To be a good Republican, you must believe these things

[Harry Monroe]

To be a good Republican you need to believe:

1.) Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.
1b.) That is, unless you're soliciting gay sex in the men's room of public
buildings.

2.) Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy
made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and bad guy
when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.

3.) Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade
with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4.) The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .

5.) A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.

6.) The best way to improve military morale is to praise the
troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7.) If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8.) A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime
allies,then demand their cooperation and money.

9.) Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but
providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance
companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10.) Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11.) A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in
which tens of thousands die is solid defense policy.

12.) Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13.) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

14.) You support 'Executive Privilege' for every Republican ever born, who
will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

15.) Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing
orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

If you do or don't send this to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be
stuck with more Republicans in 2008.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican!

[Cirque du So-What]

1. As much as I enjoy this montage every time I see it

I'd like to see some new ones added.

Here's one:

x) Democrats must renounce every controversial figure with whom they've ever been associated, while those in the GOP can actually exploit their associations with controversial individuals to their advantage.

It's not much, but it's the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. There are some real bards on DU, however, so show us what ya got!