Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

***DUzy Awards for week ending February 29, 2008***

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010) Donate to DU
 
JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 06:50 PM
Original message
***DUzy Awards for week ending February 29, 2008***


Welcome to the brash, buff, brilliantined DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!


The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday... uh, just like this week! Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.


Special thanks to stellanoir, krispos42, Kurovski, x-g.o.p.er, rocknation, WilliamPitt, calimary, Peake, Warpy, Bleachers7, SeattleGirl, TommyO, DuStrange, asthmaticeog, CaliforniaPeggy, FlyingSquirrel, unhappycamper, Buzz Clik, dicksteele, HawkeyeX, Lars39, MuseRider, badgerpup, babylonsister, Bluebear, hootinholler, orleans, eppur_se_muova and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.


These should have appeared last week:

On a thread by Hieronymus:

      Watching Hillary, I keep thinking of Angela Lansbury.

response #1 by kypp:

      Concession, she wrote.

response #3 by Bucky:

      No, no! Rebecca De Mornay.
Only, Clinton would be a more reliable babysitter.

GDP, February 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by terrya:

      A question about posting in the future.

response #5 by here_is_to_hope:

      I think you need a time machine to post "in the future"...n/t

GD, February 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by lynyrd_skynyrd:

      I have a Masters/PhD/am a engineer/doctor/scientist and post on DU
A public service announcement to everyone on DU and on the entire Internet who posts about their credentials in this that or the other to make a point or keep from embarrassing themselves....

Nobody believes you.

And you're lying.


That is all.

response #1 by Lastlaughin08:

      Impressive. How are you in the rack?

response #4 by panader0:

      I'm a bricklayer
But my girlfriend won't let me show my credentials to anyone but her.......

response #8 by blondeatlast:

      I'm a Domestic Goddess.
Really.

response #10 by JoePhilly:

      Do you mean that no one believes my claims of a HUGE member??
I actually do have a Masters and a PhD. But now I am very self conscious.

:hide:

response #12 by stellanoir:

      I've a medical degree
from the "Lance & Leech School of Medicine" from the 1500's so it is not at all advisable to ask me for medical advice.

Okay. . .?

Just saying.

response #17 by Indenturedebtor:

      I'm an advertising salesman
But you can call me Dr. Love ;)

response #31 by Aviation Pro:

      I am Jack's Colon.....
...and I vote.

response #41 by fiziwig:

      I won the Nobel Prize for inventing the rubber band. NT

response #50 by Herdin_Cats:

      As for me, I'm unemployed, disabled and dropped out of college. But I have opinions, damnit! nt

response #68 by rockymountaindem:

      Fuck all that. I've been on TV!
Respect my authori-tah!

response #72 by Postman:

      I'm not any of those. But I DID sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night....

response #114 by GOPBasher:

      I have a PH.D. in whatever we're currently debating. :-) n/t

response #129 by NeedleCast:

      I Don't Have a Degree, but I Know Everything
so that kinda makes up for it.

response #142 by Hissyspit:

      Well, I've never lied about my credentials, but that doesn't mean anyone believes me.
If I was lying, I'd make up BETTER credentials!

response #147 by rucky:

      As an Official Bikini Inspector...
I'll have to disagree with your premise.

response #154 by mitchum:

      I am Zodiac

GD, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Sensitivity:

      Is Hillary's words of sweet admiration of Obama a DANGEROUS SEDUCTION?

response #1 by okasha:

      Is they?

response #6 by smalll:

      No, she's trying to get him to pick her as VP
then she'll pull a Borgia and poison him once he wins the White House. :eyes:

response #18 by Bucky:

      Is this GDP or a WW1 poster warning doughboys in Paris about VD?
"Stay away from them brothels, lads. These citygals got the clap and half o' them're spying for the Bosch!"

response #44 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Bungle fever?

response #49 by mtnsnake:

      I suppose it would have made you happier if she gouged his eyes out & kicked him in the nuts instead
of showing him respect and admiration. :crazy:

response #65 by KoKo01:

      Hillary has beguiled him with her "snake eyed" feminine charms....
((((((Look into my eyes Barack...you will see the wonders of the world...look ...look))))

response #66 by Beausoir:

      Yes..they IS! Remember what Eve did to Adam? Here's what I heard from my brother's ex-girlfriend's
step-mom's cousin:

Hillary is trying to seduce Obama!

Pass it on.

GDP, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by swag:

      Bill Clinton, you were a good preznit,
but quit wagging that finger of yours.

It's really starting to get on my tits.

response #1 by AZCat:

      You shouldn't stand...
quite so close to him, then.

Maybe a few more feet away would help?

response #2 by swag:

      Good advice.
Many thanks.

Now what to do about my metaphorical tits?

response #3 by AZCat:

      Hopefully his finger won't be on them anymore...
now that you've moved away from him?

GD, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by NavyVet07:

      The American Social Breakdown
... Most striking of all policies is that imposed on the private family structure in America. The glamorization of either preteen pregnancies or single parenthood is in the genesis of providing the nation with a burden. The nuclear family has been facing attacks since the 70's to degenerate and break down into multitudes of "illegitimate relationships". This is certainly frightening, based on the concept of human, if not animal nature...

response #5 by Batgirl:

      "The nuclear family has been facing attacks"???!!!
"Since the 70's" you say? Which have caused it to "break down into multitudes of 'illegitimate relationships"!!????!!??

Well, that's just great. I just drank my last bottle of Y2K water.

response #10 by Canuckistanian:

      Take a break
You've got a successful post, rising up the Greatest Page.

Now, reflect for a while and THINK about what you want to say next.

Hone it down to a basic message. THEN post.

response #24 by catnhatnh:

      Can I keep it? Can I keep it? Hey George....
I promise to keep it and feed it and pet it...Please George?

response #26 by asdjrocky:

      Ok Lenny, but ya gotta be gentle.

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GD, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by DemReadingDU:

      C-span David Jackson about Iraq War Profiteering - dupe/delete
please delete

response #1 by stellanoir:

      thank you for deleting war profiteering
I'm so relieved. Who would have thought that it would have been that easy. . .?

GD, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by edhopper:

      I am smarter than the President of the United States, and I post on DU!
Oh yeah, so is everyone else here.

response #1 by Mythsaje:

      I was about to say...
The only ones NOT smarter than the President are the trolls. Probably.

response #2 by tularetom:

      I'm smarter than him too and I locked my keys in my truck Friday
with my cell phone laying on the seat inside. In a friggin torrential rainstorm.

Fortunately it was right next to where my daughter in law works and she gave me a ride home to get my spare set (20 miles each way).

response #3 by Richard D:

      The sack of potatoes . . .
. . . on top of my refrigerator are smarter than the pResident. Far more useful as well.

response #5 by melody:

      My grandnephew's imaginary friend is smarter than George Bush
And he doesn't even exist.

GD, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by senseandsensibility:

      Why does Hillary maintain a lead in Ohio?

response #1 by MethuenProgressive:

      They don't read DU there?
Just a guess.

GDP, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Drunken Irishman:

      When I was a kid, she scared me shitless.

response #2 by WritingIsMyReligion:

      Oh, I thought this might be a Hillary Clinton thread.
:evilgrin:

The Lounge, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by horseface:

      ****Official Why Barack Obama Can't Win thread****
lets go back as far as we can and list all the reasons.

1. Will never beat the Clinton Machine

2. Can't raise enough money to compete

3. Is too new to politics

.... you get the idea..... post your reasons that you've heard from any source... let's see how many we can get

response #9 by faygokid:

      He hasn't won all 11 primaries in a row by at least 20 points.
Sadly, he only beat Hillary in Wisconsin by 17 points. Clear indication of the great run of success she's enjoying now.

response #19 by marylanddem:

      Because he gives people hope and people shouldn't have hope

And see below for Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GDP, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by GoddessOfGuinness:

      Q: What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?

response #19 by Oeditpus Rex:

      So what makes a *good* conductor?
I've had many fantasies about conducting. I'd really like to know.

response #24 by Rabrrrrrr:

      An ability to give up electrons easily

And a wealth of conductor & musician jokes...

The Lounge, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Obamaman2008:

      The History of Hillary's Campaign in Emoticons
Before Iowa: :boring:

After Iowa: :cry:

New Hampshire: :wow:

Nevada: :woohoo:

South Carolina: :shrug:

Super Tuesday: :popcorn:

Washington: :wtf:

Louisiana: :wtf:

Nebraska: :wtf:

Virgin Islands: :wtf:

Maine: :scared:

DC: :banghead:

Maryland: :banghead:

Virginia: :banghead:

Wisconsin: :argh:

Hawaii: :argh:

Debate: :silly: :pals: :grouphug:

Today: :rant:

Now: :crazy:

Future: :tinfoilhat:

What is your story?

GDP, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by sce56:

      More censorship here at DU?
Why is this Post not on the front page?

response #23 by sfexpat2000:

      Let's just make shit up about Skinner. I'll start.
Skinner invented the internets!

response #26 by DarkTirade:

      Skinner has always had a secret superpower that he keeps from us.
Any pair of underwear he puts on magically becomes clean.

So Skinner has NEVER worn dirty underwear. It's physically impossible.

response #65 by Bunny:

      Skinner ate my baby!
He doesn't much resemble a dingo, does he? :shrug:

response #86 by Oregonian:

      Skinner skins babies before he eats them.
Why do you think he's called "Skinner," anyway?

Skinner says the extra fat in the baby skin isn't worth the calories. That's part of the reason he looks so trim and youthful, because he pays attention to things like that.

Skinner says that it's wasteful to throw baby skin away, so he makes ponchos and retro hippie vests with fringe out of the leftover skin and gives them as X-mas, Hanukkah and Kwanza presents.

response #28 by turtlensue:

      Skinner is secretly funding
Lee Mercer, Jr. !!! :rofl:

response #29 by DarkTirade:

      Psst... you're supposed to make stuff up, not tell things that are true here.
:P

response #33 by scarletwoman:

      All three?!?!?
:wow:

response #31 by Ikonoklast:

      Chuck Norris fears only two things
And Skinner is both of them.

response #34 by madinmaryland:

      I thought Chuck Norris feared Lee Mercer. (all three)

response #35 by Ikonoklast:

      Only when he gets all up in his house
With disease.

Would piss me off, too.

National and International.

response #39 by Finnfan:

      He leaves the toilet seat up.
His wife never stops complaining about it.

response #48 by Midlodemocrat:

      Prior to his wedding, Skinner dated Ann Coulter.
AND, was thinking about asking for her talons in marriage.

response #55 by flvegan:

      They only broke up because he couldn't hang upside down by his feet to sleep.

response #50 by chimpsrsmarter:

      Skinner bought me store brand laundry detergent and now i have a rash. Skinner!! shakes fist in air!

response #68 by Laurab:

      You're Skinner's favorite - he never bought ME anything! nt

response #69 by chimpsrsmarter:

      if i was really his favorite he would have sprung for the Tide!

response #56 by WilliamPitt:

      He makes in his pants sometimes.

response #99 by sfexpat2000:

      Skinner wrote this post.
:smoke:

response #102 by merh:

      Skinner wrote every post on this board
except for the OP. :freak:

response #103 by Ellen Forradalom:

      Skinner was Ross Perot's campaign manager.

response #105 by Yavin4:

      Skinner innovated his own school of Radical Behaviorism
which seeks to understand behavior as a function of environmental histories of reinforcing consequences. He is known as the inventor of the operant conditioning chamber (or Skinner box), a research tool used to examine the orderly relations of the behavior of organisms (such as rats, pigeons and humans) to their environment. He is the author of Walden Two, Beyond Freedom and Dignity, Verbal Behavior and numerous other books and articles. He discovered what is now called operant conditioning and articulated the now widely accepted term reinforcement as a scientific principle of behavior. His position reflects the extension of the influence of physicist Ernst Mach's The Science of Mechanics to the subject of psychology. Skinner's pioneering research reflected the dual influence of whole organism research in Ivan Pavlov and Jacques Loeb.

response #116 by temeah:

      Skinner, in fact, drives a Hummer (H1!) AND was responsible for the cancellation of "Firefly"
:grr:

response #129 by blondeatlast:

      And takes two spaces to park it! nt

response #138 by temeah:

      One of them being a Handicapped spot!!!!!

response #112 by MilesColtrane:

      Edward G. Robinson's original line in "The Ten Commandments" was,...
..."Where's your Skinner now?".

response #136 by Hardhead:

      Locking. If you have a question about DU policies, please...
CALL CONGRESS!!!!! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!

response #141 by Crabby Appleton:

      Unlocking

Much, much more. See below for Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GD, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by matcom:

      Attention. Is this mic on? *Tap* *Tap* - Good Evening. Could all the racists check in for a moment?
If you would be so kind BEFORE the buffet starts to quickly post in here, I would appreciate it.

I promise there will be enough Steamship Round for everyone but I need you to drop your business card in this thread.

Thank you.

This will help build my ignore list in a more efficient manner than it is being built now.

Thank you again and please, don't forget to tip your waitress. Our production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers will start promptly at 8:30.

response #2 by Cant trust em:

      What's wrong with Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?
Maybe a "Birth of a Nation" viewing party?

response #5 by matcom:

      well OBVIOUSLY it is about a Mormon cult that interbreeds
but if you are ok with that, Mittens is looking for a job now :rofl:

response #4 by sniffa:

      I haven't seen any racists here in some time
but that's due to my morbidly obese ignore list.

response #6 by sniffa:

      I stand corrected
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

GDP, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by trumad:

      Um---let's see---- Sex with my wife, or switch to Obama? This is a tough one.
My wife absolutely loves Hillary..... Me on the other hand, love both Hillary and Obama-----but I'm secretly getting ready to hop on Obama's bandwagon. Secretly because if I announce it publicly--- I might be cut-off for awhile.

So---Sex---- or Obama?

response #1 by Jackpine Radical:

      I take it she doesnt read DU?
Otherwise you may have jusr created a non-issue for yourself.

response #6 by I keep her far away from this place...:
She read one of our threads on Google's news page a couple of weeks attacking Hillary.... she clicked on it and was logged in on my account. She replied to the thread but used the alert button for the reply... LOL---Some mod got an earful. I'm still laughing about it.

response #2 by Ravy:

      I choose sex with your wife. Where do I sign up?
Sorry, couldn't resist.

response #14 by rug:

      Or you can switch to Nader and have sex with yourself.

GDP, February 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



Poll question by BuyingThyme:

      Were a President Hillary Clinton to spend time cutting the brush on a fake pig farm,
would the American people view it as presidential?

:bluebox: Yes.

:bluebox: No.

At press time, "No." was winning with 52% of the votes.

GDP, February 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by proud2Blib:

      Man Views Porn on Nun's Computer
"A civilian State Police employee was accused of sneaking into a church to look at pornography on a nun's computer. Police arrested Thomas G. Findler Wednesday and charged him with burglary and theft..."

response #1 by melody:

      They probably should have phrased that differently
Findler accessed internet porn via the nun's computer ... either that or that nun has a seriously
unusual private life for a sister.

response #4 by Lastlaughin08:

      He was only trying to kick the habit
but now he'll wind up getting nun..........

Poor Thomas.

response #5 by orleans:

      wow--that nun must have had a lot of porn on her computer for the
guy to spend three whole weeks watching it!

response #8 by JustABozoOnThisBus:

      I think his sentence
will somehow involve a nun with a ruler.

This could be painful.

response #12 by frebrd:

      So, do they perform
an exorcism on the computer or what?

:rofl:

GD, February 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by madinmaryland:

      You fucking village idiots need to get over the primary thingie because Lee Mercer
has it wrapped up!

The Lounge, February 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci:

      The nude pics failed to sway the jury: "Lohan thriller named worst at Razzies"
"The fourth acting 'dis-honor' announced at Saturday's Golden Raspberry Awards went to Lindsay Lohan, who actually was voted two worst-actress trophies for the thriller 'I Know Who Killed Me,' the worst-picture winner in which she played dual roles.

'I Know Who Killed Me' set a new Razzies record with eight awards, including worst screen couple for Lohan in her double role..."

response #1 by DarkTirade:

      Now I'm actually curious enough to see it...
before I didn't care. Now I just want to see if it's really that bad. :P

response #2 by nuxvomica:

      I haven't rented it because even the notes on the DVD case...
are confusing. I like a so-bad-it's-good movie as much as the next guy but I think this one would be just pure befuddlement and frustration.

response #4 by primate1:

      It's not so bad it's good.
It's just really fucking bad.

The Lounge, February 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by SoCalDem:

      Monkey bottoms.. There may be something to this evolution thing after all
"A new study found that male monkeys will give up their juice rewards in order to ogle pictures of female monkey's bottoms. The way the experiment was set up, the act is akin to paying for the images, the researchers say. The rhesus macaque monkeys also splurged on photos of top-dog counterparts, the high-ranking primates. Maybe that's like you or me buying People magazine.

The research, which will be detailed in the March issue of Current Biology, gets more interesting. The scientists actually had to pay these guys, in the form of extra juice, to get them to look at images of lower-ranking monkeys.

Curiously, the monkeys in the test hadn't had any direct physical contact with the monkeys in the photos, so they didn't have personal experience with who was hot and who was not..."

response #1 by Mythsaje:

      Monkeys are frighteningly similar to humans, aren't they?
Damned primates...sex crazed maniacs. All of them.

response #2 by thunder rising:

      Or is it the other way around?

response #4 by lumberjack_jeff:

      Oook.
Check out GD/p I have no doubt that both candidates most rabid supporters only resort to words because vocalizing and striking the ground with sticks doesn't translate so well to a digital medium.

response #3 by rateyes:

      Animals!!
Next thing you know they'll be playing with their "bananas."

GD, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by lame54:

      John McCain, Barry Bonds, Larry Craig and Roger Clemens are all innocent
How do I know this?
They all DENIED the charges against them
Good job guys

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Midlodemocrat:

      Why Rabrrrrrr won't vote for Obama.
Rabrrrrrr. The wise ranter of the lounge. The martini drinking, three piece suit wearing, grammar, punctuation and spelling perfectionist. THAT Rabrrrrrr. The Rabrrrrrr who brings us the Match Game each Wednesday. Connoisseur of fine foods and drink.

It has nothing to do with Obama's positions. It has nothing to do with Hillary's positions. He's not going to 'sit it out' because his candidate isn't one of the two last standing.

No. That's not it.


Rabrrrrrr won't vote for Obama because...



His campaign slogan ends in a preposition. :scared:

response #3 by dbaker41:

      "Change In Which We Can Believe"
That one? Somehow it just ain't the same that-a way ...

:rofl:

response #4 by Rabrrrrrr:

      How about "Change in which we can believe and up with which we can put"?
:rofl:

The Lounge, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Cyrano:

      I'm more patriotic than you.
Ive had my fingernails and toenails pulled and replaced with little plastic American flags.

Ive got 50 stars lasered onto the upper left side of my butt, with stripes covering all else.

American flags on sticks are implanted in my ears. You should see me on a windy day.

My contact lenses are red, white and blue. Its a USA world out there.

Large flag pins are welded to my chest where my lapels would be when Im dressed.

A small kudzu statue of Bush holding a flag is implanted on top of my head.

An American flag tattoo covers my privates. Reveille makes me happy. Taps doesnt.


If we ever get a 51st state, I am so, so screwed.

response #2 by cloudbase:

      No, you're not.
I'VE had the president issue a signing statement saying that I'm patrioticer than you. So there!

response #4 by democrank:

      I'm more patriotic than you.
Whenever I make meatloaf, I divide the top into 50 little sections and hand-color each one with a state motto. Plus, I have a
LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT bumper sticker

response #6 by Redstone:

      Well, I'm so patriotic, I even PISS red, white, and blue. No, you can't watch.

response #9 by DiktatrW:

      Sounds like the clap,
better get that looked at.

:)

response #7 by Viva_La_Revolution:

      Unless the flag wraps all the way around, you are NO patriot!
:rofl:

response #12 by nathan hale:

      That's pretty good.
I joined the Marine Corps, went to Vietnam, and lost my virginity for my country.

response #16 by Indenturedebtor:

      Lol
I actually don't even wear clothes anymore.

I pin exactly 2500 (50 x 50) flag lapel pins to my naked red white and blue tattoed body every morning.

I eat nothing but strawberry yogurt for breakfast, white pudding for lunch, and blue jello for dinner. Everything that goes in and comes out is pure patriotism!

I've spent the last 15 years dilligently training my rectum to only sing "Let The Mighty Eagle Soar".

Your patriotic displays were made slowly over time. Everything but my rectum daily makes a Patriotic statement of undying and blind loyalty to the red white and blue!

GD, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by WesDem:

      Gennifer Flowers to auction off phone tapes and publish "explosive story"

response #11 by IndianaGreen:

      I believe that Linda Tripp is due for another nose job...

response #30 by Lastlaughin08:

      Or a layer of vinyl siding.

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Elad:

      Please read if you were unexpectedly logged out today
... a small number of people may be experiencing strangeness with their login that makes it appear as if they're not logged in some of the time.

If you're experiencing this type of strangeness, simply log out and log back in, and your session should be fully restored.

response #1 by MrCoffee:

      Can you extend this function to those of us experiencing strangeness with our lives?
A reboot would be much appreciated right about now.

The Lounge, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by samplegirl:

      Cell Phone tattoo runs on blood
Huh?

In the very near future, cell phone users can implant a silicone cell phone under their skin.

When switched on it appears as a tattoo with a standard keyboard and display.
The cell connects to a bluetooth earpiece, and is powered by your own blood flow. (so what happens when you try to call 911 for a heart attack?)

http://www.physorg.com/news122819670.html
Even worse...what about kids with so many tats already, they have to find an alternate location?
I guess those baggy shorts will be very popular indeed.

response #1 by HawkeyeX:

      if your blood stops flowing..
It should be a hint to call 911 automatically.

:shrug:

response #4 by alfredo:

      Can't wait to see the fax machine.

response #11 by lonestarnot:

      And since silicon boobs are a disaster, why wouldn't this be?

response #31 by lame54:

      They can be turned into iPOD speakers

GD, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by temeah:

      What exactly *IS* "Miracle Whip"?

response #27 by evlbstrd:

      It's a form of penance.
Usually found in jello molds at protestant wakes.

response #65 by mondo joe:

      THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS *MIRACLE* WHIP. There is only Unexplained Phenomena Whip.
This message brought to you by Atheists of America.

The Lounge, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Dinger:

      Obama Supporters, What Will You Do If Hillary Is The Nominee?

response #32 by ResetButton:

      Commit suicide, then vote for her.

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by rug:

      Obama Supporter Chokes Hillary Supporter; Hillary Supporter Stabs Obama Supporter.

response #1 by temeah:

      So, what else is new in GD :P?
:shrug:

The Lounge, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by ORDagnabbit:

      Hillary is the new Edward Kennedy...shes a great senator...but will never be president...

response #10 by hnmnf:

      I pretend to know Ted Kennedy. I pretend to be friends with Ted Kennedy. Hillary is no Teddy.

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Debi:

      Anyone here know the State Motto for Rhode Island?

:shrug:

response #2 by bicentennial_baby:

      "Kinda like The Sopranos....but with chowdah!!"
:P

response #21 by Phoebe Loosinhouse:

      "See a mobsta eat a lobsta"
That was an actual verse in a song that was done by the Rhode Island version of the Capitol Steps years ago.

response #8 by goodgd_yall:

      Less Is More?

response #34 by Blue-Jay:

      "Hey, over here on the right...no, no! Up a bit... next to the curly state..Yeah that's us!"

response #35 by eppur_se_muova:

      It's COMMONWEALTH of Rhode Island and the Providence Plantations!
And the state motto is "Yes, we know it's not really an island!".

response #37 by SoCalDem:

      RI.. a scrunched version of Indiana (with some crumbly bits)

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Forkboy:

      Ahhh...GD-P.
Where else can one be called a Hillary supporter, an Obama supporter, and a pedophile all in one day? :D

response #1 by Pigwidgeon:

      I learned my lesson
A Hilbot, an Obamababy, and a pedophile?

Shoot! That's ain't nothin'!

I'd pack it in permanent-like if'n by noon I couldn't get m'self called a Hilbot, an Obamababy, a pedophile, a paid shill for the DLC/CFR/TLC/CIA/FBI/CNN/MSNBC/Nick at Night, a nimrod, a douchebag, a dill weed, a lawyer, Cantinflas, two lawyers, Jim Jones, a crooked stock breaker, Richard M. Nixon risen from the grave, a slanty-eyed yella devil, Old Black Joe's mama, a shit-kicker, the wanderin' Jew, a spaghetti-bender, a mackerel-snappin' pope-worshiper, a Linux kernel hacker, a Grecian, the tatoo on Elton John's left butt cheek, a Frenchman, a carton of cigarettes, an Esperanto speaker, the rump of an aardvark, an Indian giver, a Pakistani giver, a transsexual cable installer, a cattle rustler, a Universal Life minister, Heather Locklear, Ron L. Hubbard's meter-reader, a radio preacher, a dance instructor, the goose that almost killed Fabio, a 12-year-old girl with braces on, a mugwump, a cross-dresser, Freddie Krueger, the Blessed Mother's hairdresser, L.L. Cool J, a half-eaten ham sandwich, and a cup of cold gravy with a hair in it.

God Bless GD-P. Because nobody else in their right mind will.

response #7 by LostinVA:

      I was called a pedophobe
Yep.

response #15 by temeah:

      I was called a homophone!

response #17 by Forkboy:

      I was called a gramophone!
:P

response #19 by temeah:

      Is there a record of that?

The Lounge, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Maddy McCall:

      Public Service Announcement: I think we need a sex ed 101 class at DU.
The median age for menopause is 51.5 years. Some women go through menopause a little earlier, some a little later.

More than likely, Hillary Clinton has already experienced menopause, and she did so quietly and in a dignified private manner, without you noticing. I'm sure she appreciates your concern, though.

If your wife/mother/cousin/neighbor is experiencing hot flashes and mood swings because of menopause and this concerns you enough that you feel the need to post about it at DU, then I suggest your wife/mother/cousin/neighbor consult with a better gynecologist than the one she's currently seeing. There are many medications that null these symptoms. Many women go through menopause with no symptoms at all, thanks to the wonderful advances in the medical field in the past fifty years.

While there are myriad remedies for your wife/mother/cousin/neighbor's menopause-related discomforts, I'm sad to say that there are no easy remedies for your being stuck in the dark ages in your knowledge of women's health. It takes much more effort to discard long-ingrained sexist notions than it does to do away with hot flashes.

Tomorrow we'll discuss constipation, should that topic pop up in the threads today.

This ends this Public Service Announcement for today.

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by originalpckelly:

      Bullshit Reduction Act of 2008:
Section 1: Language Reformation
Representative and Senators, while members of the United States Congress, and in the performance of their official duties, shall speak only the English language. Dialects/parts of that language forbidden from use on the floor of either chamber or in committees:

1. Bureaucratic nonsense
2. Technical jargon
3. Parliamentary jargon
4. Any reference to Southern culture, including, but not limited to, the dressing v. stuffing debate
5. Miscellaneous bullshit

Section 2: Public Auto-Auditory Gratification and Anti-Auto-Auditory Gratification Program
Representative and Senators, while members of the United States Congress shall not receive floor privileges for their auto-auditory gratification. In addition, the sum of 3 billion dollars shall be allocated every fiscal year to a school program warning of the dangers of auto-auditory gratification, including involvement in politics.

Section 3: 30 Forms or Less Guarantee
If a tax payer's service is not delivered in thirty forms or less, the fee for that service shall be waived. This is expected to reduce the amount of fees in the federal government completely.

Section 4: The Bullshit Consumer Protection Agency
The people of the United States of America have been faced with the various health hazards associated with the rampant use of bullshit on the part of America's politicians. Pursuant to 69th Amendment to the United States Constitution, the people "have the inalienable right to bullshit free politics" and "the Congress of the United States may regulate by all means necessary and proper the production of bullshit" in this country. From this date forward, excessive amounts of bullshit shall be illegal, with the legal limit to be set by an independent panel of bullshitologists.

Section 5: The Line Item Bullshit
The President of the United States shall have the authority to veto any bullshit within good cause. If the b-veto is disapproved by 2/3s of both houses in Congress, then the bullshit veto stands and the Congress looks like a bunch of idiots for trying to get away with bullshit.

Section 6: United States Appeals Court for the 1st District of Bullshit
In any case or controversy arising from the usage of bullshit in any court proceeding, the appeals shall be tried by the United States Appeals Court for the 1st District of Bullshit. In addition, the court shall have jurisdiction over claims that bullshit vetoes were improper.

GD, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by WilliamPitt:

      OK, that's it. That's JUST ABOUT FUCKING ENOUGH, thank you.
"I swear it is my great hope tha McCain wins the election"

Your great hope? Really? If so, you need to get out of the house more...so you can find some nice highway traffic to play in, you wretched pathetic pallid pale weak watery shitass excuse for an American.

Second time in 48 hours I've seen this exact sentiment posted ON DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND. And no, it wasn't posted by the same person. Maybe it is only troll shit, but I don't care.

I don't give one wet slippery shit who you support for the nomination.

I don't care if you vote in the general come November, either. If you're so catastrophically fucked in the head that you don't know the difference between the Devil and the deep blue sea come November, well...you represent 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000002% of the left-leaning electorate, so we can pretty much survive your masturbatory self-righteous abstinence...just so long as you say thanks once things start getting better, which they will, NO MATTER which of our kids wins the balloon party this summer.

I don't care.

But. I. Swear. To. God.

If I see another poster in this godforsaken testical-kick of a forum say they hope the GOP wins the White House in November, I will personally burn your fucking house down, drive your car into the nearest available bridge strut, ruin your credit, deflower your chicadee, manhandle your couch cushions after eating lye with my bare hands, and make you watch while I sit down in the charred wasteland of your former livingroom and punch myself in the face over and over and over and over and over again, until the chicadee throws in the towel or until you pee your pants and promise never to do it again.

Oh, and FUCK YOURSELF to boot. Yes, you. You're thinking about daring me on this. Don't. I know where you live.

The Supreme Court matters, assbag. Choice matters. Lather rinse repeat.

Gonna be a lot of smoke and sore-ass birds if this stupid idiotic self-destructive garbage comes up again on my watch.

Jesus.

Yeah.

I had to fucking say that.

:banghead:

response #5 by Raven:

      William! Take a deep breath and
GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!!!!! :P

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by marmar:

      Perino Attempts To Defend Wiretapping Spin, Eventually Admits Im Not A Lawyer
"In todays White House press briefing, spokeswoman Dana Perino continued the attacks on Congress. When reporters pressed Perino to explain how intelligence analysts are now limited since the expiration of the Protect America Act (PAA), Perino was forced to concede that she had no idea..."

response #1 by jgraz:

      Damn, she's like the Dr. McCoy of stupid.

GD, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Horse with no Name:

      What level are we? Defcon 5? n/t

response #5 by Kittycat:

      I see dead to me people
:cry: no more ignore.

GD, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Buzz Clik:

      Tom Toles on Ralph Nader

responses #12 & #15 by wtmusic:

responses #14 by Buzz Clik:

Responses not reproduced here because they should be viewed in their original context. Click the link & see what you think.

GD, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by yardwork:

      The level of discourse in GD-P
Obama is a poopy bat dingle berry.

Hillary killed my dog.

response #1 by jgraz:

      Actually, Hillary killed my poopy bat dingle berry.
My dog is fine and supporting Obama.

response #2 by Bicoastal:

      DOGS CAN'T VOTE!!!!
Man, you're dumb. :P

response #5 by jgraz:

      Well, there goes John McCain's base.
He still has the gerbil vote, right?

response #12 by Bright Eyes:

      Hillary ran over my dog....repeatedly
Obama stole my Eggo. Leggo my Eggo, Obama!

response #13 by yardwork:

      Drudge told me that its against Obama's religion to eat waffles.
I always believe Drudge.

response #18 by WillyT:

      I AM OUTRAGED, AT THE SHAMEFUL OUTRAGEOUSNESS...
or some such over-dramatic drivel.

:shrug:

response #19 by yardwork:

      WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST YELL IN CAPS SOME MORE!
THAT'LL SHOW US.

response #28 by tandem5:

      can't we all just...
rag on nader?

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by FlyingSquirrel:

      Uh Oh. New poll shows Obama losing to McCain by a wide margin
Poll question: Who would be more likely to bomb Iran if elected?

McCain 100%
Obama 0%

Thanks, I'll be here all week!

:P

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Heaven and Earth:

      ***I REFUSE TO VOTE FOR THE NOMINEE***
...of any party other than the Democratic party! :evilgrin:

Go Democrats '08!

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Bornaginhooligan:

      @#$!% OFFICIAL MSNBC DEBATE THREAD #8 @!#&*%

response #10 by Warren Stupidity:

      Can we stop having republican asshat moderators?
Why the fuck do they sign up for this abuse?

response #17 by rug:

      Take it up with Skinner.

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



Poll question by Breeze54:

      Does your 'boytoy' ; 'sugar daddy' or 'booty call' agree on the same candidate?
:rofl: :P :rofl:

Poll question should say, "do they agree with you on the same candidate", but I ran out of space. :toast:

:bluebox: Yes - (feel free to elaborate)

:bluebox: No - (feel free to elaborate)

:bluebox: If my sugar daddy gives me $$, we agree on everything!

:bluebox: Making THAT phone call now!

:bluebox: My sweetie and I surely do agree!

:bluebox: GD-P has gone over the edge!!

:bluebox: When is the election? Soon, I hope! LOL!

:bluebox: What's for dinner?

:bluebox: Can I have some of what you're having?

:bluebox: Other...

response #6 by bunnies:

      boys suck. throw rocks at them. nt

response #10 by JohnnyLib2:

      Is this one of them new fangled push polls? Sounds dirty to me.
:evilgrin:

response #13 by Truth Hurts A Lot:

      One of them does
}(

response #15 by WestHoustonDem:

      I was going to ask how many votes we get!
:rofl:

response #16 by MonkeyFunk:

      My boytoy and booty call agree with me
but my Sugar Daddy supports McCain.

response #19 by JustABozoOnThisBus:

      "booty" wants HRC
"sugar daddy" wanted AG or JRE or DK. Settling for BO.

Not enough political difference between BO and HRC to cause withholding sugar or booty.

response #21 by NanBo:

      He was an Edwards supporter
but came around to Obama when it came time to vote in WI. Both daughters and their SO's are Obama supporters now as well. So yeah, it's all good. (now of course extended family is a whole nother story--everything from Huckleberryhound to Mcloser--but I can't be responsible for them!)

At press time, "My sweetie and I surely do agree!" was winning with 67% of the votes.

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Bluebear:

      Florida Pastor issues a "30 Day Sex Challenge"
"Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth issued the 30-day sex challenge to take on high divorce rates.

'And thats no different for people who attend church,' Wirth said Sunday. 'Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way.'

Wirth, pastor of the Relevant Church in Ybor City, said the 50 percent divorce rate was the inspiration for the challenge.

The challenge doesnt extend to unwed congregants, however. He says the single members of the church are challenged to abstain from sex for 30 days..."

response #20 by Mabus:

      that reminds me of a visit had at the gynecologist's
I was there for my yearly pap. My feet were in the stirrups and I could only see the top of the doctor's bald little head. He was starting the exam when he stopped and asked, "When's the last time you had sex?" I wanted clarification, so I asked, "With myself or with someone else?" The nurse started laughing. The doctor took a while to respond. Finally, he peeked over the sheet hanging between my knees and said, "With someone else."

response #35 by jmondine:

      I can see the exchange between the single folks and the ushers in 30 days...
Usher: Welcome back. Say, you look a little tense.
Single Person: FUCK OFF!
Usher: Congratulations!

response #37 by Fuzz:

      He better ice down those pews!!!!
There's gonna be some sore nether regions in that congregation by mid month.

response #56 by MilesColtrane:

      30 day sex challenge?
Sounds like a commercial campaign.
We replaced couples' KY with pure Wesson oil for 30 days to see if anyone would notice.

response #95 by Bluebear:

      They didn't notice until they used KY as their salad dressing base.

response #149 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      "Will the congregation please rise..."
:smoke:

GD, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by MassDemm:

      ALL HILLARY SUPPORTERS CALL MSNBC NOW 212-664-4444 !!!!!!
PLEASE POST THAT YOU CALLED AND KEEP THIS KICKED AND REC'D

response #10 by pbca:

      Please ask them to be kind to Hillary
and stop asking her questions

response #14 by StrongBad:

      RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!111!!!11!

response #24 by Patsy Stone:

      I know, right?
If they'd have said that, sure. But now... nope.

response #15 by JVS:

      They said that their refrigerator isn't running. WTF do I say now?

response #17 by sniffa:

      Do you have Olive Oyl in a bottle?

response #22 by NeedleCast:

      I AM BUMPING YOUR THREAD
AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!

response #23 by Lastlaughin08:

      Can I call collect?

response #61 by billyoc:

      My apartment is 3 blocks from them, I just went over and mooned them!
:woohoo:

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by DS1:

      Three guys see woman's photo in obit section. Decide she's hittable. Start digging her up for sex
"Three men accused of trying to dig up a young woman's body to have sex with it had charges of attempted sexual assault dismissed Friday by a judge who noted Wisconsin has no law against necrophilia.

Grant County Circuit Judge George Curry dismissed those charges against twins Nicholas and Alexander Grunke of Ridgeway and Dustin Radke of Mineral Point, but they still face lesser charges.

The three 20-year-olds were arrested after an alleged attempt to dig up Laura Tennessen, 20, of Cassville, who was killed Aug. 27..."

response #3 by originalpckelly:

      "Stiffs lasting more than four hours require immediate medical attention."

response #7 by MrCoffee:

      Oh please. Who among us hasn't wanted to fuck the dead body of a hottie from the obit section?
Let you who is without sin cast the first stone.

response #9 by originalpckelly:

      Just make sure it isn't a headstone.

response #10 by MrCoffee:

      you're on fire in this thread
which scares the bejeezus out of me, to be perfectly honest.

response #13 by DS1:

      Give a man a corpse and he'll have sex a few times. Give a man a shovel
and he'll be going all night

response #54 by Forkboy:

      Necrophilia: When you absolutely have to crack open a cold one.
:hide:

The Lounge, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



Poll question by marmar:

      Who's the absolute DUMBEST of the right-wing TV neanderthal asshats?
I know this is a class with a vast talent pool, but John Gibson still gets my vote for dumbest (person in America).

:dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce:

:bluebox: Sean Hannity

:bluebox: John Gibson

:bluebox: Bill O'Reilly

:bluebox: Glenn Beck

:bluebox: Neil Cavuto

:bluebox: Neal Boortz

:bluebox: Debbie Schlussel

:bluebox: Michelle Malkin

:bluebox: Mort Kondracke

:bluebox: Other (whom?)

response #4 by jgraz:

      I had a knee-jerk vote for Beck before I saw Debbie Schlussel
She is like the Tiger Woods of stupid.

response #12 by devilgrrl:

      Other: All of the above
:dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce:
:dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce:
:dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce:
:dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce: :dunce:

At press time, "Glenn Beck" was winning with 44% of the votes.

GD, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



Poll question by MilesColtrane:

      What should Skinner do with GD :P after the primaries are over?

:bluebox: Bronze it as a monument to human folly, meanness, and stupidity.

:bluebox: Rent it out to tenants who won't mind the blood everywhere.

:bluebox: Keep it as a special dungeon in which to throw trolls and other disruptors.

:bluebox: Rent it out to a zoo for their overflow simian population.

:bluebox: Try to disinfect it and use it for storage.

:bluebox: Burn it to the ground and pass out marshmallows to everybody.

:bluebox: Other

response #1 by DS1:

      Chernobyl sarcophagus
and never ever speak of it again

response #6 by MilesColtrane:

      But those things leak over time.
Maybe we can take up a collection to launch it into the center of the sun just to be safe.

response #13 by BarenakedLady:

      Are they vegetarian marshmellows?
:shrug:

response #28 by rug:

      Donate it to the Legacy Wing of the Bush Library.

response #37 by Babel_17:

      Arrange it so that when you click the link
on its last day you're taken to a picture of Bob Newhart waking up with Suzanne Pleshette. You realize it was all a dream.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Newhart#Sitcoms

At press time, "Burn it to the ground and pass out marshmallows to everybody." was winning with 52% of the votes.

The Lounge, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



Poll question by rucky:

      How DO you choose WHICH words to PUT in caps????!!!

:bluebox: A pinky spasm hits the Caps Lock at random times.

:bluebox: It's all for emPHAsis

:bluebox: I speak in caps like that, too.

:bluebox: I'm a composer of words and this is my music

:bluebox: CAPS RULE!

:bluebox: put down the keyboard and step away

response #3 by DrFunkenstein:

      It's NOt Always RAndom. I USually Keep my Finger on THe Button TOo Long
I always have to go back and take my second letter out of caps. Wish I could kick the HAbit.

response #4 by cat_girl25:

      You JUST KNOW.
Some here don't cap the right words, imo.

response #5 by bridgit:

      for thousands of posts, i seldom used caps of nearly any kind...
:dunce:

response #6 by rucky:

      are you new here?
I've never noticed your posts, for some reason.

At press time, "It's all for emPHAsis" was winning with 35% of the votes.

GDP, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by babylonsister:

      Automated Killer Robots Threat to Humanity: Expert
"There are more than 4,000 US military robots on the ground in Iraq, as well as unmanned aircraft that have clocked hundreds of thousands of flight hours.

The first three armed combat robots fitted with large-caliber machine guns deployed to Iraq last summer, manufactured by US arms maker Foster-Miller, proved so successful that 80 more are on order, said Sharkey.

But up to now, a human hand has always been required to push the button or pull the trigger.

It we are not careful, he said, that could change..."

response #1 by wienerdoggie:

      You may not know this, but Dick Cheney was the prototype for the gun-toting robot.

response #3 by rocknation:

      Wasn't this a Will Smith movie?
:eyes:

response #6 by democrank:

      Killer Robots. Sweet Jesus, I`ve seen it all now. Wait..........
Is Junior Bush really going to have a presidential library?

response #16 by kineta:

      Or - they may just get elected as Governor of California

response #17 by Buns_of_Fire:

      They're going to have to get in line.
Red meat is gonna kill me, salt is gonna kill me, alcohol is gonna kill me, ciggybutts are going to kill me, terraists are going to kill me, asteriod 4465-WTF-6 is gonna kill me...

I had no idea I was so popular.

GD, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by rpannier:

      Ode to Bill O'Reilly
To the tune of: The Man on the Flying Trapeze

He lies on the air
With the greatest of ease
His stories are garbage
And he is a sleaze
His behavior's obnoxious
He's like a disease
and the truth he has taken away

He talks about values
But these he does scorn
He harasses his colleagues
With fa-la-fel porn
He's still on TV
And this we all mourn
He betrays our country - the sleaze

He'd change all the facts
Like Rove with the war,
His words are unhinged
Like a drunk in the bar. (I know war and bar don't rhyme)
Perhaps he's a pervert
Describe him a louse,
But the freepers they watch just the same.

GD, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by ElsewheresDaughter:

      We need a debate that lasts a grueling 9 hours and leaves one of the debaters unconscious
fuck these soundbyte debates!


that's all I wanted to say before I sleep.

niters

GDP, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Jeffersons Ghost:

      Scientists study evolutionary marvel!!!
As the headline suggests, an odd semi-intelligent, two-legged creature has been seen roaming our planet. Upcoming paragraphs show how dangerous this animal can be, if confronted.

A long time ago - in a galaxy far, far away - a pompous planet swirled through space, shimmering white and blue, as fortunate inhabitants slept in ivory towers, while the less wealthy slept under bridges, like tiny trolls. It was a beautiful world.

In many places, the surface was red on the white and blue planet; maybe because those living there sat, slumbering through one of the greatest extinction events to ever hit a galaxy. On the other hand, countless wars for profit perhaps stained the soil red. In either case, very few on the ruddy orb pondered profound principles like planetary demise, as its aristocratic elite piled up power and wealth from the creatures sleeping in seemingly trusty towers.

There was a great deal of green on the globe, at one time, but much of its flora had faded to brown, during a phenomenon the inhabitants sometimes called "Global Warming." Funny, how so very few of those silly creatures sought to stop the extinction of flora and fauna, while they sat in tipsy towers, worrying about the distinct possibility that they were only three pay-checks away from sleeping under bridges with the troll-class.

By many standards, even the trolls were wealthy. At least they had scraps of food, thrown from the ivory towers to eat, while those on the other side of that world ate only one small meal - on a good day.

Eating, however, was not the most glaring need for those creatures. They needed something once called water, a liquid that gave the orb its blue luster. Odd, how so few of the planet's inhabitants worried little about water, as they poisoned both sea and air with noxious compounds.

Many of the arrogant little creatures thought themselves smart, as they uttered words like nuclear proliferation, debt-deficit, trade-imbalance and Orwellian Society. Any truly intelligent creatures in the universe would not likely see those silly, slackers, slumbering in tiny towers, as smart at all.

What mental energy the arrogant animals did possess was, for the most part, squandered on producing weapons of war and technical toys, like the loathsome, lying boxes with picture-screens that seemed to hypnotize individuals slumbering in their towers. After all, who needed vehicles that converted hydrogen into water for power, instead of transportation that ran on a poisonous, expensive substance, once called "gasoline?" Polluting fuels, like gasoline, were a prime tool of aristocratic class. They used the noxious substance to attain greater power and wealth from the tower-sleepers, while remorselessly killing millions on the other side of the planet.

A fascination with war and hydrogen caused the creatures to coin terms like War on Poverty, War on Illiteracy, War on Drugs and War of Ideas. Sadly, the slumber-class never won any of those wars. Even worse, instead of using hydrogen to produce efficient fuels, inhabitants of the planet produced a hydrogen bomb, capable of causing annihilation of all life on the fragile orb.

The foolish creatures on the planet were very territorial and staked out parcels of land called countries. One country - called the USSR, it seems - went bankrupt, by focusing on weapons of war, like the hydrogen bomb. Another country called the USA also made lots of weapons of mass-destruction, which caused its inhabitants all kinds of economic woe.

Surprisingly, when it comes to Global Warming, there is a happy ending.

After destroying their economy in an arms-race, the USSR had a world-wide sale on its nuclear weaponry, with great bargains offered to one and all. Global Warming was stopped cold in its tracks, because creatures on the white and blue planet finally blew themselves to smithereens.

GD, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by itsjustme:

      Fish can count to four - but no higher
"Previously it was known that fish could tell big shoals from small ones, but researchers have now found that they have a limited ability to count how many other fish are nearby...

A second series of experiments revealed the fish's ability to process larger numbers. The fish were not able to directly count over four, but they were able to distinguish between larger numbers if they differed by a ratio of 2:1..."

response #1 by Double T:

      So fish have a higher intelligence than MOST of the members of Congress.
Thanks.

Science, February 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by theboss:

      If my mom was a black man, I'd probably dislike listening to Obama too

response #34 by Lone_Star_Dem:

      If your mom was a black man you'd be famous.
Things like that don't happen everyday ya know.

Beyond that, have you thought about speaking to a therapist? It sounds as if you may have an issue with your mother that needs resolving.

GDP, February 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by madamesilverspurs:

      "Head butts."
W just now said, in trying to talk intelligently about Russia, that we've had some "head butts." Guess that explains all the asshats. . .

GD, February 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by faygokid:

      Congrats to all! DU passes 35,000,000 posts at 9:10 p.m. EST tonight!

response #11 by The Straight Story:

      1/2 of which were obama/clinton threads recently in GDP
:rofl:

response #18 by orleans:

      i think we should also be thanking hissyspit for all those posts!
:rofl:

response #19 by orleans:

      ok--that last post i had 13,468. now i'll post this and see if it went up by one.

response #20 by orleans:

      omg! it did. now, it should go up by another one. let's find out.

response #21 by orleans:

      why...it went up again! that's amazing! i can't stand the excitement
i'm experiencing right now. maybe i should just SLOW DOWN and post more slowly.

response #23 by seabeyond:

      no sh*t. lol lol. of course. each POST is counted. see, i got another too. n/t

response #25 by orleans:

      and i probably just got another (although i don't plan on checking this time!) n/t

GD, February 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Bucky:

      Complete meltdown in Obama's Texas campaign
I went to volunteer at the local Obama campaign office here in Houston last night, only to find the place in utter disarray. First I'd signed up to do phone banking, calling voters to make sure they were aware of where they needed to go and caucus on Tuesday night, but the overwhelmed staff only had twenty available cell phones for people to call out to our supporters. I actually had to wait around for twenty minutes just to get my turn at phone calling. And while I was calling on that first phone they gave me, it actually ran out of pre-paid minutes--apparently they didn't have enough phones to handle the full groundswell of support for the senator!

Not only that, but I heard thet they had the same problems of too many volunteers for phone banking at the 8 or 9 other campaign offices around the Houston area! And those offices too had far too many phone numbers from people from Obama rallies and events all over town who'd signed on, promising to support Obama Tuesday. Egads! I've never before in my 26 years in politics seen a campaign run into this sort of problem. Disaster!

Then, as I switched to the cold call list, I began to really see what a waste of time it all was. Phone call after phone call, household after household I called... it seemed like everyone I was calling was already supporting Obama. I must've contacted 60 families and only one person told me she was supporting Clinton. Well, if they're all for Obama, why was I even bothering to call?

But the chaos was still unfolding. I'd signed on last week to be a precinct captain for Obama. But as I next started calling the voters from my precinct, I found out a lot of them had already been contacted by another precinct captain for the same precinct. What insanity was this? It turns out Obama has four or five "captains" for my precinct alone--all of whom are working furiously to ensure a big turnout for our precinct caucus Tuesday. I tell ya, that show a whole lot of inexperience on Obama's part to have all these people stepping forward to volunteer and help out the campaign. And worse---no one person is in charge to boss the rest of us around. It's like they want us all fully involved as leaders in the process! This is unprecidented! This is just not the way we've done things in the past! Insanity!!

As the evening winded down, I could hardly hear myself think from all the buzz and excitement in the campaign HQ. By the time I got around to helping myself to the food someone'd donated--more meltdown--because all the potato salad was already finished off! I asked the office manager there what the dealio was, and all she could sputter out was that they kept getting more helper than they could handle. Good God, it was frantic there.

How can this man possibly gain the support of the country when his campaign organization keeps getting swamped with unprecedented numbers of helpers like this?

GDP, February 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by FlyingSquirrel:

      Wow. So I'm watching some PBS special on Russia...
This teenager has been brainwashed by a group set up by the Kremlin. Here's what she says about the dissidents:

"All they do is complain about things and say that we should overthrow Putin. They offer no concrete solutions."

Sonofabitch... where have I heard THAT before???????

:wtf:

GD, February 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by NNadir:

      Tell me what book you think I should read and I'll tell you what I think you should read.

response #9 by u4ic:

      My Pet Goat
It comes highly recommended by a very important man.

response #19 by NNadir:

      Thomas W Shields, Joseph LoCicero, Ronald B Ponn, and Valerie W Rusch's
General Thoracic Surgery (2 Vol. Set), a bargain at $299.

The Lounge, February 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by rucky:

      I'm getting the feeling that some of you may not like one of our candidates. n/t

GDP, February 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...





On a locked thread:

      Breaking: Obama uses toilet...

response #16 by unhappycamper:

      I just put the lid down.
I also shut off the lights and locked the door.

GDP, February 23, 2008


On a locked thread:

      Hillary Clinton and menopause

response #83 by proud patriot:

      I'm locking this
It must be that time of the month for me . :eyes:

GDP, February 25, 2008


On a locked thread:

      Hey, guys, I need an opinion. Read my first reply in this thread, please:

response #10 by greatauntoftriplets:

      I am going to lock this up.
I know that the OP isn't going to try this, but some others may get an idea and try it -- so we are going to make an example of you.

Anyway, I am scared of how the menopausal moderators in GD: P might react to even more alerts.

The Lounge, February 25, 2008





OP by Bucky:

      blast from the past

response #1 by bunkerbuster1

response #2 by Lint Head

response #3 by Bucky

GD, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by underpants:

      Ass Glue Blood-Nourishing Paste

response #1 by kagehime

response #3 by philboy

response #7 by Orsino

The Lounge, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by bridgit:

      Fuck You!!

response #1 by DS1

response #5 by bridgit

The Lounge, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by NavyVet07:

      The American Social Breakdown

responses #16 & #21 by Swamp Rat

GD, February 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by horseface:

      ****Official Why Barack Obama Can't Win thread****

responses #25 & #26 by Cooley Hurd

GDP, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by sce56:

      More censorship here at DU?

response #36 by flvegan

response #85 by Ptah

responses #111, #113, #126 & unnumbered by krispos42

response #114 by sfexpat2000

GD, February 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by thevoiceofreason:

      Don't you wish you knew what Samuel L. Jackson thought about all this?

response #4 by NightWatcher

response #5 by tularetom

response #7 by thevoiceofreason

response #11 by ericgtr

response #12 by sweets

response #16 by Bleachers7

response #17 by x-g.o.p.er

GDP, February 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by yurbud:

      Caption this: Bush holding THE CAT IN THE HAT in Africa

response #1 by Warpy

response #2 by DJ13

response #3 by rurallib

response #4 by citizen_jane

response #5 by notadmblnd

response #7 by catnhatnh

response #8 by librechik

response #11 by chimpsrsmarter

response #12 by spanone

response #13 by Rex

response #14 by yurbud

response #15 by sakabatou

response #17 by gimberly

response #19 by hootinholler

responses #23 & #26 by sce56

response #31 by Corgigal

response #32 by peekaloo

responses #37 & #39 by troubleinwinter

GD, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by bambino:

      Obama's Yarmulke!

response #1 by Bluebear

response #2 by Redstone

response #14 by ithinkmyliverhurts

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by texas1928:

      Yep it was windy here today.

The Lounge, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by TAWS:

      Obama should start circulating this picture

response #16 by goodgd_yall

GDP, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by HawkeyeX:

      Photoshop Request: for anyone..

response #4 by oldtime dfl_er

response #7 by laconicsax

response #10 by alfredo

responses #11, #13 & #15 by sce56

response #24 by Hardhead

response #28 by zulchzulu

responses #30 & #31 by tomeboy

response #32 by Swamp Rat

responses #33, #34 & #53 by krispos42

responses #36 & #47 by npincus

response #44 by Riddler

response #46 by dicksteele

response #48 by troubleinwinter

response #51 by dotcosm

GD, February 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by Flabbergasted:

      Ok I got one big enough that it will go around once. (DU REALLY NEEDS THIS)

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by Jeffersons Ghost:

      McCain BUSTED!

response #1 by Swamp Rat

GD, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by Magic Rat:

      We're Going To Win

response #1 by WilliamPitt

response #2 by Magic Rat

response #5 by faygokid

response #6 by BeyondGeography

GDP, February 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by Librado:

      Proof that the media had pro-Obama bias since early 2007, when he entered the race

response #4 by Swamp Rat

GDP, February 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
stellanoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 06:53 PM
Response to Original message
1. First rec without even reading.
You'd better go back to your delayed thread to get your belated birthday presents from me.

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:31 PM
Response to Reply #1
10. Aw, thanks!
:hug:

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
jeff30997 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 06:54 PM
Response to Original message
2. Too much ObamHillary for me.
Thanks JeffR.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Drunken Irishman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 06:59 PM
Response to Original message
3. I didn't win, but at least one of my threads was mentioned!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
malaise Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:05 PM
Response to Original message
4. How did I miss that Nun's porn thread
No one loves nun jokes more than girls educated by nuns.

I would have posted my favorite nun joke. So here goes.

Why do two nuns walk together?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
So nun get get none :D

Great DUzys. Thanks JeffR et al. :D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:05 PM
Response to Original message
5. Beware of menopausal moderators in GD: P!
Thanks Jeff
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Buzz Clik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:11 PM
Response to Original message
6. Conductor jokes?
My god, I lead a sheltered life.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
badgerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:15 PM
Response to Original message
7. DUzys! Happy happy joy joy!
Can't you just feel all the LOVE comin' at ya?
Not to mention relief...
and now I will read them! :hi:


:kick: and recc...

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:17 PM
Response to Original message
8. I laughed till I cried!
Too damn funny, my dear JeffR!

Thank you for these, week after week!

They are much appreciated!

:yourock:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 01:32 PM
Response to Reply #8
47. I felt like a kid again....
Hi Peggy!
:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
terrya Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:26 PM
Response to Original message
9. Well
Edited on Sat Mar-01-08 07:52 PM by terrya
That will teach me to post in General Discussion. I sure got smacked down on that one.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
wellstone dem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:37 PM
Response to Original message
11. Oh Crap!!!
Another week of no DUZY for me!!!!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
alfredo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:49 PM
Response to Original message
12. Ya did good
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
gateley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:57 PM
Response to Original message
13. Boy, did I need these laughs tonight -- thanks!! nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Rhiannon12866 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 07:59 PM
Response to Original message
14. K&R. Great read! Thanks! And I know two of this week's winners personally!
nuxvomica and Cooley Hurd! :applause: Since I keep such scintillating company, does that make me special, too? ;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:02 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. Maybe knowing YOU is what makes them scintillating...
Hmm? :)

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Rhiannon12866 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:19 PM
Response to Reply #15
19. What a lovely thing to say! Thank you!
:pals:

Now just tell that to nuxvomica and Cooley Hurd... :evilgrin:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
grantcart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:08 PM
Response to Original message
16. tks
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:13 PM
Response to Original message
17. OK dude, that was damn long and damn funny,
you must have gotten some, um, good relaxation, for you birthday! :evilgrin:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:17 PM
Response to Original message
18. God, I love it when the moderators get tough and snippy!
:rofl:

JeffR, thank you, and I hope you are having a lovely birthday weekend.

Is your hair brilliantined as well? I've found it's the only way to impress the gals at the speakeasy, so of course I dress my locks accordingly.

Scarletwoman seems to like the extra glide it affords.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 09:18 PM
Response to Reply #18
24. Regarding the brilliantine, dear K,
actually, I find it makes your ears too slippery.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 09:22 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. Why ever on earth did I then give you a gift...
of studded velvet gloves? :shrug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 09:42 PM
Response to Reply #25
27. And they are indeed lovely and functional,
but I must occasionally take them to the dry cleaner's in order to degrease them and restore the nap.

Perhaps you would consider gifting me with a spare pair? It's good to rotate one's accessories, as I'm sure you can appreciate.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 09:46 PM
Response to Reply #27
29. They're washable.
Everything's easy to clean these days.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 10:00 PM
Response to Reply #29
30. You are a hard man, Kurovski.
I like that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 10:23 PM
Response to Reply #30
31. You're my kinda woman.
You can endure me.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 11:16 PM
Response to Reply #31
34. And you are my kind of man.
You endure.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
NV Whino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:24 PM
Response to Original message
20. Kick for the DUzys
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:38 PM
Response to Original message
21. Laurab...paging Laurab...
have you checked in yet?

Did you see your guy Stephen Colbert take a caffeine shower this past week? I think it would have really steamed your milk good and frothy.

I thought I'd faint when he sprinkled cinnamon on his luscious man-bosom.

I wonder if it was Saigon cinnamon? Hotter on the tongue.

Too bad he's such a right-wing bastard. Do you think I can get him to switch sides?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 12:05 AM
Response to Reply #21
39. What a silly question, of course I did Kurovski, my dear.
I did check in earlier just to recommend, but was so overcome by winning a DUzy that I got woozy....

I don't think it "steamed my milk" exactly, I was too busy laughing. Sometimes I think there is NOTHING that man won't do.... then again, maybe it did and I just won't admit it (I'm shy, you know).

I'm quite sure that it was American cinnamon - you're talking about Stephen Colbert, who would never use Saigon cinnamon, since "He is America" (And So Can You!).

He's not a "bastard", he's just sure he's Right, but if anyone could change his mind, I think it would be you, and only you :loveya:

Or maybe me - I wouldn't mind trying at ALL.

PS: I've missed you. :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #39
50. Congratulations!
You were already a winner, if you ask me. Best damn press secretary a front-running, zombie-cult-bot, chatty, shrill and superdelagatized presidential team could ever ask for. :loveya:

You laughed? Well that's good. If you can laugh with--not at-- someone in bed then half the job is already done. As for myself, I was aroused beyond all reckoning. Biological imperatives made it impossible to laugh.

I have a thing for right-wing monsters like Colbert. Bob Dole is also on my list, but I draw the line at Henry Kissinger.

It most certainly could have been Saigon cinnamon, isn't that beastly Colbert a free-trader? And cinnamon isn't grown in the U.S., is it?

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 06:48 PM
Response to Reply #50
52. Thank you!
I am both honored and humbled by your compliments - overwhelmed, even! :loveya:

I don't want to have to fight you for Stephen...no, I couldn't possibly fight with you over Stephen so I will just let you fight off all the 17 year olds who are after him! And yes, I can laugh WITH not at....never AT.

Stephen is the only right-wing monster I could possibly be attracted to - he's got something extra - well, he's crazy, which I find most endearing. BOB DOLE? :puke: And Henry, aside from being ugly, is far too old for you.

OK, you're right about the cinnamon, and yes Stephen is a free-trader, but only because the republican party is always right, but once it touched Stephen, it was AMERICAN cinnamon.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 08:25 PM
Response to Reply #52
53. I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
I merely mean to turn Colbert into a flaming Liberal.

It's not really sex, it's initiation into a wing of the party.

It's how someone initially turned me on to Shirley Chisholm.

Are you sure you're not a Freeper?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 07:12 AM
Response to Reply #53
57. Oh, sure you don't know what I'm talking about.
And who said ANYTHING about sex? Oh...you just did! Shirley Chisolm? Stephen Colbert? Your tastes are eclectic, just like the big tent of your democrat party...I mean the Democratic party. Of course I'm not a freeper - you're casting asparagus at me, and I don't like it one bit.

I think Stephen could be turned into a "flaming liberal", but not until after 8:00 PM EST Monday through Thursday, as long as he doesn't have any public appearances to make. I think he drinks lattes.

You'd better watch it with that sex talk - I READ the rules for this site...well, some of them, anyway...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 06:59 PM
Response to Reply #57
58. You just can't stop with the sex talk can you?
I'd pity you if you weren't such an asset to the Wetzelbill presidential campaign. :*
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 11:30 PM
Response to Reply #58
62. It's YOU who makes me do it.
You force me, and trick me, and well...you mentioned Stephen Colbert. And then his man-boobs, I believe. Oh - um, is man-boobs sex talk? If it is, I meant "man-boobs" quoting YOU, because I certainly would never bring up "man-boobs".

For a minute I thought it said an "asshat" to the campaign - whew I'm glad I read it again!

Anyway, I don't NEED your pity - I don't WANT your pity - I'm sure there's a 12 step group for my problem, as soon as I figure out what it is. Anyway, you KNOW you're the one who ALWAYS starts the sex-talk! I'm more like: O8)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 11:40 PM
Response to Reply #62
63. Bosom.
Man-bosom. Man-boobs are what Dick Cheney sports astride his stent. Or so I imagine.

I also draw the line at Dick, by the way.

"Asshat" :rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-04-08 11:28 AM
Response to Reply #63
65. Man-boobs.
That's what you said, I'm sure of it. Not "bosom". I've never been able to look at Dick long enough to actually see his...."man-boobs". I see that scary face and I :hide:

You have to admit, "asshat" and "asset" can look similar - if one is drinking, taking drugs, or even pain meds. (none of which I was doing at the time, but I'm just sayin').

I do kind of like that word now though - "Asshat"!! I'm an "asshat" to the campaign!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-04-08 12:41 PM
Response to Reply #65
66. Kind of like Mark Penn to Hillary Clinton.
"Mark Penn is a real asshat to the Clinton campaign".

Only Wetzelbill/Kurovski are the REAL and ACTUAL presumptive winners this year. We can match and beat Clinton's presumptuousness even in the deepest REM state humanly achievable.

And we're honored and proud to be sharing this historic moment in time with Senator Clinton.

So let's see now... the Democratic line-up this year: A black dude, a gal, a Native American, and a homo. I'm getting all misty-eyed. How about you?

And to think it only took a few hundred years to get here.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-04-08 06:30 PM
Response to Reply #66
68. Wait - I don't mind being an "asshat" but...
I DO mind being compared to Mark Penn, so lets go back to ASSet, please!

Yes, I agree only Wetzelbill/Kurovski can match and beat Clinton's presumptuousness - and that is QUITE an achievement!

I am honored and proud to be sharing this historic moment with you - and even Wetzelbill, who I don't know nearly as well. :loveya:

It takes a lot to get me misty-eyed, but I admit, I'm considering getting misty-eyed. Of course they just called Vermont for Obama, or....BO, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, my cult leader, etc., which makes me even more nearly misty-eyed.

What's a few hundred years? I've only been alive for a hundred or so, I don't remember the years before that, but boy, those hundred years FLEW. I think also we can thank our current pResident - I mean, once we elected a chimp, it's pretty much anything goes! (My apologies to smart chimps everywhere). GWB just doesn't get enough credit sometimes!

So, please let me be an asset once again, and do I still get to interview Stewart and Colbert??
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:47 PM
Response to Original message
22. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is pleased...
You may go in peace.



Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
defendandprotect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 08:59 PM
Response to Original message
23. You missed one of the funniest comments . . ..
It was on a thread asking whether Bush was drunk in his TV appearance this week ---

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 02:43 PM
Response to Reply #23
51. Link?
DU's favorite question. :-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
defendandprotect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 07:30 PM
Response to Reply #51
59. I don't think I could find it . ..
Butthe thread was asking something like . . .
Was Bush drunk in the press conference that just played ---
I think it was about last Wednesday?
Didn't Bush APPEAR around then? I don't know cause I don't watch him!

Anyway . . . people gave various answers ...

and this guy said -- in SUBJECT: he thought they had Bush totally drugged ---

in message he said something like . . .
they probably have to drug him to make sure he doesn't play with himself in public!

It was better done that that, however --- !!!

Sorry ---

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
defendandprotect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 07:41 PM
Response to Reply #23
60. FOUND IT . . . !!!!
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

It's a poll --

And the reply would be by jgraz . . . msg #7

I loved it, but perhaps you won't share my reaction --- !!!


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 10:26 PM
Response to Reply #60
61. Hehehe...
jgraz--I should'a known. It was the "inch" that did it. :D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 09:36 PM
Response to Original message
26. I am honored... I am honored
to be among such an amazing group of winners. I am absolutely honored.

(Hillary said I could use that.)

Thanks! :toast:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Sparkly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 09:46 PM
Response to Original message
28. I love the one asking about GD:P
Cuz I never noticed it comes out GD :P.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 10:31 PM
Response to Original message
32. Let not the DUzys be sunk out of sight beneath a tide of seriousness.
:kick:

sw
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Dinger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
33. I Had A Thread Of Mine Mentioned! By The Way, How Do You Actually Win A DUzy?
Curious minds want to know.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 02:24 AM
Response to Reply #33
41. By fiat, I regret to say
But usually by fiat of a DUer who spots something and PMs me. I might spot a quarter of them in a given week, but usually less.

Your thread not only set up a good punchline, it was an interesting topic. I'm glad it drew both serious and sarcastic replies.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Dinger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 11:39 AM
Response to Reply #41
46. Thank You
Now I know. :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
orleans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 11:32 PM
Response to Original message
35. ??? got a question for jeff ???
dear jeff,
since i was listed four times in one thread does that count for 4 duzys? or just one? (not that i'm counting....)
:evilgrin:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 02:26 AM
Response to Reply #35
42. That's four
The Academy is a typical tax & spend liberal organization.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
orleans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 03:57 AM
Response to Reply #42
43. thanks jeff!
my favorite time to read these is in the middle of the night--they are so fucking hilarious when i combine them with a time-to-sleep punchiness! i've been reading them for an hour (or thereabouts, linking & reading) it takes awhile longer to read, and comprehend, but when the funny hits i'm laughing so hard i'm crying.

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
thanks to everyone for all the good laughs i've had tonight!
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 11:46 PM
Response to Original message
36. Seven! I got seven!
I thought we were suppose to give the birthday boy presents?!?!?

:happydance:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
jgraz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 11:48 PM
Response to Original message
37. Heh, I won two DUzys for basically the same joke
I'm a self-plagiarist! I both reject and denounce myself!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SalmonChantedEvening Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-01-08 11:52 PM
Response to Original message
38. K&R and a HUGH Thank You :)
Edited on Sat Mar-01-08 11:54 PM by SalmonChantedEvening
A DUzy is always an honor, especially so when it comes off a thread by a great DUer and friend.

Dat Blue, he just stomps on villiany. :hug: :loveya: :yourock:

Hadta stop reading half way through and advil ribs. I crappeth thee not. :spray:

Thanks JeffR and the Academy, this is always labor done with joy. It comes through every week :D

:hi: :applause: :grouphug: :loveya:

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 12:09 AM
Response to Original message
40. K&R as always!
And not just because I won one, either!!! :blush: I'm so honored...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MilesColtrane Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 03:59 AM
Response to Original message
44. Let us laud JeffR and his wrecking crew.
He separates the rice from the ricin so we don't have to.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 10:02 AM
Response to Original message
45. Always hi-larious. The FReepers can't hold a candle to us.
I am humbled to be mentioned here, but can you imagine the FRuzy awards?

Each week, recognition of the greatest posts about the Earth being 6,000 years old. Yecch.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 01:37 PM
Response to Original message
48. Thanks, I needed that!
:rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ikonoklast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-02-08 02:01 PM
Response to Original message
49. I laughed, I cried, I drooled on myself
Job well done, JeffR.

The DUzy Awards are always a high point to my week.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
proud patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 12:43 AM
Response to Original message
54. Woo Hoo ... I finally won something
:bounce:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Richard Steele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 01:11 AM
Response to Original message
55. Sorry I'm late kicking this- we drove to Savannah for brunch. Congrats to all this week's winners!nm
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Indenturedebtor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 02:11 AM
Response to Original message
56. Woohoo I got a DUzy :D
Woot! Cut, Paste, and Frame!

Some funny stuff in here. Thanks as always for getting it together for us!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-03-08 11:51 PM
Response to Original message
64. Hell's Bells! My second DUzy in 4 years!!
:woohoo: :rofl: :woohoo:

Well, thank you. :blush:

Glad you laughed with me or at me. ;)

Doesn't matter to me as long as you did laugh. :D

Thanks and congratulations to all the other comedians on DU! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-04-08 01:21 PM
Response to Reply #64
67. The DUzies are only a little over one year old.
So you see...you're winning big here, maybe even bigger than you think you are. You could certainly build some kind of career based on a record like that. You will probably be a millionaire by this time next year. Contracts with Fruit of the Loom and Spaulding are not uncommon.

JeffR was living in a storage room behind a hot dog stand just a mere eighteen months ago, and look at him now!


Congratulations, Moneybags. :toast:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Fri Oct 31st 2014, 11:12 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010) Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC