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taterguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:28 PM
Original message
What makes you feel marginalized?
Straight white male checking in.

Got the world by the balls.

But the fact that I avoid this whole Auto Nation thing makes me feel like an outcast.

I tried therapy.

The shrink's directions to their office were to take the Interstate.

So what's your problem with Society at Large and how do you deal with it?
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virgogal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:32 PM
Response to Original message
1. Ageism. The older I get the less seriously I am taken. I sometimes
Edited on Thu Sep-17-09 06:43 PM by virgogal
feel as if I'm becoming invisible.

Not whining here----it is what is is.
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whathehell Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:39 PM
Response to Reply #1
5. Ditto.....
I feel the same way and I feel this happens to women more than men, sodon't worry about whining -- it sucks.
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:50 PM
Response to Reply #1
9. It's actually reversed for me...
I find I'm being taken much more seriously, at the age of 56, than I was at, say...26.

People didn't bother to look beyond my appearance (which I do have to say was pretty darned good back then).

Other women were always sort of snotty to me...especially female store clerks and waitresses.

Now they call me "hon" or "dear" or "ma'am".

Men don't treat me like I have cotton candy for brains now.


But I do share one complaint with you...I do feel that I'm becoming invisible, sort of.

See, because even though it used to annoy me that men only looked at my outer appearance, I was used to it for a long time. I liked the "power" of being able to walk down the sidewalk or wherever and having them do double takes.

Now they just sort of look through me.

It's a relief in a way, even at the same time it makes me sort of sad, you know?


I wonder where the years went and what happened in the meantime.

And I look at the young girls out there flaunting their stuff, and I think, "Honey, time and gravity are NOT your friends. Enjoy it while you can".

anyway, yeah... I sort of feel invisible now.

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virgogal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:10 PM
Response to Reply #9
13. Loved your post---and since I'm old enough to be your mother
I'm sure you still look pretty darned good.

They seem to stop listening to you when you hit the seventies.

:-)
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BlooInBloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:24 PM
Response to Reply #13
26. Sorry - did you say something?
:P
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virgogal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:28 PM
Response to Reply #26
28. God I love a sense of humor. Thanks for my big laugh of the evening.
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BlooInBloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:36 PM
Response to Reply #28
32. :)
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Raine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:23 PM
Response to Reply #9
19. Yeah good insights
I'm having a hard time adjusting. I was always noticed when I was younger (sort of exotic looking with fair skin and black hair) it's strange to be so invisible now. I'm going to try and see the positives after reading your post.
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Brickbat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:25 PM
Response to Reply #9
22. Funny, I had an opposite experience just today!
In high school, I was not traditionally attractive, and got negative attention for my looks. Guys would holler at me in a definitely non-appreciative fashion as I walked down the street. Things got better in college and after college, and I worked my mojo in good ways then.... ;)

...anyway, this afternoon I was walking down the street, when a bus with a high-school boys team stopped at the stoplight. I flashed back TWENTY FIVE YEARS and cringed inside, waiting for them to yell and catcall me. But they didn't. Because I'm old enough to be their mom. I'm invisible to them.

I have to admit, it was something of a relief.
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Fire1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 10:30 PM
Response to Reply #9
56. I've found a change in hair color and updated cut solves
that problem real quick.
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Raine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #1
15. I feel the same
if you're a woman in your 50's you're invisible. I'm having trouble getting used to it because I always looked younger than my age but since it's caught up with me ... ugh. :-(
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:32 PM
Response to Reply #15
30. no no... the opposite i tell ya. anything but invisible. dont let it happen. up to you
Edited on Thu Sep-17-09 09:08 PM by seabeyond
i am having so much fun. no lacking confidence. no shy. no looking to see if he is lookin. it is fun. i get to play with everyone. there is not a stranger to be known. we are not and were not just our youth and our looks. now... personality, character, that is what people feel and see and how much more fun is that. and i can say the most out there thing, and get away with it. lol.

my kids, my niece just shake their head. they love how much fun i have with people out and about and i dont even like people. they like that they see i am making someone happy and i dont even know the person.

my hubby laughs, i have the life story of everyone i meet in no time and i dont try. dont ask. they just start telling me everything about them. like the guy towing me a couple days ago. raising twins on his own, 11, use to ride bulls, moved here at 17, doing this job 7 yrs.... i can go on and on.

we are so much more than what i am seeing women feel here in this subthread. and of such value.

take it, grab it and share it. people, this world NEEDs you. they are desperate for yawl.
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Raine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:36 PM
Response to Reply #30
31. THANKS
for the cheer-up! :-) There is two sides to everything, I'll look at the positive. :hi:
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:37 PM
Response to Reply #31
33. you do that. cause it is the best.... nt
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:38 PM
Response to Reply #1
34. if you're a fan of Doctor Who, Torchwood, and/or Queer as Folk, DO NOT READ THIS:
http://www.onrec.com/newsstories/9879.asp

The pig is an active ageist who PLAYS INTO STEREOTYPES (and then probably wonders why there are stereotypes... with his clout, he can do what he wants. Yet doesn't.)

Yet people treat him like some sort of deity.



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KoKo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 09:02 PM
Response to Reply #1
36. We have the INTERNET...we are no longer marginalized. In many ways
it's a great time to be alive for all of us. I think about all who've gone before who would have loved the ability to stay engaged. We are very lucky, in new ways. IMHO
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virgogal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 09:10 PM
Response to Reply #36
38. You know,you are right. I have a friend who is now in rehab
after a knee replacement and they have WiFi. She said it is keeping her sane until she gets home.

It is a great time to be alive.

Thanks for your "glass half full" post.
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Poiuyt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 10:19 PM
Response to Reply #1
53. I wouldn't mind ageism except that I'm trying to find a job
Pretty hard to find a professional job, and at age 56 what good would retraining do? Everyone expects people of my age to know what they're doing.

I feel like the old man in Monty Python's Holy Grail. "I'm not dead yet!"
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BlooInBloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:32 PM
Response to Original message
2. Pretty much only girls I have a crush on. (heavysigh)
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omega minimo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:36 PM
Response to Original message
3. "Got the world by the balls."
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:39 PM
Response to Original message
4. The fact that Dem politicians who share my political opinions
are marginalized in Washington, ignored in the press, and ridiculed by the DLC interns on this board.
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eridani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-20-09 04:56 AM
Response to Reply #4
58. My thoughts exactly n/t
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KoKo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:42 PM
Response to Original message
6. Do Exercise, Turn Off TV..don't Read Anything Online...and if it get's worse
Edited on Thu Sep-17-09 06:48 PM by KoKo
go to your Doc and get a "very mild tranquilizer" and make sure you don't abuse it.

That's it..Unless you want to "March in the Streets" to get rid of your Angst. In that case ..unless you are a Republican you will feel worse...because the Mainstream Media only covers Repugs and not Dems.

I assume, since you are posting here that you must be a Dem. Get over it! Media will never cover Dems...so do the Exercise and then ask your doc for the mildest, oldest tranquilizer and only take the pill as needed. Xanax or it's Generic brand...and be sure you do the EXERCISE thingy FIRST.} It works wonders along with turning off TV..(including the new "so-called Liberal Dem Sites on MSNBC" and avoiding radio, TV and all stuff coming from those folks.} If you can't cut yourself loose from the internet, then you can use the INTERNET to get your NEWS..including the video downloads from Progressive Dem Sites of choice. If you find yourself shouting at the TV Screen then hit the STOP BUTTON.

Preserving one's sanity in these hard times is most important. Do what you can. And....if you can deal with the Health Food Folks...go to website for Natural Stuff. Camomile Tea and some other thing they recommend is an alternative to going to Doc to get Xanax or it's Generic...if you can't afford either the Doc or the Prescription. There are many Natural Remedies even in the Boondocks of USA or even ONLINE!

Stay Sane....any way you can... It's going to be a Rough Ride and many of us are dealing with what you are......
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taterguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:26 PM
Response to Reply #6
23. If I don't use a car isn't the fact that I exercise just getting around obvious?
Thanks for making me feel worse.
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KoKo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:53 PM
Response to Reply #23
35. I replied to the OP ...wasn't trying to make you feel worse..
Edited on Thu Sep-17-09 08:54 PM by KoKo
sorry about that. really. And, I'm not talking about gym or some fitness thing...whatever. Just saying...walk in the sun and tune it out...for awhile..if you feel Marginalized. We all are at some point in our life. Unless we are part of the Bush Family or otherwise "entitled." :D.
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taterguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-18-09 04:01 PM
Response to Reply #35
41. The thing about being marginalized is that others don't have to try to make you feel bad
It's just inevitable because others are so oblivious about your reality.

Every time I go to and from work I feel like an outcast. Simply because in my area I'm usually the only cyclist on the road, despite the fact that I live in an area with weather that's generally very conducive to being outdoors.

The only way I could "tune it out" for any appreciable amount of time is to stop working and that ain't gonna happen.
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KoKo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 06:44 PM
Response to Reply #41
42. You need to know...everyone seems to be "oblivious to other's reality" these days...
Don't take it personally. Life choice goes in and out as to "popularity" from American Society.

I remember when "candle makers and artists" were all the topic back in the late 1970's and buying at Thrift Shops and purchasing "wooden hand-crafted toys from "Creative Playthings" for our kis was the BIG THING.. Also finding "cotton pajama's for your kids when the FDA made "flame retardant" the only P.J.s you could buy.

It was a different era..and it went out with Reagan. But, what you are doing may seem "alone." I think sometimes these days that "alone" is better than with the "herd." WE at least have our Honor, Principles and can live with ourselves. That there's no credit given to that causes us "sensitives" to feel sick...a lot of the time. But, we are whole in ourselves...quiet with that. While so many are shooting their brains out, who once lived in Palaces built on their ill-gotten goods and have multiple marriages...idiot kids (for most part) and who go down when the "latest" financial BUBBLE BURSTS.

Our time is coming .....once again...and it will be good.
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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:48 PM
Response to Original message
7. I'm overweight. I'm also not a member of either major political party. And I'm also liberal in
terms of theology too.
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KoKo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 06:48 PM
Response to Reply #7
43. Why apologize...Most of America is "overweight." Not something to
have to put out there to "qualify" your honest opinion. Speak Out... Who the hell cares what one looks like on the INTERNET ...as long as you have a brain and an opinion that folks can understand. :shrug:

No more APOLOGIZING for OUR SELVES and OUR OPINIONS! NO MORE WHINING that if we can only get "60 Votes" our DEMOCRACY WILL BE BACK! Time to stop this denigrating ourselves and looking for "HOPE"...in all the Wrong Places!

We need to BUCK UP! There are so many working to make us feal defeatism. We can't go along with this ANYMORE. Both Parties and the MSM/Medical/Media/Industrial Complex is working 24/7 to make us all feel BAD about OURSELVES!
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HysteryDiagnosis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:48 PM
Response to Original message
8. Mmmmmm
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abumbyanyothername Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:55 PM
Response to Original message
10. I was on my regular walk today
And the weather is nice, so the college girls (all way way too young for me) had on shorts and tank tops.

And I got to musing mightily on the topic of all the people on the planet that don't want to have sex with me.

Until, about half way through the walk, I remembered that I walk to enjoy myself.

Anyway, that was me, marginalized.
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Mari333 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:57 PM
Response to Original message
11. nothing, because I dont give a fuck what society thinks of me
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:14 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. I dunno....somehow I don't totally believe that
because nearly all the people I know who say they don't give a fuck what society thinks of them also don't give a fuck about society.

In some respects, they're sort of like sociopaths.

I've known plenty of sociopaths in my time, and I really don't think you are one or that you really don't give a fuck what society thinks of you. You might think you don't care, but I think you do.




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Mari333 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #14
16. okay Ill admit it
I do use deodorant and change my underwear on occasion.

does that qualify?

actually, naw, I actually otherwise dont care. Im almost 60 yrs old, why should I bother with that kind of nonsense?

honey all I care about is a good nights sleep, a decent shit in the morning, and an occasional good book.


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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:24 PM
Response to Reply #14
20. get to a certain age, you can feel empathy, even for self. a really nifty place to be
to be able to embrace self good bad and indifferent, accepting self, generally comes with age. adn no, really, dont give a shit what others think of you.

what does it matter.

some like you
some dont

i dont like everyone, why should everyone like me.

i agree with marie333
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Mari333 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:28 PM
Response to Reply #20
24. wooo!!!
thats it, in a nutshell baby
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:58 PM
Response to Original message
12. I think everyone is marginalized to some extent in a capitalistic society
Just like everyone is a whore in a capitalistic society
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KoKo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 09:03 PM
Response to Reply #12
37. Nah...not everyone is a whore in a capitalistic society....
but we are marginalized because of circumstances we here at least have the intelligence to fight against.
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-18-09 12:34 PM
Response to Reply #37
40. Sure we are! Our labor is our "trick" we turn
In fact I would venture to say at least Sex Workers get paid market price

We get crap!
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:19 PM
Response to Original message
17. me? i am one of those narcissistic females full of myself, per a tabloid. lol.
Edited on Thu Sep-17-09 07:33 PM by seabeyond
i am grounded, well within self. i dont need outside validation or confirmation to who i am. i live a good and happy life. content and sittin in peace.

and then, i look out at the chaos in the world and say, .... wtf. lol

and isolate more.
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Mari333 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:20 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. +1000000
absolutely!
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 07:24 PM
Response to Reply #18
21. high fivin you. post on yours above. lol. nt
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Berry Cool Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:20 PM
Response to Original message
25. "Avoiding the Auto Nation thing."
Love that. I have, too. Really, it's like being illiterate. You're afraid to confess it. You know that if you don't talk about it, everyone will just assume you drive.

It DOES make you feel marginalized...especially in the USA, where outside of NYC, there is a stigma to taking public transportation and a lot of "you can't get there from here." Public transportation is considered the province of the poor and the old. And in this country, who cares about the poor and the old?
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taterguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-18-09 06:35 AM
Response to Reply #25
39. My primary mode of transportation is a bicycle
Around here people assume that only people with multiple DUIs use a bike for basic transportation.

The irony is that avoiding DUIs is one of the things that got me into biking in the first place.

(Just for the record, I don't advocate pedaling while intoxicated. Cab fare is a lot cheaper than an ambulance ride and an ER bill)
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HiFructosePronSyrup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:26 PM
Response to Original message
27. I don't remember that ever happening.
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gleaner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:30 PM
Response to Original message
29. This one is easy ...
I have Multiple Sclerosis. I can't do what most other people can do without even thinking about it. I guess you might say I am autoimmune.

I can't drive either. They took away my license when I was diagnosed back in the dark ages because of visual difficulties and unexpected passing out. It's as good a reason as any, I guess. I try to think about how many cars are undamaged today because I have not driven. ;)
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woo me with science Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
44. How am I a victim?
I would count the ways, but people would just start to compete with me.

Suffice it to say that the world has been crueler to me than ALL of you put together. My shrink told me so!

:rofl:
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 06:53 PM
Response to Reply #44
46. oh.....
funny.
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Barack_America Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 06:53 PM
Response to Original message
45. Not feeling the need to buy shit in order to make me happy.
Acquiring possessions is a favorite pastime of most people I know. I just don't get it.

Not to say I don't have lots of stuff, I do, I just don't care about most of it.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 06:55 PM
Response to Reply #45
47. i could have a fire tomorrow and not be to bothered as long as we all made
it out safe.

just not a lot of attachment to things.
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Fire1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-20-09 09:25 PM
Response to Reply #47
60. I'm getting there. n/t
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 06:59 PM
Response to Original message
48. I cant get married and cant really afford to get sick: that is the most concrete ways
i feel marginalized but there are dozens more subtle forms of discrimination/bigotry that a queer, woman of color, immigrant faces. oh and i not fin
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BuelahWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
49. Don't wear the latest fashions, drive a 17 year old car, classic film geek
AND a loner, which in the US equals "psychopathic killer." What they don't understand is those people are failed joiners. They are not loners by choice. I am.
I never had the desire to be like everybody else. If I've been turned down for a job because I don't wear the right kind of clothes, that's fine. I would more than like have been miserable working there anyway.
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TxRider Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 07:09 PM
Response to Original message
50. Society at large is what it is.
If I am marginalized then I am proud and happy to be so.

Society doesn't define me nor me society. I don't beat myself up about a society I have no control over.

There are enough things I do have control over to concern myself with.
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 08:04 PM
Response to Original message
51. The Democratic Party
nominating, electing, and supporting a center-right president and his center-right to right-wing agenda.
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Tuesday Afternoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 08:44 PM
Response to Original message
52. I am lefthanded. Why do you guys make everything upside down and backwards?
Edited on Sat Sep-19-09 08:45 PM by Tuesday Afternoon
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Codeine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 10:25 PM
Response to Original message
54. I work retail. The world assumes I'm an idiot.
Retail workers, especially in the grocery industry, are treated like crap. In fact, working-class Americans are often denigrated right here on DU by many of the supposedly educated "progressives" who purport to be on our side.
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shanti Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-19-09 10:29 PM
Response to Original message
55. age
middle aged (53), overweight, and gray haired (by choice). people just look thru you.
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Union Yes Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-20-09 04:30 AM
Response to Original message
57. America abandoning labor.
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VOX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-20-09 05:24 AM
Response to Original message
59. Knowing that the fat cats play the little fish for suckers, & seeing the little fish become stooges
All the muscle for the right wing -- mostly working-class white men, frustrated, angry, and often out of work -- think that they're "patriots" who are "taking their country back," when all they're doing is the bidding of Big Oil, Big Pharma, Wall Street, insurance cos., etc. They are suckers who are utterly working against their own interests.

The country is already proto-fascist, and it's well on it's way to full-blown corporate fascism. With all the money/power stacked on one end, I definitely feel marginalized, even hanging by a thread at times.

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