Good evening!
Some of you may be a little bit familiar with my story of personal struggles from this thread:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=2518711&mesg_id=2518711So this week I was down to my last dollar. As if going through the traumatic experience of bankruptcy, lost jobs, fighting not to be evicted, and truly struggling to find food wasn't enough, shortly after securing a new job and trying to get back on my feet I came out to go to work only to find my front tire flat. I had no jack because I had loaned mine out and never got it back. I didn't have any money to buy one. I tried to ask neighbors to help me, but couldn't find anyone who would. Finally my father, who is in a waiting list for section 8 housing and still working cleaning apartments at 61 years old just to try to survive (after two strokes and with diabetes) wired me his last dollars so I could buy a jack.
I got the spare onto my car, but had no money to fix my tire so I had to try to drive on the spare to work and back. That worked for one night. The next evening, on my way to work - you won't believe it. I hit some debris in the road, blew my other good tire out, and in the process of trying to control the car, destroyed my spare tire as well. I was stranded on the freeway between my town and a town down the road where I work. I had to walk home and miss work. Fortunately, my first paycheck from work came the next day. It took just about all of it to get my car to the shop, find used tires and get them on, but I did it. I had been hoping that with that paycheck I could do some things like (and I'm not embarassed to be completely honest here)buy underwear. None of my clothes fit, and my t-shirts and underwear are all full of holes and yellow from being so old. But instead, most of it when to the car. I had about 35 dollars left until next payday.
So some days ("some" days - I get paid twice a month) went by and I ate the cheapest food I possibly could to save money. Still I was coming up short. I was out of money and out of food for the weekend this weekend. But then, something unexpected. When I came into work there was a little card and gift from my boss on the desk. Inside was 35 dollars - this isn't some big corporation, and I had just started working there. It was clear that this was something she had done on her own for her front desk people.
I was so excited. This would get me through until my paycheck. I decided that since it was Christmas, I wanted to treat myself to a really nice meal out somewhere. I decided I was ok with spending twenty dollars or so on it because sometimes you just need to do something positive for yourself to remember that even hard times can pass and to keep hope. It's funny how when you're poor you start to feel ashamed or guilty about ever doing anything for yourself that goes beyond just trying to survive.
After work, I decided to walk to the convenience store down the block because I needed toilet paper, and I knew the clerk and store owner, and they would get me some for free from the store supplies. I decided to do that before going out for my special "Christmas" dinner with myself. As I was leaving the store I was walking down the back ally way toward my apartment. Three guys approached me and asked me if I could spare a cigarette. It was a dark back alley, and I'll admit I was a little afraid, but despite that I happily said yes and shared cigarettes with them. All three of them were homeless, and it was snowing and cold outside. My heart really went out of them. I decided to walk with them since we were going the same direction. After a while - after what seemed like a lot of internal deliberation, almost like he didn't want to do it, one of them asked me if there might be any way I could spare just a couple of dollars.
I know that every person is different. But when I looked at this man in the eyes, he had tears in them. Despite all I've been through, it didn't take me more than a second to decide. No special dinner for me. I took out my wallet, took the little money I had gotten as a gift from work, and I gave them everything I had except five dollars. With five dollars, I can eat mac and cheese for the next two days and that will get me through until I get paid. One of the guys grabbed me an hugged me. All three thanked me profusely, and I assured them that they didn't need to thank me, or apologize (which they were doing) or feel bad. I just wished them a Merry Christmas. As I walked away I didn't feel a single ounce of regret that I wouldn't be able to have the nice meal I have been dreaming about for months now. The only thought that occupied my mind was if there was any possible way I could have done something more.
Experiencing poverty can do many things to a person. But for me, I feel really hopeful that perhaps it will only continue to increase my passionate desire to do for others.
Have very happy holidays everyone! And if you have the means, consider some random acts of kindness to people you see who look like they might need it!
Blessings to all!
Political Heretic
EDIT - so no one is confused, the 25$ donation, which I made last night, I can make because I can access the direct deposit that went into my bank account via pay pal. I can't however get money out of the bank, until the bank opens on December 26th. I have no checks, and no credit card, and no debit card. That's how the money situation works out between these two stories. :)
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
