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***DUzy Awards for week ending December 14, 2007***

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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:20 PM
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***DUzy Awards for week ending December 14, 2007***


Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring baleful bumptiousness, bleary babble and bratty barking from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!


Victims of their own success, the DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.


Special thanks to KitchenWitch, unhappycamper, Southpawkicker, AZDemDist6, proud2Blib, Breeze54, scarletwoman, Lars39, SeattleGirl, Kurovski, blondeatlast, Drum, Buzz Clik, dicksteele, badgerpup, Joan_Alpern, eleny, hootinholler, Heidi, AZDemDist6, billyskank, Call Me Wesley, BushDespiser12, KamaAina, temeah, stellanoir and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

Some leftovers might appear next week, if the DUzies appear next week.


OP by Buzz Clik:

      ***BREAKING!!!*** New GG Sentinel poll has Kucinich leading with 100%; all others tied for 2nd.
The latest poll from the Garden Gnome Sentinel has Dennis Kucinich leading all presidential candidates (including GOP) with 100% of all registered Gnomes who are likely to vote in the general election. Senior Political Correspondent, Beardy McPointyhat said, "Kucinich is the overwhelming favorite here, which is no surprise. He has led this poll every week since he first announced his candidacy in 2004." Inexplicably, none of the candidates are planning to spend any campaign resources wooing the gnome vote.

response #2 by Juniperx:

      I read the same in Better Gnomes and Gardens!
It must be true!

I really like him. Seriously. We need someone who is waaaaaay far out of the box.

response #5 by bear425:

      There's no place like Gnome - there's no place like gnome
I say as I click my heels together and hope the world would go back to normal.

response #6 by Buzz Clik:

      That's "gnormal"

response #7 by Ishoutandscream2:

      Phegnomenal!

response #8 by gateley:

      Woo Hoo! Biden's in Second Place! No stopping him now! nt

response #18 by TheWatcher:

      BREAKING: Gnomes Smarter Than The Majority Of Americans
Who knew?

The Lounge (moved from GD), December 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by SalmonChantedEvening:

      A Very Huckabee Xmas
Oh Huckabee (To the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)

Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
Dry cleaning and a dog house
Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
A wardrobe for the First Spouse
God wants you to be president
He must not back the competent
Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
Dry cleaning and a dog house

Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
Your pardons leave us speechless
Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
Free furniture is priceless
Endorsement from Chuck Norris Fist
Its time to see an analyst
Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
Your pardons leave us speechless

Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
NIEs make good reading
Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
It must be what youre eating
When those reporters make you sore
Have Flair apply the figure four (woooooooooooo!)
Oh Huckabee, Oh Huckabee
NIEs make good reading

GD, December 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by baldguy:

      Would you be offended by these hanging in a cubicle near you?
http://www.plumparty.com/partysupplies/18677.html

They actually instigated an HR report in my office today.

response #2 by undeterred:

      What are they?

response #9 by baldguy:

      They're holiday lights in the shape of lobsters.
Some moran got it into their head that they were penises.

response #11 by undeterred:

      Ribbed penises?
Would that be an evoulutionary advantage?

response #12 by otherlander:

      If his looks like that...
he should probably see a doctor.
:hide:

response #13 by Fenris:

      Perhaps I am an exception to the rule, but my penis looks nothing like a lobster.

response #7 by GoddessOfGuinness:

      That's clearly anti-Christacean

response #17 by dpbrown:

      It's the War on Crustaceanmas!!!
Send in the Crusaders!

response #36 by krispos42:

      You mean the "Crustaders", right?
:rofl:

response #28 by temeah:

      If your penis is THAT red, it's not lobsters, it's crabs!
:rofl:

response #48 by Amerigo Vespucci:

      Offended?
I guess that one could look at these and see a slight phallic implication, but there are people out there who can see a dick in everything.

For example, I look at the White House, and I see a dick.

But that's just me.

The Lounge, December 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by niyad:

      anybody know what donna hanover is doing these days?

response #2 by Blue_In_AK:

      My guess is
she's somewhere laughing her ass off.

GD, December 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Bullet1987:

      Don't Look Now...But Obama Just Won Iowa
Oprah was fantastic and Obama is sure to get rave reviews from the MSM (not that I like them...but it'll help his campaign). Anybody who says this won't shake up the polls is just dead wrong...

response #2 by maddiejoan:

      Maybe we should just elect Oprah
cut out the middleman that way.

response #13 by Warren Stupidity:

      Last I heard that actually required Iowans to caucus and vote.
And then they count the votes, and then the winner is announced. At least that is how I've heard it works. But good luck to your guy anyway.

GDP, December 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by LoZoccolo:

      Which candidate is perfect?

response #16 by mtnsnake:

      Chuck Norris said Mike Huckabee is perfect. Are you gonna tell Chuck he's wrong?
I double dog dare you!

response #28 by Bleachers7:

      Me
I agree with all of my positions.

response #50 by youthere:

      I wish I could say the same...
I'm soft on crime, and I tend to waffle.

response #38 by readmoreoften:

      Huckabee
Perfectly horrific.

response #44 by Ellen Forradalom:

      Mine.
'course I haven't chosen one yet, but when I do, it'll be the perfect one.

GDP, December 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Ghost in the Machine:

      President Bush Declares Himself A Disaster
President Bush Declares Himself A Disaster
Published: 12/8/07, 8:11 PM EDT
By Ghost in the Machine

Washington, D.C.. (Asinine Press) - President Bush declared a federal disaster for himself Saturday, clearing the way for federal aid after severe lies and cover-ups devastated his credibility and his administration.

The declaration provides recovery assistance to the entire Bush administration and his family. Bush has pledged to send himself a $450 Billion Dollar assistance package

State and federal officials said further assistance is expected to follow as the damage evaluations are done. Rubberstamp Republicans and members of the Federal Emergency Management Agency are expected to tour the White House Sunday.

The administration saw severe lying, cover-ups and incompetence as the result of policies that were made between Jan. 20, 2001 to present, largely affecting the United States, as well as Afghanistan and Iraq. Over one million people have died in Iraq, and another 20,000 died in Afghanistan, not including 3886 American Soldiers.

Under Saturday's declaration, the federal government will reimburse 100 percent of the public cost for disaster response in the Bush administration, to the Bush family. It also creates a grant program that would provide federal money to take steps to enrich the Bush family and their cronies in the future, and allowing Jeb Bush to steal an election at some point in the future.

Copyright 2007 Asinine Press. All rights reserved.
This material may be published, broadcast, rewritten and redistributed.

GD, December 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



Poll question by hnmnf:

      Which of these candidates would come out alive in A Steel-Caged Death Match-Repuke Edition

:bluebox: Rudy Ghouliani

:bluebox: Fred Thompson

:bluebox: Tom Tancredo

:bluebox: Mike Huckabee

:bluebox: Ron Paul

:bluebox: John McCain

:bluebox: Willard Mittens Romney

:bluebox: Duncan Hunter

response #4 by rurallib:

      Fred!
He'd fall asleep in the corner and wake up after the others wiped each other out.

At press time, "John McCain" was winning with 71% of the votes. And simply typing the previous sentence has ruined my day.

GDP, December 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by datasuspect:

      say you just spent many years on your mountaintop with your eagle and serpent . . .
you come down from the mountain.

what's the first thing you say to the villagers when you return?

response #1 by XemaSab:

      WASSSSUP!
:o

The Lounge, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by napi21:

      What was the worst job you've ever had?

response #16 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      Marine. Doing stupid things, for stupid people, for stupid and immoral reasons.

response #19 by rAVES:

      Cold caller, yes you actually feel like a worthless prick while being payed like one too.

response #41 by LastLiberal in PalmSprings:

      Elephant circumsizer at the zoo
The job sucked -- but the tips were big!

response #87 by AngryAmish:

      moderator, DU
You people are animals.

GD, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by CatWoman:

      Mega church spends $1 million on Christmas Pageant
"A Florida megachurch has garnered national attention with its annual Christmas pageant. The First Baptist Church of Fort Lauderdale's production is filled with extensive pyrotechnics, live stock and a bevy of actors.

'We're having to compete against many theatrical things around the country, whether it's MTV or the Rockettes or any show you might see on Broadway,' said the Rev. Mike Jefferies of the First Baptist Church of Fort Lauderdale. 'We have made a conscious decision to pull out all the stops.'

The play rivals some Las Vegas-style productions, and Broadway producers choreographed the show..."

response #16 by Olney Blue:

      LIghts! Camera! Jesus!

response #32 by progressoid:

      Nothing says "Prince of Peace" like a good floor show with pyrotechnics.

response #36 by struggle4progress:

      Maybe a chorus line of topless shepherdesses sends a better holiday message than a fruitcake

response #39 by jmm:

      Break a leg Jesus!
:hide:

response #55 by Sugar Smack:

      Why does this remind me of "Waiting For Guffman"
but in a really bad way?

GD, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by proud2Blib:

      Stupidest. Freeper. Comment. EVER!! I'm SERIES!!
This article in my local paper is about a guy claiming he was fired for writing a LTTE saying Bush should be impeached.

http://www.kansascity.com/115/story/396117.html


So after the article, I posted this comment:

Is it fascism yet?


And right after my comment a freeper named Alexis posted this:

Why would we need Mr. Kniest smart remark about our PRESIDENT i don't belive this is about color as the writer wrote before me. There was a time it was illegal to talk about our Chief Commander of the USA.We have a security problem in this country if your an AMERICAN Please stick together no matter what party is in office...

It took me a minute, it is so stupid. But I kept going back to that sentence I bolded:

"i don't belive this is about color as the writer wrote before me."

Then I finally figured it out. This incredibly dumb and functionally illiterate freeper thinks 'fascism' is a color!! He thinks I am talking about FUSCHIA!!

response #1 by DemGa:

      Maybe they didn't recognize "fascism" as a word
and thought you meant "racism."

response #55 by WolverineDG:

      Racism, fascism, same thing
Poor thing needs to cut bigger holes in his pillowcase before he tries to read.

:rofl:

response #57 by KansDem:

      Careful, "Fascist Fuchsia" could become the next trendy color...
...replacing "mauve"

And I'd like the "bonus room" to be done in "fascist fuchsia," please...

Remember "avocado" and "burnt umber" from the 1960s and 1970s?

Other colorful responses in the thread.

GD, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by ThoughtCriminal:

      World War III - 1st Round Tournament Brackets
Based on "Global Fire Power Rankings" from:
http://www.globalfirepower.com

Let's take a look at first round matches. Remember - nuclear weapons are not permitted until the semi-finals!

----------
1 - United States
16 - Iran

Coach Cheney was quite excited about drawing Iran in the first round.
----------

2 - Russia
15 - Canada

Russia was hoping to start with a 3rd-World country in the 1st round. Canada wishes it was hockey.
----------

3 - China
14 - Mexico

China's 14:1 ratio in Military personel is going to be hard for Mexico to overcome.
----------

4 - India
13 - Indonesia

India has big leads in almost every department (Spending, personel, armor, artillery, aircraft)
----------

5 - Germany
12 - South Korea

One of the most interesting 1st round match-ups. Both countries anticipated a fight for some time - just with somebody else.
----------

6 - France
11 - Italy

The 1st round's only neighboring countries.
----------

7 - Japan
10 - Great Britain

A re-match from WW-2
----------

8 - Turkey
9 - Brazil

WTF?

response #2 by KitchenWitch:

      Oh Kewl - International March Madness.

response #9 by KamaAina:

      Wouldn't that be International March MADness?
At least when we get to the nukes? :nuke:

response #4 by JonathanChance:

      And Now analysis from Jimmy the Geek! and a prieview of the 2nd confrence matchups.
1 - United States
16 - Iran
---------------------------------
This one could go either way. If Iran can effectivly deploy sunburn missiles, it's Good-bye US Navy. No Navy, Iran will have a much Easier time. I pick Iran to pull of the major upset.

2 - Russia
15 - Canada
---------------------------------
This is a sure, bet folks. Russia's gonna roll right over the Canadians.

3 - China
14 - Mexico
---------------------------------
Another Sure Bet. Mexico does not have a prayer.

4 - India
13 - Indonesia
---------------------------------
This one's going to be interesting. India seems to have the advantage here, however, they're going to be bogged down island hopping, which coach Patil says has been their biggest weakness this season, meaning this could be a good one. I pick India on a squeaker.

5 - Germany
12 - South Korea
---------------------------------
This is going to be good. The best main battle tanks and combat equipment in the world face off against a country that has been preparing for a major fight for over 50 years. However, without the US to bail them out, Germany's gonna kicking ass like it's 1939. I pick Germany.

6 - France
11 - Italy
---------------------------------
France has some major rage here over the World Cup loss and is looking for revenge. Also, with 2 CATOBAR Aircraft carriers going up agaisnt one VSTOL Carrier, I thing France is going to rule the day here. I think they are going to go quite far in this tournament. Viva la France!

7 - Japan
10 - Great Britain
---------------------------------
Britannia still rules the waves, baby! Since the Japanese "Self Defense Forces" have no antiship missile capability and very, very little boots on the ground combat experience, expect the Union Flag and White Ensign to fly over Tokyo very Quickly.

8 - Turkey
9 - Brazil
---------------------------------
This is simple folks, Brazil has a carrier, and will beat Turkey by well, a Brazillion!



And now for Division 2!

1 Israel
16 Switzerland
---------------------------------
This is going to be a bloodbath, folks. Switzerland is the most underrated country in this tournament. Switzerland's Citizen Soldiers will roll all over the Israelis. There's a reason that nobody fucks with the Swiss.

2 Finland
15 Sweden
---------------------------------
Give this one to the Finns, these guys have a history of kicking ass and taking names when they get pissed off, and there's a lot of bad blood between these two teams.

3 Poland
14 Ireland
---------------------------------
It will all come down to which side's soldiers actually remember to pull the pins on their grenades before throwing them. I'm giving this one to the Irish.

4 Pakistan
13 Egypt
---------------------------------
This is going to close to call, folks I say go with your gut and cross your fingers on this one. I'm picking Egypt to pull off the upset.

5 South Africa
12 New Zealand
---------------------------------
Talk about your rivalries. Springboks vs. All Blacks. I'll give this one to South Africa, they've been looking strong this combat season and have good hustle.

6 Australia
11 Argentina
--------------------------------
I pick Australia. They've been looking strong, and are going up against the most ovverated nation in this tournament. I predict a repeat of the 1982 match against the UK.

7 Thailand
10 North Korea
--------------------------------
Two nations, two batshit crazy leaders, one with a definite manpower advantage. I'm still giving this one to the Thais, All they need to do is bring on the food aid, and the starving North Koreans will desert in droves.

8 Ethiopia
9 Venezuela
--------------------------------
Ethiopia, is fresh off a huge victory in Somalia, and has "uncle mo'" on their side, but Coach Chavez has managed to build up some good stockpiles of technologically advanced ordinance over the season, including some very key offseason trades with China, Russia, and Brazil. I pick Venezuela to pull of the upset.

The Lounge, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by L. Coyote:

      FYI for DUers. There is no such thing as "race" and it is offensive to "race" people.
I just saw a new post using the term "white" in a political context, the Presidential "race."
I find the term "white" and such usage simply offensive, likewise for other "race" designations...

response #198 by Hoof Hearted:

      Apparently, you have never seen my husband's ass.
He put the shine in moon.

White does exist.

GD, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by HypnoToad:

       I struck and killed a car tonight.

response #1 by lost-in-nj:

      Hope it wasn't a family car...
:hi:

The Lounge, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Desperadoe:

      Giuliani Defends Girlfriend's Expenses
"Smiling broadly and laughing at some of the tougher questions put to him on NBC television's "Meet the Press," Giuliani did not directly answer when asked why the security expenses were billed to obscure city offices, making their detection more difficult. He responded that the NYPD had deemed the security detail necessary because of threats against him and his loved ones, including Nathan.

'This was all based on threat assessments by the New York city police department, all based on their analysis to protect her life, my life, other people's lives,' Giuliani said. 'They made the choice. My wife Judith would honestly prefer not to have security...'"

response #1 by DS1:

      Someone else made me do it
because that's what we all look for in a leader.

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci:

      Man says condom was in burger, seeks damages for pain, suffering, emotional duress, medical expenses
"A man who says he bit into a Burger King sandwich and found an unwrapped condom inside has sued the owner of the restaurant.

Van Miguel Hartless, 24, of Fair Haven, said Friday he bought the Southwestern Whopper at a Burger King in Rutland on June 18 and made the discovery at home. 'My third bite into the burger, it was just a foreign taste,' he said. 'As I went to bite down a little harder, I felt a rubber grind in between my teeth.'

The lawsuit, filed Nov. 16, names store owner Carrols Corp. and seeks damages for pain and suffering, emotional duress and medical expenses..."

response #10 by krispos42:

      It was a "special sauce" packet!
:rofl:

:hide:

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

The Lounge, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Green Mountain Dem:

      What's in YOUR.....
"A Rutland man said he found a condom in a burger he had ordered from Burger King.

Miguel Hartless said he made the grim discovery after the third bite of the Southwestern Whopper he ordered from the Rutland restaurant.

Hartless said he immediately got sick and has since had nightmares about the incident. He also has had tests for sexually transmitted diseases, which he said came back negative..."

response #2 by Perry Logan:

      Sadly, the condom was the most nutritious part of the whole meal.

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by jefferson_dem:

      Huckleberry: "I hope we answer the alarm clock and take this nation back for Christ" (1998).

response #5 by Evergreen Emerald:

      that happened to me just the other day:
"hello God? Is that you?"

"No, Mom it's the microwave. Your soup is done. Stop watching CNN."

GDP, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Ghost in the Machine:

      Fred Thompson vows to kill Castro if elected -

response #10 by dicksteele:

      Thompson's "Campaign HQ" must be in a secret bunker buried deep in NINETEEN SEVENTY-NINE!
Does this clueless excuse for a human/monkfish hybrid
have ANYTHING to say that's less than 20 years past RELEVANT?

It's just sad that he's wandering around freely-
clearly, if he had any grandkids who cared about him,
he wouldn't be.

response #12 by SoCalDem:

      What a brave hunkahunkaburnin' he-man he is
Promises to kill an elderly, frail old man on his death bed..

Why do I have an image of Fred all decked out in battle gear..with a pillow in his hands..as he approaches a sleeping Fidel?

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by tekisui:

      White House press secretary admits she didn't know what Cuban Missile Crisis was
"Appearing on National Public Radio's quiz show, 'Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me,' this weekend, Perino admitted a story she'd previously only shared in private: When a reporter asked her a question during a White House briefing in which he referred to the Cuban Missile Crisis -- she didn't know what it was.

'I was panicked a bit because I really don't know about . . . the Cuban Missile Crisis,' said Perino, who at 35 was born about a decade after the 1962 U.S.-Soviet nuclear showdown. 'It had to do with Cuba and missiles, I'm pretty sure.'

The exchange was first noted in the Washington Post.

'I came home and I asked my husband,' she said on air. 'I said, "Wasn't that like the Bay of Pigs thing?" And he said, "Oh, Dana...."'"

response #14 by JohnyCanuck:

      Their thinking must be along the lines
we can't have a press secretary smarter than her boss.

response #20 by rAVES:

      The Cuban What-now?

response #21 by undeterred:

      The Bay of Pigs was at the Zoo, right?
:rofl:

response #24 by JHB:

      Now, Now. She's only like, a Press Secretary n'junk...
That's, like, a peeeple person job, y'know? No one told here she'd have to know, y'know, like, ancient history n'stuff.

response #21 by undeterred:

      The Bay of Pigs was at the Zoo, right?
:rofl:

response #26 by gratuitous:

      She may sound like an idiot, chatter like an idiot, but don't let that fool you
She really is an idiot.

response #31 by Vickers:

      Dear Mr. David Gregory,
At you next opportunity, please ask Ms. Perino her thoughts about "Chicken of the Sea."

Thanks and kindest regards,

Vickers

response #36 by jhain:

      Snort
Dear Dana,

Once upon a time there was a leisurely little fishing trip which set sail on a three hour tour. The passengers; Mega , Mata Hari, Julius and Ethel, Aldrich Ames and, Klaus Fuchs were all equipped with the latest Zebcos AND the latest listening devices. They also stowed thousands of teeny tiny microphones in their life jackets...Every fish they caught had a teeny tiny microphone shoved down its throat before it was released. (Because, of course, they were responsible catch and release type fishermen/women.)
The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. Because of the incompetence of the fearful crew the tiny ship was lost. However, the mic-ed stomachs of all those fish are still feeding valuable information to the CIA. As they swim from sea to shining sea they intercept millions of secret messages.
Perhaps you hear that "blub, blub, liberals' fault, blub, Democrats did it, blub, Clinton had sex, blub, blub" sometimes in YOUR earpiece.

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Fighting Irish:

      You all worship the devil!
"On Fox News yesterday, Bill OReilly let loose on 'far-left websites' like DailyKos, stating, 'If you read these far-left websites, youre a devil worshipper. You are.' OReillys ombudsman responded, 'As a journalist, you know better than that.' OReilly shot back: 'Satan is running the DailyKos. Yes, he is!'

At the end of the segment, OReilly said, 'That was a little satire there... dont get too upset about it.' But he then added, 'I still think they are satanists...'"

response #1 by citizen_jane:

      I do not worship
Dick Cheney.
:evilgrin:

response #8 by Heidi:

      It's really more of a flirtation than worship.
:evilgrin:

response #10 by sarge43:

      Does a one night stand count?
A weekender?

:evilgrin:

response #24 by Oregonian:

      Here I thought I was worshipping Santa ... Darn that dyslexia!

response #28 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      O'Reilly obviously meant that we worship "satin", the cloth
The official spelling for the devil's name in the official Freeptard Heritage Dictionary is "satin". Therefore, when O'Reilly said we worship "satan", he was talking about the cloth, by default.

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by laststeamtrain:

      Michael Rubin: "An apology owed to John Bolton". Too funny.
"The most recent Iran NIE confirms that Iran was actively pursuing a nuclear weapon back in 2003. Forgotten in much of the recent press coverage is that this proves John Bolton, at the time was undersecretary of state for Arms Control, correct. Many of the people under and around him, perhaps fearing that his analysis might get in the way of their initiatives, attacked him and leaked anonymously in the press to undermine him. And yet, now we know that Bolton was right. It seems that a number of journalists, diplomats, and Senate staffers owe Mr. Bolton an acknowledgment, if not an apology..."

response #5 by Kucinich4America:

      FUCK John Bolton. And Michael Rubin
And Michael Bolton, for that matter.

response #6 by H2O Man:

      Gosh!
How can we make it right? What can we do to make this okay? How about bombing Iran? Will John forgive us if we start a world war as a peace offering, of sorts?

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by smoogatz:

      Christian biologist fired for beliefs, suit says (Reuters)
"A Christian biologist is suing the prestigious Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts, claiming he was fired for refusing to accept evolution, lawyers involved in the case said on Friday.

Nathaniel Abraham, an Indian national who describes himself as a "Bible-believing Christian," said in the suit filed on Monday in U.S. District Court in Boston that he was fired in 2004 because he would not accept evolution as scientific fact.

The latest U.S. academic spat over science and religion was first reported in The Boston Globe newspaper on Friday. Gibbs Law Firm in Florida, which is representing Abraham, said he was seeking $500,000 in compensation..."

response #10 by Buzz Clik:

      "Sir: I know I'm a chemist, but there are but five true elements: earth, wind, fire, rain, void"
"I'm sorry. Say that I again."

"Well, sir, I've been giving this some thought. I've been working in the geochronology lab for a year now, and it's starting to bug me. All this is based on a lie."

"Ermmmphhh!????"

"Er. Yeah. Five basic elements -- the vertices of the pentagram. A lot of ancient philosophies believe that to be true, and I'm convinced they are correct. And, as such, it means that you're, well, a non-believing infidel."

"Okay, now you're making me concerned. You think that I'm an infidel and that you can no longer be a chemist because of some Greek writings from more than 2000 years ago."

"Well, Hindu and Japanese..."

"And I suppose you think the world is flat."

"HAHAHAHAHA! I'm not an idiot. The world is a huge ball carried on the back of a giant turtle. That's from Siamese philosophy."

"No it isn't. That was from the musical, The King and I."

"Oh. So the world is flat? Ok."

"Dear, God. Just stop this and get back to work."

"No can do. You're asking me to risk the dangerous confluence of the five elements could which mean my destruction ... ours ... the end of the world!"

"I'm serious. Shut the hell up and get to work."

"You're discriminating against my beliefs!"

"No, I'm firing you. Get the fuck out of my lab."

"You'll be hearing from my lawyer!"

"Have him send me a letter etched in Cuneiform on a mud tablet."

response #12 by Deep13:

      Reminds me of the harassment I had in high school physics...
...for my support of the Intelligent Falling Theory as an alternative to gravity.

response #24 by Cronus Protagonist:

      Hahaha, that would be CREATIVE falling theory, dumb-ass!
God wouldn't create anything intelligent lest it challenge His powers.

:sarcasm:

response #13 by SidDithers:

      Idiot...
Now, I'm gonna go run off and get a job as a Baptist preacher. You think it'll be a problem that I don't believe in God?

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Joe Fields:

      And we wonder how Bush can still have 25% of the country behind him?
Hell, people, just look at some of the threads on this board. I can't believe, at this point that there are people that still believe in our own party's leadership. It's pretty damned baffling, and disgraceful. I'm sick of being told that I'm not a party loyalist, when it's the leaders who have abandoned US!!! They don't do our bidding. They aren't interested in us. When are some people around here going to get it through their heads that Pelosi, Hoyer Conyers, Reid and many others are NOT our friends...

response #1 by The_Casual_Observer:

      So who are your friends?
Ralph Nader? Mumia? Santa Claus?

response #42 by Tuesday Afternoon:

      Pass the toilet paper
signed: wide stance Larry Craig

response #91 by IsItJustMe:

      More in-breeding goes on in this country than we apparently know about. Just a thought.

response #111 by FREEWILL56:

      Either that or they haven't been eating enough smart pills.
You know the ones that little rabbits leave behind.

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Karmadillo:

      Did Obama attack Edwards because of polling showing Edwards' strength against Republicans?

response #3 by alfredo:

      No, he just likes to slap him every now and then to show he cares.

GDP, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by NewWaveChick1981:

      That's A Moray, aka The Three Cheesy Tenors
:eyes: :rofl: So....I went to the school holiday party last night. It was held at the country club (not my style, but I needed to go since I'm new), and the food was mediocre. The alcohol flowed freely (I had just one glass of wine since I had to work today), and faculty and staff were getting extremely drunk. It was loud and hot in the room, and when the Three Cheesy Tenors (my term for them) started their "comedy" act, it was just too much. I'm not an opera fan, but when these particular guys started their opera routine (if you can call it that), it stabbed my brain. The way they sang "That's Amore" sounded more like they were singing love songs to eels. :rofl: x( Thankfully, the routine only lasted about ten minutes, 'cause I was getting ready to leave if it went further than that. However.....the drunk folks started dancing to the band there, and they all started doing the Electric Slide. :puke: When I saw that, I thought of the immortal words of Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack: "Dance of the Living Dead!"

:spray: :rofl: I left at 9 PM, but the party was still going strong. There are tons of empty parking spaces this morning, so I know many of the partiers called in "sick" this morning. :P

Remind me not to do that again.

response #1 by FloridaJudy:

      Whennnnnn... the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie
That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand
And that's not what you planned...
That's a moray.

When a Japanese knight
Brings a sword to a fight
That's Samurai

When our habits are strange,
And our customs deranged,
That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw,
And the bales total four,
That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife,
Becomes stabbed with a knife,
That's a Moor, eh?

When your sheep go to graze,
In a damp marshy place,
That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine,
And you tie up her line,
That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests,
Like you did all the rest,
That's some more "A"s!


Carry on.

response #3 by blindpig:

      as a public service...
when you're diving at night, and your feet feel the bite,
that's a moray
when your hand's in the cave, suddenly you'll need saved,
that's a moray
when you blubber and scream, but you have a bad dream
that's amore
when he hits all your fingers, with teeth that are stingers,
a moray...

that's a moray that's a moray

little fella

when he bites on your thumb, takes a chunk of your bum,
that's a moray
when you reach in his cave, he's all bravo and brave
he's a moray

and it's not how it feels, and you know you have eels,
that's a moray....
scuzza me, but you see, let them be, or you'll see
lotsa morays.......

The Lounge, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by underpants:

      Scientists Make Fruit Flies Gay, Then Straight Again
Source: Fox News

"While several studies find homosexuality in humans and other animals is biological rather than learned, a question remains over whether it's a hard-wired phenomenon or one that can be altered.

A new study finds that both drugs and genetic manipulation can turn the homosexual behavior of fruit flies on and off within a matter of hours..."

response #1 by tanyev:

      They didn't even have to pray over them? Wow.

response #2 by zanne:

      Why are they always trying to confuse fruit flies? nt

response #3 by Bicoastal:

      Flies are a lot like humans, you know.
Except with much less DNA, a fraction of the life span, less complex brains, six legs, and wings.

Also, they're much, much, much, much smaller.

But according to Fox, if they can do it to flies...

:eyes:

response #5 by scarface2004:

      lesbian fruit flies are hot!!!
go to 'girl fruit flies gone wild'...yummy!!

unnumbered response by niceypoo:

      Well, there's your cure Ted...
If your treatment backfires then you can volunteer as a human test subject (for the good of the flock, yanno..)

response #8 by rzemanfl:

      Good thing they can do it in hours, those flies don't live long. n/t

response #9 by Prag:

      Because they'd like to turn it OFF!
I'm wondering how they define whether a fruit fly is gay or not... A survey? Good fashion sense?

response #21 by awoke_in_2003:

      "A survey? Good fashion sense?"
No, it is the liking of show tunes :)

response #31 by Kurovski:

      Really though,
it's all about the cock.

response #33 by awoke_in_2003:

      It works on poultry, too?
:)

response #15 by mahatmakanejeeves:

      I've tried taking drugs and manipulating my genitals, and
I'm still gay. I think I need to do more research. Lots more research.

response #26 by Irishonly:

      How Did They Know The Flies Were Straight?
:shrug:

response #27 by tom_paine:

      Showed them a picture of Pam Anderson the Fruit Fly
Have you seen the mandibles on that cutie?

response #39 by HypnoToad:

      How do the fruit flies know which ones are male? I mean, those critters are SMALL...
:hide:

response #42 by Kurovski:

      They're the ones who won't do the dishes.

response #49 by KamaAina:

      Hallelujah! An ex-gay ministry for fruit flies!
Praise the Lord and pass the nectar! :sarcasm:

LBN, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by marmar:

      Proof positive that the people at the American Family Assn. are foaming-at-the-mouth crazy....
:crazy: :crazy:

from their website:

Ford and 3 Men in a Shower

Sales of Ford automobiles were flat in November, rising only 0.4 percent when compared to sales during November 2006. Since AFA began a boycott of Ford in March 2006, sales have dropped in 18 of the 21 months. Ford suffered a 12.1 percent loss for the year.

Ford continued to show support for the homosexual agenda, running a full page ad in the Dec. 07 - Jan. 08 homosexual publication OUT! The ad, for Ford's Volvo brand, was adjacent to a photo of three men taking a shower together. To see the ad and the shower photo, click here. (Warning! The photo is extremely graphic and offensive.)

AFA began the boycott of Ford after the company reneged on an agreement to stop supporting homosexual efforts. Ford reneged because of pressure from homosexual activists...

response #2 by AZDemDist6:

      they just got a click so I could look at the pic of nekkid men
and yes, they were pretty damned hawt

:evilgrin:

response #5 by chimpsrsmarter:

      the hilarity of them linking the pic, kind of like Faux bitching about porn while showing it
in the background.

response #7 by KitchenWitch:

      which totally proves that they like pr0n like many of the rest of us
they just like it seasoned with mock outrage.

response #8 by chimpsrsmarter:

      yes the fake outrage cancels out the seeing of the porn. It's like when i eat
a piece of cheesecake but i have a diet coke with it the diet coke cancels out the cheesecake calories.

response #11 by KitchenWitch:

      Or if I do not take a plate at an open house type party -
I am not committing to the calories if I do not take a plate.

response #26 by Ilsa:

      I wonder how long their membership had to stare at the pic to get offended.
And if they had a smoke when they finished looking.

response #34 by KitchenWitch:

      Three words....fap fap fap
"Oh, that is an abomination"

response #28 by Snarkoleptic:

      Oh the horror! Reclining seats with lumbar support were designed by Ford to facilitate gay sex!
And the sound systems have been known to promote DANCING!

response #29 by SheWhoMustBeObeyed:

      So Ford ran an ad promoting water conservation
and the fundies got all upset? I thought evangelists were getting behind green causes. :shrug:

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by superconnected:

      Hotel chain offers free rooms for Marys and Josephs at Christmas
"A hotel chain Tuesday said it was offering couples called Joseph and Mary in Britain, Ireland and Spain free accommodation this Christmas on proof of marriage and name.

Hotel chain Travelodge said husbands and wives matching their criteria would get a night's stay on the house, but with more home comforts than the humble stable of the Christian Nativity story..."

response #8 by BadgerKid:

      Are the rooms immaculate? n/t

response #18 by L. Coyote:

      No Mary, No Joseph, but I got an illegitimate child. Will that do? LOL

LBN, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Jackpine Radical:

      The world is fucking nuts.

response #54 by scarletwoman:

      Not sure how that is anatomically possible... (nt)

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Toots:

      Saw on TV last night a show saying GHW Bush was nicknamed "Rubbers"
during his time in Congress because he pushed very hard to get the "pill" legitimized and made available for unmarried women...

response #1 by demnan:

      Wish he had taken his own advice

GD, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by dwickham:

      Cardinal Wants Gays Banned From Public Office

response #7 by Kurovski:

      Okay. That does it. No more black oilers in the bird-feeder.
It's all millet from now on.

GLBT, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by sabra:

      Bush: 'I Doubt I'd Be Standing Here If I Hadn't Quit Drinking Whiskey'

response #2 by gateley:

      But now that I've discovered Absinthe, I'm doing great!

response #12 by onehandle:

      Bush: 'I Doubt I'd Be Standing Here If I Hadn't Cheated'
Source: Karl Rove

response #95 by bunny planet:

      Since you've been standing there Jr., we've all started drinking whiskey.

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

LBN, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Teaser:

      Bill Clinton Heckled In Iowa City Last Night By ... A Robot
"A man dressed in a silver metallic suit, a matching helmet and dark glasses heckled Bill Clinton Monday at his last campaign stop. About seven minutes into the former presidents fourth speech of the day, the man stood on a chair on the press riser and shouted that robots wanted Clinton to say he was sorry for statements he made 15 years ago.'Bill Clinton, I want you to apologize to Sister Souljah. Robots of the world want you to apologize to Sister Souljah. We want you to apologize,' the man said as one observer gasped 'Oh my God...'"

response #1 by antifaschits:

      HA! That was no robot, that was his wife!

response #10 by Maine-i-acs:

      "Don't tase me, bro-bot!" the robot shouted. (NT)

LBN, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by Cyrano:

      Short excerpts from Dick Cheneys diary.
(I have been sworn to secrecy regarding the source of these excerpts, but I have it on the best authority that they are accurate and true.)

On the 2000 search for a VP: Who would have believed Junior was stupid enough to ask me to conduct the search?

On 9/11: Mission accomplished.

On selling the Iraq War: Man, it felt good to turn Colin Powell into a pawn at the U.N.

On telling Sen. Leahy to go fuck himself: Christ, that made my day.

On the shotgun incident: He moaned as he fell and I moaned as I ejaculated.

On my popularity ratings: Who gives a rats ass. Nobody can do shit about it.

On bombing Iran: So who thinks they can stop me from doing what I want to do?

On pacemakers: Mine makes me feel less than human. What a wonderful feeling.

On dead or injured veterans: Hey, either way they served my purpose.

On Halliburton: I love the smell of cash in the morning.

On Peace on Earth: What the fuck are you talking about?

On the upcoming presidential election: Hee, hee hee.

GD, December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by madinmaryland:

      Does Keith Olbermann post here?

response #4 by annabanana:

      Lurkers. We get lurkers.. . . . . .
The subterranean democratic underground blues

GD, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by DrFunkenstein:

      Did Bill Clinton's Marijuana Lipping Affect His Judgement?

response #3 by lamprey:

      No, Monica's lipping affected his judgement.
:evilfrown:

GDP, December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by loser_user:

      I've got two different churches trying to convert me!

response #2 by malaise:

      Run from both n/t

response #4 by NeedleCast:

      Terrible Idea
The smart move is to get stuff from both. It's like having two job offers. See which one wants it more.

"I dunno Non-denoms, the Mormons have offered me Godhood, my own planet to be God of and a bevy of wives, plus I get a parking space close to the front door. You're going to have to make a pretty good pitch..."

unnumbered response by malaise:

      Nah run! n/t

response #18 by Nikki Stone1:

      See if you can get one of them to give you a free cappucino maker
Make them compete, dammit. :)

response #21 by Oregonian:

      You don't see us atheists out bothering people in their homes.

response #24 by Kurovski:

      Have you heard about The Gay Atheist Agenda?
Please allow me a moment of your time...

response #32 by Hardhead:

      I wonder if you could spare a couple moments of your time
While I tell you about the First Pastafarian Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and how His Noodly Appendages have touched my life?

response #34 by Kurovski:

      I'm down on bended linguine.

response #36 by Hardhead:

      Have you heard of the Penne-dictine Order?
We split from the Friends of Fettucine over the Macaronian Heresy.

response #37 by Kurovski:

      The whole faith really reached the boiling point in that era.
A lot of it was overdone, IMO. Many were Fulminanting dissent needlessly. the fagioli scandal was a case in point.

In my bistro-hopping days I found that no manicotti by me was an island, nor Cannelloni live.

You were a hero back then. I wouldn't put any Lasagna than that.

May he forgive us our transgressions, and these Gass, Gigli posts.

response #40 by lonestarnot:

      Saucy!

And another for Swampy, below.

GD, December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Up2Late:

      Lights Out America: Turning Off Lights Nationwide to Save Energy on March 29, 2008!

response #3 by laststeamtrain:

      Let the looting begin! n/t

GD, December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by taterguy:

      What unpopular beliefs do you cling to as a matter of stubborn principle?

response #6 by rug:

      I still think the Dave Clark Five were better than the Beatles.

GD, December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by Virginia Dare:

      Make your plans now: "An American Conversation With Barbara Bush"..
"Archivist of the United States Allen Weinstein will host an American Conversation with former First Lady Barbara Pierce Bush on Friday, January 25, at 4 p.m. in the William G. McGowan Theater of the National Archives Building..."

response #2 by Solly Mack:

      I'd rather masturbate with a hairbrush

response #6 by blondeatlast:

      "When did you stop loving Jeb?"
"Tell us about Laura. Do you like what she's done?"

"How much do you love George W., how often and where?"

response #8 by Happyhippychick:

      Didn't they declare her uterus a weapon of mass destruction yet?
:)

response #15 by TwoSparkles:

      Come on, you have to give Barbara some credit!
The woman never ages!

She looks exactly the same as she did in 1846.

GD, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by yourout:

      Osama's dead brother Ackmed found...also a terrorist.
"As he announced his plan to ease the mortgage crisis for consumers, President Bush accidentally gave out the wrong phone number for the new 'Hope Now Hotline' set up by his administration..."

response #2 by Turbineguy:

      He gave Bush money to start a business?
That doesn't make him a terrorist, it makes him an idiot.

GD, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by K8-EEE:

      Poor Old Fred Thompson - couldn't get 500 sigs for DE ballot

response #1 by MNDemNY:

      That's one f*ckin' lazy man.

response #2 by Happyhippychick:

      Maybe he and Alan Keyes can combine signatures, add in their wives
and all of their supporters and break 50.

response #12 by K8-EEE:

      I guess you've heard us elitist Libruls are "afraid" of the mighty FT!
LOL! I for one am quaking in my gucci boots, oh no! Just spilled a $4 latte all over my Volvo.

GDP, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



On a thread by texas1928:

      Oh My, I did not know Santa would do this.
Got this as a subject in my e-mail a few minutes ago.
Santa will bring more length and strength to your willy!

response #1 by KitchenWitch:

      Wow, that means that Santa is even more powerful than the Clenis!
:wow:

response #8 by Kutjara:

      I don't know why Santa is supposed to be such an authority.
After all, he "comes but once a year."

Sounds like he needs to take a few pills himself.

The Lounge, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by NewJeffCT:

      civilization in Connecticut ending today - snow expected
it might snow this afternoon here in CT and the frenzied media is telling us to stock up on supplies in case we're stranded in the wilds of suburban Connecticut for months on end. Over 100 towns in the state have canceled school for the day when snow isn't even supposed to start until lunchtime at the earliest - if it happens at all. Maybe we should run out to the local wal-mart to buy guns in case we need to hold off the eventual ravening hordes of wolves, bears and flesh-eating zombies.

The Lounge, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by ck4829:

      The Latest Edition of the Republican Dictionary
C

Compassion - When Conservatives work against equal rights for GLBT people, economic freedoms for the poor, reproductive freedoms for women, and so on. See Hate.

E

Executive Privilege - A power that the Bush Administration uses frequently so nobody can see what it's doing. See Wiretapping.

F

Facts - An invention of the West Coast Liberals and has a strong Anti-Republican bias. Often works with a creation of the East Coast Liberals, known as Reality, in order to do tag team assaults on the Conservative Movement in general.

G

God - Money and/or Campaign Donors.

H

Hate - When Liberals make fun of Conservatives. See Compassion.

I

I can't recall - You train for over a month to prepare your testimony in front of Congress and then you get nervous or something... Right...

P

People die in war, get over it! - When Blackwater murders Iraqi Civilians. See Terrorism.

Persecution - When Right Wing Christians aren't able to force their religious/political views down your throat.

Personal Responsibility - Only applies to you if you are poor.

R

Reality - An invention of the East Coast Liberals and has a strong Anti-Bush bias. Often works with a creation of the West Coast Liberals, known as Facts, in order to do tag team assaults on the Conservative Movement in general.

T

Terrorism - When Al Qaeda in Iraq murders Iraqi Civilians.

Torture - Like swimming, freestyle, backstroke.

Tough on Crime - Putting the poor and/or minorities in jail.

Traitor - A person who was right when he/she said Iraq had no WMD, that there was no Iraq-Al Qaeda link, that Rumsfeld was a failure, that things are going to smoothly over there, and so on.

V

Vice President - An enigma. Has all of the privileges, but none of the responsibilities, of the Executive Branch.

Voter Fraud - The crisis of the poor and/or minorities actually voting (GASP!).

W

Wiretapping - If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear, right?

Witch Hunt - Prosecuting members of the Bush Administration.

GD, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by DiktatrW:

      Great news fellow proles.
Nancy Pelosi has set a high water mark, whatever that means. It must be some where between a damp floor and a floating table with nothing on it.

Just watched her on PBS telling us how great life will be if we would only shut the fuck up, and pay our taxes.

Chocolate rations will be raised from 4oz to 2oz ASAP. Gwen Awful did her dutiful part as well.

Put the kids to bed knowing her great leadership is in control, if only they weren't so frustrated with the minority giving them a hard time all would be well.

Welcome to the jungle it gets worse here every day.

response #2 by dicksteele:

      I'm halfway through my weekly ration of Victory Gin, and I recommended this thread! nm

GD, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...



OP by puerco-bellies:

      We have a hate mail bag.
Why can't we have a locked troll group? Please Skinner, can we have one for Christmas Please?!?. We promise to feed it and clean up after it.
Please, please, please?

response #1 by billyskank:

      Yeah, yeah, yeah
We give you a troll for Christmas, and then you get bored of it and we end up looking after it. :P

response #2 by Peake:

      And he'll only play with the box it arrived in, leaving the poor troll lonely and sad.

response #5 by BarenakedLady:

      Just like the hamster.
:hi:

The Lounge, December 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...





On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci:

      Man says condom was in burger, seeks damages for pain, suffering, emotional duress, medical expenses

response #4 by deucemagnet

The Lounge, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by Desperadoe:

      Giuliani Defends Girlfriend's Expenses

response #5 by Swamp Rat

GD, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by taterguy:

      Saw one of these MoFos in the grocery store parking lot

response #1 by xchrom

response #13 by Snotcicles

response #18 by taterguy

response #19 by Ikonoklast

GD, December 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by Stephanie:

      GORE: "If I did get back into the political process, it would be as a CANDIDATE for PRESIDENT"

response #71 by Hatchling

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by Kurovski:

      Stop the Denial! Face it, Admit it. It's True...George W. Bush is an Inspiration.

response #4 by Gregorian

response #25 by autorank

response #78 by Swamp Rat

GD, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by SallyMander:

      A political joke.

response #7 by sniffa

response #10 by SallyMander

The Lounge, December 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


Poll question by Buzz Clik:

      What is this picture?

GD, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by sabra:

      Bush: 'I Doubt I'd Be Standing Here If I Hadn't Quit Drinking Whiskey'

response #9 by dicksteele

response #84 by MilesColtrane

response #129 by HughBeaumont

LBN, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by Jackpine Radical:

      The world is fucking nuts.

response #56 by Swamp Rat:

GD, December 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by EarlG:

      New DU Feature: Social Bookmarking/Thread Sharing

response #10 by aquart

response #24 by EarlG

GD, December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


On a thread by loser_user:

      I've got two different churches trying to convert me!

response #50 by Swamp Rat

GD, December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


OP by Bucky:

      Nice post, Hitler

The Lounge (moved from GDP), December 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...


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zabet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:28 PM
Response to Original message
1. Phew!!!
Glad you posted these. It's
getting ugly out here!
:hide:


K and R
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:29 PM
Response to Original message
2. "You people are animals." -- AngryAmish.
Damn right.

:rofl:

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JuniperLea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:29 PM
Response to Original message
3. I'm so very proud and extremely honored...
To have made your most prestigious and coveted list!

I must say... SwampRat takes the cake though! What would we do without that whacked out mind?!???!!!


Cheers!

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Sugar Smack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:56 PM
Response to Reply #3
12. Swamp Rat is my new god.
:loveya:
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keroro gunsou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 05:10 PM
Response to Reply #12
42. meet the new god...
same as the old god, now with 50% more cosmic energy, for that not so divine feeling. :evilgrin:
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keroro gunsou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 05:08 PM
Response to Reply #3
41. i don't know...
but i'm sure we'd find some way to amuse ourselves.... :P
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Norrin Radd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:35 PM
Response to Original message
4. Kucinich may be a beautiful Sidhe elf,
but that other candidate is "Blinky."
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KamaAina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:37 PM
Response to Original message
5. Nukes and fruit flies. What a combination!
I must say, it's great to be back. I'd been out in the cold for so long I was starting to wonder if I'd morphed into Fred Thompson.

Once again, I'd like to thank the Academy, my seventh-grade homeroom teacher Mrs. Dickstein, all life on Earth except repukes, and especially all you fruit flies, both gay and straight!
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bear425 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:40 PM
Response to Original message
6. I made it! Thank you, JeffR for the recognition and hard work
providing us with this wonderful compilation of the best comic relief to be had. :happy holidays:
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malaise Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:46 PM
Response to Original message
7. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
I got a DUzy :D

Thank you JeffR and your wonderful team.

Swamp Rat sure getting lots of presents tonight. Swamp Rat :yourock:
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bleever Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:48 PM
Response to Original message
8. Kurovski gets SEVEN!
Edited on Fri Dec-14-07 08:48 PM by bleever

He's the Mark Spitz of the DUzies!



:toast:
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 07:04 AM
Response to Reply #8
27. I'm NOT going to put on the speedo.
I'll remain naked as usual, thank you very much.

I love FloridaJudy and blindpig's versions of "That's Amore!" I missed that last week, and salmon's latest song parody, too. Fun and funny stuff.

bin Laden pretzels for everyone! As long as you don't look like a scrotum with eyes painted on it, you animals!

Thank you JeffR, we know how hard you work at this, and it is appreciated. You are now in my will.

I'm sure you'll enjoy my Dave Clark Five album collection as much as I do. :loveya:





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Buzz Clik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:17 PM
Response to Original message
9. The Gore visuals were outstanding!
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Richard Steele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:47 PM
Response to Original message
10. K&R as usual. Congrats to all the DUzy winners! (And thanks, JeffR!) nm
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annabanana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:38 PM
Response to Reply #10
15. What a Woot!
fun stuff
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NV Whino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 09:48 PM
Response to Original message
11. kick
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saltpoint Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:01 PM
Response to Original message
13. JeffR, anoher great batch. Hot dog. And thanks.
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Turbineguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 10:28 PM
Response to Original message
14. Whew! a second DUzy in as many weeks.
My head's gettin' so big I'll have to go outside to change my mind!

Thanks!
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Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 11:37 PM
Response to Original message
16. Thanks for the hard work Jeff.
Hope your holidays are sweet.
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Ghost in the Machine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 12:14 AM
Response to Original message
17. Great job again, Jeff... thanks for all you do! Congratulations to all the winners
You are all part of what makes DU the best forum/message board on the 'net today. With all the crazy stuff going on these days, it sometimes feels like the world is crushing you... then someone will come out with a comment out of nowhere that'll make you laugh til ya cry and you forget all the BS, even if for a brief few moments. I think it helps remind us that we're all dealing with other human beings here, not some faceless, nameless, emotionless robot at the other end of the screen & keyboard....

PEACE!

Ghost
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MilesColtrane Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 12:37 AM
Response to Original message
18. Thanks to JeffR and his elves.
He separates the naughty from the nice, and regifts the fruitcakes so we don't have to.
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denem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 01:43 AM
Response to Original message
19. My DUzy was for a cute snark
Edited on Sat Dec-15-07 01:48 AM by lamprey
Cute, but cheap. It's not what I'm about. Thanks, all the same. And thanks to all the Mods dealing with General Discussion Politics.
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Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 10:31 AM
Response to Reply #19
31. Yours was well deserved.
Edited on Sat Dec-15-07 10:32 AM by Patsy Stone
And I'm sorry I didn't nominate you myself.

:toast:

K&R

Thanks, Jeff!
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MadBadger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:50 AM
Response to Original message
20. So lemme try to understand the DUzy's
If somebody posts a thread and there name appears in blue, does that mean theyve won a DUzy? While somebody who posts a thread and there name appears here in black, that means they didnt and it was somebody else in the thread?
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 03:08 AM
Response to Reply #20
22. All the names that are in blue are the DUzy winners. (nt)
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MadBadger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 03:19 AM
Response to Reply #22
23. Well then, looks like I just had my DUzy cherry popped!
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 03:31 AM
Response to Reply #23
24. Congratulations! You'll always remember your first time.
:toast:

sw
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awoke_in_2003 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 09:21 AM
Response to Reply #23
30. Same here
twice in one thread- it was good :)
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krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 03:01 AM
Response to Original message
21. Two more for me! (cackles wildly)
Ah, I needed some pick-me-up today, and this hit the spot!
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ThoughtCriminal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 04:05 AM
Response to Original message
25. Does this count toward my fifteen minutes?
Almost 6 years of snark and I finally hit the big time!
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 04:33 AM
Response to Reply #25
26. Yes. You now have only 13.78 minutes left. Use them wisely. (nt)
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 07:27 AM
Response to Original message
28. I laughed for a whole night--yes I did--over this winner from Swap Rat:
And now I'm laughing again. That parachuting pig is far funnier than Arnold Ziffle.



And here's the design for the Share/Bookmark button that DUzy recipient EarlG said had been under consideration:



I could look at that every day, on every original post for eternity. Such a shame.
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 07:32 AM
Response to Reply #28
29. I'm leaving that typo in.
:rofl: here I go again :rofl: :rofl:
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jeff30997 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 04:45 PM
Response to Reply #29
39. Lol! Swap Rat!
:rofl:
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 11:16 AM
Response to Original message
32. Congratulations to all of this weeks comedians!
Keep 'em coming! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

We need all the laughs we can get even more in the coming weeks! :D

:kick: & Recommended
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Hatchling Donating Member (968 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 11:17 AM
Response to Original message
33. Omg! (faint!) I got a DUzy!
You like me! You really, really like me! :loveya:

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laststeamtrain Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:22 PM
Response to Original message
34. Thank you. It always makes me feel SOOOO good to get a DUzy.
I always laugh SOOOO hard when I read the others.

You help make DU a beee-uatiful place.
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bunny planet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:29 PM
Response to Original message
35. My first DUzy
I'm verklempt.
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WolverineDG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 10:23 PM
Response to Reply #35
54. Mine too, bunny!
So glad we got them in the same week!! The KOEB represents! :loveya:

dg
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bunny planet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 12:25 AM
Response to Reply #54
55. Wolvie!!!!!
They like us, they really like us!!!!
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SalmonChantedEvening Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 02:38 PM
Response to Original message
36. Thank you JeffR and the Academy
And to Kurovski for this:

"I'm down on bended linguine." :rofl:

Multiply that by every DUzy awarded. Must gotsta hurry now read.


:applause: :loveya: :kick:

Go'head DU :)
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 03:10 PM
Response to Reply #36
38. It must be true about "my people" and musicals.
I love the song parodies.
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SalmonChantedEvening Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #38
53. Or you enjoy angry smarm when ya sees it
;)

Howyadoin my friend?

:hi: :hug: :pals:

Congrats on a DUzy of a week :yourock:
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Eurobabe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 03:08 PM
Response to Original message
37. Bwahhahhaa!!!
Still laughing my ass off. It's really skinny now. :rofl:
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jeff30997 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 04:50 PM
Response to Original message
40. OMG! I haven't laugh so much for a long time!
Those two really cracked me up:

Short excerpts from Dick Cheneys diary.

On the shotgun incident: He moaned as he fell and I moaned as I ejaculated.


And:


Make your plans now: "An American Conversation With Barbara Bush"..

response #2 by Solly Mack:

I'd rather masturbate with a hairbrush

:rofl:
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 07:08 PM
Response to Original message
43. I think we should allow and grant JeffR two weeks off for the holidays.
So everyone stop being funny in the interim. After all, we have a war on Christmas to fight.

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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:39 PM
Response to Reply #43
46. "So everyone stop being funny in the interim." You go first.
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:45 PM
Response to Reply #46
47. I just posted to two Hillary Clinton threads and hit my thumb with a hammer. Your turn
:hi:
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 09:06 PM
Response to Reply #47
48. Hah! You call THAT unfunny? *I* posted a neo-Marxist critique of Oprah and her influence on
post-modern American class consciousness.

So there.

Furthermore, hitting your thumb with a hammer is FUNNY. You're going to have to try harder.

sw
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 09:51 PM
Response to Reply #48
51. Deleted. I stepped on your bit .
Edited on Sat Dec-15-07 09:56 PM by Kurovski
Just read it now. :evilgrin:
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 10:06 PM
Response to Reply #51
52. Too late, I saw it. I was just about to call a 'foul' for trying to rely on someone else's hard
work at being unfunny.

As I said before, you're going to have to try harder. HARDER, Kurovski!

sw

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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:21 PM
Response to Original message
44. Yeah, how very funny. Har-de-har-har
That garden gnome thread made me dumber for having read it.

Count me out.

This belongs in the lounge with the rest of the garbage.
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 09:11 PM
Response to Reply #44
49. No doubt the Lounge will appreciate your comment.
I'd explain what the gnome thread was really targeting, but I'll go with your wishes and count you out.

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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 09:27 PM
Response to Reply #49
50. I'm guessing what we have here is a case of childhood trauma involving a garden sculpture that not
only left the poor victim's psyche scarred for life, but also resulted in a tragic funny-bone-ectomy, thus leaving the victim forever humor impaired.

On the bright side, however, we have an early participant in Kurovski's project of stopping the funny so that you can take a break for Christmas.

sw
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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 05:52 PM
Response to Reply #50
58. F U
Your avatar is fat.

That's really funny!!!!

HA HA HA HA

HO HO HO HO

Bite me.

Isn't that FUNNY?
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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 02:11 PM
Response to Reply #49
57. What, exactly, is funny about comparing Dennis Kucinich to a garden gnome?
There's funny and there's stupid.

Make your case, smartypants funnyguy.

Didn't I meet you in Junior High?
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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 06:08 PM
Response to Reply #49
59. I'm begging you to explain it, smartass
Please explain how making fun of someones appearance is not only funny, but somehow worthy of an "award" you've made up on MY political board.

It's stupid and beneath you.

Go ahead. I'm waiting.

I don't post in the lounge; where did you get that?

Look, a-hole, I get you are trying to make fun of Kucinich.

I'm telling you, it's NOT FUNNY.

This post will be deleted in five minutes.
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Buzz Clik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 07:38 PM
Response to Reply #59
60. Oh, my.
Well, I will tell you this: one's height has no correlation to one's qualification for being president of the United States.

However, it can make you the target of juvenile humor.

Sometimes, however, it is more complicated than that. Sometimes people pick up on some extreme silliness happening somewhere (e.g., DU), and hit the trifecta. You know, make fun of three groups of people all at the same time. In this case, the primary target was the explosion of polls at DU (I explained this to you). I also was targeting those who were attacking candidates for trivial reasons (something that supposedly happened in kindergarten, the way somebody laughs, the cost of a haircut, etc). Last but not least I was targeting people who are extremely sensitive about their candidates. You know the type -- people who shit themselves when these trivial attributes are even mentioned.

It's been explained to you now in excrutiating detail. Any remaining sensitivities are YOUR problem.
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-17-07 12:58 PM
Response to Reply #59
61. Whether or not you post in the lounge is moot.
You insulted hundreds, if not thousands of DUers.

Talk about an asshole.

So you think something is not funny. Who gives a shit. I'm sure the things that give you a boner leave me cold. Again, who gives a shit.

If you and the offended handful who posted in the original thread couldn't get the thread locked, what's the big deal here? JeffR follows the rules about locked threads. If it were locked, it wouldn't be here.

You yourself seem to have trouble following the rules via your broad swipes at DUers.

May self-approved mirth and boners ever be yours. --K

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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-15-07 08:22 PM
Response to Original message
45. Kicking for giggles!
:P
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-16-07 03:21 AM
Response to Original message
56. A passive-aggresive kick!
:kick:
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