Fox News Reports: Millions of Grannies Flee U.S. as Death Panels Loom

[Contrary1]

Borowitz Alert.



Glenn Beck: "Run For Your Lives"

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - With the establishment of government-mandated death panels just days away, grandmothers began fleeing the United States in record numbers today, reports Fox News.

"I am never one to yell ‘Fire' in a crowded theater," said Fox News host Glenn Beck. "But run for your lives!"

Across the country, slow-moving caravans of 1980s-era Cadillacs with turn signals blinking were making the torturous journey to the Canadian border, their back seats laden with cats, knitting projects, and bottles of Ensure.

Fox News may have set off the mass exodus by warning grannies that if they did not flee quickly enough they would face government-mandated organ harvesting.

Elsewhere, anti-healthcare protesters objected to the language of the House bill, saying there were too many polysyllabic words.

[onehandle]

1. Good. They drive too slow. And they drive Buicks, not Caddies. nt

[sandnsea]

2. Flee to countries with "socialized" health care

I would go in a heart beat if I could take my entire family with me.

What an idiot.

[Christa]

3. LOL

Fleeing to Socialism

[FightingIrish]

4. It's sad that satire comes so close to the truth.

We'' be seeing crap from the right that comes awfully close to this.

[tularetom]

5. I had to check if my wife was still here

Better check my daughter, she's now a grandmother also.

[busybl]

6. Hey, I drive a buick. Oh wait, I am a grannie. never mind.

[Bitwit1234]

7. If you google Reagan and socialism

you will see that his administration was considered more socialist than Obama, which isn't. Maybe we should go to all the republican sites, post the link which was out truthout and see how they like it. And one of the most lying, hateful and asinine websites is the one for WCBM the radio station in Baltimore Maryland. Nothing you read in the headline is even recognizable in the article itself. If you to read downright filth try it out.

[louis-t]

8. In other news, republicans insisted 145 amendments

be added to the bill, then complained it was too long.

[OHdem10]

9. Pray tell, where are they running to???

[jmondine]

14. To London, where they'll live on the streets and harass fit, defenseless young men...

... and form the motorcycle gang, "Hell's Grannies".

[jmondine]

10. The Geriatric Journey

[oswaldactedalone]

11. If they're Faux News viewers

then good riddance. The less ignorant there are among us, the better I like it.

[calimary]

12. Hilarious! I love the mental picture - all those old Caddys with their turn signals going!

And the cats and the knitting and the Ensure cans in the back.

[zbdent]

13. uh oh ...

Dem landslide in 2010 ...

[HughMoran]

15. aww geez