Attention senators: Whatever they're giving you, we'll double it.

[DireStrike]

Congratulations! You guys are in a historically unique position. It isn't every day that 50 men and women can decide the fates of over 300 million.

We, the general public, would like to purchase single-payer insurance, Medicare for all. The cost of any shortfall should come from increased taxes on the wealthy - we won't pay for this legislation twice. To the first 50 senators to come forward, we offer an unending supply of cash, goods, and services, for the rest of your mortal lives.

How would you like to walk into any restaurant, store, or yachtery and take whatever you want? Go ahead, do it. This one's on us.

Many will simply provide you with services free of charge. For those who ask for payment, we will work out an arrangement to pay on credit. We will also provide you with a pool of cash, for those purchases you CAN'T tell us about. You know the ones we mean.

You will have security. Job security, if you still feel a need to work, and physical security, if that should be a necessary factor in your choice. Tell us about your enemies, wink wink. Is someone blackmailing you? We'll make sure they stay quiet, if you let us know who they are. Huge masses of populace can be useful in such endeavors.

You will have our support politically. This means you will be kept in office, should you wish it. I cannot guarantee support for your positions on issues, but you WILL remain in your seat.

There will also be side benefits. I'm sure many a woman (or man, if you're female or just into that) will swoon at the barest sight of your awesome countenance, and be ready to offer themselves up, to be used (in a SAFE manner).

This is a win-win situation. We get to save boatloads of money, and with our savings, we will be able to afford this purchase. Unfortunately we don't have the capital up front, but we do intend to work for many years to come, and continue paying.

And the best part is: I'm serious. Think about all the obstacles that would prevent you from voting in such a way. Think about the polls. There really is absolutely nothing to stop you from taking us up. You could mention this on the teevee, and I bet you would get at least 30 percent support for such an idea. Surely that's enough to cover all your needs. The earning and producing power of 100 million people, to be used as you see fit.

Think about it. Give us a call. And remember, ANYTHING.