Future Headlines ... - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Mon Aug-18-08 12:12 AM
Original message

Future Headlines ...

Edited on Mon Aug-18-08 12:14 AM by NanceGreggs

... and related stories we'd all like to see:

Balding Panhandler Identified as Former Political Big-Wig
“A filthy, flea-infested beggar, who, along with his famous tin cup, has long been a fixture on the corner of 52nd and Broadway, was positively identified today as a former GOP ‘strategist’ who apparently fell on hard times …”

Another BushCo Associate Arrested
“Joining the ranks of several hundred other former Bush administration officials facing prosecution, yet another ‘insider’ was read his Miranda rights earlier today before being led off in handcuffs …”

Former Billionaire Dies Penniless and Alone
“In a shocking end to what was once touted as an American success story, police were called to remove the body of a once prominent and wealthy Republican operative from a flop-house in L.A. this weekend. ‘He’d been dead for weeks,’ said an officer on the scene. ‘You’d think somebody somewhere would have cared enough about him to have realized he needed help. Apparently no one did.’”

Yet Another Former Bush Admin Member Facing Charges of Treason
“There was a time when being charged with treason against the United States was headline news. But since investigations into the Bush presidency were launched, it’s just another story too common to rate anything more than a mention on the bottom-screen crawl of most TV news networks …”

Gitmo Overcrowding a Growing Concern
“The decision to house Republicans awaiting trial (for crimes ranging from treason to tax evasion committed between 2001 and 2008) at the once-infamous Guantanamo facility is now causing the government a headache of mammoth proportions. ‘They told us a couple of hundred, tops,’ said an anonymous source in the processing department. ‘But we’re seeing that many come in per day. I don’t know where we’re supposed to put them all.’”

Hague Trials Continue Unabated
“A series of war crime trials of former US officials entered its fifth year this morning, with no end in sight …”

Justice Delayed – But Not Denied!
“Former CIA operative, Valerie Plame Wilson, was awarded $3,000,000,000 just moments ago in a precedent-setting case that named former US President Bush and former VP Cheney as defendants. One of the defense lawyers (who spoke on the basis of anonymity due to concerns about her ability to secure clients in future) tearfully told reporters that both men would undoubtedly be financially wiped-out as a result of the ruling.”

Anniversary ‘Laugh-In’ Acclaimed as International Success
“Last evening’s televised event celebrating the anniversary of the demise of the G.W. Bush presidency, which featured standup comics from around the globe repeating Bush’s actual quotes, was an unmitigated success. While the numbers have not yet been officially tabulated, viewership is estimated to have broken all standing records for any previously televised event.”

Latest Tell-All Book About Bush Years Still Searching for Publisher
“Having been completely saturated with drafts of proposed books claiming to disclose first-hand accounts of the crimes of the Bush administration, US publishers have finally had enough. ‘Sure, there was a time we would have paid big bucks for this kind of thing,’ said the senior editor at one well-known NY publishing firm. ‘But since the trials started, this is all public knowledge. I mean, who wants to lay out money for shit that everybody and his mother already knows?’”

President Remains Unmoved
“As a result of what many are calling overwhelming pressure from the citizenry, the President somberly announced this morning that he will not be issuing pardons for former Bush administration members. Sentences ranging from firing-squad executions for those found guilty of treason, to lesser penalties of life-long incarceration without the possibility of parole, will now be carried out as ordered by presiding justices …”