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Question--are both men in a same-sex marriage referred to as "husbands"

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mistertrickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:54 PM
Original message
Question--are both men in a same-sex marriage referred to as "husbands"
and both women referred to as wives of each other?

I say "yes" and my office colleague says "no".
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BlueJazz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:55 PM
Response to Original message
1. I usually just call them "Partners"
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Neecy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:55 PM
Response to Original message
2. I think it depends on the couple
I always have used 'partner'.
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mistertrickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:05 PM
Response to Reply #2
9. Hi LAR ious photo in your sig line, Neecy. I luv it! nt
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Toasterlad Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 08:15 PM
Response to Reply #2
18. It Definitely Varies From Couple to Couple.
But most of the married male couples I know call each other "husband", except when filling out the countless legal paperwork they need to cover their asses because although they've married each other, the government refuses to recognize it.

On a side note, I DETEST the use of the word "partner", which in no way conveys any depth of warmth or feeling.

On another side note, be sure to tell you co-worker that this fag said that, while there may be confusion about what to call same-sex couples, there's no confusion about what to call HIM*.

*asshole.
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Lex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:55 PM
Response to Original message
3. What's your office collegue's idea of the proper words?
:shrug:


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mistertrickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:59 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. Well, he's a homophobe a**h*le, so I think he wants to make a big thing
outta who's the "wife".

Puerile jerk.

But it made me think that I didn't know for sure.
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Lex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:01 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. So he thinks same-sex couples have a "husband" and "wife?"
Edited on Fri Dec-14-07 07:01 PM by Lex
He's an idiot.


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mistertrickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:02 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. AGREED! nt.
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readmoreoften Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:21 PM
Response to Reply #6
14. In that case, it doesn't matter what the reality is. Just tell him it's husband/husband, wife/wife.
The reality is there are mixed gender, butch/femme couples. There is a long and rich butch/femme history in the lesbian community and is not modeled on traditional male/female relationships. Stereotypically a butch is tough and gallant, shy, devoted and romantic; a femme is more aggressive and experienced, and expects to be showered with love. Historically, femmes have earned more money than butches because of their ability to pass in straight society. The height of butch/femme culture was 1930s-1960s, but it still exists.

But don't tell all that to your asshole coworker. Just tell him you're right and a gay said so.
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ayeshahaqqiqa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:57 PM
Response to Original message
4. I think they call each other "spouses"
but I may be wrong. In Arkansas, same sex marriage is illegal. I only hear my gay/lesbian friends introduce their significant other as their partner.

Also I've not heard of anyone changing their name in such a marriage--is this the norm?

In my family, we've had husband's change their surname to match their wife's surname, so I know that nowadays anything goes.
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readmoreoften Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 06:58 PM
Response to Original message
5. It depends on the couple and their gender expression.
Many couples don't use heterosexual terms and just say spouse. I call my partner my husband because she is masculine. She calls me "her lady" because "wife" has cultural baggage in it that makes her uncomfortable.

You both split the ten bucks.
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Karenina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:18 PM
Response to Original message
10. OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!
Hey there, mistertrickster, I'm gonna rant now... Nothing I say is personally directed at you as a criticism, please just indulge an old lady going off. :pals:

Why not answer, "WHO THE FUCK CARES???" or "That's THEIR business."

Wife
Husband
The little lady
The old man
My woman
My man
Spouse
Significant Other
DH
DW
Mate
Partner
Better Half
Ball and chain
Couch potato

Did I miss anything? Dudical! Do NOT allow yourself to be sucked into an asshole's assholery! It STINKS up there!

Phew. I'm better now. Thanx.

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elizfeelinggreat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:21 PM
Response to Reply #10
13. who cares?
That's the first thing I thought, too.
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CTyankee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:19 PM
Response to Original message
11. Here in pretty liberated Connecticut, I have heard 2 gay women refer to their partners as
"wives." So I don't know if that helps anybody or anything. I still think Partner is best if you don't know. If you do know, and they call their partner wife or husband, just do what they do. Take the lead from them. It is obviously what they want. I consider that to be just polite.
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TechBear_Seattle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:19 PM
Response to Original message
12. Personally, I would use "husbands" and "wives"
My reasoning is: A husband is a male person in a legal marriage. A wife is a female person in a legal marriage. If two people of the same gender are in a legal marriage, both would be either husbands or wives, as appropriate.

Couples that are a formal couple but not legally married would be referred to as partners.
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Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:31 PM
Response to Original message
15. the only married gay couple I've met call each other "wife"
it seems natural to me since many use girlfriend/boyfriend while dating like straight couples do so why not wife/husband? I know "partner" is used frequently, but I personally think the word isn't intimate enough...not that it matters what I think obviously.

When in doubt, I hear "ball and chain" always works. :D
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lunatica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:36 PM
Response to Original message
16. I think officially the term is partner.
Perhaps it is spouse, but only if married.

:hug:
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FreeState Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-14-07 07:43 PM
Response to Original message
17. I call my boyfriend many things!
Edited on Fri Dec-14-07 07:44 PM by FreeState
We have been together almost 6 years. Here is a list of things I have called him in the last two weeks:

Partner
Boyfriend
Spouse
Hubby
Husband
Daddy (in reference to our dog)
Slacker
Sweetie
Sexy
etc...

Usually I just call him by his given name to be honest. But when introducing him I usually use the word partner - but it really does depend on who Im introducing him to, if its a gay person partner isn't always the top of the list :)



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