I am seceding.

[Are_grits_groceries]

I am severing ties with the state of Confusion (SC), and the US and all other government entities that have claimed jurisdiction over me.

I declare my apartment to be the country of "Meh." Its capitol is in my bathroom and is WTFROFLOMGLMAODTM.
That's Welsh for "Bite Me."

My contracts with such entities as the power company, my landlords and such have been legally changed to treaties.

I am Queen Bee. My cats are my Ministers of State. One is Madame Scat who is in charge of Security. I have not issued a decree making a formal Patriot Act or some such nonsense. If Madame Scat will keep Palmetto bugs and other creatures at bay, I see no reason for such restrictive measures. Madame Mouse is in charge of supplies and food. She will inform me of any shortages.

They both have overlapping duties in certain areas. They will perform guard duty at night which involves getting as close to me as possible when I go to sleep. They will take turns during the day sitting behind me and patting me on my head. Both will scrutinize what is on teevee and make sure that the programs are entertaining enough for them.

In the country of "Meh" the following are the principles upon which it is founded:

All creatures are equal. There is an exception for Palmetto bugs and fire ants unless a treaty can be reached. They will recognize the borders of Meh or get squashed.

There is separation of church and state. If someone has a religion that is fine. I just don't want to hear about it.

There is free health care for my subjects (Scat and Mouse). I will provide my own, but that has been the status quo for a while so nothing has changed in that regard.

The Bill of Rights was good enough for the Founding Fathers. That is good enough for me. Amendments added after that are also considered valid.

I will consider signing treaties with friendly nations. However, I have broken off relations with the government of SC. Until they have someone in a position of authority who at least has the brains of a turtle, I will not have any diplomatic ties with them. Once they reach that august level, I will consider preliminary talks in hopes that they will work their way up the evolutionary ladder and reach some form capable of holding 2 thoughts in their heads at one time.

All written communiques must be spelled correctly.

Grits will be the official food.

This decree is effective as of November 4th, 2009.

[FSogol]

1. From this day on, ....

the official language of The US of A will be Swedish. Silence!

In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now... 16 years old!

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

8. One of the funniest scenes in a film!!!!

[FSogol]

12. True and very accurate about how quickly power corrupts.

I'd move to Grits' Utopia, but don't want to have my underwear checked.

[phantom power]

2. Is the official language Swedish?

[Are_grits_groceries]

3. The official language is Southern.

I also speak English and Gullah.

Edit: Madame Scat and Madame Mouse convey their messages with looks, and pokes if necessary. They are very effective.

[phantom power]

5. nuts, I don't speak Southern very well.

On the other hand I don't speak Swedish at all.

Grits are groceries, aren't they?

[Are_grits_groceries]

7. Yes, they are.

As I said, I do speak English when necessary.

[bear425]

11. I think the official language should be known as Mehnaise. n/t

[Are_grits_groceries]

13. LOL!

I have decreed it to be so.

For your service, I award you honorary citizenship in the country of Meh.

[Shagbark Hickory]

4. Who are the main special interests and lobbiests? What is your energy policy like? nt

[Are_grits_groceries]

6. There will be no lobbiests only grovelers.

Special interest are whatever strikes me or my Ministers as being pertinent. They are subject to rapid change.

My energy policy is to personally expend as little as possible.

[Shagbark Hickory]

28. Aren't you concerned your economy won't experience growth if you expend as little enery as possible?

[Are_grits_groceries]

29. Not if I tie efficiency to the energy expended.

If waste is very small, then I should be able to expend what I need for Meh. That would be my definition for as little as possible.

If I want something else for Meh, I will have to expend more energy, but that will still meet my definition,

[ret5hd]

9. I hereby formally apply for the position of Chief of Staff.

What's the pay like?

[Are_grits_groceries]

10. Send a resume and

you will be considered for the position.

What is this 'pay' of which you speak?

[glitch]

17. Lol!

What's your policy on refugees?

[Are_grits_groceries]

20. All are welcome.

However, they may have to eat grits a lot. It is a filling survival food. They also have to pass muster with my 2 ministers. If they can get approval from those discerning beings, then I need not worry.

[glitch]

31. Then I am a shoo-in. I have my own ministers, two felines and one canine who thinks she's feline.

And even better, I have been a grits fan from infancy. Of the butter, salt and pepper variety. Especially pepper. Definitely one of my comfort foods.
Along with hominy, cold as is straight out of the can.
Solidarity!

[Are_grits_groceries]

35. As The Barker would say:

'Come on down!'

[Solly Mack]

14. I love grits

[Are_grits_groceries]

15. They are free here. nt

[Solly Mack]

16. with cheese? gravy? with fried apples and cinnamon? with shrimp?

All free?

I'll pay taxes to Meh.

[Are_grits_groceries]

18. All but the fried apples and cinnamon are free.

Stewed tomatoes are too. I haven't decided about taxes yet. I think a couple of cans of food for Madame Scat and Madame Mouse would be sufficient.

[Solly Mack]

19. That'll work.

I speak fluent southern, btw.

[Are_grits_groceries]

21. That will make it much easier.

I lapse into Southern without realizing it until I see puzzled looks.

[Toasterlad]

22. I Am Currently Petitioning to Get a Referedum for Palmetto Bugs Rights on the Next Ballot.

[Are_grits_groceries]

24. Palmetto bugs have

declared themselves to be a sovereign nation. They want to annex Meh.

Since they aren't citizens, there can't be a vote on their rights.

[Toasterlad]

26. Do You Have PROOF That the Palmetto Bugs Are Building Weapons of Mass Destruction?

[Are_grits_groceries]

27. They are WMD.

They don't strap on bombs. They have dirty, germy legs that carry all sorts of disgusting crap. They track it everywhere to catch the unsuspecting.

I have seen their legs closely enough.

[lonestarnot]

23. wooodamnwhooo!

Good night and good luck.

[Are_grits_groceries]

25. Thank you!

Visit Meh anytime.

[jtrockville]

30. Please pass the butter and ground black pepper.

[glitch]

32. What it is, cousin. That's what we're talking about. :) nt

[waiting for hope]

33. Amen - especially this:

"There is an exception for Palmetto bugs and fire ants unless a treaty can be reached."

I've lived in New Orleans and now coastal North Carolina - have to say, the Palmetto bugs in New Orleans were a bit meaner, you knew they meant business when they flew right at your face.

K&R

[Are_grits_groceries]

34. Hence, the need for a strict treaty.

They are sneaky bastids.

[malaise]

36. Hehehehe

[Are_grits_groceries]

37. I will be glad to give Jamaica

'favored nation status.'