Future Ground Rules for Unfaithful Politicians

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

If you have in fact had an affair, please follow one of these 2 plans from THE FIRST DAY of your campaign when the issue of marital fidelity comes up.

Plan A. "None of your beeswax."

This is as good as saying yes. Insist that you are raising the caliber of political discourse by not satisfying the prurient interests of the tabloid press who attempt to divert the public from matters of real import. Stick to this no matter what. America will admire your forthrightness and confidence.


Plan B. Boldly admit to it. Say "Yes." followed by whichever one of these suits:

a. Fortunately, we count ourselves among the lucky who succeeded in preserving our marriage.
b. There was a time when I experimented with superficial dalliances. (This lets us know multiple acts)
c. I was part of a control group for Viagra. My actions were strictly to further medical knowledge
d. We actually belong to a swinger's club


America will be struck dumb by the unexpected honesty. "At least he's honest" will become the new catchphrase.


Under no circumstances should you ever specifically deny infidelity if that is not the case. You will probably always be found out and then you will just look deceitful(as you are).

[NYCGirl]

1. Plan C. Don't pay them a salary out of your PAC money. NT