Jindal Top Choice to Deliver 2012 ‘Keynote Address’

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(satire from http://www.TheDesperateBlogger.com)

Wednesday’s News In Brief

Jindal Top Choice to Deliver 2012 ‘Keynote Address’

DNC officials confirmed this afternoon that they have asked Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal to deliver the keynote address at the 2012 Democratic National Convention. Jindal, a Republican, became an overnight sensation among Democrats after his televised speech Tuesday evening. Originally billed as the ‘GOP response’ to President Obama’s national address, the speech is regarded by political experts to have more closely resembled a Sesame Street audition tape.

“Not since Barry Goldwater in 1964 has anyone made such a strong case to vote Democrat,” according to DNC Chairman Tim Kaine. “Unless he turns out to be their Presidential nominee, I can’t imagine a better way to jump-start our 2012 national campaign than to have a Republican leader like Bobby Jindal deliver our Keynote address.”

Iran Tests First Nuclear Power Plant

Using simulated fuel rods containing lead instead of uranium, Iran today conducted the first tests on its 1000-megawatt, Russian-built nuclear power plant. Western countries have long feared the plant is being used as a cover for Iranian pursuit of nuclear weapons.

“The Americans are long on suspicion and short on memory,” Iran’s President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told reporters, “First of all, how do people expect us to provide power for our citizens in the long term? Second, anyone who can remember as far back as 1986 surely knows that the only serious threat posed by a Russian-built nuclear facility is to the population of the local and surrounding areas.”

GOP Reprimands Colorado State Senator

Scott Renfroe (R-Greeley) was reprimanded by party officials today for comments he made on the floor of the State Senate regarding adultery. After ProgressNowColorado.org posted a video of Renfroe’s remarks during a floor debate over legislation that would grant same-sex spouses of state employees access to benefits, Party reaction was swift and severe. According to a Party spokesman, “While we of course support Senator Renfroe’s views equating homosexuals with murderers, he crossed the line when he said that we don’t have laws making adultery legal. We want to make it clear that our party has always supported adultery and long-championed many prominent adulterers. Senator Renfroe’s comments regarding adultery are inexcusable and will not be tolerated. We apologize to any heterosexual adulterers whom he may have offended.”

House Passes Resolution With Bipartisan Support

In what House Minority Leader John Boehner describes as “proof that the Democrats are falsely accusing us of playing partisan politics when it comes to the important issues facing our country,” the House overwhelmingly passed, by voice vote, ‘H.Res.18′, introduced on January 6 by the Oversight and Government Reform Committee. The resolution, “Honors the life and accomplishments of Paul Newman for his many contributions to American film, theater, and philanthropy.”

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1. That is some funny stuff.