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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 01:55 PM
Original message
add me to the list of folks who are losing friends over this election..
Now this was not a close friend. We went to school together and knew each other well enough.

Got reacquainted over the last HS reunion

sending some great jokes back and forth and gossip.

Then she started in with the tacky political humor, which I just deleted

Then she sent me some stuff that was more than tacky humor. I asked her to just not send me that type of stuff that I didn't like it.

She replied back, said she would not...no problem..

but she sent another one I deleted it

Then she sent one that was just the last straw about Obama saying the Iraq war was a mistake and it was a video supposedly made by a soldier.

It just set me off.

So I responded with my own opinions on the war and how it is most definitely not unpatriotic to say it was a mistake.

And reminded her that I had asked her not to send me this stuff and that if she did I would return some angry replies.

So today she told me she would not send another email to me ever again.

So I don't like conflict and argument and it wasn't pleasant to know I had not accomplished what I wanted. But I think I will get over it.

She said I was the only person she knew who would not agree with the sentiment. Guess she needs to get out more.

this is not as if I lost my closest friend or anything. Of my 3 closest female friends, two are great Democrats. The other one is a Republican of the Rockfeller variety who unfortunately hasn't figured out what her party has done. We love her, she was in our wedding and we just don't talk about it.

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DesertFlower Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 01:59 PM
Response to Original message
1. i've lost 2 friends.
one i had for 2 years -- the other one was my friend for almost 19 years. and just the other day my hairdresser told me that she won't vote for obama because he's black.

friday i got into an argument with a man in a restaurant over politics.
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secondwind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:02 PM
Response to Reply #1
5. amazing, isn't it? they would rather vote for a white woman who went to five colleges in 7 years,
with s*** for brains, over a Harvard-educated black man who majored in International Relations (BTW - a good credential to have if you are running for Pres), and who has been vetted for two years, etc.
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DesertFlower Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:07 PM
Response to Reply #5
8. it doesn't matter to them.
i'm in arizona. not too many blacks here. i wonder if these people have ever known a black person or been friends with one. i doubt they have. i'm originally from new york city. of course, there are racists there, but not to the extent that i'm finding here.
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Bobbieo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:15 PM
Response to Reply #8
12. Yes, AZ is very bad for racism. My neighbor across the street is a black lady
and she is a sweetheart.
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DesertFlower Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:19 PM
Response to Reply #12
15. we were friends with our
black neighbors until their marriage broke up. they sold the house and we kinda lost track of each other. the husband had his master's and the wife a BA. nicest people you'd ever want to meet. BTW. it was a very white neighborhood.
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stpalmer Donating Member (111 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 06:14 PM
Response to Reply #5
37. Don't forget
Obama taught classes on Constitutional Law. He's an authority of the very subject Bush tries to maintain ignorance about.
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #1
23. I hope you will have a new
hairdresser by the time you need the next hair cut.

I dropped a right-wing hairdresser I'd had for about ten years over the Iraq War, even before the invasion.
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secondwind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:00 PM
Response to Original message
2. We're dealing with this same issue here in Massachusetts,
there isn't an easy way to deal with this. My best friend is a Pub.......... :(
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:01 PM
Response to Original message
3. This person doesn't respect your boundaries. Get a new friend. n/t
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yellerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:01 PM
Response to Original message
4. You'll be fine.
You may be surprised at how much you DON'T miss her. :hug: BTW, you are right. She does need to get out more.
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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:13 PM
Response to Reply #4
11. oh I know I will be fine. I didn't miss her in the 30 years we had been out of
touch since the 10th reunion.

I am one who will cringe when I get a snippy reply on this board :rofl:

from a total stranger

over really stupid stuff, not even political!

I am just that way.

gotta go to yoga and chill

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yellerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:46 PM
Response to Reply #11
18. There you go!
Give yourself credit for good strategy!
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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 04:48 PM
Response to Reply #18
28. and it worked.! The karma of the yoga opened me to why it even bothered me that she wrote me off
and it is such a no brainer:

My mamma raised me to not say things that would possibly hurt other folks' feelings. So any time I say something that might, or that appears to have done so (as evidenced by their response) I have my mother hanging out in my brain. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Which is why I get an attack of the 'Oh Noes what have I done if I get certain types of responses on this board even.
:shrug: :shrug:

So I'm having a twinge of guilty conscience because I swung back at something that hit my last nerve. And I wonder why I have depression


And we won't even go into the mental conversations I have with myself over what I woulda coulda shoulda said or of what I really WANT to say but hold myself back to keep the peace. It is a wonder my head doesn't explode!

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yellerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 05:01 PM
Response to Reply #28
31. Okay! I'm not going to worry about you now.
Maturity is great, isn't it? Definitely keep your head together! :rofl:
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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 08:56 PM
Response to Reply #31
32. Yep. I went from feeling I was sort of immature in my response to feeling
much more mature after the yoga class.

although I do a lot of this sometimes: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
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APPLE_PIE Donating Member (55 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:04 PM
Response to Original message
6. The solution is simple.
There are 6 1/2 billion people on this world. You can get along without one or two of them.






APPLE_PIE
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Bobbieo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:10 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. It all depends on the circumstances if you can get along without them or no!!!
I've cut off two close friends because of this - I won't be affected in any way as I am retired. Thank God this did not happen when I was working!!!
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CJCRANE Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:06 PM
Response to Original message
7. General Wesley Clark said the same thing
about the Iraq War.

He said the priorities when Bush came to power were:

1) Al-Qaeda 2) N Korea 3) Iran 4) Iraq



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RB TexLa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:11 PM
Response to Original message
10. If you lose friends over an election, they weren't friends, they are just pieces of shit.
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glaeken777 Donating Member (334 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:17 PM
Response to Original message
13. i wish it was just friends
In my case, my father and I are barely holding on to a relationship. He feels the values of his father, father before him etc etc ad infinitum, are under attack by liberals. We had a 2-hour discussion (much of it tear-filled for me) in which I tried to explain how and why my worldview has changed in a decade's time. I appealed to him as a former hippie who campaigned his heart out first for RFK, then Humphrey. No dice. I've lost my dad and he feels like I've betrayed him.
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 03:10 PM
Response to Reply #13
25. He campaigned for RFK and Humphrey?
What the hell happened to HIS values. You might want to see if he can explain that.
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glaeken777 Donating Member (334 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 03:14 PM
Response to Reply #25
26. i think we both know the answer to that n/t
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stpalmer Donating Member (111 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 06:20 PM
Response to Reply #13
38. If my dad were alive
I would be experiencing the same thing. My dad meant so much to me, but I even hid from him that I majored in Sociology. He had no respect for liberal ideology. He would freak if he knew how pro-abortion, pro gay marriage, and pro-acceptance of race and religion I am. But he lived a narrow and dismissive life, and I'm living an open and loving life. Who loses?

YOU CANNOT CHANGE his opinions--don't even try. Let him be in his choices...he's had a different life and different lessons to learn than you.

YOU ARE MORE EVOLVED!
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Frustratedlady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:18 PM
Response to Original message
14. You aren't alone, trust me. Too many select a president like they do an American Idol.
Little by little, people are beginning to see what a mistake this whole Bush Era has been, but it took a couple jabs to their pocketbook to wake them up.

They will get caught up in the wave, but maybe not in time for the election.

Sarah's tiara has enough time to slip, though, so maybe they'll see she's an airhead and nothing more.
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Turbineguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:24 PM
Response to Original message
16. Losing a friend
Edited on Sun Sep-07-08 02:27 PM by Turbineguy
is a victory for Rush Limbaugh and his ilk.

He's turned pitting Americans against one another into a $50 million per year paycheck for himself. Your lost friend pays into it.

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CrispyQ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:27 PM
Response to Original message
17. Many will tell you that you shouldn't let politics get between you & a friend
or family member. But here's the thing. The current republican & democratic views are so contradictory that you are dealing with more than a simple difference of opinion on politics - they are different world views. Competitive or cooperative? "You're On Your Own" (YOYO) or "We're In This Together" (WITT)? Value the individual at the cost of the community or support the community, knowing that it is only within a strong community that individuals can excel?

I have many republican acquaintances, but no close republican friends. My mother was a republican & it strained our relationship almost to the breaking point. Like your friend, she would not cease & desist with the mean-spirited, hateful emails, even after many requests from me to do so. She passed away last year & although I do miss her, I do not miss the conflict & confrontation that I'm sure this election would have brought on.

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Lex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:49 PM
Response to Original message
19. Well, geez, how many times did you have to ask her?
She obviously didn't care about what you were politely asking her not to do, time and again.

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Lorien Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 03:14 PM
Response to Reply #19
27. They can always dish it out, but they really can't take it when you send them a
contrary view. Amazing, isn't it?
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stpalmer Donating Member (111 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 06:22 PM
Response to Reply #27
39. You are so right!
My republican friend love to bash liberals, but consider any discussion of actual issues (instead of one line zingers) an insult. "You're attacking me!"
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donco6 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:50 PM
Response to Original message
20. I look at it this way . . .
You were really losing this friend already - just very slowly. No confrontations, no disagreements, everything all neat and tidy and kept very very separate. All this did was force you to confront the fact that you don't really have much in common anymore, and it's probably time to make the separation permanent. No big loss.
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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 04:54 PM
Response to Reply #20
29. that and the fact I was on to her from her bio at our last reunion. She boldly
stated she was a Conservative. Well I am too about some things, like the environment and the national debt.

But she either didn't remember anything about me or wasn't paying attention to what I replied to and what I didn't
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demosincebirth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 02:55 PM
Response to Original message
21. I worked for a large union company and 99% of the employees were democrats.
Not much conflict there.
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a la izquierda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 03:03 PM
Response to Original message
22. It took one swift, smartly worded email
to get through to my sisters-in-law. No more political BS emails from them.
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underseasurveyor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 03:08 PM
Response to Original message
24. Shit I been losing friends for 8 years now
ha ha... most of them not good friends obviously as I don't give up on true friends so easily. The one I am saddest about is a girl friend of over 20 years. We have seen each other through some really hard struggles, and even though we still talk on the phone from time to time I can detect that, 'yea well whatever' disconnect in her voice. Perhaps with time we can get close again.

On the up-side of course (and there is always an up-side to everything) is that the 'deleting' of some friends has made that that much more room for newer, greater, and like-minded people. So I look at it as another one of those win-win situations.
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RobinA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-07-08 05:00 PM
Response to Original message
30. Luckily
I have not lost my Bushnik friend. Our last exchange on the subject was, "Well, they haven't found any weapons of mass destruction." "They haven't been looking very long, they will find them." The discussion before that was, "Watch, they will find zero weapons of mass destruction, the whole thing is a hoax to get us into war." "Oh, they'll find them, didn't you listen to Colin Powell?" She has left the subject strictly alone and I have refrained from "I told you so."

I am quite sure I will get some glow about the lovely and down to earth Everymom Ms. Palin, to which I will respond that people who lie and make fun of other people are not my favorite people, and we should have another election cycle silence on the matter.
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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 08:40 AM
Response to Reply #30
33. I try to maintain this sort of mutual non agression pact with my Repub acquaintances
there are so many other great things to talk about with someone you really like a lot. It happens the subject person in my OP was not that close to me.


My dear dear deluded Republican friend who is in every other aspect of her life quite normal is a vastly enjoyable person to be around. We talk a lot about caves, and cats, and children and Kentucky and mutual friends of which we have many, and relationships and faith and all kinds of stuff.

I have many Democratic friends with whom I would never discuss caves..it would make them fall asleep ..why bother?
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cobalt1999 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 08:43 AM
Response to Reply #30
34. Most of my friends are stanch republicans.
I live in the Bible Belt, so it's unavoidable.

I haven't lost any friends either. We send each other stuff and laugh at what we get. We all leave the "I told you so" comments alone too.
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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 05:59 PM
Response to Reply #34
35. not everything bothers me. like if it is involving a good play on words, or a joke
that evolved from something a person actually said.

What I was getting from the person in the original OP was all Rush Limbaugh stuff.
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stpalmer Donating Member (111 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
36. I lost my best friend :(
She and I have been friends for almost 15 years. Thick and thin. I was her son's kindergarten teacher once upon a time. She's always been a republican, I am democrat. She's religious, I'm agnostic. But best friends, do anything for each other. I've always backed down, changed the subject, found middle ground. When she told me Obama gave her a "bad feeling" and she wouldn't vote for him, I kept my mouth shut about the fact that she had a "good feeling" about George Bush twice.

Until a month ago, when The New Yorker printed a cartoon cover of Obama and called it satire. She thought it was funny, and I wouldn't let it go. I'd had enough of being the one to back off. I explained to her how it was racist, not satire. She got very upset and told me that I was to never discuss politics with her, and shouldn't with anyone else ever again, because I obviously take things personally. She said I made her feel stupid, and I was pressuring her and she wasn't going to take it.

I found out the next day that she told her husband that I said all of her Republican friends were "F.... racists". It never happened. Now I see her as a liar, and I can't trust her anymore.

Our friendship was surviving on me backing down, backing off, and listening and not disagreeing directly. I just won't do that anymore.

The best part: She no longer sends anti-Obama propaganda.
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asdjrocky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 06:22 PM
Response to Reply #36
40. Good for you!
Sounded kinda one sided to me. Oh yeah, and a big welcome to DU :hi:!
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stpalmer Donating Member (111 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 06:25 PM
Response to Reply #40
41. Need to talk to like-minded peeps
I live in a very conservative town: Focus on the Family, several military bases, lots of rednecks and right wing religious nuts. Even the other teacher I know are Repubs, and that almost seems like a crime!
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asdjrocky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 08:10 PM
Response to Reply #41
43. Wow,
I haven't met too many teachers in my life that are pugs.
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upnatom65 Donating Member (12 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-08-08 06:37 PM
Response to Reply #36
42. strained the relationship with aunt
Yesterday, I replied to an email from my aunt. She basically said Obama believes in killing born babies and she could never support anyone who believed that. She also brought up the 130 present votes, the evil of raising taxes, and the support of blacks for Obama just because he's black.

When I did a thorough reply complete with source links, she took complete offense and just said she would never email me about politics again because I was nuts and had no sense of humor. She signed off with, 'your stupid aunt'.

I accept that we come at politics and elections from totally different views. I am pro-choice and don't put the pro-life view anywhere on my list. This is just too much for her to accept.

I'm totally okay with our relationship dissolving because she is too emotionally based for me while I think I am much more analytical.

To those who lose friends or family over politics, all I can say is you are not alone :)
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