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Edited on Sat Sep-20-08 02:51 PM by 20score
Washington DC – With reports out now that Sarah Palin’s pastor, Thomas Muthee is an actual Witch Hunter, Palin is publicly calling for the ouster of Keith Olbermann; and began publicly calling for him be replaced by a Newt. Newt Gingrich to be exact. “This is getting embarrassing, if the truth be known,” said McCain spokesman Joe Lieberman. “Every day something comes out that is just better left buried. It really isn’t a lot to ask, you know. The media did that for my man Bush in 2000 and 2004. You guys never did your job then. Now with people like Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow on television, upsetting facts are getting out there – to the main stream!”
“Yeah, it’s been this way for years now,” said Major Stoner, McCain’s military advisor. “See, we get television, radio, most newspapers, and the left gets The Nation, Pacifica and part of the Internet – that way it’s fair… Oh, and we get to complain everyday that the media is liberal. This will never work if facts are allowed out. Never.”
“Well don’t you think it’s important that someone who may become president, not only has intellectual ties to the nineteenth century with the bounty on wolf paws, but also has intellectual ties to the sixteenth century with witch hunting and speaking in tongues?” asked the intrepid Arianna Huffington.
“Well yes, but so what?” Said Major Stoner. “Wasn’t it important that George Bush had failed at everything he had ever done? That he was a mental midget, a moron, incapable of governing, a fanatic, an international joke,” “Whoa, whoa…enough,” broke in Joe Lieberman. “Suffice it to say, we will all be better off if you just take something Obama said out of context and make it a big deal. You guys always do that for us. Come on!”
“Hey, I’m trying!” said a Fox News pundit. “We know you are Sean,” whined Lieberman, “but we need all of the cable stations – all of them.”
“What about Jon Stewart and Bill Maher?” asked a Tribune reporter. “The left has them.”
“Well, the left has always had the comedians – the good ones anyway,” answered Major Stoner. “Just look at Dennis Miller.. why, he sucks now, I mean really sucks!” “Okay, lets change the subject,” interjected Joe. “Lets get back on topic.”
“Okay then, why Newt Gingrich?” asked Paula Abdul.
“That was my idea,” said Joe. “I knew he’d be friendly to our cause. But it came to me because of something Sarah said. Well, she… she – wanted him turned into a real newt.”
“She kind of insisted really, “ said Major Stoner. “But I convinced her this was better.”
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