John Mayer: A black woman responds (Salon.com)

[Amerigo Vespucci]

John Mayer: A black woman responds

http://www.salon.com/news/race/index.html?story=/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2010/02/11/john_mayer_black_women

Thursday, Feb 11, 2010 11:30 EST

Your infamous interview made millions of black women snap shut their legs -- and turn off your music

By La Toya Tooles

John Mayer, I had been listening to your music for four hours straight when I heard your now-famous comments about not being attracted to black women, how your "dick is sort of like a white supremacist."

That’s fine John, because millions of black legs everywhere just snapped shut. They are closed to you. Drape your penis in a white pillowcase for all we care.

The comment is only one of the offensive things you said in your Playboy interview -- like calling Jessica Simpson "sexual napalm" and casually tossing off the n-word -- but it's your joke that you have a "Benetton heart and a David Duke" dick that I want to address now. See, I don't begrudge you your sexual preferences; it's your right to screw as many cheerleaders as you want. What bothers me is that you're not the only guy who feels or acts this way. Sometimes, when I stand in a room of white men, I feel unfeminine and unsexual, no matter the strappy heels, the makeup, the dress. I know there are white men out there who find black women attractive, but you, John Mayer -- the guy down enough to be on"Chappelle's Show," the guy so sensitive he writes love songs -- now represent the ones who don't. Maybe you should think a little bit about that.

I doubt you have any idea what it feels like to be invisible, to come to a party looking for a little sexual validation and have white men look through you like you're wearing sweats. I doubt you know what it's like to feel the weight of cultural expectations every time you stand on a dance floor, knowing that your dance card will be empty since you won't play the freak. I doubt you know what it's like to question everything about yourself -- how you stood, how you dressed, how you smiled, trying to figure out what you did so wrong that men simply stayed away? I'm not ignorant enough to think my color is the only reason men would dismiss me, but when that happens enough times, it's hard to ignore the common factor. Do you know what it's like to be ignored in a roomful of romantic partners your age? Well, multiply that by 300 years of servitude.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

1. The real crime here is listening to his music for four hours straight.

:puke:

[LisaM]

2. You are so right

What's wrong with John Mayer, anyway? Is he really that much of a boor, or is he just trying to agitate?

[Starbucks Anarchist]

3. He has to make up for the blandness of his music somehow.

[LisaM]

8. Though I find his lyrics very offensive

I could have forgiven that wonderland crap as a first effort. But that mother and daughter song was a misogynistic piece of overrated crap. Right about that time, I was reading some fashion magazine, in which he'd (hand)written some bizarre love note to every woman who read that magazine.

It's really too bad because he can apparently really rock out on the guitar. Maybe he's bipolar.

[NoSheep]

19. The guy just ruined his career.

[donheld]

31. No he didn't

[JI7]

35. why ?

[donheld]

44. It's just an opinion

He may suffer a bit, but he'll survive.

[Zoeisright]

47. I'm done with him forever.

and many more people will be too.

[goclark]

68. I am done as well ~ I support every word

that the writer said about him.

He is sick and doesn't deserve a woman of any color.

He needs to be in Rehab.

[liberalmuse]

23. He's a pretentious boor trying to be witty.

He should just stick to writing music that makes people like me vomit. I can avoid his music, but unfortunately, he's sullied my internets yet again with his stupid, stupid, stupid...stupid.

[Liberal_in_LA]

4. +1

[NashVegas]

13. I Actually Stopped a Flirtation In Its Tracks

When a gentleman said "Your Body is a Wonderland" was the most romantic song he knew.

[Hello_Kitty]

27. LOL!

My bf actually likes JM (barf) but he's such a wonderful guy in other ways that I'm willing to overlook a few lapses in taste.

[NashVegas]

75. It Wasn't the Matter of Taste, So Much

As the thought of possibly getting stuck hearing it in crucial moments brought on nothing but gales of laughter, for all the wrong reasons.

[OnTheOtherHand]

65. :facepalm:

That's just painful. Setting aside what it suggests about his views of women and relationships, I'm imagining generations of writers of romantic songs writhing in horrified disgust.

[Dorian Gray]

59. Hah

Funny cause it's true.

Though I found the article to be honest and interesting.

[Blue Owl]

69. No shit!

I join you in vomiting at the thought.

:vomit:

[progressoid]

77. Four minutes is more than enough.

Four HOURS? Yikes.

[msongs]

5. mayer is a loser AND why is this woman dependent on people at parties for "sexual validation"? nt

[Skittles]

6. that rose my eyebrows too

huge beacon indicating low self-esteem

[Hello_Kitty]

21. Probably because she's 22.

I'm 41 and could give a flying shit whether dudes (other than my bf) want to fuck me or not but it was different when I was in my 20s.

[liberalmuse]

25. Never mind.

I caught the stupid. Carry on!

[Starbucks Anarchist]

26. No, the writer of the piece is 22.

John Mayer is 32, according to Wikipedia.

[goclark]

70. Thanks for telling it like it is

He is singing to young girls that are very insecure.

I am still in shock that he would express his thoughts in that manner

Ms.goclark

[midnight]

7. Wow. What an ugly man....

[HipChick]

11. I dont find him attractive either..

[Libertas1776]

9. Why would he even say such a supid thing?

God, keep it to yourself.

[FrenchieCat]

10. Whatever!

I feel sadder for the writer, as she says....."come to a party looking for a little sexual validation and have white men look through you like you're wearing sweats."

Don't know where she's going, but I've not had this as a problem ever in my life.....but then, I don't go to parties looking for sexual validation, because I don't need White Boys' validation to feel attractive or good about myself.

I think that La Toya Tooles' problems may be as profound as Mr. Meyers admission that he may simply not be up to satisfying everyone, even if he desperately wanted to. Po' lil' tang! Some like David Bowie and Robert De Niro have no such problem; because since they went Black, they never went back.

[provis99]

17. yeah, I found La Toya's own ideas pretty bizarre, too.

What's a white boy to do? It's sort of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" kind of situation with regards to getting turned on by black women, to be blunt. Granted Mayer is a creepy asshole, but I guess the point is, if you're a white man, do you go around saying "I think black women are sexy", or say "I think black women aren't sexy", or try and pretend that blackness doesn't exist, which is also insulting?:crazy:

[JI7]

33. huh ? since when do white guys have to go around saying whether they are attracted to black women ?

[FrenchieCat]

36. The whole thing is quite weird, ain't it?

I don't even know what to make of any of this triffling nothing, actually. :shrug:

[Withywindle]

38. For the most part, they don't!

People date who they date, and maybe there's a racial pattern, maybe there isn't. It's different for everyone and most people don't spill it all over the internet.

Mayer actually went out of his way to say what he said, though, and you can't blame black female fans (god knows why they were fans, he's terrible, but whatever) for being hurt by it.

I just hope for the rest of his life he keeps a white hood on his David Duke cock so his genes don't get passed on. His genes are pretty much 'privileged white dude with decent, if generic, looks, minor talent, and massive self-promotion skills,' and it's not like we need any more of that.

[burning rain]

29. Always galling when one's own ox gets gored, eh?

Goring someone else's ox--oh, that's fine.

[Number23]

45. I agree. I'm a black chick who has been hit on by men of every race, creed and place of

national origin that the planet will allow. (And a few gals too!)

My heart goes out to this woman. She sounds desperately sad and pitiful. The idea that someone as physically unattractive as John Mayer or any white man not wanting to have sex with her makes her this miserable is not something I'd be telling the whole world.

[trumad]

57. You ain't been hit on by trumad yet...

If so---it would be over... Love forever...

Just ask Catwoman...

;-)

[CatWoman]

67. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:loveya: me some Tru!! :)

:hi:

[Number23]

78. Bring it on, man! Let's see what ya got!

:rofl:
:hi:

[Lilyeye]

50. I agree. I was with her until the last paragraph.

It sounds like she has bigger issues if she needs some idiot for validation.

[NashVegas]

12. This Is a Great Letter

But it could just as well represent the tons of very attractive, wonderful women out there that men are brainwashed into rejecting their own natural turn-ons, and think of as "unfuckable" thanks to people with magazines to sell.

[Hello_Kitty]

22. Yep. And she's getting a bunch of flack in the comments section.

By a lot of people who I seriously doubt would slam a "Nice Guy" for whinging about not getting all the hot babe tail to which he feels himself so eminently entitled.

[Withywindle]

43. Oh, the internet's wide open for "Nice Guys"

Whinging about all the good-looking women they befriended in hope of getting some eventually, who got bitter when it never happened within their time frame.

Meanwhile never giving a moment's thought to the women who befriended THEM over the years, who didn't meet their insane standards of physical beauty and so never merit a mention in their endless multi-paragraph life story.

[Missy Vixen]

46. Withywindle, all I have is a hug

I hope you'll accept it.

:loveya:

>Meanwhile never giving a moment's thought to the women who befriended THEM over the years, who didn't meet their insane standards of physical beauty and so never merit a mention in their endless multi-paragraph life story.<

I also wish we could K&R individual comments within threads; I'd have to kick this times 10,000.

If I had a nickel for every guy who told me what a "nice guy" he was, how the woman of his every fantasy (invariably, a 10+ on the hottie scale, while the guy in question had average looks at best,) refused his offers of coffee or dates, but flatly refusing to date someone who already was interested because she didn't look like Heidi Klum or Jennifer Aniston...

:eyes:

[Withywindle]

53. Awww, thank you.

:hug:


I'm not even that hideous, really! I'm just average looking and am fine with that. But most self-declared "nice guys" are NOT, in my experience, fine with that.

Oh well, let 'em stew. I hope they and their David Duke cocks will be very happy together (and not bothering anyone else).

[AspenRose]

54. Truth.

[TexasObserver]

14. That David Duke comment was truly appalling.

It's probably a line he's used many times to justify his attitude.

It didn't need to be said. He said it gratuitously, to make clear that he would assumedly no more have sex with a black woman than David Duke would.

[unabelladonna]

15. david duke dick?

what the hell does that mean? he likes men?

(jewish women should be equally offended, davida duchess hates jews even more than blacks.) mayer's comment was incredibly stupid, everyone should just ignore it.

[JI7]

30. John Mayer is Jewish

at least on his father's side.

[Swamp Rat]

34. Not his dick, apparently

[bridgit]

16. Poor John, whatever happened to 'Your body is a wonderland, or maybe like a carny midway barker...

or a rusty orange door hinge' or whatever - showcasing Mayer, he certainly had that, ahem, cock-sure me-bucko swagger about him and it was clear enough to see that kind of behavior would be pleasing some and pissing off many others http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/11515443/john_mayer_speaks_listen_to_his_hilarious_takes_on_paris_hilton_brad__angelina_living_in_ny

[msongs]

18. he's getting slammed in comments on all his youtube videos right now lol nt

[Marr]

20. I'd anxiously pursue any woman named "La Toya Tooles".

:D

[Release The Hounds]

24. How I've always felt...

[DRoseDARs]

52. One of the rare times I did a true spit-take was when I saw that sight gag on Family Guy.

God bless that show.

[Kind of Blue]

28. Poor kid to need such intense validation

from an asshole. But I do remember as a kid hearing Elvis say all that Black people could do for him was to shine his shoes or the Beach Boys saying they don't write music for Blacks. My immediate reaction each time was fuck you, asshole(s). So I wonder who raised this child. Her rant is so bizarre.

[ecstatic]

37. Clarence Thomas

Just kidding!

I'm not a fan or follower of Mayer but he sounds like an idiot.

Now, to address the young lady who wrote the article... This is all speculation, but I think she probably grew up in a predominantly white area and sees the white guys her age as her peers. In her own community, she might have been viewed the same way (as part of the group),but she might be in a new community now where she is viewed as an unfamiliar, non-white face. I wish I could say something helpful to her but I would have no idea where to begin. So many issues... and it's probably not just race that is at the center of her troubles... confidence, self-esteem, etc. are probably playing a part in how many guys she picks up at the club. :crazy:

[Kind of Blue]

55. Very funny but does make sense.

I agree with you 100 percent. Somewhere along the way, self-esteem as woman and Black woman was lost or never taught. She's still young and I hope her coming out with these feelings will be provide enough feedback and hopefully a turning point for where not to seek validation. So sad.

[GreenArrow]

39. As an aside, Elvis never said that,

as is demonstrated here:

http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/presley1.asp

[Kind of Blue]

56. Thanks for the link.

In my haste to respond to how many of us were raised to react against racism in the '70s, and surprised/saddened by this kid's angst, I should have included that Elvis's remark is a persistent ugly rumor.

[burning rain]

32. Lotta people have a sexual fetish for this or that race & ethnicity.

Usually they see the wisdom in not being too public about it, though, not wanting to reap the consequences. But not the obnoxious John Mayer.

La Toya Toole could stand to realize that whoever you are, there are plenty of people who'd love to shag you, and some who never would, because you don't fit some racial/ethnic fetish they have. And, such fetishes say more about the shallow and/or bigoted people who have them than those who don't satisfy their racial/ethnic fetish.

[johnaries]

40. I saw him last night, and all I can say is that Micheal Franti ROCKED!

Honestly, Franti put on one hell of a show! My date and I both agreed that we should have just left after the opening set.

To be honest, when we went to the concert here in Nashville we didn't know about the details of his interview. My date said something about "what is he apologizing about?" but by that time everything he was saying was just "blah, blah, blah".

I just wanted Franti to come back on stage.

[Skip Intro]

41. Some men don't find any women sexually attractive. They must be real assholes, huh?

People are attracted to what people are attracted to and nobody should have to try hide it or to explain or justify why.

Why does this poor young woman yearn for approval?

[Hello_Kitty]

49. She yearns because she's 22.

She'll get over it in a few years. Meanwhile, self-professed "Nice Guys" will continue to piss and moan that women are bitches because they aren't bedding down the hottest babes as Hollywood promised them they would.

[Lilyeye]

51. John Mayer is an asshole for a whole lot of things

[WeekendWarrior]

42. Sorry, I don't find WHITE women all that attractive

and I'm white. Does that make me an asshole?

Thing is, Mayer is obviously one giant egotistical douchebag who for some unknown reason thinks people would be interested in his sex life. I mean, seriously. I don't give a shit where you stick your dick, Mayer.

That said, I will confess, I do like his music. He plays a mean guitar.

[Darth_Kitten]

61. So, let's put down women of all colours!

Sure, women really do need that! :eyes:

[TwilightGardener]

73. I am not a big fan of his songs, but he is an excellent live musician.

I don't really care about this--he just opened his yap and something stupid fell out, happens to a lot of artists.

[wowimthere]

74. the problem is that he thought he was being clever when he used "david duke" as the

comparison. It wasn't clever. I thought he was smarter than that. The Benneton heart doesn't go well with david duke dick. He should just stick to song writing.

Women should never be made to feel unattractive no matter what they look like especially when you don't know all women. A blanket statement about women of any color is impractical and it shows a shallow side when you can boldly verbalize your distaste based on color, size, ethnicity. Was it worth it to John? He has many black friends and though he's explained that he finds Kerry Washington super Hot, I can't wrap my mind around how David Duke had anything to do with what he digs.

[DRoseDARs]

48. But it's John Mayer! Black or white, who the fuck would WANT him leering at them?

I've hated him since before it was cool. His second single "Your Body is a Wonderland" which was the first song I heard of his set off my Douchedar within the first couple of notes. The loud warning klaxons of ***TOOLERT TOOLERT TOOLERT*** whenever he appears still makes my skin crawl.

[LatteLibertine]

58. I don't know the first thing

about Mayer and have never heard his music. I feel the comments he made in the Playboy interview were idiotic. It seemed to me perhaps he was trying to be edgy, cool or even possibly profound, yet failed miserably.

I often see "celebrities" doing tasteless things for attention or PR. If it goes too badly usually they go to rehab to duck the consequences. "Oh I've been drinking too much and need to get that under control. I don't usually act like a psychotic asshole." etc.

I could go on forever about the legacy of slavery and it's impact on the psyche of our nation.

[seabeyond]

60. exactly. a whole lot fo stupid trying to be cool. often doesnt work. we see it often. nt

[RedstDem]

62. Well, now I'm proud to say, I don't know any of his music

And if that guy is so dumb to not realize how desirable black woman are, too bad for him.

thinking that is kinda of its own punishment isn't it!

[newtothegame]

63. I don't get the 300 years of servitude part? Was this woman a slave? How old is she?? n/t

[newtothegame]

64. Yeah but he endorsed Obama in October 2008 so that makes it ok. n/t

[JI7]

79. who gives a shit who he endorsed

[guitar man]

66. Mayer is an overrated dumbass

He plays guitar ok but his singing and writing grate on me. He was already pissing me off because the word on the net is he's buying up every one of the original Marshall BB1 overdrive pedals as soon as they hit ebay or anywhere else, my old one finally died and now I can't find another one thanks to this hack. :grr:

Now he pulls this shit...what a dumbass :eyes:

[rusty fender]

71. Who is John Mayer? Who cares? n/t

[Blue Owl]

72. The first time I heard John Mayer

I was repulsed. The world would be a better place if he kept his corn-syrup-coated hormonal jingles to himself.

Blech.

[reflection]

76. I stopped reading at "sexual validation".

And made a mental note to have a talk with my oldest daughter this evening to reinforce that she doesn't need to be sexually validated by anyone.