.
Send him a letter now, and call his office to make April 12, the official Southern Surrender Day!

http://blueandgraytrail.com/event/Surrender_At_Appomattox
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meegbear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:38 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. ...
:spray:
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BonnieJW Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:54 PM
Response to Original message
8. Ah, Richmond, VA
My husband and I moved there when we were first married. When we first arrived, we drove through the town and there was monument after monument of Confederate generals. I looked at my husband and asked, "Do they know they lost?"
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arcadian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:57 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. Still fighting the Civil War
There are many Civil War shrines all over the city, where they officially fly the Star & Bars.
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change_notfinetuning Donating Member (750 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:59 PM
Response to Reply #8
12. Lost? They control our destiny with their votes. n/t
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change_notfinetuning Donating Member (750 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 12:54 PM
Response to Original message
9. Blame Abe "Bi-Partisan" Lincoln, who didn't care about slavery, but only
about keeping the "Union" together. He was more than willing to have slavery if only the South wouldn't secede.

We need leaders to do what's right. I won't editorialize, but you get my drift.

If only red states were serious about seceding today. And if only we had leaders who would encourage them and accept it.
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Echo In Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 01:00 PM
Response to Original message
13. G.Carlin to Civil War re-enactments: "Use live ammunition next time, a-holes!"
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The_Commonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-07-10 01:18 PM
Response to Original message
14. Is it time to revist this one?
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disillusioned73 Donating Member (963 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-08-10 07:16 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. Yes it is - thanks!!
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