Can somebody tell me - is being rude and in your face kind of in right now?

[leftyladyfrommo]

I'm old so I don't know many kids. But the ones I have been around lately just seem rude. They don't bother to even say hello when they walk in the room. Can't be bothered with manners?

Does this come from spending so much time on computers - which don't care if you are rude or not. Or is it just kind of the in thing?

I'm just asking. Is it just the kids I happened to have contact with or is it more pervasive than that.

[boobooday]

1. I work with college students

Just like every generation, some of them are rude and/or flaky, and some of them are polite, compassionate, solid citizens.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

2. Kids have been taught by their parents to be disrespectful - I think it's a FOX NEWS-REPUKE attitude

Just my take on it.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. Nope, it's not that. I know plenty of kids from good progressive families who are

just as rude as their repub counterparts.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

16. Thank goodness for that. I know a few also, but there's no denying that Repukes ...

set the tone for the last 8 years and even longer, from Reagan on, insulting people, being mean, unconscionable, cruel. Look at that @-hole Reagan. Remember they made up a prototype of what they wanted people to think was the "typical welfare receiver?" That "welfare queen" Reagan talked about that he said was a specific person, a black woman with lots of kids, yada yada yada? Then it turned out he had lied and there had never been a person like that which he knew? Repukes set the tone of cruelty for the last 8 years, and actually even longer, decades! Since Reagan.

[leftyladyfrommo]

9. There is that. Look at how in you face and rude O'Reilly is?

Or Limbaugh?

Man, I sure wouldn't want either of them to come to dinner.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

12. Oh absolutely! Repukes set the tone for the last 8 years, rude Republicans

And not just that, what pisses me off the most, is they taught CALLOUSNESS and unconscionable behavior against the most needy in our country and the world, the sick, the old, the helpless, the homeless, the poor, the jobless, the disabled, minorities, you name it. I think Republicans have influenced everyone and made them callous as hell. We've got to change our country back to having some semblance of compassion again.

[Fireweed247]

49. I agree with that

This has been escalating with people like Rush Limbaugh and Mike Savage(wiener) types.

It's the media...and who controls the media I wonder...these people have no real family values and are certainly not (real) Christians that's for damn sure.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

68. Exactly! nt

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. It's been like that for quite awhile :^(

[glowing]

4. Manners are a dying thing.. Its amazing what please and thankyou get you.

[leftyladyfrommo]

7. Well, that's what I was thinking. Basic manners really can be a huge

help just getting thru life.

Talking to people like they are dirt is a huge handicap.

[glowing]

30. I learned my manners in the south.. I always had certain niceness to me... trained into me,

but I really understood what it means to use pleasantries when addressing people... AND it was in the south that I learned these wonderful attributes. My poor 4 yr old is probably the only child in his class down here in Florida (which is not southern) who has to remember yes, ma'am and his no, sirs. His daddy's family would whip my husband if the child was around them and not "learned" in manners.

[varkam]

6. Yeah, us kids are all a bunch of rotten punks up to no good. I'll get off your lawn now.

:hi:

[leftyladyfrommo]

8. well, I guess that answers my question. n/t

[varkam]

11. The irony is palpable. eom

[Sarah Ibarruri]

19. Repukes like Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and the punitive policies of he Repukes set the tone

They set the tone for the last 8 years and even decades before then, from the callousness of the way they view the most helpless among us, to the evil laws they passed to hurt them, to their ridiculing those who suffer the most.

Their ideology is at fault. Right wing ideology preaches dog-eat-dog, first one takes all, etc. It's just an ideology of sadism, savagery, punitive ideals and cruelty.

Kids picked up on it.

Now we have to revert back to compassion. It won't be easy.

[babylonsister]

23. You took this personally?

You shouldn't.

[varkam]

65. Wasn't really that I took it personally - more or less trying to make a point. eom

[TexasObserver]

10. History teaches us the "younger" generation has always been that way.

We like to imagine we were different, but we weren't.

Young people tend to be full of themselves, but if you can't be that way when you're 20, unmarried, with no children, when can you be?

I think they tend to be less aware of social graces when it involves anyone not in their immediate age group.

[leftyladyfrommo]

14. I'm trying to remember. But I don't think we were that in your face.

But maybe we were, too. I don't think I was just because I was raised to always be polite - even when I really shouldn't have been. But I think some of my good friends could be pretty mouthy.

Course I was a hippy. We didn't mouth off so much as wear our hair funny and dress funny - and smoke funny stuff.

We sure did have a good time. When I look back I loved those years.

[whathehell]

26. Nope...I don't think so either...My family was considered by my

friends to be pretty lenient...but I would NEVER get away with saying some of the things I hear some kids saying to their parents.

p.s. For what it's worth...You can watch the old movie "Woodstock" and hear older folks -- my parents' WWII generation -- PRAISING the Woodstock revelers as "very polite".

[leftyladyfrommo]

31. We never talked back to our parents. We would have been

dead if we did that. I mean seriously dead. Child rearing was a lot different then.

I was scared shitless of my mother.

[whathehell]

44. You bet...Now, I could "talk back" a little to my parents...but not

without getting yelled at and running up the stairs ("All in the Family" style)while getting hollered at on my way up!

I wouldn't DREAM of cursing at them, or even respond with that heavily sarcastic tone I hear from kids...It wouldn't be tolerated.

Hell, if my father was present, I couldn't even refer to my mother as "her" ...He'd get pissed, demanding "WHO's "her"?..at which point I'd have to answer "Mom"..with as much sulleness as I thought I could get away with, lol.

.And like I said, my family was considered "liberal".

[TexasObserver]

64. The 1950s, as you describe. The 1960s, not so much. The 1970s, things changed.

The imperative not to hit your kids did not arrive until the 1960s, and did not become the norm until the 1970s. I don't think there's any doubt that kids do more shit talking now than in the 1950s or 1960s, because in those times someone would literally kick your ass for it.

[whathehell]

13. The rude thing is really problematic...I don't have any kids either but

I used to notice, when I lived on my native East Coast, that people in general were pretty rude..teenagers especially so. I remember asking a psychologist about it and she thought that a lot of people -- probably of my generation (boomers -- were trying to boost their kids self-esteem by telling them how great they were, but then werent' following up with the "responsibility" part. In addition, many seem loathe to correct their kids. I remember when I was a waitress in the early eighties, these couples would just let their kids run wild on the restaurant floor...Very stupid since it not only put the servers in danger, but their kids too.

I've since moved to Chicago where I've lived for over a decade, and I must tell you that I find people IN GENERAL to be much friendlier and more polite...However, I have met a couple of noxious teens and tweens..and I notice that you're from Kansas. Freakin' A..It must be getting bad!

P.S. I think it's wise to "take no guff" from these kids, though..If their parents are too lame to teach them, someone should.

[leftyladyfrommo]

18. I'm from Kansas City, Missouri - just a few miles from Kansas.

People here mostly come from farm folk - so are really pretty polite most of the time.

Actually, outrageous behavior is really not acceptable around here. Maybe that's why I notice it when someone is out of bounds. Socially, being rude is really just not done.

We all say fuck, tho. In private. Not acceptable in public.

[whathehell]

36. Well, that is a GOOD thing. Not to put other regions on the

defensive, but I did notice a BIG difference when I moved to the Midwest from the mid-atlantic region, and I was born and bred there.

[Eryemil]

15. You sound old.

[Eryemil]

17. Isn't this basically what all old people complain about? My generation (19yo) will probably bitch...

...as well when we're your age.

[Fumesucker]

28. Ain't no "probably" about it..

You'll bitch and moan, I guarantee it.

It just comes with the territory, I remember reading something by one of the Ancient Greeks about how modern kids just had no respect for their elders like when the writer was a child. :)

[leftyladyfrommo]

35. Socrates said something like that. n/t

[Lorien]

58. I was about 19 when I ran into my first "rude kid"

I remember walking down a sidewalk with some friends in the dead of winter and coming upon three 9-11 year old boys from the local Catholic school standing in our path. I said "excuse us please" as I tried to get around them. One boy said "go fuck yourself, you stupid ugly bitch". I remember being very shocked because at that age I would have NEVER have used such language. This was back in the mid '80s. Hell, when I was nine years old I would have gotten into trouble for even saying "damn" or "shit", let alone cussing out a complete stranger!

[leftyladyfrommo]

21. Compared to you I am old. But I'm not dead yet.

I can still get up without help in the morning. And put myself to bed.

[zazen]

20. I think mainstream Disney enterprise encourages irony and eye-rolling at parents

That crap drives me nuts. The consumerism there does too. If you look at a popular show now vs 20 years ago, the amount of clutter on their "rooms" and on their bodies is appalling. And the scripts encourage that whole wisecracking schtick. It's certainly not encouraging anything truly subversive, but it's promoting a lot of self-centeredness.

Ironically, having self-centeredness shoved down their throat might make this generation "rebel" by renewing a philanthropic spirit and the beauty of simplicity. I can dream.

[TahitiNut]

22. Whose job is it to say "hello" first?

That always seems to be an "assumption" on the part of some.

Further, I've notice HUGH differences in demeanor across the country. (I've moved a lot over the years.) My 'roots' in SE Michigan accustomed me to the sullen, diverted eyes, scowling default posture. Most folks in this area have (since the beginning of my memory) some assumption that one's "public face" is one of preoccupation, knitted brow (almost a scowl), and "non-intrusiveness." Folks COMPLY with the "norm" and just don't ASSUME to greet others and acknowledge one another.

Believe me ... this is something I've 'experimented' with and observed over many years ... western New York, eastern Washington, San Francisco Bay Area, Phoenix area, Detroit area, etc. Supermarket checkout lines, DMV corrals, doctor's waiting rooms, you-name-it.

In the Bay Area, it was noteworthy that folks make eye contact, smile and nod or say "hello" ... when passing in supermarket aisles, in lines, even stopped in traffic in their cars. When eye contact is made (even in causal perusal), it's not immediately broken with the unstated pretense that it never happened. People nod and smile and then continue looking around.

Not so in Michigan. Folks pretend to not even notice. UNLESS someone breaks the 'rules' and has the temerity to speak up. THEN it's amazing. Even though a bit awkward and heistant, folks respond ... like they're waking up to make sure they have 'permission' to actually smile and "talk to strangers" ... breaking some taboo.

So ... I've designated myself as the nominal ice-breaker. I say "hi." I make jokes. I compliment people ... on their kids, on their clothes... whatever I can find that's sincere. It's really amazing how readily folks respond ... a bit like thirsty folks in the desert. Young, old, male, female, black, white, whatever.

I get a bit of a kick from being an old, white, fat fart of a male wearing my Birkenstocks and crush hat ... and acting like a kid.

[leftyladyfrommo]

27. Hey, good for you.

You counter culture subversive you.

[varelse]

48. I wish this were an OP

You're one of my heroes now <3

[TahitiNut]

52. (blush) Well, I don't see any 'courage' involved ... it's just FUN.

It's really almost magickal ... most of the time. I've watched folks leave the store/office with smiles on their faces while folks entering sometimes noticed and wondered "what's up?" (I could see it on their faces).

After all, it's sometimes a good story for them to tell friends or family when they get home. Everyone likes to do that.

"You should've seen this Looney-Tune at the supermarket today!"
"The checkout clerk told him to 'Have a nice day' and he asked what aisle they were on!"
"I had my baby daughter with me in the shopping cart and he asked me which aisle he could get one of those!"
"He was standing there at the condom rack and asking where the size 'medium' and 'small' were!"
"He bought a Lotto ticket and asked if he could bring it back if it didn't work!"

(Those are some 'standards' I've used over the years. They still work.)

Hell ... I hate shopping. (Really!) I'll do almost anything to make it more fun. It's just survival - keeping sane by being nuts.

:silly:

[hisownpetard]

24. HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW??! WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A OUIJI BOARD?

:hi:

[leftyladyfrommo]

29. Gees. Let's hope not. You would be really ugly if you did. n/t

[hisownpetard]

43. Heh heh. I was only kidding, trying to sound like the people we're discussing. Actually,

I totally agree with you. I worked at a school fair a few years back, helping raise money for the PTA.
I was at the hot dog stand. All afternoon, the only two kids who ever said "Please" or "Thank you" were
my two boys.

I couldn't believe it!


:hi:

[glinda]

25. Your observation is right

I went back to school in my early 50's into the tech and Journalism areas and I was really surprised at the aggressive, in your face tact that many of the young students had. Not all, but many. I found that after two years of being around them that much of it was actually being more direct and assertive in order to "get ahead" and a sort of jockeying for position. In an odd way, it toughened me up because I was also fighting the odds of being older and supposedly less "cool" , I had to basically show them who I was, understand where they were coming from and earn a certain respect particularly in regards to computer skills and verbal combat, which I did. I found that many of them after we became close friends, were very talented, highly intelligent and deeply thinking young people. Not all but most. I sort of became the "cool mother". Perhaps it is a certain amount of lack of socialization due to computer use and another part of me thinks it is the pressure that they feel under to succeed. Many young people face a world that regrettably they feel has been left to them broken, too highly competitive and have not had the sort of close parent-family thing due to both parents having to work all the time. But many of them are super industrious and even though you might not know it right offhand, are thinking on how they can change things.

[leftyladyfrommo]

37. Is this true? I read where today's young people are great

multitaskers and fast thinkers - but don't have much comprehension of the long term -

[Ian David]

32. No idea

[leftyladyfrommo]

39. Just that awful look on his face. I just hate that kind of stuff.

Those guys just keep pounding their ideas at other people - no one else has a chance to even get a word in edgewise. You just miss out on so much when you totally ignore other people's ideas and thoughts.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[meowomon]

34. No. Each generation changes significantly.

It is the law of nature. It used to be rude to call people by their first names. Times change.

[OHDEM]

38. Funny, but we were just talking about this last night.

My brother and his wife were over. They have 3 boys - 8/5/3 and we have 2 boys 4/2. We're not old! Mid 30s except my husband who is mid 40s. We were talking about the fact that the culture has changed to some extent. The idea of no competition and that criticism scars kids for life has led to a generation that thinks they're the greatest ever. I'm sure all kids think they know everything and are perfect during those teen years, but we were saying that we've made it worse. My brother's kids are pretty smart, but the oldest was struggling with spelling so my SIL explained that you're not going to be the best at everything and at some things, you might just be bad at it. By not allowing kids to lose, we're not teaching them to lose gracefully. Nor are they learning to work to be better when they aren't the best. Or to accept that they're not perfect - nobody is.

Plus, I see in adults as well as kids this rudeness surrounding technology. People do need to have some class when it comes to their cell phones. I don't want to listen to your conversations! Plus, you're holding up the line at the grocery store. Yes, I know that conversation about the cute thing your kid said or what's for dinner or where you're at and what you're doing at that moment is important, but can't it wait until you're checked out?!?!? And I know a lot of people believe that they can carry on a conversation or text while driving, but my experience is that they cannot.

Then there's the problem of parents wanting to be friends with their kids. I love my kids, but I'm not their friend - I'm thier mom and that comes with a whole set of responsibilities including teaching them manners, setting boundries and raising them to be good, responsible adults - just to name a few! I demand certain behavior from my kids because I won't tolerate disrespect not just for me, but for other adults and for the public in general. We can't really blame the kids - their parents are at least partly at fault if they didn't teach them better!

[OregonBlue]

40. Have you noticed how snide and rude television advertising is now. Carl's junior ads make me sick.

They are very rude. Remember the VW ads where the guy with the remote kept honking the horn and flashing the lights when the young couple got near the VW on the showroom floor. There are so many of them now. I write to advertisers and tell them that this sort of advertising makes me certain that I will never buy their products but I think it reflects the current arrogance of corporations that they think this is what will sell their product.

[NNN0LHI]

41. I remember hearing the same kind of comments from my parents 40 years ago

[leftyladyfrommo]

42. Remember when the greasers were the big rebels?

I do. How funny. I just thought they were the coolest thing. Those ducktail haircuts and those suped up cars.

Now they just look kind of silly. Well, I still like that look. It's just not cool anymore. But then, neither am I.

[NNN0LHI]

54. It was beatniks and hippies back then

Beatniks went mainstream when Dobie Gillis came on TV.

Don

[TriMetFan]

45. Yes there are a lot of rude "kids" out there.

And I blame the parents. I have to remind some of my friends kids to say thank you when we give them or buy them things when they are out with us. But then again their parents are the same way. oH and these friends are the most liberal friends we have and they wonder why we don't take their kids on trips with us. ha. Now my other friends who's kids do say thank you and have respect are just so much fun to have with us. And we don't mind taking them with us like this spring break to Texas with our kids. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that for every 10 rude kids out there, there is that one Jewel that can make your day.

[Stinky The Clown]

46. There are some ancient, immutable truths in this world .....

..... and one of them is that a certain percentage of children will be surly.

It is a hard wired thing. *All* children are hardwired to pull away from their parents, and by extension, all authority, in the natural process of becoming their own persons.

Sometimes that manifests is them being small adults.

Sometimes that manifests as rebellious acts.

"Today's kids" are no different than we were, nor were our parents, nor were our ancestors hundreds, and probably thousands, of years ago.

[Fireweed247]

47. I think it is the TV

I don't watch TV (purposely) but the few shows I have seen have been shocking as to the examples set between parents and children. We use to have everything from "Father Knows Best" to "The Cosby Show" illustrating how happy functional families could be, then came "Roseanne" and Bart Simpson...and the writers just ran with it. When I see children talking on TV to their parents, they are all little Bart Simpsons now.

[Boojatta]

66. "That's a lovely dress you're wearing, Mrs. Cleaver"

Blame television for portraying the polite kid (Eddie Haskell) as untrustworthy.
;)

[slackmaster]

50. I'm always rude to bad drivers

Fuck 'em.

[Quantess]

62. Politeness is irrelevant on the road, IMO.

Sometimes people need to get honked at.

[seabeyond]

51. it truly is the parenting. and there is a lot of non parenting going on.

i have two kids. despite the odds and what "ALL" the kids are doing today, my kids do not make the same choices cause i am connected, spend a lot of time with them and teach them well, have high expectations of them and they meet and exceed those expectations. i also get to experience friends of theirs that are parented too.

it is not an abberation with children. it is a culture and society that have lost ground and civility and decency and we are seeing it in our children.

[NNN0LHI]

57. A lot of it is but not all

I have known kids who were raised in a stable environment and their folks had great parenting skills and the kid still ended up in the penitentiary or overdosed.

I have known other kids who lived with their alcoholic, abusive single mother and they ended up doing better than me. A lot better.

Don

[seabeyond]

60. you are right. and that has always been. but i am seeing a whole mass of kids

instead of the here and there you are talking. there is a reason for this and what i was addressing.

again, that is another thing i give my children. i do NOT have control of them. they make the choices and whether it is reward or repercussions it is theirs through the choices they make. i am not going to take the credit either way.

i have given them thru knowledge, lessons, examples of expectations and results. they have the knowledge. they make the choices

in my family two of three of us turned out fine in a home of normalacy. one brother with all his advantages has chosen easy, lying, alcholism, excusing his behavior in every manner, irresponsibility. yes it happens.

and i am not suggesting not living in rockwell or leave it to beaver isnt parenting either. i know many living in more challenging situations are more parent than others i see living in easy.

[donco6]

53. No one teaches graciousness anymore.

Greeting strangers, thank you cards, being respectful, - it all appears to be passe.

[undeterred]

55. Seems to be very much in fashion with some people

on this messageboard lately. Abuse people if they don't agree with you.

[lame54]

56. O.k. o.k. I'll get off your lawn

[seabeyond]

61. lol lol. and here i talk about parenting and have told kids forever, grass is for walking on.

lol. they learned to walk on sidewalk in all circumstances at a very young age. when i saw it i called bullshit and wouldnt let them follow that rule. told them some things are being demande dof kids today that shouldnt be. i insist people and kids walk on my lawn. that is funny

i always get a chuckle with the dont walk on my lawn.

[yardwork]

59. As the mother of two teenage boys, I see two different trends...

On the one hand, I think it is generally true that less attention is paid to teaching manners now. Previous generations, especially here in the south, were taught to say "No, Sir" and "Yes, Ma'am." This and other kinds of formal manners were reinforced constantly by parents. That has definitely gone out of style, and some parents aren't even encouraging their children to show minimal manners around adults. I think you're right about that.

On the other hand, my kids' generation is one of the most progressive, as a group, that I have ever known. When I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s we were encouraged by parents, schools, and authority figures to "be tolerant" of people who differed from us. Ours was the first generation raised in a U.S. culture that was consciously moving away from institutionalized racism and other forms of bigotry. Ours was also the first generation raised with a conscious focus on the environment within our schools. However, the application was spotty at best. Homophobia was rampant in my community and school system and nobody in authority would have dreamed of doing anything about. Other forms of bigotry were tolerated as well, even though there was hand-wringing over it.

This generation, on the other hand, is growing up living what earlier generations were only encouraged to think. The majority of young people simply are not racist or religiously intolerant. It simply is not an issue for many of them and they are somewhat astounded that it ever was. Homophobia is still a problem but nowhere near as bad as in the past.

Obviously this varies from region to region and individual to individual, but on the whole, I feel very good about this generation. I agree that their manners could use some polishing, but their hearts are in the right place.

[McCamy Taylor]

63. Varies by region of the country and type and age of "kids".

More specifics please.

I live in Texas, and people are just as friendly here as always. Make eye contact, say hi, thank you like always. Is one of the reasons I stay despite the Republican politics.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

67. I'm youngish and polite.

And I've met older people who are rude.

Of course, I've also met younger people who were rude and older people who were pleasant, so my point is that no generation holds a lock on manners.