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Dear friends it is time I told you this is my Christmas Eve, I could use an opinion

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Omaha Steve Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:12 PM
Original message
Dear friends it is time I told you this is my Christmas Eve, I could use an opinion


Along time ago before I met and married Marta, I had a relationship with another teenager. From that relationship an unmarried couple produced a child. Because of our very young age and circumstances, that child was placed in the care of an adoption agency. Always wondering what ever happened. Always knowing it was the right decision for the best of the child. 8-9 months after her birth, her mother and I broke up. Her dad would not allow us to see each other.

A phone call a few weeks ago let me know my daughter was in contact with her birth mother. My oldest daughter's name is Bobbi. She is in town and visiting her birth mom today. I will see her for only the second time in 30+ years tomorrow. I will touch her for the first time ever. My other children have known about her since they were teenagers. I'm nervous. I'm thinking of surprising her with some stupid sentiment. She was born in a Salvation Army Hospital. Because of that, I have never past a Christmas kettle without putting in something, no matter our families circumstances. Is it dumb to throw some change in a kettle with her tomorrow? Wish me luck. I'll be back online sometime Sunday afternoon.

Warmest regards,

OS

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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:15 PM
Response to Original message
1. best wishes-- I hope it's a wonderful experience for you both....
Now that you've mentioned it here, you must let us know how it goes!

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Blackhatjack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:17 PM
Response to Original message
2. May this be the best Christmas Ever For You and Your Family! n/t
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Sarah Ibarruri Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:18 PM
Response to Original message
3. I have a feeling your daughter will be enriched by meeting you
Edited on Fri Dec-14-07 09:19 PM by Sarah Ibarruri
It's normal to be nervous about something like this! Be nervous, but don't let it stop you from meeting her.

As to what to give her... a pic of you as a young 17 yr old, a little poem, a little book.

What a wonderful thing to be able to see your child.
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lynnertic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:12 PM
Response to Reply #3
54. Yes, pictures, I concur.
Merry Christmas, Good luck to you.
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mikita Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:19 PM
Response to Original message
4. I love the sentiment
I think your daughter will too, once she knows the story. Best of love to you both.
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blonndee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:19 PM
Response to Original message
5. Best of luck to you and congratulations!
As an adopted child who only met her biological family at age 20, I can tell you with pretty much certainty that there will be some awkwardness, so no matter what you do it might feel a little weird. But if you can acknowledge that and are both able to get past it, you'll probably be able to laugh at it later. Please understand, though, that your biological daughter may be feeling overwhelmed and may not quite know what to think or how she feels. Hence the awkwardness. I suggest you explain to her the significance of your contributing to the kettles and ask her if she would like to do this thing with you. I bet she'll say yes. Just deal with the "weirdness" and leave the ball in her court, to use an old cliche. Do this, give her your contact information and whatever else you have planned, and leave it. She will get back in touch with you when and if she is ready.
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nightrider767 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:19 PM
Response to Original message
6. Touching...
You're a good person. Show her your smile and all the rest will follow.

Enjoy.

Thanks for sharing.
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ellaydubya Donating Member (301 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:20 PM
Response to Original message
7. Breathe and be yourself and be in the moment
No looking back, no wondering what the future holds, just enjoy the moment for what it is. Relax and be yourself. A very big moment, indeed. I send positive thoughts your way. Let us know how it went.
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pinto Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:20 PM
Response to Original message
8. Ah, best of luck Omaha Steve. Follow your heart is really all I can say.
Seems to have done you well before.

Regards,

pinto
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:22 PM
Response to Original message
9. I met my Dad when I was 16. We're really close now.
Go for it, Steve.

:hug:

:grouphug:
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frogmarch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:26 PM
Response to Original message
10. How wonderful!
What a great thing to have happened to you and your daughter! You asked if it would be "dumb" for you to throw some change in a SA kettle together. I think it would be a fine and meaningful thing to do, especially considering the fact your daughter was born in a SA hospital. Some DUers don't like SA, and given the anti-gay stance of the SA, I get that, but I work as a SA volunteer and know they do much good, despite their faults. I'd say go for it, Steve, and I hope you enjoy the time you spend with your daughter. I'm happy for you both. :-)
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readmoreoften Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:28 PM
Response to Original message
11. Best of luck Omaha Steve! You're a great guy! I'm sure she'll love you no matter what you do.
Good luck!
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MuseRider Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:29 PM
Response to Original message
12. Do it.
It will mean so much to both of you. You made me cry. How difficult that decision must have been but it was apparently the correct decision. I am very happy for you and for her. Have a wonderful time getting to know your oldest child.
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waiting for hope Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:31 PM
Response to Original message
13. That's wonderful Steve -
As an adopted child myself, I know this moment is going to be very special. I wish you the warmest wishes. :hug:
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kentuck Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:33 PM
Response to Original message
14. Good luck Steve...
Be yourself. You were very young. You are still permitted to love her as your child.
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Evergreen Emerald Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:33 PM
Response to Original message
15. You are making me cry.
I will be thinking of you Omaha Steve.
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sellitman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:34 PM
Response to Original message
16. I hope you can build a relationship with her from this time on out.
It would be a great story with a happy ending.

Best of luck!
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:35 PM
Response to Original message
17. Oh, I hope it goes well!
It would be wonderful for you to get along well and keep in touch with your birth daughter! I'll be thinking many good thoughts! :hug:

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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:40 PM
Response to Original message
18. oh Steve, that's wonderful
Merry Christmas and have a joyful reunion!
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nosmokes Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:43 PM
Response to Original message
19. Best wishes for you and your daughter.
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annabanana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:49 PM
Response to Original message
20. Best of Luck, Steve.. I hope it goes very well for both of you.
Be ready for it to be odd, and, if it feels right, let her know you're there for her now, even though you couldn't when you were a child.
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sampsonblk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:52 PM
Response to Original message
21. Good luck!
I am sure everything will work out fine. Looks like perhaps it already has.
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Mz Pip Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:53 PM
Response to Original message
22. Best wishes to
the both of you. This is the beginning for you. May it lead to a wonderful future filled with hope and joy for both of you.

Mz Pip
:dem:
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tekisui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:59 PM
Response to Original message
23. Thank you for sharing.
I wish you and your entire family the best.
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Raejeanowl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:02 PM
Response to Original message
24. Just Tell Her About It, Steve
I think that will be enough to let her know her that you thought about her every Christmas. If she suggests it herself, then do it.

You might bring her some photos of her half-siblings, if you think they would be okay with it, or open to the possibility of meeting her someday.

Take a camera with you. And maybe just a small, token gift like a Santa teddy bear or flowers.

The rest will probably take care of itself. Best wishes to you all.
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fed-up Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:04 PM
Response to Original message
25. I'm sure you will both be nervous-but it will quickly pass--Enjoy! nt
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Blue_In_AK Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:05 PM
Response to Original message
26. OS, this is a wonderful story.
Best of luck to you with the reunion.
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:07 PM
Response to Original message
27. Best wishes to all of you!
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Cha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:15 PM
Response to Original message
28. Wow! You're fortunate
that you at least get to see your daughter after all these years. The best thing is knowing that your children are happy, no matter who raises them in this great cosmic plan of ours.

Not dumb. :)
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Omaha Steve Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:19 PM
Response to Original message
29. More info

Wow did my mailbox get active in a hurry. Thanks for all the kind wishes. Bobbi (nick named Roberta) has been in contact with all her family here by phone and email. Photos, stories, etc... She just called to say her flight was delayed, and she is having dinner with her birth mom.

Bobbi will meet Marta and I first tomorrow. Then she will meet my mom and our three children (her younger siblings) at our youngest granddaughter Madison's birthday party. Madison was born on Christmas day 2005, so we will always celebrate her birthday a few weeks early. The date was set BEFORE Bobbie found us. :-)

Sunday morning both sides of her Omaha family extant will be having breakfast together. Our oldest granddaughter will be there. Her nick name is Bobbi. Her real name is Roberta. Coincidence? Then she flies home Sunday afternoon.

Thank you again for all the wishes.

OS

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mod mom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:21 PM
Response to Original message
30. Best of luck to you and yours.
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sandnsea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:23 PM
Response to Original message
31. Have a wonderful visit
I hope it turns out well for all of you. :hug:
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flamingyouth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:56 PM
Response to Original message
32. Wishing you all the best.
What a moving story. :pals:
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lostnfound Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
33. Definitely do it.
A glimpse into your heart for the last 30 years is a great gift for you to give her. I think it will be a way to make it concrete and memorable. I hope it goes well.
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InkAddict Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 11:34 PM
Response to Original message
34. I hope your Christmas Eve is filled with new found joy.
Our babies made their appearance in a Salvation Army hospital too, and we still "pitch in." You touched those wondrous memories of long ago and brought a happy tear. Here's hoping those old hurts all melt away, and your holiday season will blaze with hope, peace, and promise. Merry Christmas!
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NI4NI Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 11:41 PM
Response to Original message
35. May you each stay in one another's life
from now on.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, Man!
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emilyg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 11:59 PM
Response to Original message
36. This is great. Enjoy.
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K Gardner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 12:04 AM
Response to Original message
37. As an adopted child, I can tell you that she will treasure every moment with you;
she will treasure knowing that you loved her and thought of her throughout these long years, and she will treasure you. So happy that you have found each other. Tell her everything in your heart and enjoy your time together.
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TwilightGardener Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 12:15 AM
Response to Original message
38. Good for you, Steve--you get an extra blessing this year for Christmas!
Best wishes, and hope it goes well for all of you.
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unhappycamper Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 03:29 AM
Response to Original message
39. You'll be nervous, she'll be nervous.
Speak from your heat and all will be OK.

Best of luck, Friend.
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yellowdogintexas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:18 AM
Response to Original message
40. oh how wonderful. for once I am speechless. Merry Christmas to you all nt
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in_cog_ni_to Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:18 AM
Response to Original message
41. What a wonderful way to celebrate your holiday! Throw that change in the bucket with her
and tell her what you've told us here....you've never passed a SA bucket without throwing in some money...because of HER. She will find solace in knowing you never forgot about her through all these years. Best of luck to you! :hug:
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OzarkDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:28 AM
Response to Original message
42. Post some pics when you get back
tell us all about it; I'm sure whatever you do will be fine with her. And don't forget a nice bouquet of flowers, those are always nice, too.
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:35 AM
Response to Original message
43. Not dumb at all.
Warmest wishes to you and yours meeting tomorrow. What a great story.
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madokie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:44 AM
Response to Original message
44. shit man you got me all teared up now
one thing you don't need though is luck, luck is when you don't know what to do, you do.

Peace and Happy moments, for that is what dreams are really made of
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Beausoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:45 AM
Response to Original message
45. As a mom who has adopted 5 children, I wish all the best for a loving and joyous reunion!
I only hope my children will be so lucky someday.

Lots of wonderful wishes heading your way!
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:46 AM
Response to Original message
46. Merry Christmas, Omaha Steve!
Have a wonderful reuniting! I hope all goes well!

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flashl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:48 AM
Response to Original message
47. My Best to you and your family
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Omaha Steve Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 11:06 AM
Response to Original message
48. 4 P.M. Central time

That is when I will be meeting Bobbi. I can't say how much all the kind words have helped me. I'm not so nervous now. :-)

OS

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glowing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 11:16 AM
Response to Original message
49. Good luck... I wish you well... And I'm glad you get to know a peice of
you even though it took 30 years and other people who were able to raise a child when you were not.
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NC_Nurse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 11:23 AM
Response to Original message
50. I'm sending my (((good vibes))) for your meeting.
I hope it is wonderful. I bet it will be. :hug:
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Flying Dream Blues Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 11:32 AM
Response to Original message
51. I'm so glad you have found each other after all these years.
I'm very happy for you and hope to hear more about your reunion with Bobbi...and no, I for one don't think it's a coincidence that you have a granddaughter named Bobbi at all! :)
:hi:
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otherlander Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 12:16 PM
Response to Original message
52. I think that's a wonderful idea.
Have a great time, and afterwards, you have to tell us how it went. Merry Christmas!
:hi:
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tammywammy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 12:24 PM
Response to Original message
53. Good Luck Omaha Steve
And Merry Christmas.
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Eurobabe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:22 PM
Response to Original message
55. Best of Luck Omaha Steve
You've got a big heart, I'll never forget the pictures you sent to me of the kittens that were rescued. :hug:

Let us know how your visit was with your daughter. Should be life altering. :hi:

Best of luck!!
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Bozita Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:27 PM
Response to Original message
56. Here's hoping everyone comes away from this with good, warm feelings toward each other
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DFW Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:36 PM
Response to Original message
57. This should change your life, alright
And I'm betting for the better.

As for the apprehension before hand, man if you ain't nervous, you ain't human!

But it'll be cool, don't you worry none!
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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 04:14 PM
Response to Original message
58. Best of luck Steve. You are wonderful! I am sure she will enjoy meeting you!
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Libby2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
59. Wonderful!! Good luck!
I'm all teary eyed now.
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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 04:32 PM
Response to Original message
60. Good luck!
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elehhhhna Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 05:27 PM
Response to Original message
61. UPDATE, Please?
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Raine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 05:44 PM
Response to Original message
62. Wishing you all the best
you'll be in my thoughts. :hug:
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DCKit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 06:15 PM
Response to Original message
63. My 19 year old niece is knocked up....
Her parents have decided against a family adoption and, despite all our other differences, we're lost in trying to argue the point.

I don't know if the child will be born "off white" or some other heresy according to my sister's church, but blood is blood in my book, and this kid belongs with family.

What can I do?
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 06:49 AM
Response to Reply #63
66. what does your niece want?
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eleny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 06:21 PM
Response to Original message
64. All the best
I hope you had a wonderful time together.
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Virginia Dare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 06:21 PM
Response to Original message
65. Hey Steve..
no advise to give you, just thinking about you, and I think everything is going to be okay now, good luck!... :hug:
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 06:50 AM
Response to Original message
67. hope it went well!
Looking forward to the update...
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 06:58 AM
Response to Original message
68. Thinking about you this morning &
hoping you and Bobbi had a wonderful day.


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