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Auto Execs Forced To Be Valets For Wall Street Execs

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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 08:22 PM
Original message
Auto Execs Forced To Be Valets For Wall Street Execs
Edited on Fri Dec-05-08 09:06 PM by 20score
Washington DC The tension in the air during todays Senate hearings was palpable. Minutes after the formalities had ended, Senator Corker of Tennessee started in on the three CEOs from the auto industry. You know Im going to ask this, so, why wait? How did you get here?

Drove, said Ford CEO Alan Mulally. Same here, chimed in General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner. Me too, said Chrysler CEO Robert Nardelli.

And? said Corker, clearly annoyed. Where are you staying? - Come on we dont have all day!

Best Western, said Mulally. Motel 6, said Wagoner. Marriott, said Nardelli, looking around the room for support. Ill - Ill move.

Damn right you will! yelled Senator Bennett of Utah.

Lets get down to business if you dont mind, Said Senator Dodd. We have a lot of ground to cover. Now, we have the CEO of JP Morgan Chase, Jamie Dimon on speakerphone with us, to kind of oversee these proceeding. Now, tell us your plans to

Why should we give you a dime!? Interrupted Sen. Corker You have blue collar workers and you you make stuff oh God I feel dirty just saying it! Plus, its well known that $19,000.00 from every car sold goes to union dues union dues! I say, let you guys and your blue collar workers go down in flames!

Im okay with that, said Jamie Dimon on the speakerphone.

The people in this country deserve a lot better from us than this, said Senator Bernie Sanders. This is just unbelievable, were suppose to be helping people not hastening the downfall of the economy.

There he goes talking about the people again, whispered Senator Shelby to Corker using air quotes around the people. If he says that one more time we should give another trillion to the banks.

Lets do it! said Jamie Dimon.

Thats when Robert Willumstad, CEO of AIG walked through the door. The room took on an awed hush waiting for the next command.

We at AIG need another hundred billion, intoned Willumstad. No, make it two hundred.

Done! said a chorus of Senators.

And my valet quit today, said Willumstad.

Please, take one of them, said Shelby, pointing toward the table full of auto CEOs.

Ill take one too, said Dimon from the speakerphone. And I know someone Goldman Sachs who can take the third.

Good, then meeting's adjourned, said Shelby as a majority of Senators stood to leave. That was a day well spent.
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Autumn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 08:36 PM
Response to Original message
1. Absolutely perfect
:toast:
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 08:42 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Thanks! Appreciated.
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 09:29 PM
Response to Original message
3. I had to cut a lot of this because I didn't want it too long.
Edited on Fri Dec-05-08 09:35 PM by 20score
There was a section in the piece about not allowing the CEO's to use premium gasoline, and another about calls from 'the people' to Senators.
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Suich Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 10:46 PM
Response to Original message
4. LOL!
Not only union dues, but health care also! I tried watching some of the hearings on TV but gave up after a couple of minutes.

Did you catch Michael Moore on Countdown the other night talking about the hearings?

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 11:18 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. You rock, Suich! And yes, caught Michael Moore the other night. He was great, as always.
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punkin87 Donating Member (257 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 12:03 AM
Response to Original message
6. Too close to reality. K&R
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 12:47 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. Yes, it is. That's why I hope this is seen. Congress has made a mockery of their institution.
Edited on Sat Dec-06-08 12:47 AM by 20score
Again.
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hbskifreak Donating Member (43 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 12:47 AM
Response to Original message
8. kudos
Hilarious. Scary, but true.

A
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 08:41 AM
Response to Reply #8
11. Thanks much, Hbskifreak!
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RB TexLa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 01:00 AM
Response to Original message
9. Why the shot at Jamie Dimon? JPMorgan has been working a lot with Ford to help them

not have to use taxpayer money for their plan.
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 01:30 AM
Response to Reply #9
10. Why the shot at Jamie Dimon? Really? Have you been paying any attention to what the banking industry
including Chase, has done to this country? They are not alone of course, but Jesus Christ, they helped.

And by the way - this is satire. I think you missed the point, I could have picked any banking CEO.
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suede1 Donating Member (770 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 11:35 AM
Response to Original message
12. All Hail
Edited on Sat Dec-06-08 11:37 AM by suede1
our big banking overlords! Let us bow down and worship them and their absolute power over the world!
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 02:39 PM
Response to Reply #12
15. Exactly!
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frankowen7 Donating Member (100 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 04:36 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. But first, give them all our money.
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ihavenobias Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 11:43 AM
Response to Original message
13. K & R
This is the best one so far!

:)
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 12:58 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. Thanks! Glad you liked it.
But, I made a mistake that pisses me off.
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Usrename Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 06:33 PM
Response to Reply #14
17. Mistake?!
Perfect, if you ask me!
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20score Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-06-08 06:55 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. Thanks a lot!
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