When Obama assigns you a freeper to re-educate, what are you going to do with him?

[arcadian]

I'm gonna make mine learn French and then translate the complete works of George Orwell into French. Then I'll make him learn Swahili and do the same thing. Oh, and he'll do my laundry and cut my grass, fetch me tea and so forth. Now that's a tea bag party I can live with.

[BlooInBloo]

1. Bring him/her to my urban hellhole, see a gay club, a book reading, and a play.

[roguevalley]

77. rub my feet. least they can do, the fucker.

[ZombieHorde]

2. Teach him how to play Dungeons & Dragons and Chess. nt

[doctor jazz]

3. Marinate him.

:evilgrin:

[arcadian]

Free Republic is people!

You see, I could have done a Soylent Green or Twilight Zone 'To Serve Man' reference here, I, I went with Soylent.

[corkhead]

71. be careful

you are what you eat!

[Warpy]

4. Doorstop

It's about all their intelligence qualifies them for.

It's a useful activity, especially on windy days in spring and fall.

It will be a fashion statement and conversation piece at the same time, our Freeper doorstop.

[northofdenali]

5. Stick him on the back of my motorcycle,

take him out to Chena Hot Springs, http://www.chenahotsprings.com/ and make him interact with everyone there, eat locally caught fish and produce, enjoy the Springs, the sky, the scenery .......... and if that doesn't turn him Dem, nothing will.

[Ishoutandscream2]

6. Damn, what's the password?

I missed the meeting.

[MineralMan]

7. First stop, the showers.

To wash away the stink of his mother's basement.

[Barack_America]

8. Drop him off in the middle of West Philly.

I believe in the "sink or swim" approach to re-education.

;)

[baldguy]

29. Make sure he wears his "White Power!" t-shirt.

He'll get all the help he needs once everyone understands he's a Christian.

[Barack_America]

35. He can wear whatever he finds appropriate.

A t-shirt disparaging the Nation of Islam would go over well too.

:rofl:

[csziggy]

42. Just tell him he will be re-creating Bruce Willis' role in Die Hard: With a Vengeance

And let him do the scene in front of the store. You know, the one where Bruce Willis is in his skivvies with the sandwich board that cannot be shown on network TV. :evilgrin:

[polichick]

9. Mine will get a giant peace sign tattooed on each butt cheek.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

10. I'll dress him in a hemp fiber tunic and Birkenstocks,

feed him tofu, and make him drive me to my tai chi classes in a Prius.

[jobycom]

11. Answer all his questions by holding up a flower, until he smiles knowingly.

[arcadian]

13. That cracked me up.

:thumbsup: Possibly the best response on DU ever.

[jobycom]

37. Glad someone understood it.

[The Doctor.]

72. One flaw with that plan...

They don't ask questions.

All that 'asking questions' stuff leads to education and enlightenment.

[jobycom]

75. Oh, they'll ask questions.

"What's for dinner? What's in this for me? Where's my Hummer? How'd you get in Mom's basement?..."

[TheBigotBasher]

12. I am 6ft2 tall

by possibly 6ft wide. Unable to tell if a bigot is human or animal. So like a shark 0 take a big bite out of it.

[Toucano]

14. First, we'll watch "Auntie Mame"

Teach them to LIVE LIVE LIVE!

Then I will give my charge a notebook and tell him to write down anything he doesn't understand because I can't be bothered to explain everything at every turn.

After that, my curriculum will be based on the pupils needs, but I am sure it will involve hanging out with a lot of people DIFFERENT from him, eating things they never heard of, and a trip or two to a Unitarian church.

[TexasObserver]

15. First, you have to house break him. Start by getting him to go on paper.

[kestrel91316]

16. Roast him and eat him. Yummmm, long pig! Freepers CAN'T be re-educated.

[ShareTheWoods]

17. re-educate?

They tried that shit in Germany many years ago. No thanks.

Treat people like you would like to be treated and life will be much more enjoyable.

[arcadian]

23. It's either re-education or banishment.

You can choose the next time you have the conch.

[AllieB]

33. Do you mean postwar De-Nazification?

It actually did work.

[The Doctor.]

73. Didn't you know?

That's been the secret DU plan all along. Did you not get your *secret room* password when you registered?

[provis99]

18. Teach little freeper what teabagging is really about!

[SalmonChantedEvening]

19. We'll start with grammar.

Baby steps...

From there we'll try reading comprehension. Then table manners.

[Skittles]

20. kick their ass

[flvegan]

21. I don't think I'd like a part in govt mandated "reeducation"

[whistler162]

22. Slap YOU up the side of the head with a

wet noodle!

[acmavm]

24. Waterboard him/her. I mean,that's their punishment of choice, right?

Doesn't feel like organ failure. Only simulates drowning.

Sounds like a plan, don't it?

[Raine]

25. Drown him

they are only good as fish bait, too stupid and brainless to be capable of any learning. :-(

[baldguy]

26. Mao's home reeducation course?

[Touchdown]

45. That looks like a menu.

I think the last character is "No MSG!":rofl:

[pleah]

27. Make him or her feed the homeless, visit nursing homes,

and then maybe if they show signs of humanity, take him/her to a gay bar.

[sam sarrha]

28. "Conservatives" are unfortunately Born that way.. it isn't a Choice, they lack... >Links.>

'Fluidity in their thinking, QUITE POSSIBLY /obviously/ because of Organic physical deficiencies in essential cognitive structures of their brain.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=+cognitive+brain+differences+liberals+Conservatives&btnG=Search

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=liberal+brain+differences&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=

my personal view of this subject..if we cant legislate out the Phenomenological IRON LAW OF OLIGARCHY http://bitbucket.icaap.org/dict.pl?alpha=1
"snip...ON LAW OF OLIGARCHY First defined by German sociologist Robert Michels (1876-1936), this refers to the inherent tendency of all complex organizations, including radical or socialist political parties and labour unions, to develop a ruling clique of leaders with interests in the organization itself rather than in its official aims. These leaders, Michels argued, came to desire leadership and its status and rewards more than any commitment to goals. Inevitably, their influence was conservative, seeking to preserve and enhance the organization and not to endanger it by any radical action. Michels based his argument on the simple observation that day-to-day running of a complex organization by its mass membership was impossible. Therefore, professional full-time leadership and direction was required. In theory the leaders of the organization were subject to control by the mass membership, through delegate conferences and membership voting, but, in reality, the leaders were in the dominant position. They possessed the experience and expertise in running the organization, they came to control the means of communication within the organization and they monopolized the public status of representing the organization. It became difficult for the mass membership to provide any effective counterweight to this professional, entrenched, leadership. Michels also argued that these inherent organizational tendencies were strengthened by a mass psychology of leadership dependency, he felt that people had a basic psychological need to be led. ...snip"

then we must consider that.. they may need to be put in walled Reservations and prevented from breeding, it's the only way to humanely deal with them. we are all Doomed if they are left to continue to FUCK everything up only for the purpose of profit from it, they are bad enough alone.. but thru the Iron Law of Oligarchy only the truly and severely mentally ill take over the organization. but the end product is that they are obsessive compulsive sociopaths and some psychopathic and all out of control." :shrug:

they have totally messed up the 21st Century.. they have proven beyond ANY DOUBT their ideology is a complete failure, AGAIN. THEIR TORTURING MURDERIOUS GENOCIDAL ASSAULT ON on central and south america during Reagan/Bu$h/Kissinger/Milton Friedman should have told the world what were, but we allowed them to rewrite history ane get away with murdering and torturing to death 250,000 people..declared Genocide by the UN. and we are allowing them to do it again by validating them in Obama's government and ignoring their horific NEW CRIMES.. they will do it every time they lie their way into power

[angstlessk]

30. if my freeper is a guy..dress him like a woman..if my freeper is a female...dress her like a woman

since freepers tend to all look like butch women (not that there is anything wrong with that)but I want to gussy them up a bit..you know shave her mustsache..and give him a good look at him in a dress (which I think he will enjoy)

[stillcool]

31. take him to the library

[Brazenly Liberal]

32. First he will learn why the grass is taller and greener where the dogs hang out

Then he will learn what it's like to sleep in the barn.

Then he will get cram courses in tilling, weeding, and shovelling out the henhouse.

Then, of course, it's speaking Russian, marching funny and drinking "wodka." I know a lot of people would prefer teaching him Arabic, how to build IED's and aviation, but what can I say? I'm old school.

[HooptieWagon]

34. waterboard him

Torture is all their little minds can grasp.

[ddeclue]

36. Teach them to say: NU-KLEE-ER

:nuke:

[xchrom]

38. i want a young cute one --

then i wanna take him to the hottest most grind it baby grind it, packed to the rafters, sweaty, gay disco i can find.

isn't that their worst nightmare?

[donheld]

54. For some of them, secretly they'd love that.

[rucky]

39. First I'll take his guns.

Then I'll turn him gay and make him have an abortion.

Then after bathing him in patchouli, I'll dress him in a tye-dye diaper and parade him down the street on a moped as he yells "hail Satan"

[cherish44]

40. I'd take his guns and make him watch me shoot up his pickup, his bibles and his Bush memorabilia

Then I'd take him to the big city and make him give all his money to unemployed homeless bums. Then it's off to city hall to marry him to an illegal gay Mexican immigrant. Then off to the nearest house of worship to make him denounce God and Jesus and Praise Obama. Then maybe we'll go to the gift shop at the abortion clinic and get him a t shirt that says "I Love to Fornicate"

[Wiley50]

41. well, first you have to get their attention, so out comes the 2x4

It's the first task of any TN Mule trainer

[Ilsa]

43. Send him to Iraq and Afghanistan for 18 months. He can be the target

for the shoe brigade.

Then he can write a dissertation on how Jesus Christ was a Liberal.

[Historic NY]

44. It won't be nice!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mari333]

46. Force him or her to

watch Obama as he takes all the mercenaries out of Iraq and Afghanistan..uh..never mind..
okay, try this
force him or her to watch as Obama brings the troops home...uh..never mind..
okay..
force him or her to watch as Obama dismantles the FISA telecommunications spying on citizens that Bush implemented...um...never mind
okay try this
force him or her to watch as Obama supports gay marriage..wait..never mind..
okay
force him or her to watch Obama as he demands that Bush be held accountable for war crimes..wait..um
okay
force him or her to see Obama chastise corporations for outsourcing and come out in full support of the Employee Fair wage act..
wait..
okay
well, fuck it.

[Bigmack]

47. Watch "Full Metal Jacket"...

I'd make Gunny Hartman look like Mother Theresa.

[Doctor_J]

48. Force him to move to Vermont and marry me

and change his name to Mr. Doctor_J

[lonestarnot]

49. Shit in his hat and have him wear it.

[Stevenmarc]

50. Show him that if he's going to teabag he'll need a Brazilian

[LynnTheDem]

55. ROTFLMAO!!!!

:rofl:

[TroglodyteScholar]

51. I'm gonna hit him with a fuckin bat. n/t

[AnnieBW]

52. Take them to a Pagan circle

Preferably skyclad, so that everyone can see why they like big guns. :D Then to a vegan potluck after it. And then make them drink wine or beer from a micro-brewery (or imported from Europe).

[Lilith Velkor]

53. Slit his fucking throat

Then go bowling.

[TheKentuckian]

56. REEDUCATION!?! So, coal sequestration isn't just a fancy way of saying we're going to

burn the freeps and get their toxic remains forever out of the cycle of life.

Damn Hippies!!!!

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

57. You seem to be a big fan of slavery.

[Hannah Bell]

59. it's a joke, son. you seem not to like the thought of wingers tasting their own medicine.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

60. Ya think.

[Hannah Bell]

58. make him live on welfare in detroit.

[Norquist Nemesis]

61. 24/7 of "Progressive Talk Radio" piped into his room

Paint the room a lovely shade of pink with rainbows and place head-exploding trifectas of Obama, Hillary, and Bill portraits on each wall
Lock up his guns where he can SEE them but can't touch them
Then take away his bible

[old mark]

62. I don't like being around them enough to actually have one. Take him

back to the pound.

mark

[ColbertWatcher]

63. First rec!? Are you shitting me, DU!?

I've been online all day starting a new wiki and this hilarious post is one of the first I see, yet ... I'm the first person to rec it!?

Damn.

[comtec]

64. Sit and talk to him/her

yeah like there are any female freepers.
Conversation is the best weapon, always has been, always will be.
and after the 5 minutes i can stand, hot sex!
Then start again.
We will continue having hot sex until he/she sees the error of their ways!:evilgrin:
Hee Hee I hope mine is hot and young.
The young tend to have more mailable minds, and can be converted to the ways of reality far easier than the old. (says the 'old' soon-to-be 34-year-old)
And they tend to be a lot more fun in bed too ;) (ok not strictly true, but I'm feeling my age LOL)

Seriously though, Talk, and start small with things like gravity.

I would give them a bible, but the one The framers used (Thomas Jefferson's Bible) where all the miracles have been removed. Also a cleaner translation, with foot notes explaining where the king james went horribly wrong!

Edit: to add Second Rec?!

[canetoad]

65. Chain him to a table

outside a chic little vegetarian cafe.

[Fumesucker]

66. Ever seen "A Clockwork Orange"?

:evilgrin:

Actually, I'll march him out to my private airgun shooting range in the back yard where I will shoot a few dime sized groups at fifty yards with my Olympic Match airgun.

Then I'll hand the weapon to him to and watch him miss the target completely as often as not, since airgun shooting is quite different than firearms.

Then I'll ask him if he *really* and *truly* wants to go all WOLVERINES! on "liberals".

Note that WOLVERINES! is from the freeper Onanistic flick, Red Dawn..

[Number23]

67. Drop him off in the most broke-down, dysfunctional hospital for the dumb and insane I can find

One run entirely by militant black people who hate white people, and especially white racists. And every Friday, a group of gay, Asian mimes will do interpretative dance to Mexican music while everyone is forced to pray to Allah.

[bridgit]

68. I'll be taking mine back to Square-1, and they're not coming out till they stop crapping their pants

[agentS]

69. The Grand Tour: New Orleans, South Florida, Galveston, Antarctica- I call it the

"voting has consequences" tour.

For the record, I disagree with the term "re-educate". I think the term "De-Bushification" (a la De-Baathification) should be used.

IF IT COMES TO THIS, where the President has to assign his donor base to de-bushify the remaining 26% of the population that is still supporting Bush and conservatism without consciousness or even forethought, then I'm not gonna be a happy camper, and neither will the poor soul who gets stuck with me.

Location 1: New Orleans 9th ward . Yes that's right folks; we're starting off with a tour of Hurricane FEMA. We're gonna go to the houses with the red X's on them. And I'm bringing the photos of the dead as well. And the US Corps of engineers request document from 2002 stating their request for funds to upgrade the levees. And we'll pay a visit to those FEMA trailers that made people's eyes bleed! Oh yes, that's right, we'll wrap up with a visit to the levees that still aren't fully functional. And finally, we'll pay a visit to Algiers point where white folks shot black refugees- I'll have him meet one of those refugees who was shot. I'm not playing nice today, folks.

Location 2: Texas coastline along Galveston . Bush's home state of sorts gets a quick visit. We're gonna see the coastline that was ravaged by the recent Hurricane. As was reported, the debris is still out there, but that was a few months ago. We'll take a look at the homes and lives wrecked. Also, we'll take a look at the biological warfare facility built nearby- pretty nice place for one of those, huh? I'll try and arrange a visit with a climatologist so my Freeper charge' will understand that Galveston isn't the end- it's the beginning.

Location 3: South Florida's tomato fields . You remember the worker's strike and Taco Bell being forced to increase their payout for tomatoes? Yup, we're going to those fields, which pretty much meet the definition of modern slavery. We'll talk to workers lured to America by smugglers on false promises and even held in chains. We'll even join them on a backbreaking 8 hour shift in the fields, unsanitary conditions and all. We'll see how he feels about illegal immigrants after that little jaunt.

Location 4: The church shooting location in Tennessee . I told you I wasn't going to be playing nice. He's gonna see what happens, up close and personal what happens to people when they read too much right-wing literature.

Location 5: Matthew Sheppard's memorial . I thought about taking the Freeper to the Castro, but I'm not quite sure what that would lead to. Instead, he needs to see up close and personal what homophobia leads to. Innocent little comments (ya rite innocent, man) eventually lead to dead bodies.

Location 6: The Santa Monica parking lots- i.e. the Bushvilles . I think my Freeper needs to see the result of class warfare up close and personal, don't you? Mandatory interviews with people who had the same job and money and beliefs that my Freeper has but wound up there anyway. Maybe they can trade notes on "personal responsibility", but I'm hoping they trade notes on trickle-down economics.

Location 7: The airport. I'll prearrange it with the TSA to have my charge placed on the No Fly List accidentally. He can understand what it's like to have to prove to people you're not a "Islamofascist" or whatever. I should bring Ted Kennedy along to help him thru the process, since he knows what it's like firsthand. Strip search mandatory.

Location 8: Antarctica's Wilkens Ice Shelf Maybe the Freeper doesn't believe in global warming. OK, so then I'd like for him to explain this to me while chunks of the Antarctic fall off into the ocean and penguins die of blizzard exposure (where blizzards almost never happen).

Location 9: Congo. The Freeper can see firsthand what happens when corporations run wild and good people do nothing in the world.

Location 10: Kirkuk, Iraq. Of course, the Freeper should see how well the war effort turned out for the Kurds, whom we abandoned after the first Gulf war. We'll even let him/her walk around without body armor thru a market, just like John McCain. What? Wasn't it conservatives who said that Iraq is safer than some American cities?

Location 11: Sweeden. Maybe if the Freeper sees a "liberal democracy" up close and personal, they might have second thoughts about how "great" our health care system is.

Location 12: Baku, Azerbaijan . Y'know that pesky FDA and EPA that conservatives always want to abolish? Baku doesn't have that. That must be why it's one of the most polluted cities in the world. For fun, we'll go the the 'doorway to hell' in nearby Uzbekistan. Basically it's an out of control natural gas fire-pit.

Location 13: Uganda . I hope the Freeper likes evangelical Christianity because in Uganda he can see what it can do to a population. Finding accused witches and gay people to interview might be harder to find that I would like.

Location 14: Alaska's North Slope : Remember Drill Baby Drill? I SURE DO! Let's take the Freeper to the pristine ANWR for a few days, and then to where drilling and pipeline building actually occurs. Hope he brings an extra pair of boots because that oil spill won't come off easy. I hope he asks why the ground is so soggy these days. And the lack of wildlife? I thought according to FOX NOISE Channel that elks like hot oil pipelines!

Transportation: Chevy Volt or that Ford hydrogen SUV. Driver; Jack Clark from Blast the Right radio podcast.
reading material: Conservatives without Conscious by John Dean.
If after all that, this person is still a conservative, I'll give him a million bucks.

[Hubert Flottz]

70. Flush it!

Edit...Make him test all the showers Halliburton installs in Iraq!

[formercia]

74. Jambo, rafiki. Habari za usiku?

Been there, done that.

[Brewman_Jax]

76. Chum or shark bait

Freepers are useless, won't sit still and can't be changed. :P

[Aristus]

78. Drop him or her off the nearest tall building I can find.

If freepers were teachable, they wouldn't be freepers...

[Manifestor_of_Light]

79. Give him violin lessons.

Force him to listen to classical and jazz only 24/7.
Take him to the opera and make him read the English surtitles.
Mandatory attendance at a Unitarian church including discussion groups (where people are allowed to have differing opinions -- what a concept!)

:evilgrin:

Make him take Chinese lessons next to Betty Brown who wanted Oriental folks to simplify their names.

:rofl:

[ThomWV]

80. Let my gay friends have their way with his children.