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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:50 PM
Original message
Parents ban tween ritual of sleepovers, cite safety
Parents ban tween ritual of sleepovers, cite safety

By Kelli Kennedy
Associated Press

MIAMI - Forget sleepovers filled with junk food, truth-or-dare games and late-night gab sessions that have ushered tweens into teens for decades.

A new generation of parents enforce strict no-sleepover rules.

They call them "sleep unders," "half-overs," "late nights" and "breakfast bashes." Come in your pajamas, bring junk food, play all the games you want, but at a certain point these children will be tucked in under their own roof where their parents know the rules about R-rated movies, Internet use and adult supervision.

"In the old days it used to be that you would build up to a sleepover and you knew everything about that family," says Stacy DeBroff, a Boston mother of two and author of four parenting books including "The Mom Book!"

"But now a more vigilant kind of hyper-concerned parent says unknown dangers may lurk, I don't know every variable ... and so I'm going to hover and basically swoop in and take you out," DeBroff says.

While plenty of families believe slumber parties offer harmless fun, several news stories about molestation at sleepovers - including a Vermont father who was charged in June with drugging a 13-year-old friend of his daughter with a smoothie and then fondling her - have given parents who worry about slumber parties concrete reasons to avoid them.

Gabbie Newsome said anxiety about creepy male relatives is partly whyshe and her husband decided against sleepovers when their daughter was 3.

http://www.leadertelegram.com/story-features.asp?id=BKT...
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Warren Stupidity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:52 PM
Response to Original message
1. parents are nuts
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:10 PM
Response to Reply #1
34. and there are asshole parents that dont parent too. if you know a parent is an ass
do you send your kid so you are not called "nuts" by someone anonymous on du?
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Mariana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:19 AM
Response to Reply #34
45. No, you send your kid to a sleepover
with kids whose parents you know AREN'T asses. You don't need to ban sleepovers altogether. That's a ridiculous overreaction.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:21 AM
Response to Reply #45
46. i agree. as i said in a post below. there are two fathers kids wont spend night at
Edited on Mon Aug-24-09 12:23 AM by seabeyond
maybe three, but oldest son hasnt been invited so i dont have to be concerned. told son, that i question the environment. but there are many parents i know and we are comfortable with it. and we do it often and readily. it is actually taking the time to know the environments we send our kids into. part of parenting.

but

there are concerns out there. more so than in my youthful days.
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HiFructosePronSyrup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:54 PM
Response to Original message
2. What's worse for kids?
Junk food, or having dicks for parents?
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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:55 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. Having dicks for junk food, or having junk food for parents is probably worst. n/t
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me b zola Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:23 PM
Response to Reply #2
38. A parent's dick thrust upon a child
That is what is worst.
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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:54 PM
Response to Original message
3. This is completely idiotic.
This has nothing to do with molestation and everything to do with parents fearing their children having fun in an environment over which they don't have as much supervision as usual. And they're scared of it because they're lousy parents who let TV, the nanny, and the school raise their child for them.
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GreenEyedLefty Donating Member (708 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:54 PM
Response to Original message
4. I'm not opposed to sleepovers per se
but it's a fact that my kids sleep better in their own beds. No paranoia, just my own laziness as a parent in not wanting to deal with a cranky, sleep-deprived kid.
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pnwmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:58 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. It's also a fact that children benefit from learning to sleep
somewhere besides their own bed, and that they learn -- bit by bit -- more independence from their parents.

And that the changes in routine that can result in cranky, sleep-deprived kids often (NOT always) leave the kids with some of the best memories of childhood.

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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:07 PM
Response to Reply #8
12. Hell, I still have trouble sleeping anywhere except my own bed.
Always have, even when I was a kid. However, I didn't have that much experience of it when I was a kid.
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pnwmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. Of course. But you probably don't think that's a reason not to take a vacation
or a job that requires travel?

Lots of good things involve changes in routine
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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:35 PM
Response to Reply #14
20. No, but I'm also insane.
I am really not a good example of anything useful.
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pnwmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:07 PM
Response to Reply #20
28. LOL. n/t
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WolverineDG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:14 AM
Response to Reply #4
44. don't complain if your kids never move out nt
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Mojambo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:55 PM
Response to Original message
6. They don't they just put their kid in a bullet proof bubble until they're 18.
Nothing annoys me more than these sniveling, anxiety-ridden, overprotective parents.

"Henry Kelly"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTM8iG5rEts
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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:07 PM
Response to Reply #6
13. Because the bubble might contain chemicals that will harm them. n/t
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krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:37 PM
Response to Reply #13
40. The bubble might focus the Sun's rays and turn their snowflake to dust
You never know!
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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 08:54 AM
Response to Reply #6
62. We seem to be surrounded by them.
:thumbsup:
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pnwmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 09:55 PM
Response to Original message
7. There have ALWAYS been some parents who over-controlled their children.
A few parents may have banned sleepovers, but most haven't.
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Telly Savalas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:46 PM
Response to Reply #7
21. Exactly. The article is bullshit.
A handful of anecdotes doesn't indicate a trend. The article is crappy fluff journalism.
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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:57 PM
Response to Reply #21
24. It's also internally inconsistent.
They appear to equate 4YOs attending sleepovers with 12YOs attending sleepovers, and that is hardly the same thing. But this is par for the course with AP fluff pieces.
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pnwmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:10 PM
Response to Reply #24
33. Right. Whoever heard of a four year old having a sleepover, unless
it's at grandmas?
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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:11 PM
Response to Reply #33
35. Apparently some of the parents in the article, aghast that their 4YO was watching R rated movies.n/t
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pnwmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 01:45 AM
Response to Reply #35
53. That wasn't a four year old.
"Newsome, who allows her children to spend the night at a few relatives' homes, recently picked up her kids up from a cousin's and found them watching an R-rated movie that she and her husband deemed inappropriate.

"Lisa Sipes says she can't think of any parents she trusts enough to let her 4-year-old daughter Lainey attend a sleepover."

Again, I don't know anyone who has sleepovers for four year olds, unless it's relatives staying at each other's houses.
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Hannah Bell Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 04:27 AM
Response to Reply #33
58. it doesn't say 3-yr-olds had a sleepover, it says the parents decided when the
kid was 3 not to allow it.
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Posteritatis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:08 PM
Response to Reply #7
31. Do you deny that there aren't more of those parents these days? (nt)
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pnwmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 01:48 AM
Response to Reply #31
54. I deny that most parents are banning sleepovers, as the article's headline implies.
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Mariana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:30 AM
Response to Reply #7
48. I think it's more common than it used to be.
I continue to be suprised at the fairly harmless things my daughters' friends' parents won't allow their kids to do. At the same time, they'll let them have computers with internet access and TV's with cable in their bedrooms. Wacky.

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saltpoint Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:00 PM
Response to Original message
9. There are a lot of drunk drivers on the nation's roads, but that
is not justification for all of us to remain in our homes and never go anyplace.

Seems to me kids need the socialization of these gatherings. Maybe the caliber of snacks could be upgraded to satisfy nutritionists.

But generally these rituals do far more good and I hope the parents trying to vanquish them will reconsider.

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madrchsod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:04 PM
Response to Original message
10. no thanks..we raised 3 kids on doctor spock and common sense
paraphrasing one reviewer on amazon said about the "the mom`s book"...you can find the same ideas on the internet for free...

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Bobbie Jo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:06 PM
Response to Original message
11. Good grief...it's a miracle we ever survived.
:eyes:
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MercutioATC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:53 PM
Response to Reply #11
22. Between sleepovers, the lack of bicycle helmets, and playing with mercury in science class...
...you're right. We should probably all be dead my now.


Funny, I don't feel dead...
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Cessna Invesco Palin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:56 PM
Response to Reply #22
23. That's because big pharma has been dosing you with anti-dead medications via chemtrails.
Seriously, do I have to draw you a map?
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Posteritatis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:12 PM
Response to Reply #22
36. Back in the day the average kid died 4.2 times before reaching voting age!
I was born later when the safety panic started in the eighties, so I only got to die 2.3 times, and thus didn't have as much character built. Alas.

(Also, I condemn mercury to hell. No element that fun has any business being that insanely toxic. It's just not fair!)
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DKRC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:23 PM
Response to Reply #22
37. You're numb from landing on the concrete below the monkey bars
Give it another coupla decades.

:evilgrin:
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me b zola Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:34 PM
Response to Reply #11
39. Yup, I survived Mr Knowles engorged dick hanging out of his pants
But I really rather my parents had known what a perv he was and to have not been exposed to it. I only spent a couple of nights there w/o major "incident". None of the Knowles' four children made it out intact--two were dead before adulthood, the two females lived but self destructed.

I loved those kids. Fuck pervs.
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XemaSab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:10 PM
Response to Original message
15. I think sheltering your kids like that is abusive in and of itself
Hell, my overprotective mom let me go on sleepovers in the East Oakland 'hood, and I turned out okay.
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Taitertots Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:13 PM
Response to Original message
16. I think it is nonsense to ban sleepovers
However, I'm young enough to remember some of the dangerous things we did on sleep overs.
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gabby garcia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:15 PM
Response to Original message
17. forget about the sleepovers..
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texastoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:15 PM
Response to Original message
18. So what about co-ed sleepovers when kids get in their teens?
What say ye?

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moriah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 04:42 AM
Response to Reply #18
59. Only if I knew the other parents really, really well.
And there were at least two adult members of each gender to monitor, supervise, and separate the genders after a certain hour. I would be happy to stay over and volunteer to be a chaperone.

But I'm weird. :)
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 10:18 PM
Response to Original message
19. My kids are 30 and 31.
They had sleepovers, although I tended to favor being the host rather than sending them off to sleep elsewhere.

Sleepovers at someone else's house didn't happen unless I knew the whole family very well.

My own experience was the opposite; I slept over at other kids' house much more often than they slept at mine. I had a working single mom, who was often gone. I was a latch-key kid before the term was coined, and we were poorer than most of my friends; poorer neighborhood, less supervision, and less to do to keep us busy.

I spent most of my youth at other people's houses. My oldest friend in the world, friends since we were in single digits...her stay-at-home mom helped raise me. I spent most of my summers at their place, and went home reluctantly, disgruntled, to visit my mom on weekends.

Most of the families I stayed with on sleepovers, or for extended stays, were great. Some were not. My mom never questioned. She still has no idea what kinds of things happened in some of those homes, or why I became angry, rebellious, and stubborn earlier and more extreme than the norm when I hit adolescence.

Probably why I chose to host my boys' sleepovers myself.
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Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:04 PM
Response to Original message
25. The fear-mongering MSM has created a generation of paranoid control-freak parents
:banghead:
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:05 PM
Response to Original message
26. nagging nannies.
Edited on Sun Aug-23-09 11:05 PM by leftofthedial
I believe in instilling discipline and responsibility in my kids. Too many kids these days are denied ANY parental involvement. On the other hand, too many are denied the opportunity to learn how to live in society. The above is a great plan if your idea of "life" is to live in a gated community.

Parents like these should watch "Adventures in Babysitting" and chill the fuck out.
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rwheeler31 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:05 PM
Response to Original message
27. Cooties Eeek
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Edweird Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:07 PM
Response to Original message
29. The article say 'Miami' - which one? Surely not the one near me.
My most recent girlfriend has a 14yo daughter and she was constantly having friends over or spending the night over at a friends house. Not that that is any kind of 'proof', but take it for what it's worth.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
30. i have one father son doesnt go if mom is working nights. and one father son wont go to.
and there are a handful other families where we are all comfortable with each others parenting.

a parent is given a lot of info before sleepover time
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rwheeler31 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:09 PM
Response to Original message
32. Could the parents be af aid the the kids will talk?
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Cali_Democrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:50 PM
Response to Original message
41. I remember sleepovers being a blast
We used to toilet paper houses at 2 am.


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readmoreoften Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-23-09 11:56 PM
Response to Original message
42. These parents need to grow up.
Your kid can be molested as easily between 1am and 4am as between 4am and 6am. Instead of "swoopin in" why don't you arm your kid with self-confidence.
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WolverineDG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:13 AM
Response to Original message
43. you've got to be kidding me
part of the the attraction of a slumber party is doing something (mild) you're not supposed to do (like watch an R rated movie) & many times getting away with it. :eyes:

dg
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depakid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:27 AM
Response to Original message
47. Between the paranoia, zero tolerance and nightmare criminal justice system
it's impressive that American kids aren't more messed up these days than they are.
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AzDar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:32 AM
Response to Original message
49. Things ARE different today.You don't want to be a hovering lunatic, but these days if my 13-year-old
Edited on Mon Aug-24-09 12:39 AM by AzDar
sleeps over at someone's house and, say, they decide to get up to a little mischief (as I certainly did at that age), the consequences are insane. Caught peeing in a neighbor's yard? Could be charged as a sex offender. Flaming bag of poo left for the Fundy four houses down the block? Domestic terrorism/arson charges could apply. It's all fun and games until somebody's whisked away to Gitmo...

Makes just about ANY parent crazy with worry.
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Mariana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:38 AM
Response to Reply #49
51. Remember when the cops would just bring the kids home
and tell the parents what they'd been up to?

Not that that ever happened to me. :P
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AzDar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:41 AM
Response to Reply #51
52. Good times.
:hi:
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Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 12:35 AM
Response to Original message
50. But Michael Jackson is dead, what's to worry about?
God'll get me fer dat one. :spank:

:D



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mamaleah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 02:34 AM
Response to Original message
55. Neither locking your kid up nor letting them run wild is parenting.
Edited on Mon Aug-24-09 02:35 AM by mamaleah
Is this so hard? There is a nice middle ground. It's called knowing who your kid hangs around and knowing their parents. That means actually having conversations with their parents.

It seems like we have become all or nothing. Either be a jail warden or pretending your child is already anm adult who is completely able to make rational decisions all on their own.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 07:23 AM
Response to Reply #55
61. isnt that so fuckin right on. yes. nt
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rpannier Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 02:59 AM
Response to Original message
56. I didn't realize Tweens were 3 and 4 years old nt
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moriah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 04:47 AM
Response to Reply #56
60. I think it was more the 11 year old that encouraged the use of "tween".
I know I went to my first slumber party at age 6.
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Hannah Bell Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-24-09 04:25 AM
Response to Original message
57. why don't they just kill their kids now; that way they'd be safe forever.
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