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Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010) Donate to DU
 
piesRsquare Donating Member (960 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 12:21 AM
Original message
Dear Red States,
Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90% of high-tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh and Bob Jones University. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out,

Blue States

******************
Bwahahahahahahahaha! :rofl:


P.S. I didn't write this...
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HeresyLives Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 12:23 AM
Response to Original message
1. When is that from?
I thought the division was over with.
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screembloodymurder Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 12:25 AM
Response to Original message
2. If only we could ...
But we'd be cut in pieces.
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chalky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 12:34 AM
Response to Original message
3. Dear Blue States:
Can we come too? We're used to being a lonely island in a sea of angry red. Maybe we could hook up with Hawaii?

Love,
Austin, Texas


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Mojorabbit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 01:08 AM
Response to Original message
4. Hey, Florida went blue
Don't forget us.
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RJ Connors Donating Member (679 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 02:14 AM
Response to Original message
5. In recent years I have more than on one occasion thought
that maybe reconstruction wasn't such a good idea after all. Would should have just built an impenetrable concrete wall at the Mason-Dixon line and just walked away. (We would have of course let all of the blacks in the south cross over before we sealed the doors).
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 02:15 AM
Response to Original message
6. Hey, they can't have our recently conquered bluestates
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RJ Connors Donating Member (679 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-12-08 02:25 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. Yes please, I am in one of those states
Please don't leave me alone with these people. You just can't be against torture and do that. :freak:
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