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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 05:49 PM
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*** DUzy Awards for week ending May 22, 2009 ***

Welcome, young swingers, to the DUzybeat Awards, recognizing exceptional snark, enlivening satire and epigrammatic sass from the past week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards might just be announced every Friday night. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to Muttocracy, CaliforniaPeggy, cbayer, varelse, Staph, myrna minx, Commie Pinko Dirtbag, Kurovski, ColbertWatcher and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

On a thread by Politicalboi: Jerry Falwell is dead!

      shadowknows69: Yep, still dead.

      dflprincess: And so is Francisco Franco! (eom)

      Politicalboi: Man am I stupid LOL!

I was off by 2 years. LOL! Sorry I guess it's the bud I am smoking.

      whistler162: Okay Maxwell.....

how is 99 and the kids.

      sakabatou: Falwell was turned into a zombie at one point?


      LooseWilly: Damn it!! I had '2 years' in the zombie reanimation pool too!!

Missed it by that much...

      underpants: When someone dies you are supposed to say something good

Falwell is dead. Good.


I stole that from someone here.

      Catshrink: Snickers bars are great

I always snicker when I think of Falwell.

Does that count as good? :shrug:

      rwheeler31: How many people get a second chance at death?

He is fabulous.

GD, May 15, 2009:

On a thread by KansasVoter: If you justify every decision Obama makes, how are you different than the freepers the last 8 years?

      LooseWilly: I have better spelling?

GDP, May 16, 2009:

OP by Bossy Monkey: I have at last definitively named the DU Lounge band

I know, I know, you want The Narwhal Horns (hey, they can still be in the band) or Cornflake Chicken or Midlo's Quints or Olive Orchard 'Cause Olives Grow On Trees You Darden Pinheads, but bear with me. (Or bare with me; I'm hip.) It just occurred to me today that it would be a spectacular band name, and apparently nobody is using it (or so googling indicates)...

Need some more suspense...

Are you excited yet?

I hope it isn't too much of a letdown; it really is a spectacular band name, but I just know that somebody's going to say, "Oh yeah, they played at my prom"...

The name of this band is...

SAVAGE BREAST! Don't all of you thank me at once. :)

      Orrex: Well, it hath charms, that's for sure


      MilesColtrane: I don't know. I kind of like, "Fap Spappington and the Yogurt Cannons".

The Lounge, May 17, 2009:

On a thread by Christa: Pictures of Fertilized Eggs Now a Sex Crime in North Dakota?

"You see this image? Thats a fertilized human egg. The North Dakota House of Representatives passed a bill on Feb 19th 2009 which states that this picture is considered child pornography. The vote now goes to the North Dakota Senate for a vote. If passed, it means that if you post pictures of your ultrasound on Facebook, you run the risk of having to sign up for the sex offender registry..."

      BlooInBloo: Bioporn?

      optimal-tomato: Call me a freak if you want...

...but there's something about a nice, tight blastopore that really gets me going.

Don't get me wrong, I would never actually do anything. It's just something about the neatly defined germ layers... :hide:

GD, May 17, 2009:

On a thread by placton: Democratic Underground is fast becoming a place where you cannot CRITICIZE Democrats

      saltpoint: I had a dream quite recently of the late Howell Heflin (D-AL). Howell appeared

in the dream in Speedo briefs -- purple with an orange seahorse pattern provocatively slanted across the front -- atop those cliffs in Acapulco where the daredevil divers do their sky-diving into the sea.

Villagers, country merchants, local entrepreneurs, workaday townfolk on their lunch breaks, and other onlookers had gathered to watch Senator Heflin (D-AL) hurl himself off the cliff into the salty brine.

And there he went. Dropping downward into the sea. Except -- and this happens predictably in the domain of dreams -- upon impact Senator Heflin (D-AL) landed not in ocean water but into an unaccountably vast sea of macaroni and cheese.

In the context of the dream, it was left unclear whether this was felt to be a good thing or a bad thing, although the gathered crowd erupted into applause, some muttering religious invocations. Two nuns knelt to the ground and wept openly. Perhaps the saltwater-to-mac&cheese phenomenon was known to the locals much in the way the flash-of-green phenomenon is known to residents of Florida's Gulf Coast.

In any case the dream was vivid and impressive and I wanted to seize this opportunity to share it with everyone.

Thank you, and God Bless America.

      flvegan: My cat's name is Mittens.

GDP, May 17, 2009:

On a thread by Xipe Totec: What's the dumbest thing you've ever done,

      Tuesday Afternoon: Replying to certain DUers who feel it is their duty to share their

opinion on every little thing.

The Lounge, May 17, 2009:

Poll question by struggle4progress: Today I'm angry at Obama because ...

:bluebox: He's not supporting the Initiative for Interstate Highway Markers in Braille

:bluebox: I really had my heart set on sending all the wingnuts to alligator-infested re-education camps

:bluebox: He's doing such a outrageously good job, I just can't help myself!

:bluebox: America deserves a principled opposition party, and apparently the GOP can't deliver

:bluebox: In-house brawling is what we Democrats traditionally do best

:bluebox: He's not exactly mustard's gift to a grilled cheese sandwich, and I won't pretend he is

:bluebox: He keeps trying to upstage Michelle

:bluebox: ... um ... because ... lemme get back to you on that

:bluebox: Whenever I hurl a cream pie at him, he ducks and some Republican takes it in the face

:bluebox: Other

      Sebastian Doyle: Well, now that you mention it....

The idea of alligator infested reeducation camps for Freepers really does sound like a great idea. :evilgrin:

      Arkana: He killed my dog and erased all my Madden 09 saves.

That bastard.

At press time, "He's doing such a outrageously good job, I just can't help myself!" was winning with 29% of the votes.

GDP, April 18, 2009:

OP by CatWoman: I keep asking myself: why does Jesus keep showing up in snack and breakfast food?

is he trying to tell us something along the lines that that shit will kill you?

      NYCGirl: Because, as Mom always says, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

      HeresyLives: Jesus is a morning person?

      stevedeshazer: I'm not a morning person.

It takes all my focus just to eat breakfast, let alone see Jesus in it.

Jesus does show up occasionally in my chalupa around 1 am.

      rateyes: That's JESUS I'm seeing???

I thought it was Mick Jagger. :shrug:

      mitchum: Because it was actually the Last Breakfast he had with his disciples

"Eat...this is my body"
"Jeez, you know I have no appetite in the morning. Maybe just some coffee"

      rwheeler31: Drugs and guilt.

      omega minimo: because he's Holier than Dough

GD, May 18, 2009:

OP by PretzelWarrior: That's weird. I saw a Notre Dame diploma on eBay. Comment said...

"New Notre Dame Diploma for honorary degree". $1,000. Also willing to trade for an Arizona State diploma.

eBay username of renegade08

GDP, May 18, 2009:

On a thread by jefferson_dem: Gallup: GOP Falls With Nearly Every Group, Down To Conservative, Church-Going Base

      underpants: THEY ARE THE PARTY OF GOD!!!

so.... that's one vote

      tanyev: Only if he has voter ID with a photo.

GDP, May 18, 2009:

OP by DFW: So, now the Senate Republicans are so desperate, they sing a Marx Brothers song?

I keep reading with growing incredulity about the remaining of the Republican
Senators gearing up to oppose Obama's Supreme Court nominee, who will be....


They have no clue who who it will be. Neither does anyone else at this point,
probably including President Obama. All they know is that they oppose the nomination
on grounds that.........well, uh, er, ahhhh, that they oppose the nomination!

They are practically parroting the Groucho Marx song from "Horse Feathers:"

I don't know what they have to say,
It makes no difference anyway,
Whatever it is, I'm against it.
No matter what it is or who commenced it,
I'm against it.

Your proposition may be good,
But let's have one thing understood,
Whatever it is, I'm against it.
And even when you've changed it or condensed it,
I'm against it.

The only thing is (Republican lurkers might be in for a shock, but it's true):

The song was from a comedy film from the year 1932, not from a speech by
Ronald Reagan at the Berlin Wall, or whatever "scripture" they are quoting this
week. I wish someone would play the film for our disloyal opposition in the
Senate. If they still want to emulate Grouch Marx after seeing the film, well,
at least they'll know that their "pre-emptive strike" against the nomination
is from a well-known script, written long ago by someone who knew the difference
between rationality and absurdity.

      DFW: I guess I should have updated the song myself

Sen. Groucho Sessions (R-Nowhere) singing "I'm Against It"

I don't know who's the nominee,
Who cares? It's all the same to me,
Whoever it is, I'm against it.
No matter who it is or who defensed it,
I'm against it.

Your nominee might be real good,
But let's have one thing understood,
Whoever it is, I'm against it.
And even if you've fully referenced it,
I'm against it.

GDP, May 18, 2009:

OP by Robb: I want my own thread on how everyone's telling me to shut up about stuff.

So kindly, please tell me I can't do something, so I can legitimately complain about it. Thus finding me the moral high ground.

...Anyone? I have some very, very uncommon opinions and original thoughts. Really. And NO ONE is addressing them. And it's TERRIBLY IMPORTANT my unique take on things -- which truly are unique, despite their resemblance to others' -- get support here, on the internets.

If I don't get several posts IMMEDIATELY signaling broad approval, I shall have no choice but to resort to hyperbole, intended to inflame my nemeses. And I know you're out there. Because unique ideas like mine automatically qualify me for more than one nemesis.

Or, if you do not prop up my fragile ego RIGHT AWAY, with your replies or recs, I might just have to pine for the Good Old Days. Of which, I might add, I am among those who remember. And I don't care if I just got here, let me tell you about the Good Old Days, back when DU ran on a high-octane blend of absolutism and ethanol, a Democratic funnycar that ran down anyone that disagreed with me in a haze of smoke and burning tires. Whippersnappers.

Better still, if I don't get affirmation PRONTO, I'm going to go on a tear. I'll send a bunch of furious PMs suggesting anatomical impossibilities. I'll publicly accuse anyone within reach of being terrible, terrible things. I'll start at the top of the DU Rules and work my way down, and when I finally get The Big Granite I'll visit anywhere on the internets I can, telling folks how much DU now sucks. Then I'll try, three or four times, to join again under a new name. Fortunately no one will know that part.

So. On with it then. I've got a lot to accomplish here while getting nothing actually done.

      Spazito: DUPE!


      Thrill: Shut Up


      valerief: La la la la la la la la! I can't HEARRRRRR you! nt

      vaberella: Not only did I give you a Rec, but I'll suggest kindly to bugger off. n/t

      CakeGrrl: Somebody didn't get his pony - now go to it!

There's another option, don't forget: I don't actually TELL you to shut up, I just send you a smartass response, which your ego takes as a personal affront tantamount to bullying, compelling you to tell the world that your opinion keeps being shouted down even though you actually expressed it and no one actually stopped you.


      FarLeftRage: I voted that Robb is a dingbat...

K & R!!

      Kaleko: This is a blatant attempt to undermine

the self-importance of a large segment of posters on DU.

We gratefully take offense and are preparing to posture with devastating accuracy as soon as we've finished a few more drinks.

We'll crush you, usurper of our righteous stance!

      NYC_SKP: Please, please send me "a bunch of furious PMs suggesting anatomical impossibilities."

I'm DYING to know what these are! :P

      Arugula Latte: I want to become a mod so I can lock this thread and then you will have to shut yer piehole.

Can someone temporarily mod-u-tize me, please?

The Lounge (moved from GDP), May 18, 2009:

OP by Patiod: Message board words and phrases you hate

No need to justify them, just post and rant if you feel moved to do so.


'puter for computer

"I call bullshit on ____"

      Richardo: "Wait for it"

I stop reading at that point. "Waiting for it" never improves the punch line. Quite the contrary.

      gbate: My most hated. I read posts with periods placed between words.

      DarkTirade: The only time that's acceptable...

... is if one is doing a Captain. Kirk. Impersonation. :P

      kentauros: Shortening everything (even single words)

to the first letters of each word only, i.e., SE(ESW)TTFLOEWOIE

      Richardo: You should add an 'S' to the end of your acronym... make it fully recursive :D

      graywarrior: FREE THE DUCK

      Bryan: Refusal to use capital letters or punctuation.

dude guess what youre not ee cummings

      Zomby Woof: IMHO

I hate internet shorthand in general - soon we'll all be typing in capitals and abbreviations. I am already seeing shorthand thought following shorthand writing.

But this one bothers me more than most, because the "H" stands for "humble". Bullshit. Either you own your opinion or you don't. Have the courage of your convictions. If you were really humble, you'd shut the fuck up and not post it at all. (Note how forcefully I stated this opinion - and what's funny is that people will often do the same thing AFTER typing "IMHO")

Also, cut the ellipses.... ..... ....... :nuke:

      hvn_nbr_2: Well...there is a time...and a place...for ellipses...

I don't really think that a single ellipsis is necessarily ellipsis abuse, even when it's not really quite appropriate. It's multiple, repeated, and inappropriate use that bugs me.

For example...someone...on a mailing list...that I'm on...used to ellipsis after...every few if...she had a marathon...and was like...totally...out of breath...and couldn't say more...than a few words...without...catching her breath...she never used...any other punctuation...because like...who needs periods...or question marks...or...commas...when ellipses can...go anywhere...and do was really read anything...she wrote...because...well you get...the picture...I just quit...trying anything she...wrote...

      JitterbugPerfume: the use of cutesy names

Tweety and Boner

      Zomby Woof: You are right JitteryBugalicious!


      rcrush: Internet acronyms.

Sometimes I cant understand entire paragraphs.

I see sometimes entire posts of just jumbled letters. AFAIK! LOL BBIAB!

      AlCzervik: Discuss.


      crispini: My MOTHER has started using OMG.

Therefore, OMG has officially jumped the shark.

Come to think of it, "jump the shark" has probably jumped the shark, as well.

      Bucky: Naziplublicans, Fuckpublinazis, Pugs, Repukes, Refucklinazicans, Republics, Repigs...

The word is "Republicans." You're not cooler and you're not expressing more outrage when you fuck up someone's name. Grow up.

ZOMG, more!!!1111 hugh teh funny, series!!!111 ROFLMAO, kthanxbye n/t

The Lounge, May 18, 2009:

OP by polichick: Michael Steele says Republicans will make "NO MORE APOLOGIES"

Yep, that was part of his speech today.

Has a single well-known Republican ever publicly apologized for anything done in the last eight years??? If so, I missed it.

      rucky: Yet they're still very, very sorry. n/t

GDP, May 19, 2009:

OP by SmileyRose: An actual conversation with someone "concerned" about Obama's birth certificate.

HIM "Did you get that email I sent you about Obama's birth certificate?"

ME (heavy sigh) Yes.

HIM Do you know why Obama REFUSES to product his birth certificate?

ME Do you really think the state of Illinois would have certified him to run for the Senate without proof of citizenship?

HIM But how do they know it wasn't fake? It was from Hawaii.

ME Hawaii is a state in this country - they have the same birth certificate requirements as everyone else

HIM But I think Obama was born in Kenya - they didn't give him a birth certificate the day he was born, he got it years later.

ME He would still be a US citizen regardless of where he was born.

HIM No he wouldn't, he wasn't born in America

ME Neither was John McCain

HIM But that was during a war.

ME What difference does that make?

HIM because McCain's dad was stationed there in the military.

ME So McCain was born outside the US but his parents are American so he qualifies?

HIM (big smile) THAT'S IT!

ME But Obama's mother is from Kansas.

HIM But his Dad is from Kenya.

ME That's true. But you only need one parent to be American to be an American.

HIM No you don't

ME Yes you do

HIM I think you are wrong

ME So Thomas Jefferson was not an American citizen?

HIM now that's just stupid.

ME He only had one parent born in America. Just like Barack Obama

HIM That can't be true you have to have both parents be American and be born in America.

ME Except for John McCain - because of the War.

HIM - I can't talk to you when you get like this. (flounced off to the kitchen)

      xchrom: bill him for the time you won't get back in your life spent talking to him. nt

GD, May 19, 2009:

Poll question by DainBramaged: By Republican standards, when are "enhanced interrogation techniques" permissible

Under Republican rule, enhanced interrogation techniques were no big deal, (according to Republicans), so , when would they be most useful on your average American?

:bluebox: Shoplifting

:bluebox: Failure to curb your dog

:bluebox: Traffic violations

:bluebox: Beating your wife (wait, Republicans believe in wife beating).

:bluebox: Cheating on your wife (wait, Republicans believe in cheating on your wife).

:bluebox: Voter fraud (by Democrats).

:bluebox: Being drunk and disorderly

:bluebox: Being an American citizen defaulting on a mortgage

:bluebox: Being a Brown or Black person

:bluebox: All of the above

      Liberal Veteran: Enhanced interrogation techniques are permissible as long as Nancy Pelosi is notified.

Didn't you get the memo?

At press time, "All of the above" was winning with 70% of the votes.

GD, April 19, 2009:

On a thread by sabra: Group seeks support to ban use of music as torture

"Human rights activists seeking a ban on the use of loud music to exert psychological pressure on detainees in U.S. custody are appealing to Bruce Springsteen and Eminem to join their campaign against music as torture.

The campaign called the Zero dB project, standing for zero decibels, was launched at the end of last year by British legal charity Reprieve, which represents dozens of prisoners held at the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

It has already signed up British artists including David Gray, Dizzee Rascal and Massive Attack and is now setting its sights on American musicians, said Chloe Davies, a representative of Reprieve and Zero dB..."

      DS1: I'm surprised the RIAA isn't suing for royalties

46 hours of Rhianna!?! We want our cut!

      MineralMan: Does that mean I don't have to listen to Green Day?

I sure hope so...

      AngryAmish: Does this make Yoko Ono an enemy of humanity?

      JerseygirlCT: And I thought this would be about getting Celine Dione to retire! nt

LBN, May 19, 2009:

On a thread by NoodleyAppendage: Human Missing Link - FOUND

"Scientists have unveiled a 47-million-year-old fossilised skeleton of a monkey hailed as the missing link in human evolution.

This 95%-complete 'lemur monkey' is described as the 'eighth wonder of the world'

The search for a direct connection between humans and the rest of the animal kingdom has taken 200 years - but it was presented to the world today at a special news conference in New York..."

      Heidi: Let's not jump to conclusions.

How about we join hands and pray about it first?

      smirkymonkey: How hard could it have been?

He's only been holed up at a "ranch" in Crawford, TX for the last 8 years and occassionally seen skulking around the White House.

GD, May 19, 2009:

On a thread by Kadie: Have you been to Google today?

      rucky: They really do have all the links you're looking for.

GD, May 20, 2009:

On a thread by DrToast: Lookie there! The Republicans got themselves a health care plan

"Republicans in Congress are slated to unveil their health care reform plan on Wednesday, a proposal that relies heavily on private mechanisms, contains no individual mandate, and offers tax incentives for families and individuals to help pay for coverage..."

      valerief: I know what it is! Tax cuts if you travel to India for health care!

Am I right? Am I right?

      DrToast: You donate to Pat Robertson and he prays for god to heal you. n/t

And see below for some Special Visual Achievements awards from this thread.

GDP, May 20, 2009:


SATAN IS AT WORK!!!11 :scared:

      Starry Messenger: Yes! It's time...

Get ready to grab all their stuff. :D

      Call Me Wesley: Chill!

It's just the rapture that hit the servers. You know, 'Technology first!'

      Bucky: Maybe the Rapture has happened. Not that I'd know, given the friends I keep.

Rapture could happen and it might be a good three to four days before I notice anything different.

      SalmonChantedEvening: These people could actually be out of doors.

Someone should alert the authorities.

The Lounge, May 20, 2009:

On a thread by tomm2thumbs: ACLU says school censored student's (Harvey) Milk report

"The American Civil Liberties Union on Wednesday threatened to sue a San Diego County school that refused to let a student present a report on slain gay rights leader Harvey Milk until her classmates got permission from their parents.

According to Blair-Loy and Natalie's mother, Mt. Woodson Principal Theresa Grace concluded last month that the subject of the girl's project triggered a district policy requiring parents to be notified in writing before their children are exposed to lessons dealing with sex.

After the principal sent letters to parents alerting them about the 'sensitive topic,' Natalie was allowed to give her 12-page PowerPoint report during the May 8 lunch recess but not in class, Blair-Loy said. Eight of the 13 students in the class attended, he said..."

      donco6: Was she showing pictures of his penis?

What's controversial? This just boggles the mind.

      Enrique: it could be true...

I've heard gay men do have penises. :scared:

      donco6: That, in my experience, has been true. n/t

LBN, May 20, 2009:

On a thread by OhioChick: USDA Announces Ground Beef Recall (OH, PA, IL)

"Valley Meats is recalling approximately 95,898 pounds of ground beef products that may be contaminated with E. coli, the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service announced Thursday..."

      Ian David: Time to bake meatloaf for The Republican Town Committee! n/t

LBN, May 21, 2009:

OP by Midlodemocrat: I'm sorry. Why is Dick Cheney relevant? Or for that matter Newt Gingrich?

To me? That's like pulling out the manufacturer of the Edsel to discuss what's wrong with the auto industry.

GD, May 21, 2009:

OP by Bucky: I have a new theory about David Broder. He's made a bet.

I don't know with who--possibly Thomas Friedman--to see who can cram the most number of factually incorrect statements into a single sentence. It's kind of exciting to see the master at work, frankly.

"Some adaptation is necessary for almost every president because few experiences can really prepare them for the challenges Obama described to Meacham. George W. Bush went through it after Sept. 11, 2001, subordinating his domestic agenda to focus on the terrorist threat -- and never changing."

Whoa, George Bush subordinated his domestic agenda and focused solely on terrorism? Talk about a scoop! Who could have known that stuffing the judiciary with 30-something wingnut judges, force feeding ineffective abstinence-only, anti-choice policies into all domestic and overseas health programs, stripping the EPA of enforcement funding, dismantling basic civil rights protections, passing reckless revenue cuts to bankrupt the treasury in a time of prosperity, politicizing the Justice Department, and privatizing a multitude of public services into the uncontrollable hands of large corporations to pay off his millionaire buddies was all part of George Bush watering down his true agenda?

If all that is Bushism Lights, I'm almost tempted to thank al-Qaeda for the distraction! (Almost--in fact it's entirely phony of Broder to say Bush subordinated his agenda; Bush used the threats by terrorists to camouflage his agenda. What he subordinated was the hunt for the architects of 9/11.

Dave continues...

"Ever since Vietnam, the prevailing ideology of grass-roots Democratic activists has been hostile to American military actions and skeptical of the military itself. Iowa, where the Democratic nomination process begins, is famously tilted toward a pacifist view of war. Throughout the primaries, the pressures push forward candidates who do not challenge that mind-set."

Liberals haven't been hostile to American military actions--we've been hostile to military adventurism and abusing the military to muscle in on other country's economies. Liberals supported use of the military when it advanced American values--as with Haiti and Kosovo in the 1990s. When American blood is shed to advance the profits multinational corporations, we resist. That's opposition to gunboat diplomacy. If anything, it shows a greater loyalty to the troops than what you get from Republicans who cavalierly toss our thin red line into harm's way and then turn around a gut funding to the VA and neglect the maintenance of our military hospitals.

In Broder's universe, sending troops in to prop up profits is supporting the military and increasing funding for veterans' programs is knee-jerk pacifism. Thanks for the reality check, Broder.

"And a third reason {that Democrats struggle more than Republicans with becoming commanders-in-chief} is that today's Democrats really are isolated from the military. Harry Truman had been an artillery captain; John Kennedy and Carter, Navy officers. But Bill Clinton did everything possible to avoid the draft, and Obama, motivated as he was to public service, never gave a thought to volunteering for the military."

This stands in such stark contrast to the fine military service offered to America by the likes of Ronald Reagan, Li'l Dubya, and Dick Cheney.

Someday David Broder is gonna drop his guard and accidentally bump into reality. I suspect they'll both say "Excuse me" and move quickly along their separate ways, as perfect strangers always do.

GDP, May 21, 2009:

OP by Midlodemocrat: I'm sorry. Why is Dick Cheney relevant? Or for that matter Newt Gingrich?

To me? That's like pulling out the manufacturer of the Edsel to discuss what's wrong with the auto industry.

GD, May 21, 2009:

OP title by Stinky The Clown: Dear malevolently masturbating media motherfuckers,

GD, May 21, 2009:

On a thread by kpete: Conservative radio hosts gets waterboarded, and lasts six seconds before saying its torture

"And so it went Friday morning when WLS radio host Erich 'Mancow' Muller decided to subject himself to the controversial practice of waterboarding live on his show.

'I want to find out if it's torture,' Mancow told his listeners Friday morning, adding that he hoped his on-air test would help prove that waterboarding did not, in fact, constitute torture...

It didn't turn out that way. 'Mancow,' in fact, lasted just six or seven seconds before crying foul. Apparently, the experience went pretty badly -- 'Witnesses said Muller thrashed on the table, and even instantly threw the toy cow he was holding as his emergency tool to signify when he wanted the experiment to stop,' according to NBC Chicago...

'I wanted to prove it wasn't torture,' Mancow said. 'They cut off our heads, we put water on their face... I got voted to do this but I really thought "I'm going to laugh this off."'

The upshot? 'It is way worse than I thought it would be, and that's no joke,' Mancow told listeners. 'It is such an odd feeling to have water poured down your nose with your head back...It was instantaneous...and I don't want to say this: absolutely torture...'"

      Bluebear: 6 seconds! My big brave conservative hero!

      Happyhippychick: That's impressive. I listened to his show for five seconds before saying it was torture.

      KansDem: Wait! Shouldn't he experience this another 182 times before deciding?

183 x 6 seconds = 18'18"

C'mon, Mancow! It's only another 18 minutes and 12 seconds! You can do it!!!

      merh: How many conservative talking heads have to be tortured

before it is an accepted fact - waterboarding is torture?

I've got a list of those that should give it a go - voluntarily of course.

GD, May 22, 2009:

On a thread by UndertheOcean: Family Dumps Elderly Aunt, Goes To Disney

"Investigators say a North Carolina woman did not want her elderly aunt to go with her to Disney World so she dropped her off at a homeless shelter.

Officials say Beverly Edwards dropped off her aunt Ruth at a Salvation Army Center in Bradenton.

The fragile woman who has medical conditions was left with all of her belongings in trash bags, and her niece said she was not coming back to get her...

'Do you have any intention of coming back for her?' asked Butler. 'Oh, no, after we finish at Disney World we're going home. We can't take care of her anymore, I'm done,' said Beverly Edwards, according to Butler..."

      Kurovski: The happiest place on earth!

Or some fucking thing...

      Scurrilous: "You've just abandoned your elderly aunt...

... what are you going to do next?"

"I'm going to Disney World!" :woohoo:

      glitch: Bad karma, look what she is modelling for her kids.

The homeless shelter should have said, see you in 40 years.

GD, May 22, 2009:

On a thread by Lorax7844: Um, why didn't Al Gore's speeches get any air time.

      Jim Sagle: His speeches didn't get any air time because he's a Democrat.

This has been another in the series Short Answers to Easy Questions.

GDP, May 22, 2009:

On a locked thread: Obama is a corporatist, not a capitalist nor a socialist

      wakemeupwhenitsover: Mod consensus is to lock this.

The OP was pretty much designated flame bait & it has turned into the to-be-expected circular firing squad & is now beyond hope of moderating.

(Plus, it's cocktail hour.)


GDP, May 15, 2009

On a locked thread: hey, fuck me... i actually support the President of the United States on Democratic Underground...

      New Earth: Locking

It is nice that you are so supportive of our President, but please do not express it in a way that is inflammatory when on DU.

Thank you,
New Earth
DU Moderator

GD, May 19, 2009

On a locked thread: Most of you people here @ DU are hero worshiping douchebags..

      cbayer: Locking

Thanks for sharing!

DU Moderator

GD, May 22, 2009

On a thread by Aviation Pro: Absolutely begs a caption....

response #1 by endless october

response #6 by Johonny

response #10 by lpbk2713

response #11 by SalmonChantedEvening

response #12 by Catshrink

response #19 by Fuzz

GD, May 18, 2009:

OP by Itchinjim: I was at the White House today. I didn't see the President but....

Photography Group, May 20, 2009:

On a thread by DrToast: Lookie there! The Republicans got themselves a health care plan

response #6 by rug

response #16 by and-justice-for-all

response #19 by SoxFan

GDP, May 20, 2009:

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ColbertWatcher Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 05:51 PM
Response to Original message
1. k+r, thank you JeffR! n/t
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wryter2000 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 06:04 PM
Response to Original message
2. K&R
Funniest damned thing on the internet, the DUzys.
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Auggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 06:07 PM
Response to Original message
3. What a great way to usher in the weekend. Thanks.
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SalmonChantedEvening Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
4. JeffR you madcap!

Thank you for the DUzys, and thank you to everyone else who got one for starting off my weekend smiling.

:D :D :D :D :D :D
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DCKit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
5. K&R, though that is simply my own, strong opinion.
Don't want to stir any controversy.
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annabanana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 07:08 PM
Response to Original message
6. YAY for all the DUzy winners!. . . . . .n/t
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saltpoint Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 07:42 PM
Response to Original message
7. Happy summertime to you, JeffR and all the rounder-uppers.
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walldude Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 09:48 PM
Response to Original message
8. K&R
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Catshrink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 10:03 PM
Response to Original message
9. OMG I got two! Two DUzy's!
My ego is now bigger than the Dick's.
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Kaleko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 11:51 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. We should apologize in advance
in case you shoot a few of us down in a drive-by post.

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Catshrink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 09:19 AM
Response to Reply #11
14. Hell yeah!
Be sure to duck. Speaking of ducks, when is Gray Warrior gonna free that damn duck?
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Kaleko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 01:37 PM
Response to Reply #14
18. Not in our lifetimes, I fear.
She's moved the goal post again. :cry:

See here:

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graywarrior Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 08:31 PM
Response to Reply #14
21. Whyyyyyyyy?

Why why whyyyyyyyy?????

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TahitiNut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 12:13 AM
Response to Reply #9
12. Perhaps you could use a cloaking device like mine? (My posts use Stealth Technology.)

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Catshrink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 09:20 AM
Response to Reply #12
15. Oh cool...
I'm forgetting my Project X training. My bad.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-22-09 11:46 PM
Response to Original message
10. My dear JeffR!
These are hilarious, and thank you!

Glad I could help...

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badgerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 12:29 AM
Response to Original message
13. Kick-n-recc for the DUzys!
Thanks, JeffR and DU a wonderful job! :fistbump:

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beac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 09:28 AM
Response to Original message
16. One hell of a week here at casa beac. The DUzys are just the right medicine for stress!
Thanks to all the winners for the therapeutic laughs and to JeffR for making it all possible!
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Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 11:42 AM
Response to Original message
17. Waking up to the DUzys
never disappoints.

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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-27-09 03:06 PM
Response to Reply #17
23. Particularly when there's some Stoli left in the bedside bottle!
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Robb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 08:12 PM
Response to Original message
19. Oddly enough, I think this is my first DUzy
Thanks, boss. I'm in excellent company this week! :rofl:
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RagAss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 08:26 PM
Response to Original message
20. Thanks Jeff !
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OneGrassRoot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-23-09 08:37 PM
Response to Original message
22. LMAO!
DU has the wittiest people. Someone cracks me up every day and gives me a Depends moment.
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