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Why did the Chicken cross the road?

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and-justice-for-all Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:46 PM
Original message
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
I thought this was fun, so I thought I would share.


DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with his problems on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after his problems on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
___________________________________________________
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the Chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the Chickens.
____________________________________________________
GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why this chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
____________________________________________________
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
____________________________________________________
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. Probably.
___________________________________________ ________
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes, and in the way he walks.
__________________________________________________
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
____________________________________________________
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me what direction that chicken was going I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
____________________________________________________
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken - cross the road?
Did he cross it - with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road - but why it crossed - I've not been told!
______________________________________________ ______
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
____________________________________________________
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken is gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it, the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like," the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
____________________________________________________
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
____________________________________________________
BARBARA WALTERS:
In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, in its own words, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream, of crossing the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens...
It's easy, if you try...
Crossing roads, together...
Hoping not, to die...
Imagine all, the chickens...
Crossing, roads, in peace....
____________________________________________________
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________________
BILL GATES:
I have just released E-Chicken2000, Millennium Edition, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of E-Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never crack
____________________________________________________
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
____________________________________________________
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
____________________________________________________
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
____________________________________________________
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
____________________________________________________
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
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Rick Myers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:48 PM
Response to Original message
1. That's pretty damn funny!!!
:kick:
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Gormy Cuss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:48 PM
Response to Original message
2. I know!
To get out of GD: Politics
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aint_no_life_nowhere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:54 PM
Response to Original message
3. Donald Rumsfeld: The reason it crossed the road is one of those unknown knowns
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Occam Bandage Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:26 PM
Response to Reply #3
10. Way too short for Donny. I'd go with,
"Now, some people have said--and I'm only quoting here--that a chicken has crossed the road. Now, was there a chicken? Well, gosh, I don't really know. There are reports of chickens, sure. Do I believe in reports of chickens? That depends on whether you believe hearsay, and in a war, I don't think we do. Now we know there was a road. Here, you can see the road up on this, here, the road that some are saying had a chicken. But was there a chicken? I don't know if there was a chicken or not. I think that's a stupid question. We know there was a road. I don't think it's responsible to speculate about chickens."
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tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:07 PM
Response to Reply #10
13. That's a spot on Rumsfeld!
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Selatius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:09 PM
Response to Reply #3
15. No, he'd say something like this:
The chicken crossed the road because there could be eggs there, we believe. It's motion proves its intent to sit on yet unfound eggs, which makes sense. At current, we don't have evidence to suggest there are eggs on the other side of the road beyond the intent of the chicken, but as I always say, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Just because you don't have evidence that something does exist doesn't mean you have evidence that something doesn't exist. The chicken was moving towards something. It's best to assume these are the eggs, which are the missing weapons of mass destruction.
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ChazII Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:02 PM
Response to Original message
4. Did it cross
the road less taken?
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livvy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:05 PM
Response to Original message
5. Gandhi:
The chicken wanted to be the change he wanted to see in the world.
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peekaloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:11 PM
Response to Original message
6. Alberto Gonzales: I don't recall the chicken or the road in question.
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Wiley50 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:12 PM
Response to Original message
7. because it wanted to be "On The Table" (which is the opposite of why Pelosi crossed the isle" n't
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TahitiNut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:16 PM
Response to Original message
8. Colonel Harland Sanders: To be all it could be: extra crispy.
:shrug:
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Kokonoe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:25 PM
Response to Original message
9. Dana Perino Can you expain the joke, it's before I was born.
Edited on Fri Dec-14-07 07:28 PM by kokono
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Lithos Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:36 PM
Response to Original message
11. To prove to the armadillo it could be done
nt
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AlGore-08.com Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:57 PM
Response to Original message
12. A more current Gore joke: "Gore: Now, the scientists tell us that chickens have never previously - -
Edited on Fri Dec-14-07 07:57 PM by AlGore-08.com
- - crossed this particular road before. (Advance to next slide.) This chart here shows the average yearly temperature on the side of the road that the chicken previously inhabited along with the amount of CO2 found on that same side of the road... "
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slackmaster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:08 PM
Response to Original message
14. My personal favorite as a former Andersen Consulting employee
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the im licit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
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sicksicksick_N_tired Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:15 PM
Response to Original message
16. The neocons declared the chicken an 'enemy combatant'. nt
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