When the JW's or Mormons come to your door

[SHRED]

When the JW's or Mormons come to your door
Do you fall for their sales pitch?

Part of the wingnuts fear machine tactic claims Islam will take over our country if we don't continue the 'war'.

Hell, if the Jehovah Witness and Mormons can't then what makes anyone think that Islam will?

[EnviroBat]

1. I usually invite them in, then lock the door after they enter...

I proceed to the junk door in the kitchen, and rummage around a bit. I return to the room with a couple of pairs of handcuffs, and some duct-tape. I find that this tends to end the sales pitch, and send them on their way...

[annarbor]

7. Priceless....

I almost blew my entire breakfast out of my nose....

Your idea is far better than a "No Soliciting" sign....

Ann Arbor

[EnviroBat]

11. YES! First nosebomb of the day!

I have found opening the door of my Iguana's cage does the trick too...

[ComerPerro]

66. "Hey, you guys ever seen Pulp Fiction? Great movie..."

[maine_raptor]

2. True story:

A few years back, during bird season, I had bagged a couple of partridge out in my apple orchard and was sitting on the front steps cleaning my shotgun when a car full of JW's pulled into the driveway. A couple got out and started giving their sales pitch. I politely informed them that I did not agree with their views and asked them to leave as I continued to clean the shotgun.

They did and for some strange reason, I've never been bothered by them again.

[Raven]

3. When the JW's come to my door I tell them that I am a

devout Catholic and that usually sends them away. I haven't seen Mormons in years but years ago they were usually very nice, polite, clean cut young men who were doing their year of service. I never got a sales pitch from them but times may have changed. Is it the JW's who put out that nasty little flier called the "Watch Tower"?

[RebelOne]

23. I tell them that I am a Buddist. In reality, I'm an atheist, but

telling them that doesn't stop their sales pitch.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

29. lol! I tell them I'm a Jewish Buddhist and the last time it happened, I had one of the women

thinking about Buddhism. She said that I looked very peaceful and happy spiritually. I could tell she was someone who was searching for something, and I told her how bibles were written by men, and how the New Testament was written centuries after Jesus died and how it was written for political reasons. That Constantine, himself a Muslim needed to placate the masses. I then recommended Buddhism to her, and she really listened. Who knows what happened afterwards?

[Beausoleil]

39. I don't think Constantine was a Muslim

He died over 200 years before Muhammad was born.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

46. I stand corrected. eom

[doubleplusgood]

41. "Constantine, himself a Muslim"

Constantine lived hundreds of years before the birth of Mohammed.

Still, I agree with your point.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

48. My mistake. I believed there was some debate whether he was a Christian and Muslim popped up

in my mind, but I now remember that it was debatable if he remained a Pagan. A far cry from Muslim I know, and I feel foolish.

[gollygee]

42. Constantine was the first *Christian* Roman emperor

not Muslim

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

49. As posted above, I stand corrected. When searching through this old memory bank

I had heard it was debatable if he turned to Christianity, and came up with Muslim. I believe the debate is if he remained a Pagan.

[gollygee]

55. Yeah I've heard that debate

that it might have just been a political thing.

[conscious evolution]

70. He wasn't even christian.

He was babtized against his wishes while on his deathbed.

[Doremus]

43. Dialogue between DH and JW last time they came to the door:

DH: I'm an atheist.
JW: Oh really?
DH: Yeah, swear to God.

<groan> :)

[gollygee]

31. I've never had a JW come to my door

they came by sometimes when I was a kid. I don't know why they don't come here. But we get lots of Mormon missionaries.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

56. And here in NY, I have never had a Mormon come to my door! eom

[bleedingheart]

71. I use the same line..

I tell them..."I am a practicing Roman Catholic"...and they run away.

[madokie]

4. I always invite them in for a glass of tea

and then start asking questions about the inconsistences in what they teach that they almost always can't leave fast enough. :-)

[seabeyond]

5. we chat and chat and chat. they want to run away, but.... i keep on

chatting and chatting and chatting. they stopped coming to my door. i challenge it all. religion. having lived in religious belt for over a decade and watching what happened in the religious world about spring of '04 as a christian myself i have a lot of challenges for my fundamentalist and other religious counterparts. they cant much get around me and have to agree with about all that i say........... i always enjoyed our chats.

[notadmblnd]

6. had some mormons here the other day, I was polite but I turned them away

or they left when I mixed politics with their religion. Told them that I saw very little evidence of god on this earth and that if he existed then I couldn't support a being that could let all this evil happen. Then I told them not to explain the "free will" argument to me cause I knew that was coming next. "God gave man free will and thats why he allows all the evil to go on" BS. So the offered me their book, which I replied, I already have one and asked if there was anything they could help me with, again, I answered no. and they left. But you're right, they're out in force knocking on doors.

[gollygee]

8. The Mormon boys are always so cute

:loveya:

I don't fall for their pitch but I invite them in and give them a drink of water if they want one.

What happens to ugly Mormons? I have no idea why we always have such attractive ones around here.

[dsc]

22. mormon missionaries are very cute

I love seeing them.

[Bridget Burke]

32. Fresh-faced young guys....

Fit from riding around on their bikes...

Perhaps you'll make a conversion!

[gollygee]

34. And they're always so sweet and polite

And sometimes it's the heat of the summer so I figure they can use a bit of time in the A/C and a drink of water.

But they are adorable. I have never had even an average-looking one come by. I've always wondered if that's done on purpose.

[Marrah_G]

9. I smile and invite them in for a chat

I personally love to see the expression on their faces as all the blood rushes to their toes when they see my Alter. Must be the Pentacles or maybe the Cernunnos statue. Either way, it's a fun way to spend a saturday morning!!!!

[SHRED]

10. SIDENOTE:

In the Mormon faith, isn't there a rule that only 144,000 will make it into Heaven?
WTF are they going around recruiting competition for?

[notadmblnd]

19. I think that's the JW's

Mormons believe that when they die, they inherit a planet and they become Gods themselves. It is then their responsibility to populate that planet.

[NoSheep]

60. I've wondered this for 40 years!

[ThomWV]

12. My New Response: "What are you doing here? They found the body! Get over it"

Watch the Discovery Channel - they found the body, get over it.

[King Coal]

13. I tell the Mormons the truth about their religion. Most have them have

never heard it before. I encourage them to seek the truth themselves, and tell them how to go about it. I haven't had any sent this way for quite a while.

[DubiousLee]

14. This is a joke right...

and not very funny either.

[SHRED]

17. I am serious

The RWingnuts try to instill fear in us that there will be an Islamic takeover of our country if we stop the "WOT".

I call bullshit on that and sited the JW and Mormon door-to-door as an example of religion trying to convert people and their very limited success.

Where is the joke here?

[DubiousLee]

21. Then it makes little sense. And there is no joke...so whats the point?

I don't get it.

[SHRED]

24. Here is my thinking

If the JW's and Mormons can't recruit our nation over to their way of thinking then why do the rightwingers harp on the idea that Islam will take over our country.
The JW's and Mormons have door-to-door access and can't pull it off.

The RW'ers are nutz.

[DubiousLee]

25. Wouldn't the more apt comparison be Christianity taking over our country....

and hasn't it succeeded?

[Lerkfish]

15. the quickest and simplest way to deal with door to door evangelism:

"thanks, we already belong to a home church".

[smoogatz]

16. I tell them that yes, there were some young men in shirts and ties

who came to the door about a month ago. Properly grilled, they were quite delicious.

[spooky3]

18. Since many DUers go door to door for our candidates

I try to be nice to the Mormon boys who have views I do not share. It seems to me to be the same thing. It does always make me sad to see them so indoctrinated and part of me wants to try to get them to see another way, but I figure they've been warned that people like me are the devil.

The only thing that bothers me is when they persist after I have politely told them no thank you (a recent pair told me "wait, your neighbor said you would say that...", probably a lie, but otherwise just a tactic to try to get more time for the sales job.)

[Lil Missy]

20. I tell them to get lost and close the door.

[azureblue]

26. Wot the hell?

The replies to this thread are astounding. Most of them are naked exersizes in religious intolerance, at best, and a disdain for another religion, at worst. Get real about what you profess to do, and what you do. if you don't like another's religion, you don't have to act like an ass^&()- just say, thank you, but. Or behave like a snotty Republican- the choice is yours.


As for me, I get some of each, and I find it enlightening to discuss the principles of the teachings of Jesus with them. The Mormon kids are all full of hope, and I try not to crush that, but, at the same time, show them that other religions have the same basic principles of how the treat your fellow man, as they do. The JW's are generally older black women, and they deserve courtesy. They always respond to a discussion of how Jesus taught us to live.

think about it.

[hobbit709]

28. When someone comes to MY door unsolicited

to try to convert me, they are fair game to whatever I say. My tolerance ends at my front door. I do not go to their houses to give them my views on religion and I expect the same from any of them. If that is intolerance, so be it.

[Bridget Burke]

33. Take the "snotty" responses with a grain of salt.

I generally turn away anyone who comes knocking, trying to "sell" me something.

But I do it politely.

[Marrah_G]

44. I am never snotty to them

I am always nice. I just find it very amusing to watch their response to what they think my religion is. If they stick around long enough I love a good debate on religion and I take the opportunity to educate them on how christianity converted my people by force and lies and even stole their religious days, making them their own.

[lectrobyte]

54. I try to live and let live, but these fucks are here like every other week. It just gets

annoying after a while, and if you are polite, then they take that as an invitation to waste more of my time.

[geiger]

27. tell them that the Bible says not to go door to door proselytyzing and politely say goodbye and shut

the door.

[crappyjazz]

40. Luke 10:1-6

1 After these things the Lord designated seventy others and sent them forth by twos in advance of him into every city and place to which he himself was going to come. 2 Then he began to say to them: “The harvest, indeed, is great, but the workers are few. Therefore beg the Master of the harvest to send out workers into his harvest. 3 Go forth. Look! I am sending YOU forth as lambs in among wolves. 4 Do not carry a purse, nor a food pouch, nor sandals, and do not embrace anybody in greeting along the road. 5 Wherever YOU enter into a house say first, ‘May this house have peace.’ 6 And if a friend of peace is there, YOUR peace will rest upon him. But if there is not, it will turn back to YOU.

[Cirque du So-What]

30. One story really amuses me

The homeowner comes to the door wearing a bloody butcher's apron & a cleaver in hand. He tells the proselytizer, 'Welcome! Come on in! The sacrifice has already begun!'

My best story about JWs at the door comes from my teen years.

I contracted mumps at the age of 17. Both cheeks & throat became swollen and I was sick for well over a week. I had been shaving since age 15, but I sure as hell didn't feel like it while sick with mumps. Consequently, I had the appearance of a swollen pufferfish - quite bristly & prickly. I had also vomited with such gusto that capillaries in the whites of my eyes had burst; it looked *really* weird, especially after a couple of days when the blood had turned a dark brownish-red. My 12-year-old brother wouldn't look at me, saying I looked 'evil.' Repeated bouts of vomiting had rendered my voice a guttural rasp rivaling that of Mercedes McCambridge as Megan's voice in The Exorcist. After a few days of neglecting personal hygiene, my unwashed hair was a chaotic bird's nest.

As I was lying on the living-room couch one day, praying either for recovery or swift, painless death (I didn't much care at that point), a knock came at the front screen door. I ignored the first three rounds of rapping, but they could hear the TV & would not be dissuaded. I dragged my miserable carcass from the couch; as I approached the door I saw one of the two men holding a fistful of The Watchtower magazines. My rage over having been roused from my self-pitying existential reverie grew with each painful step.

When I got to the screen door, I flung it open with as much strength as I could muster, bugged out my eyes, and announced with a gargly voice filled with as much vitriol as I could muster, 'what the HELL do you want?!' I began advancing...slooowly...onto the porch, saying nothing, as the older of the two men launched into a very tentative sales pitch for his brand of religion. The other fellow, who was not much older than me, began backing up as I shuffled onto the porch. Not looking where he was headed, he stepped backward off the porch - falling into my mother's immense, very thorny rose bush (I've still got scars from trimming that sucker).

This brought all prospect of proselytizing to an abrupt end. The guy in the rose bush was hollering in pain and the other guy was getting his share of puncture wounds as he pulled and pushed branches to extricate his partner. My grandmother had already instructed me well on how to deal with JWs at the door, so I knew that they view verbal abuse from the people they pester as a 'blessing' for which they will be richly rewarded in heaven. I told them, 'THERE's your crown of thorns! Get out of here and tell the rest of your creepy clan that worse awaits them if they come back to this neighborhood! Next time, I'll sic my dog on you!', as I pointed to my barking Weimaraner behind the screen door - worked up to a frenzy by all the commotion.

From that moment, my recovery took a turn for the better; I began resembling something approaching humanity a couple of days later. My mother found out what had happened after noticing the 'cleavage' in her rose bush, feigned disappointment in me, but I knew that she held JWs in disdain as well. After she & my father moved from that house years later, she admitted that no JWs had ever come to the door since that incident.
:evilgrin:

[JNelson6563]

37. haha!! Great story!

And you were taught correctly, JW's view "rejection" of any kind as proof of their "persecution", which of courst "proves" they are gawd's chosen. 144,000 of them will get into heaven and the rest of them will inherit the earth and the "new system". As they walked away from your house you can bet they started planning to take your stuff when the "new system" arrives (any day now).

Thanks for typing out that amusing story. I was lol several times. :toast:

Julie

[windbreeze]

62. I've had mumps...so I can appreciate what you looked like...

but am I going to hell for laughing out loud at your story???
I usually treat any of them with the respect I'd want if it were me...(some are pretty persistent)
wb

[magellan]

35. In order to take over the US they'd have to invade en masse

...secure a majority of populated areas, and topple our government. I'm sorry, but even factoring in our badly degraded military force there just aren't enough armed radical Islamists in the world to manage that. Armed radical US Christians coddled and funded by Bush** are the real worry.

[Cirque du So-What]

36. If good-looking Mormon girls couldn't convert me

then Muslims don't have the proverbial snowball's chance.

[LibertyLover]

38. We get JWs and Mormons at the house occassionally

but rarely have a problem. We have a greyhound who was trained by a German Shepherd to bark whenever anything approached his house. He is joined in this protection endeavor by our greyhound bitch and the two whippets. The cacaphony is a wonderous thing to hear. Finally the large mutant Siberian Husky just stands there looking mean. Either my husband or I will open the door and, nine times out of ten, find that the said JWs and/or Mormons are standing in the middle of the front lawn holding up their holy book of choice. We smile and say no thank you, while the dogs mill around us looking like they want to bolt out the door and attack. Whoever is soliciting generally looks guiltily relieved that they do not have to come in and leave quickly. I do not feel that I need to explain to them that the dogs are indeed looking to bolt out the door and attack, but with their tongues. Greyhounds, huskies and whippets are not exactly known as guard dogs and would much prefer to be petted, but as I say, I feel no particular need to explain or demonstrate this.

[shortcake]

45. The JW's are instrumental in not

having to say the Pledge of Allegiance. See West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette.
I give them a dollar and thank them for supporting the ACLU.

I invite the cute Mormon boys in for water.

[shanti]

47. i don't open my door for them

EVER

[Hobarticus]

50. I give them a few polite minutes of my time...

I don't invite them in, I stand in the door. Let them give their pitch, then they go.

I used to live downtown, and this kind old man would come visit me once a week. He'd give me some reading, and we'd talk for a few minutes. I actually would miss him when he wouldn't come, he was very pleasant.

What the hell. You listen for a few minutes, let them witness, and they think they're getting into heaven. I can do that for someone, if that's what they need.

[OutNow]

51. No Thanks, I'm a Communist

I use the same comment for JW, Mormons, and Republican candidates for city council. Since we have no Democratic office holders in our city and county in Texas it's safe to say that any clean cut "Hi, I'm running for xxx office" person is a Republican.

I actually feel sad for kids in JW families. Not only do they have to accompany their parents on their door-to-door ministry, but aren't allowed to attend birthday parties, or any other activity that kids love.

BTW - my wife and I have retired and are moving to Oregon in a month. I might have to change my approach. :-] Maybe, Oh I love JW/Mormon/Republicans - especially deep fried ?

Bring The Troops Home Now

[demgurl]

52. A couple of women tried to convert me when I was about 10.

I forget what religion they were but they knocked on my door after I got home from school. They started to talk to me and about the end of the world. I explained I was atheist and that I believed in reincarnation. I told them death or the end of the world did not matter to me since I knew I would be coming back in one form or another somewhere along the way.

My Mom drove up while they were leaving and they told her I was a very sick individual and needed help! My Mom tore them a new one and called their church threatening legal action if they ever showed up at our door again. No one ever showed up again.

That was the last time I ever had religious recruiters ever visit a place where I reside. These days I might treat them with more respect but I will still hold strong in what I believe.

[ms liberty]

53. I tell them I'm a Pagan...

It's not true, but it usually gets rid of them rather quickly. The German Shepherd barking out the window at them in his best "I hate strangers" voice helps!

[AlCzervik]

57. omg the last time was on Sunday and like a moran i yell "I'm not home"

didn't even think about until my daughter says "Mom really smooth, you're stealth". Usually i open the door and ask them if they've considered Judaism, they usually smile and bid me "Good day".

[maveric]

58. Any solicitor that comes to my door is greeted with a firm and loud "NO"!

I dont give them a second of my time.

[lectrobyte]

59. maybe one of these signs would help

[tjwash]

61. Aren't the Jehovahs Witnesses the ones who doctrine is founded on...

...only 144000 of the chosen actually getting into heaven? I always wondered why they would be trying to recruit new members, when common sense says that they should be trying to keep their numbers at or below the 144000 so that the whole congregation could actually get to the pearly gates.

I have to remember to ask one of them that next time they come knocking.

[Holly_Hobby]

63. I say, "Can't you read?"

(I have a pretty handpainted sign on my front door that says "No Soliciting")

They say, "But, we're not selling anything."

I say, "Yes you are. You're selling Jesus. Now get off my property, you're trespassing."

[hootinholler]

64. I invite them in for a joint and sex

It's a gamble but, I've never had them call. I had one start into their pitch after the offer and when I politely said sex first, talk later, they left.

-Hoot

[OneGrassRoot]

65. Gotta share a really weird sighting yesterday....

I was at a stoplight at a fairly busy intersection in Raleigh, NC, yesterday afternoon. I noticed a man standing to the side of the road with his back to us. On his back, actually the full length of his body, he was wearing a placard packed with Jesus/bible things. I didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't read everything, but I got the gist of it. LOL

He was wearing a hat, and still with his back turned toward us, I noticed another hat, as if he were holding a child.

Well, he turned around, and he was holding a ventriloquist doll!!! He started walking toward us mumbling something - and having the doll mumble the same thing. My daughter was completely freaked out!

I don't know what he was doing or saying, as fortunately the light changed. I have simply never seen anyone proselytizing nor panhandling using a ventriloquist doll.

It was very odd, very creepy. Those dolls creep me out every time, even in a "normal" situation.

[Gen. Jack D. Ripper]

67. When Mormon's come to my door, it's my family

I was raised Mormon, tried it, swooshed it around in my mouth a bit, and after careful study spit it out like so much cheap wine. I no longer associate myself with that organization and as for my family, my position is clear. I have some bitter feelings toward Mormons and Mormon culture, I try not to let it turn me into a anti-Mormon zealot (they don't always make it easy).

Also, some of you have mentioned cute Mormon young men and women...STAY AWAY! Chances are he's a gay porn addict and she's a cold bitch with a raging sense of self entitlement and a snatch locked so tight you'll be coming to bed with the jaws of life. :D

[BuyingThyme]

69. Get to the point, man.

[shortcake]

68. Joanie, the Jehovah's Witness Stripper

(Mark Addison, Paul Thorn) Hear MP3
http://www.houstonjones.com/cds_and_samples_hojo_mojo.htm

[Pyrzqxgl]

72. My Dad would always say:

Oh, I'm sorry we're all airdales here. They'd look confused and leave.