The New Universal Coverage for All Plan (NUCAP)

[Catbird]

Wouldn’t it be great if your health plan covered at least 90% of your expenses? And if it didn’t exclude preexisting or expensive conditions? And if it avoided really unpleasant medical procedures, such as colonoscopies or even shots. The New Universal Coverage for All Plan (NUCAP) does just that.

Consider what happens when you go to a doctor or are hospitalized? You spend a lot of time in waiting rooms. A typical doctor visit involves a wait in a more or less pleasant waiting room with magazines that might have been published during the past year. You are then called in, and your vital signs are measured. You then go to a waiting room and undress as needed. After a further wait, the doctor appears and examines you. You then put your clothes back on and wait for a discussion with the doctor. Afterward you pay and leave. A typical hospital visit also involves a lot of waiting -- waiting to be seen, waiting for an operation, and waiting to recover.

Perhaps 90% of your time is spent in waiting rooms, examination rooms, or recovery rooms. The NUCAP plan provides for waiting room expenses, thus covering the majority of your time spent seeking medical care. It drastically reduces expenses by cutting out the relatively expensive actual medical treatment and covering just the waits.

NUCAP provides a nationwide network of medical waiting rooms, tastefully furnished and with a variety of current magazines. Most are conversions from abandoned big box stores. When you need medical care, you go to the nearest NUCAP waiting room. A greeter welcomes you, asks what your problem is, and then directs you to the appropriate section of the waiting room. You fill out a medical history form and describe your current symptoms. After an appropriate waiting time, you go to checkout and leave. There is no need to endure painful shots, embarrassing examinations and weigh-ins, and mysterious objects inserted into personal orifices.

NUCAP dramatically reduces the nation’s overall medical expenses and at the same time provides universal coverage. What more could you want?

[peacebird]

1. somehow I fear that may be all we get out of health care reform anyway...