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Facebook question: how do people know when you've "unfriended" them?

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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:09 PM
Original message
Facebook question: how do people know when you've "unfriended" them?
Is it because they get a message when they try to send you a PM or something?

Had an awkward moment at work when a coworker came up to me and said "YOU UNFRIENDED ME!" :grr:

Truth be told I didn't even recall doing this, but when I got home and checked, I sure had, probably did it during the Great Mayberry Machiavelli Facebook Pogrom when I decided being "friends" with a zillion casual work acquaintances and having to read their political or religious drivel was not something I wanted to do.

This kind of shit is why I hate stuff like Facebook.

Any clues on how this person knew? :shrug:
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Critters2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:12 PM
Response to Original message
1. Yikes! I recently infriended a colleague because of some trust issues.
Wonder if he knows.
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Lex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:14 PM
Response to Original message
2. She looks in her friend list and you're not there. That's how she knows.
Edited on Thu Jul-30-09 07:16 PM by Lex

Instead of unfriending people you don't care to see their status updates, just "hide" them. You don't have to see their status updates at all. Much easier and less awkward later.

Here's a link about hiding noisy or stupid status updates:
http://gadgetwise.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/13/on-faceb... /







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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:16 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Eh, no thanks. I do that to some people, but others I decided it was a mistake to "friend" at all.
To me the solution there is to "unfriend".

She was an idiot to come up to me and say something in my opinion.
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aquart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:17 PM
Response to Original message
4. I got unfriended and never knew why.
I have just the smallest suspicion it might have been because I was a Hillary supporter since it was around that time.
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gmoney Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:19 PM
Response to Original message
5. Should have said "As soon as you undouchebag yourself, I'll un-unfriend you."
I plan to unrecommend this thread, too. ;)
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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:21 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. Aw man why you gotta be like that G?
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devilgrrl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:21 PM
Response to Original message
7. I've been "unfriended" by many I grew up with.
I try not to take it personally because it probably isn't - we really haven't seen each other in 30+ years. Guess some people don't see a point in reconnecting. :-(
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Inspired Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:22 PM
Response to Original message
8. Their friend count changed and they probably noticed it.
And then went looking for who is missing. The same thing happened to me. A co-worker removed me from their friends. I have no idea why and I don't care enough to ask about it. I am curious though!
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tridim Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:29 PM
Response to Original message
9. Gawd, I just started using facebook this week..
and can barely keep up with only 5 friends. I'm planning on being very selective when adding more.
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Selatius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:35 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. You should be. Personally, I dislike it when someone "friends" you for superficial reasons.
Usually, they friend you because they want to add to the number of friends they have. For some, sadly, the number of friends has become a sort of status symbol, and you'll find out quick who those people are. They're the ones with several hundred friends and more.

It's difficult to keep close with ten or even twenty friends, especially if they all have different plans and want to do different things at different times. Nevermind several hundred.
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 10:18 AM
Response to Reply #11
17. That's what's happened to me...
I have a ton of cousins I've never even met who contacted me first to be friends. OK, fine. I confirmed them as friends and then relatives.

the only people I really interact with are people I know from another group, and some of my closer relatives and a few friends from High School days (39 years ago).

I think some people do add friends as sort of a status symbol thing. "Look how POPULAR I am!!!!"

I'm sort of considering putting them on "hide" since there's really very minimal contact (I've replied to their stuff but they hardly ever reply to mine), and quite honestly, I really am NOT interested in what kind of sandwich they just had, how many stinkin' pickles were on it, and the brand of mustard they used. I mean, not even from my closest friends and relatives, never mind people I hardly even know.

That's the one complaint I have about Facebook, which a few other people here mentioned as well...

all the absolutely trivial shit people post about every second of their days.


oy.... :eyes:


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Selatius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 06:26 PM
Response to Reply #17
23. I believe that's why Twitter was invented. It's geared to people who love to update all the time.
If you have a lot of "friends," then they end up pushing all the really important updates off the front page pretty quickly. Twitter was sort of built for people who like to update all day long, but I don't think Facebook is associated with Twitter.
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abumbyanyothername Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:34 PM
Response to Original message
10. Probably because they don't see your feed anymore.
I would just tell them. "I like you, but I can't stand to read your politics on FB all day long."

I am very overt that I will delete FB friends whose politics don't agree with mine.

Of course, I don't care if I don't have any friends, FB or otherwise.
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choie Donating Member (899 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:44 PM
Response to Original message
12. oh my god, you are hysterical
"The Great Mayberry Machiavelli Facebook Progrom"!!
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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 09:28 AM
Response to Original message
13. Well this is great. The same person now, second day in a row, made a big deal of being "unfriended"
by me, while we were at work, in front of a group of people.

In the context of trying to persuade a different person at work to join up on Facebook (or post more or whatever) she made a big deal of pointing out that "Mayberry Machiavelli defriended me" to that person (I was standing several feet away).

I talked to her supervisor afterwards and said that she needs to get the message to let the Facebook drama go, and that she's taking it way too seriously and personally.

In the context of making this thread, I realized that my own cousin had defriended me, she's one of those people who was constantly posting video and picture links which I rarely ever commented on. No doubt since it was rare that I would respond to her (there was at least one PM of hers that I hadn't responded to yet), but I would still periodically make the occasional post, so she knew that I was using Facebook, she took offense.

The sad thing is if not for Facebook I'd probably be "that cousin who is incredibly slow and bad about responding to emails", with less hard feelings.
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City Lights Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 09:31 AM
Response to Original message
14. I hide the news feeds from "friends" I don't really care about.
I've got a number of them who think it's important to let everyone know each time they pass gas...it really gets tiresome. My solution was to hide their news feed. We're still friends, but their posts don't show up on my page.
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stlsaxman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 09:38 AM
Response to Original message
15. Obviously a co-worker used the auto-log in at your desk and did it to stir up shit...
Never log on to FB at work.

:yoiks: - "Help! Help! The paranoids are after me!!!!"
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ThatsMyBarack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 09:39 AM
Response to Original message
16. Funny you should ask! (*Everyone please read!*)
I've been having a similar problem on FB. I honored this 16-year-old kid's "friend" request not knowing he was a devout right-wing nutjob. Now I have to deal with him sprouting all this Repuke dreck on my FB homepage all the time. I wish there was a way I could just BLOCK it out without having to "de-friend" him. Of course, I've never MET the kid so it would be no big loss, but I fear the result. :scared:
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 10:24 AM
Response to Reply #16
18. Like someone else said, put him on "hide"
Next time he posts on your page, look to the right of his name and roll your mouse over the empty space if there is one...I forget...or maybe it will actually SAY "hide".

anyway, click on it.

None of what he writes will show up in your Newsfeed and he'll never know the difference.
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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 04:11 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. Yeah but I don't think people should say anything to you if you de-friend them.
Everyone is acting as if this is the worst thing in the world to do. I accepted someone's request who is a very casual acquaintance. I changed my mind and defriended them. I have virtually no personal relationship with that person beyond friendly banter at work.

It's their right to take the "unfriending" personally but I think it's bullshit.

I realized as a consequence of this that both a relative of mine and a coworker have "unfriended" me. The relative is a little more important to me, but in either case, I don't take it personally.
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 06:29 PM
Response to Reply #20
24. I agree with you...but
even as trivial as it is in the long run, there are still going to be some people who will make a huge deal out of it.

Their egos get hurt even if they didn't give a rat's ass about the person who defriended them. I mean, just look at all the people here on DU who get all bent out of shape just because someone disagreed with them. The swearing and verbal abuse....it's shameful....

but that's how it is for people who have emotional problems....


;)

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Lex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 12:10 PM
Response to Reply #16
19. Of course you can block someone from posting on your Wall without
de-friending them.

Go to Privacy -- > Profile --> Wall Posts ---> (then click the pull down menu) Customize ---> pick that friend not to be able to post to your wall.

Takes 10 seconds.

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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 04:13 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. I know how to do all that. I just didn't want to even have this person on my friends list anymore.
I think I'm entitled to that.

Her response to my "unfriending" her has ironically only reinforced to me how right I was to do that, and how wrong I was to accept her "friend" request in the first place.
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Lex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 11:23 PM
Response to Reply #21
25. Well, I was actually responding to Post #16 specifically who
ask in particular about NOT having to de-friend.

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Mayberry Machiavelli Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 11:26 PM
Response to Reply #25
26. Fair enough. But I think the very idea of being AFRAID to "defriend" someone who you've never even
met, who is a kid, and who espouses ideas all over your site that you can't stand, is the height of absurdity.

It's as if once you friended someone, even if it's a total mistake, to unfriend them is a far worse offense even if it's someone you don't know at all.
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wickerwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 05:28 PM
Response to Original message
22. You don't get a message or anything.
I had a few people friend me when they first joined facebook who saw my name in our high school class (it's very similar to another girl who was obviously much more popular.) Anyway, eventually they realized that they had the wrong person and unfriended me. I didn't get a notice... they just disappeared from my friend list. No big whoop.

It sounds like your coworker is being really immature about it.
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