Children brought up with "tough love" are more successful in life

[steven johnson]

Balancing warmth with discipline is seen as the most effective in terms of generating key character capabilities of application, self-regulation and empathy in children.

The think tank Demos says a balance of warmth and discipline improved social skills more than an laissez-faire, authoritarian or disengaged upbringing.

It says children aged five with "tough love" parents were twice as likely to show good character capabilities.

Report author Jen Lexmond said: "It is confidence, warmth and consistent discipline that matter most."

The Building Character report analysed data from more than 9,000 households in the UK.

Tough love 'is good for children'

[cynatnite]

1. What is "tough love"? n/t

[Mira]

5. See if this helps...

http://www.crystalinks.com/toughlove.html

I went to Tough Love meetings for over a year when my 16 yr old teenager was out of control, was "running" the tone in my house and was disobedient, abusive and destructive.

I had to get tough with him by disciplining him with strict enforced rules, and by establishing solidly that I was the one in charge.

He much later told me it saved his life.

[cynatnite]

6. Well, I think the term is so vague...

A lot of parents have moments of tough love with their kids. I don't see this as being a new thing.

[Liberal_in_LA]

8. When the term became popular decades ago, it seemed to refer to tossing teens from house who don't

obey.

[girl gone mad]

11. I can't tell you how many homeless..

runaways, squatters, teen prostitutes, street kids, etc. I met in the 90s who came from "tough love" homes.

What a crappy parenting philosophy that was.

[spoony]

12. I think that's when you throw a kid in a lake

to teach them how to swim.

[The Magistrate]

2. One Looks In Vain, Sir, For A Definition Of the Loaded Term....

[FarCenter]

4. Not actually published yet, it seems

http://www.demos.co.uk/events/buildingcharacter

[Cleita]

3. Please explain the difference between tough love and child abuse?

Providing kids with a routine like regular schedules, etc. besides the love seems to work best. Why would this be considered tough love? I always thought tough love was about throwing your lazy kid out of the house and forcing him to get a job.

[ChoppinBroccoli]

7. Unfortunately, Those Who Espouse Tough Love.......

...........rarely know what it means. To most of these neanderthals, "tough love" means regular beatings, making your children afraid of you, and then, when that doesn't work (and it never does), disowning them outright.

That's why this report is misleading. When it speaks of "tough love," I assume it means, "being an asshole to your children," when in actuality, it just means setting rules and routines and sticking to them. It shouldn't be called "tough love," it should be called "responsible parenting."

[regnaD kciN]

9. And, similarly, those who want a rationalization for child abuse or neglect...

...call it "tough love" and expect to be given a free pass.

[Piter_de_Vries]

10. It's all about balance

I think "tough love" should really be a good mix of punishment and affection. You need both to raise a good child and having one out-balance the other can cause problems.