Will Obama ever stop doing the dance of ABUSE?

[DeadElephant_ORG]

Sometimes a psychological explanation of politics is more vivid and revealing than any sort of political analysis.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/w-hunter-roberts/obama-abuse_b_333041.html">Check this out this article on HuffPo:

As Eugene Robinson noted in the Washington Post, "If Obama ended world hunger, they'd accuse him of promoting obesity." This is the classic dilemma faced by victims of abuse. No matter what the victim does, they’ll be criticized ...or worse. The verbiage being hurled at President Obama sounds, to my twenty five years of counseling-trained ears, more like the rhetoric of abuse than of political discourse. An abusive relationship consists, not of respectful, or even heated, discussion between peers over an issue of mutual concern. Rather, one party puts the other down, and makes unfounded accusations regarding the motives, character, or abilities of their partner, which go far beyond any issue at hand. The accused party, confounded by the bizarre allegations, responds by attempting to answer, or appease, the accuser. When this happens, the parties are doing the dance of abuse and appeasement. In this dance, the abuser will never acknowledge anything done "right", or accept any compromise. This keeps the victim off balance, walking on egg shells, never knowing which way to turn to avoid further criticism and humiliation. No matter what the victim does to try to please, it will not satisfy an abuser. That’s because it’s not about the issue at hand, it’s about power and control. Abuse is unpredictable because the issue is merely a ploy. The abuser does not want to be satisfied. He is looking for an excuse or justification to abuse.
...

We can see this dynamic in operation over health care reform. The Republicans called it socialized medicine. So the Democrats, trying to be reasonable, took Single Payer off the table and even removed the public option. To hell with what the citizens wanted, Democrats were busy trying to appease their accuser, "See, what we want isn’t socialized medicine—look we’ll prove it. We’ll remove anything that could possibly look like that." That could have been a compromise in good faith, if the Republicans had accepted it. But they did not. Instead they did what abusers always do. They came up with another accusation," You’re trying to kill grandma!" (Abusers often become increasingly irrational in their accusations, as each previous objection is answered.) They compared healthcare reform to a Nazi plan, and accused the Democrats of plotting to kill newborns and disabled children. Democrats continued their appeasement tactics, still trying to get a bi-partisan bill. If you know anything about abuse, you know that was never going to happen. Why not? Because, from the point of view of an abuser, the other person is not just doing something wrong, which theoretically s/he could correct. They are something wrong - fundamentally wrong. Like black. Or female. Or gay. Or child. Or liberal. Or Hutu. Take your pick — it could be any "other." Wrong by definition. Irrevocably and irredeemably bad and wrong.
...

If someone is, de facto, bad and wrong, then anything positive they do or get must be a mistake. Ergo, the Nobel Prize is, paradoxically, both worthless and undeserved. If Obama got it, the logic goes, since he is worthless, the prize must be worthless. But if it has value, Obama is such a piece of shit that he should give it back - like a child caught shoplifting... The RNC, Fox News, and Rush Limbaugh do not merely disagree with the President’s policies. They impugn his character, his citizenship, his patriotism, and his very being. Obama cannot do anything right, because, from their perspective, who he is, is wrong. Period.
...

There is only one thing to do in the face of abuse: refuse to play your role. An abuser cannot abuse unless their partner is willing to appease, for the sake of the relationship, or for the sake of bi-partisanship, which is the same thing. ...Appeasement, ironically, enrages the abuser more and adds to his disrespect. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, appeasement feeds the cycle of abuse. An abuser is like a drunk. You don’t argue with a drunk. ... You must walk away, without appeasing or returning the abuse, and do what you think is right.

Full Huffington Post article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/w-hunter-roberts/obama-abuse_b_333041.html">here.

The complete article has many more examples of the http://www.huffingtonpost.com/w-hunter-roberts/obama-abuse_b_333041.html">things abusers typically say compared with quotes from conservatives.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------



http://loveherliberally.com/images/strip-turn_off_hate_radio.pdf">Print this bumperstrip instantly for FREE (opens PDF)

Check out http://www.loveherliberally.com">LoveHerLiberally.com

[Better Today]

1. What an accurate take on the situation.

[DeadElephant_ORG]

9. DIGG this here

DIGG this article http://digg.com/political_opinion/W_Hunter_Roberts_Obama_Abuse">HERE

[Better Today]

10. Sorry don't know about or do "diggs," I'll promote it here, but not elsewhere as I don't go "there"

[DeadElephant_ORG]

12. thanks. I didn't mean you personally but for those who do "Digg"

[Zodiak]

2. This is an accurate description of the dysfunction of Washington

The REALLY sad thing is that we, the America People, are like the children in this abusive relationship....completely the mercy of this dynamic with little we can do about it. And we are DYING from it!

People who pay attention know the pukes have gone off the deep end and should not be welcomed as honest brokers. Unfortunately, not many people pay attention, including a surprising number of DUers who buy this "bipartisan" claptrap.

[John Q. Citizen]

3. I have to disagree with the premise. The reason Obama refused to allow single payer advocates to

have a seat at the table and to present their case for a single payer solution had nothing to do with the Republicans.

It had everything to do with the seriously big bucks flowing into Dem coffers from the health care industrial complex. It had everything to do with the smaller amount of bucks now flowing into Repo coffers.

To confuse Republicans with Insurance Companies isn't that uncommon, but it's a mistake. Insurance companies, for the most part aren't ideological. They are commercial. They will go where the money is.

At this point, the money for insurance companies is with the Democrats.

Obama's bill will give them 40 million new captive customers and also require many of their current customers toi spend way more. We are talking trillions of dollars here, and the insurance industry isn't stupid, They know this, Which is why they signed on early to the Obama "reforms."

Look at insurance company stock prices. They are way way up. The reason is investors aren't stupid, they see that the Obama "reforms" are going to net the insurance industry trillions in both private dollars and public tax dollars. It's a bonanza, and the insurance companies sure aren't going to let ideology get in the way of all that money.

Neither are Democratic fund raisers.

[BrklynLiberal]

5. Dammit! You have a very good point there!!!

The Democrats need to get their own house in order.

You certainly did not see too many repukes threatening to vote with the Dems when the repukes were the majority..

[BrklynLiberal]

6. oops...system burped

[glitch]

8. So nailed. I wish the problem was dance to abuse, it would be easier to snap out of that.

But bought? Very few snap themselves out of that, they don't have the same incentives that the abused do.

[BrklynLiberal]

4. Perfect analogy...of the abused victim trying to please the abuser.

I wish the Democrats would just tel the repukes to go screw themselves, and then do what they have to do...

If I recall correctly, the repukes had no such concerns when they were in the majority under pres shit-for-brains.
It would have been difficult to imagine them caring less what the Democrats wanted.

[G_j]

7. casting the Democrats as victims

just doesn't work, IMO

[Triana]

11. I've pointed this out numerous times. The rightwingnuts AND THEIR media ARE ABUSERS

They use the same M.O. and tactics that abusers use on their victims. They define, ridicule based on their negative definitions, project, "damed if you do/damned if you don't", etc. - all the same tactics.

http://www.escapeabuse.com - it's all there. And it's ALL used in political realms (mostly by conservatives and the media who support them) to keep Democrats in a submissive 'victim' role - and Democrats fall right into it. Every time.