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To the Nut Case Secessionist crowd: remember this one?

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DFW Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 10:22 AM
Original message
To the Nut Case Secessionist crowd: remember this one?
This appeared a few years back. I don't even know if all the statistics listed are anywhere
near accurate, seeing as how it didn't even appear to acknowledge that Harvard and Yale ARE
part of the Ivy League, but the sentiment was spot on. One thing that needs to be pointed out
to the Lunatic Right who might read this: it was written in jest. New England and California
had no REAL intention of seceding. If the polls in Texas had indicated enough support, our
present Governor, "voted-most-likely-to-secede" Rick Perry, would have incorporated it into
his platform in the next election. To those who would fan the flames, doomed as they may be
to die in obscurity, I offer this little reminder from the darkest (to us) Bush days:

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States
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Demoiselle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 10:37 AM
Response to Original message
1. And since Obama's election we can add more states:
Florida, Nevada, Colorado, New Mexico, Indiana, Iowa, Virginia, and North Carolina.
So we've got almost all the great scenery, more beaches, lots of corn, and we totally control Chesapeake Bay.

Nice.
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DFW Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 02:36 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. We Texans can still dream, anyway.........
*sigh*

I hope they'll let me apply for political asylum in Massachusetts.
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