I got a lifetime's worth of therapy this morning and it all makes sense now

[The Straight Story]

Utter frustration at feeling helpless.

I got a few hours sleep, the wife got up for a little bit, my daughter was watching cartoons and I was reading my DU mail.

And then my daughter started to cry. She saw a hello kitty commercial and wanted her two cats - I explained to her yesterday that they had died (she thought they were at the vets, but my friend and I had to put them down as they were suffering terribly after my wife gave them a flea bath with advantix which was for dogs).

She told me to go on the internet and find medicine to fix them. And I cried like a baby.

I can't fix my wife, I can't bring back my hannah's little kittens - I drove them across country in a 30' uhaul in a box with my 2 dogs, I nearly ran off the road during a thunderstorm in Flagstaff when prince, her deaf kitty, escaped the box and the dogs tried eat him.

As I am sitting here typing this she is next to me drawing a picture and asked if I was sure it was our cats that died, that maybe there was mix up and she doesn't remember me taking them to the vets.

I think I feel more now that I understand life, and the folks here on DU and the last 8 years, the wars, etc and so on - it is a feeling of wanting to change things for the better but all you can do is type out your frustration.

At least we could make a change in the big picture of life and got Obama elected, we have an end to our frustration. But I can't change some things in life no matter how much I want to.

And I don't need a psych doctor to tell me what hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. I can't change some things in life, I can only make the best of what I have.

Thanks again for listening.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. Amen, Brother.

I have recently been through a lot more than I have reported here. Including a shattering loss I am still processing. But I have little choice: I have to keep trying to move forward.

I just wish life sometimes offered more than a turd, a can of Brasso and a polishing rag.

[mdmc]

2. peace

that "advantix" stuff must be some dangerous shit.

[CountAllVotes]

3. no kidding!

My god! :wow: How horrible!

:( :( :( :(

[Lance_Boyle]

4. not when used species-appropriately

it's a quite useful drug, though unfortunate that the packaging can lead to confusion. They come 4 tubes to a blister-pack. The blister packs have pictures of the animals for which the product is intended, but the tubes do not. I believe the tubes only indicate dosage. A simple re-labeling of the tubes (to include the words "cat" or "dog" would be a big step in the right direction.

edited to add: warmest regards to the OP - not a fun thing to go through, and his wife must feel horrible. This too shall pass. :hug:

[mrcheerful]

10. My SO bought some flea drops for her 3 cats, one of them is a 9 mo

old kitten. I put the drops on their neck and tails as the package instructed, that the SO had bought. Next thing I knew all three were falling all over, then the kitten went into convulsions, the older 2 had trembles, foaming at the mouth ETC. I got the kitten to come out of his convulsions by splashing cold water on his face, then forced feed him water, he snapped out of it after 20 minutes.

SO was a great help, she ran into the bedroom, flopped down on the bed and started crying. I then gave the older 2 cats milk, I remembered that for poisoning milk sometimes counter acts it. Today they are fine, but it took 6 weeks to get back to normal.

So far I only had 3 kittens I haven't been able to save, 1 was born without an anus, 1 I had nursed back to health from a very bad cold, then SO's 35 yo half brother threw it out in a cold rain without anyone seeing him, it got back into the house and in the basement where it died. The 3rd kitten got a 3 prong fish lure stuck in it's tongue, jaw and cheek, no bolt cutters to cut the shafts so I could push the barbs through. It died of shock 10 minutes from being hooked.

Just things I learned over the years dealing with dog's cat's and horses. The trick is being able to react quickly and having a clear head to think of things that will work or might work instead of going into panic mode. Not easy to learn.

[Bucky]

5. I had a crying daughter this morning too

She's 18 and going thru the confusions that come with big adjustments in life. In the end, all you can do is be a constant in their lives and demonstrate what unconditional love is. Rough patches suck, but they're how we become what we are.

It sounds like you're doing a great job in a tough situation. "Great" isn't the adjective I'm looking for, I mean you're doing a "you" job. That's much more important.

[Joe Chi Minh]

20. I'll subscribe to both, but appreciate the "great"! point you make: no-one

could do what he had to do. It was his burden. And his character shines through. Strange how another person's endurance of pain and misery at the sorrow of others, in this case, even more vulnerable, and their helplessness to banish it completely at that time, can lift our own spirit.

As I wrote the words, "at that time", Perry Mason at exactly that time - given a nanosecond either way, with no other words intervening - said the same phrase, "at that time", on the box behind me. So, "Someone" up there, who knows when a sparrow falls from the sky, seems to want you to know that your sorrow didn't pass him by, unnoticed. Either that, or it's an almighty coincidence.

[crim son]

6. There's some relief to be found knowing our virtual powerlessness

but it's awfully hard to hold on to. I'm sorry, TSS.

[lunatica]

7. Whether you know it or not you are helping your daughter process her grief

Remember that the first stage of grief is denial. That's where she is. You are not being as helpless as you think.

[joanski0]

8. And please don't forget the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.


Praying for wisdom helps a lot.

[Arctic Dave]

11. My Grandparents had a print of this prayer in their living room.

Smart words.

[FirstLight]

9. Seems like this is happening to alot of us

...the "waking up" from the nightmare we have aready known,
but it is know hitting harder and we are grieving the life choices we had to make .. and those we have watched being made around us, that affect us all in such profound ways.

2 weeks ago the depression and emotional crud I "thought" is was over, came back woth a vengeance and I spent most of the week in bed, migraines and crying...
last week, my job out me one probation for falling aprat at the wheel (I lost it at work on Wed before going into the cave of despair), and my hours are getting cut to 10 or less a week come January (they are going bankrupt too).. and instead of falling apart, I have to PERFORM?

This struggle is collective for many of us,
the economy et al are forcing our lives to change and our values to nbe challenged
...and we have a long way to go to get out of the hole.

I am sorry for your loss and pain TSS, all I can do is send a cyber hug and prayers that we ALL find our light in the dark days we are faced with...and that somewhere the sun will break though and make that CHANGE happen sooner rather than later. WE need it!
:hugs:

[MinneapolisMatt]

12. Thanks for the update.

I mean it.

For me, sometimes a good, hard cry does more for me than any of the meds I'm on. I'll literally force myself to put in a film that will make me cry if I'm heading toward the "danger zone", so to speak.

Take care. So many people people out here are wishing you all the best.

Matt :)

[barbtries]

13. any time

straight story. :hug:

[tblue37]

14. Get her another cat. Nothing will ease the pain faster than the

delight she will take in the new cat.

I wrote her a message about this on her thread. She will be so caught up in the antics of the new pet that she will have much less time to grieve over her lost cats.

[BrklynLiberal]

15. A while ago I learned that it does no good to hope and pray and try to mentally

force a particular outcome for a situation.
I have learned that the only thing one can ask for, and reasonably expect to receive, is the strength to deal with whatever turns out to be the outcome of the situation.
The lesson for me was that I cannot control anything but myself.

[Dis Pater]

16. Serenity Prayer.

[Hekate]

17. Hang on. You are so loved by that little girl.

:hug:

[roguevalley]

18. hang in there, honey. Rose Kennedy said, "After the rain, the birds sing."

We love ya.

[illuminaughty]

19. Very beautifully expressed.

I hear you. My nephew called from Louisiana and was so upset. Their dog killed their new kitten in front of my grand nephew and nieces eyes. They are six and five and pretty traumatized. As a parent one wants to protect them from the ugliness and unfairness of life for as long as possible. He feels guilty for not being able to prevent the situation.

My mother has dementia which is getting steadily more unpredictable. I no longer know what I will wake up to. Last week she promised to wait for me to come downstairs (I teach dance in a separate area of the house that is my studio) and fix her dinner. I came down and she was microwaving salad.
She didn't understand why it was wrong and she began to cry. Last week at the bank she didn't understand what her social security check was. But today she discussed the scenario in Mumbai with a pretty good understanding of what was happening. I can't fix her. And lately I can't even convince her that she is "mostly worthless", as she sees it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.

We have focused for 8 long years on the nightmare journey our country has taken. It consumed me like it did so many others. Now that we have seen the impossible happen and while we try to patiently wait for the big change we hope will come, our focus comes back closer to home. To things that are part of life, that no change in administrations can fix.

Thanks for your post.

[DCKit]

21. I'm a Nazi when it comes to reading the labels on those drugs...

yet I still pray every damn time I give them to any animal. My dogs were infested with everything when I got them and I sweated every decision. The drugs are barely tested, very few are safe and the advertisements are deceptive. Unless you believe your wife meant to murder the cats and alienate your child forever, you can't blame her. Hell, unless she wore gloves, she probably got a mega-dose of whatever killed the cats and she may need your support to get over that poisoning.

Replace the cats and both of you promise to be more responsible. It's unfortunate and horrible, but be honest and explain the facts to our daughter and she'll grow from here. You know the deadly bath was only meant to keep the cats happy and healthy and I'm sure your wife is miserable enough.

Fix It.