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I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore by Rush Limbaugh

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Fuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:32 AM
Original message
I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore by Rush Limbaugh
Edited on Mon Jan-25-10 04:45 PM by Skinner
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_wan...

Gotta love the Onion

___________________________

I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.

Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I've made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it's all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit.

I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.

The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, shit-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What the fuck am I doing?" Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called "Barack the Magic Negro"? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?

EDITED BY ADMIN: COPYRIGHT
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Blue Owl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:36 AM
Response to Original message
1. Talk about a knockout gut-punch to the windbag
Love it. In my mind, Ru$h's legacy will always be:

"The most abominable lump of festering dog shit in the history of American broadcasting."
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LLStarks Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:42 AM
Response to Original message
2. The Onion never ceases to amaze me. nt
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Leftist Agitator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:54 AM
Response to Original message
3. There are no words to describe how awesome this is,
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Tailormyst Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:57 AM
Response to Original message
4. "demented, shit-covered walrus"
:ROFL:

omg. I love the Onion.
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cutlassmama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:59 AM
Response to Original message
5. that would be so very, very acceptable...
I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.
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mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 12:07 PM
Response to Original message
6. thanks for the OP
:toast:
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Fuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 02:34 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. My pleasure.
;)
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gratuitous Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 12:13 PM
Response to Original message
7. Rush Limbaugh didn't write that
No way in hell would that cocksucker ever say he's sorry about anything. But it had me going until that point.
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old mark Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 12:59 PM
Response to Original message
8. Rec. 1. can we send him a copy of this? and 2. Retsch, if you need help
pulling that trigger sometime, just PM me.



mark
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 04:08 PM
Response to Original message
10. Those folks at the Onion are pure genius.
Wow.
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SoxFan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 04:11 PM
Response to Original message
11. Well...
While I agree with the assesment of Limbaugh as a demented, shit-covered walrus, I have a hard time laughing about the notion of suicide.

Sorry.

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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 04:16 PM
Response to Original message
12. Enthusiastic K&R
"...everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. " :rofl:
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hlthe2b Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 05:06 PM
Response to Original message
13. Surely Limbaugh's new lady* is enough to bring joy
of living to the old bastard... :shrug:



*(beard)
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Quantess Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 08:56 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. Eecch! There's a woman willing to touch him?
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FourScore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 10:58 PM
Response to Original message
15. scathing! k&r
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Edweird Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:00 PM
Response to Original message
16. I love the onion.
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
17. That is awesome.
:rofl:
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Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:24 PM
Response to Original message
18. "Excellent my friends, excellent."


:)
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leveymg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-26-10 11:05 AM
Response to Reply #18
20. That's unkind to toads.
:+
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Fuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-26-10 02:02 PM
Response to Reply #18
21. Eww
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Autumn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jan-25-10 11:29 PM
Response to Original message
19. I Don't Even Want Rush Limbaugh
To Be Alive Anymore.
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