The Parable of the Talents, Updated for Modern Times

[jmowreader]

A father called his three sons together. He gave the first ten talents, the second five and the third one. "Go forth, and come back in a year to tell me how you did."

After the year was up, his three sons rejoined the father.

The first one spoke: "Father, I took your ten talents and invested them in a balanced portfolio of growth stocks, high-yield bonds and precious metals. My investments all generated excellent yields. Here are fifty talents. I'm still in all of my positions, so expect another fifty talents when we meet again next year." The father was very pleased at his son's wisdom.

The second one didn't have such good news. "Father, I invested your five talents in commercial real estate. For the first ten months, things looked really good. Unfortunately, the major employer in the area I did it in outsourced to China a month ago and property values went to shit. Fortunately, I heard about it before anyone else did and liquidated all my positions quickly. Here are your five talents, plus two more." The father was sympathetic.

The third one reported, "Father, I spent half your money on booze and cocaine, one-third on prostitutes and the rest on a down payment on a Corvette. With a hooker in the passenger seat and a bottle of Jack Daniel's in my hand, I drove my car at speeds in excess of 100mph one night and wound up wrapping it around a tree. The girl wound up in intensive care, I got put in jail...could you give me three more talents for a lawyer?" The father put his head in his hands. "Oh Lord...he's going to be president some day..."