Memorial Day message from an Iraq War vetran

[proud2BlibKansan]

Memorial Day 2008
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Letters from a Desperate Veteran part 1: A memorial service yet to be held
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I received two phone calls today. The calls had very similar messages in wording, yet totally different meanings to me. The first was from a fellow veteran and activist, asking that I "try to have a peaceful Memorial Day". The second was from my brother, wishing me "a happy Memorial Day". If you've read my poem "Survivor's Guilt" you already know that I find nothing "happy" about Memorial Day. I type this letter in the hope that I may find some kind of peace today.

Memorial: something designed to preserve the memory of a person, event, etc. as a monument or a holiday.

It's becoming all too apparent to me that every year, on this day, overtake everything. Once again, I find my mind flooding with memories and my finger itching to pull the trigger and splatter those memories across the ceiling. It would seem logical to assume that if memories are merely electronic imprints made on grey matter in my skull that 12 gauge triple aut buckshot is the best way to remove memories. Maybe that's just jarhead logic. Before that day comes I want to share some memories with whomever wishes to read about them.

Most of all, I remember the pain. The pain of back-to-back deployments; The pain of false pride; The pain of a military family's last dinner together before the Marine heads to the armory to check out his rifle and wait for a white bus; The pain of "let's drink until we forget what happened".

The pain of packing up a fellow Marine's combat gear and personal belongings to send back to the states because he didn't have any legs, arms, chest or back to carry it back with him. It's a double edged sword, but lucky for him, he didn't have a head to carry back any memories with either. Even more pain when I couldn't stick a letter in with his stuff to tell his parents that their son had died for a good cause.

I remember the Marines. Not a single one of them needed a campaign medal or a combat action ribbon to wear on their uniform to prove that they had seen what they had seen and endured what they had endured. Most of them wore it on their faces. All wore it on their hearts. When looking back I remember everyone understanding everyone else's pain, because everyone felt it to the same degree, just at different times. We held eachother up and helped eachother through, and I'll always have that memory.

I remember July 15, 2005 with Camp Pendleton in my rear-view, and I was scared. i was scared because I had always thought that when I left, I'd be leaving my memories behind, but they were in the backseat when I left, following me everywhere, no matter how far I run. I guess the memory of a young Iraqi girl losing her face and arm because of American ordnance is a memory with some strong legs on it. I don't even run from them anymore, I'll just end up dying tired.

I remember dying. I see it happen over and over again in my head. It's happened so many times, I can't stop thinking about it. Like when I killed a man for the first time, and the second time and the 50th time. Like when I didn't have the balls to speak how I truly felt and declare " I refuse to take part in this depraved lunacy". I've died so many times, I've forgotten how to live.

So, today is a day for memories, specifically the memory of all those who have made a sacrifice for this country. Today I will honor and remember my morality and my dignity, along with all the heroes who have fallen. May they rest in peace.


I wish for all my brothers and sisters who have ever worn the uniform, that they may find peace this Memorial Day, and that everyone keeps their memories close to their heart.

God bless,

[Donkeykick]

1. Thanks...

for sharing that. I hope that you also find what you are looking for--PEACE.

[Hissyspit]

2. Yipes. Who says "Happy" Memorial Day? Way to miss the point.

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. I just realized I spelled "veteran" wrong

Oops

Too late to edit :banghead:

[T Monk]

3. killer in me is the killer in you the smashing pumpkins

[KSinTX]

4. A moment for our fallen and particularly for you, proud

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. That's very sweet, thank you

[1776Forever]

5. From the Mother of 2 Iraq Vets & Wife of Vietnam Vet -

When you put on the uniform of the United States Military it is one that comes with pride and sacrifice. You are lead by our "leaders" in the White House, and have no final say in your mission. In the Iraq War we are sending our troops into battles with no withdrawal strategy, as was the case with the treacherous and evil minds of Rumsfeld and others that was evident from the very beginning!

When the next Administration comes into office it is my hope that President Barack Obama will give us back the guidance that is needed to lead our men and women in uniform to a place of pride again. We should be there for them on their return with the best health care possible and more good job opportunities! That is the least we can do for them!

A blessed Memorial Day to all our Veterans and their families - Thank you for your service to our country.