You might be a fundie if...

[Rocknrule]

Got this in an email. Feel free to add

- You think that everyone who doesn't agree with you is working together for some "agenda".

- You claim that science has no evidence and takes everything on faith, then proclaim that your position doesn't need evidence because you have faith.

- You think that Christians are oppressed and persecuted because non-Christians are allowed to exist.

- When reality and your faith contradict, you accuse reality of being wrong.

- Your God hates all the same people you hate.

- You believe every human life is sacred, but are willing to destroy it if said life belongs to a liberal, Jew, Muslim, atheist, homosexual, or feminist.

- You propose the idealogy that it doesn't matter how we treat the planet, as God will make a new one if we break this toy.

- You call for the annihilation of Jihadists like this somehow makes you different from them.

- You call people fascists for opposing a religious totalitarian government.

- You find pretty much anything that people do for enjoyment to be sinful.

-You claim that although God is all powerful, 98% of the human race will burn for all eternity because they didn't accept Christ your way.

- You think ‘liberal’, ‘atheist’ and ‘Satan’ all mean the same thing.

- You think about how homosexuals have sex, A LOT.

- You think America was founded for Christians only.

- -Your favorite debate tactic against evolutionists is putting your fingers in your ears and going LA LA LA LA LA I CANT HEAR YOU STUPID HEATHEN LA LA LA LA LA LA

- You think an unborn fetus is more of a person that the woman that carries it.

- You call for a boycott of telephone and electric companies because they inevitably provide services to homosexuals.

- You are incapable of finding humor in anything except human suffering.

- You'd rather change the english language to include "nucular" than admit that your president looks like a moron.

- You list sins in the following order of importance: Homosexuality; Abortion; Disbelief in any aspect of the bible; 'Belief' in evolution; Paedophila (unless church-related); Liberalism; Atheism; Communism; Pacifism; Promiscuity (particularly holding hands); Theft; Being foreign; Drinking alcohol (unless it's the blood of Christ). Only then will you reluctantly bother to acknowledge: Murder; Rape; Incest; Nazism; Infanticide; War; Genocide.

[MistressOverdone]

1. Dear God

are there really people like this? Real human beings? I hope not.

[grace0418]

16. Sorry MO, but sadly there are people like this.

I've met a few. It's terrifying.

[AllegroRondo]

2. you think the first amendment

gives you the right to push your religion on anyone, anywhere, especially in public schools and workplaces.

[BOSSHOG]

4. I really get a kick out of that rationale

Don't mess with OUR constitutional liberties.

[AllegroRondo]

6. I love it when they say "my religion is being oppressed"

"because I cant force other people to pray with me anywhere I want!"

[BOSSHOG]

3. And a recent favorite

exposed by Senator Kerry against newt in a debate:

- You believe the earth was warmed naturally during a normal cycle a very long time ago in a period of time you believe does not exist.

- And sadly all of the above was actually taught to you by folks who at one time were more ignorant then you, but through their efforts you are now as ignorant as them.

[Clark2008]

24. Snort! That's a good one:

You believe the earth was warmed naturally during a normal cycle a very long time ago in a period of time you believe does not exist.

Did Kerry really slam Newt with that one? That's hilarious!! :7

[Name removed]

5. Deleted message

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[Rocknrule]

7. You say that if God didn't exist, you'd be a suicidal drug-abusing criminal...

...because apparently the promise/threat of a reward/punishment in the afterlife is the only thing worth being a decent person for.

[Monkeyman]

8. If You Think Bush Walks On Water and Talks to God

[raccoon]

9. One of these I'd revise a little, to read,

"- You call people traitors for opposing a religious totalitarian government."

[Rocknrule]

10. You believe that you have to support your leaders no matter what

because God put them in power (including Hitler but not Clinton)

I'm not kidding, I actually heard of a woman who said we would have been divinely obligated to support Hitler but not Clinton because he "violated his office."

So apparently getting a blow job is worse than killing 6 million Jews. :puke:

[A Simple Game]

14. It's not like the Jews were going to go to heaven anyway.

And that heathen Clinton did blasphemously think he was in heaven for a little while.

Of course this is sarcasm.

[central scrutinizer]

11. if you feel no need to address social inequality or poverty ...

in this life, since the Lord Jesus Christ will sort everything out when he returns to earth.

This is how my sister responds when she gets backed into a corner. Kind of like sticking your fingers in your ears and going LALALALALALALALAL

[maveric]

12. ..whenever you are called on your bullshit and presented with facts...

you tell me I'm going to hell.
This has happened numerous times with me.
You give them facts about Easter eggs being a Pagan symbol and carbon dating etc... their heads explode and they damn me to hell. Like God gave them that ability.

[TahitiNut]

13. You think who someone loves is more of a problem than who we're killing "over there."

:shrug:

[A Simple Game]

15. Wow, and people think I just read your posts because of the

flashing neon sign.

One sentence that says so much. Excellent.

[bunkerbuster1]

17. I'd soften a couple of those, just to make it more realistic.

-You claim that although God is all powerful, 98% of the human race will burn for all eternity because they didn't accept Christ your way.


Most fundies overstate the size and mission-work reach of their own denominations, so they probably think it's only about 90% or so.

- You call for a boycott of telephone and electric companies because they inevitably provide services to homosexuals.

I've heard of some crazy-ass boycotts, but never anything as crazy as that. Silly enough that fundies boycott companies that provide domestic partner benefits in order to attract the best/brightest employess, yes?

- You list sins in the following order of importance: Homosexuality; Abortion; Disbelief in any aspect of the bible; 'Belief' in evolution; Paedophila (unless church-related); Liberalism; Atheism; Communism; Pacifism; Promiscuity (particularly holding hands); Theft; Being foreign; Drinking alcohol (unless it's the blood of Christ). Only then will you reluctantly bother to acknowledge: Murder; Rape; Incest; Nazism; Infanticide; War; Genocide.

I think most Fundies are perfectly fine with their MALE members going off and sowing some wild pre-marital oats, so long as it's with godless harlots. They may not actually say as much in mixed company, but get 'em alone and all but the most puritanical will start bragging about their imaginary sexual exploits.

[truedelphi]

18. You might be a fundie if you force every job

Applicant that wants to work in your industrial plant (located in your one horse town) to undergo drug testing - after all, why would anyone hire someone who pollutes their body with dope to work in a place filled with carcinogens?

[Rosemary2205]

19. Drug testing is fundie related?

I thought it had to do with an employer protecting themselves against huge worker's comp liability awards...... silly me.

[truedelphi]

25. Well if it's true that the reason for Drug Testing is for legal liability

Reasons - Still the *attitude* with the fundie crowd is "Look how we strive for Americans to have the purest of bodies - and by the way the cloud of smoke emitted from our plant contains only things that are good for you."

[eppur_se_muova]

20. Oh, thank you! I need to send this in response to some of the emails I get. nt

[Faux pas]

21. If you think that one hour you spend in church each week

absolves you of all the sins you committed during the rest of the week.

[Rocknrule]

22. You believe one's political party determines their salvation.

n/t

[Usrename]

23. You believe Bush really cut the deficit in half.

:nuke:

[Name removed]

26. Deleted message

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[Rocknrule]

27. Another thing I saw

What it would be like if fundies were the majority:

Fundie kid: "Mom, I'm going to go beat up some fags."

Fundie mom: "Okay, dear, just be back in time for our afternoon prayers and blood-drinking ritual."

Fundie kid: "Of course. God will want to know what a good job I did defeating his enemies. Maybe I can kill one of them today."

Later, the fundie dad gets home from work and beats his wife to establish his Godly dominance in the family.

Fundie wife: "Thank you, dear. I'm so relieved that I have a real Christian man for a husband. Now can you pray for the healing of my broken nose and concussion?

Fundie husband: "Not until you have finished scrubbing the bathroom floor with a toothbrush, you sinful daughter of Eve." He goes to get his belt and stand over her as she scrubs, beating her if she misses a spot, in spite of her broken arm.

Suddenly a neighbor rushes in. "Come quick, we found a child reading a Harry Potter book. She's tied to a stake now and we're gathering wood for the fire. We need all the good Christians there to shout at the witch as she burns."

The fundies rush out, grabbing twigs from their yard as they go. "Praise God, it's so good that we have the chance to kill another heathen. We've burned five children in this neighborhood alone this year. The Lord is good."