Sandra Day O'Connor's Alzheimer's-stricken husband finds new romance

[kskiska]

WASHINGTON — Retired Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's husband, who suffers from Alzheimer's, has found a new romance, and his happiness is a relief to his wife, an Arizona TV report reveals.

The report, which quoted the couple's oldest son, Scott O'Connor, focused on Alzheimer's patients who forget their spouses and fall in love with someone else. Experts say the scenario is somewhat common.

Offering a glimpse into the private life of a woman who has remained on the public stage since her Supreme Court retirement in 2006 to care for her husband, the report spotlighted John O'Connor, 77. He and the woman, referred to only as "Kay," live at a Phoenix facility for people with Alzheimer's.

"Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here and wasn't complaining," Scott, 50, told KPNX-Channel 12 in Phoenix in a story that aired Thursday. The station is owned by Gannett, as is USA TODAY.

more…
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-11-12-court_N.htm

[hlthe2b]

1. wow... I guess it makes sense that this would happen..

HOw difficult it must be to accept it and to be "happy" for the spouse you'd given up everything for...I'm guessing this compounds Sandra's regrets over her decision to desert the court and the American people to the whims of the far RW and the bully pResident she helped place in office.

That sounds harsh, I know. I do have sympathy for her and her family, but I have to put it in context.

[rodeodance]

2. I have seen this happen lots. And spouses are really glad their partners are happy.

[Demit]

3. I think this is a lousy choice of story to run. Gannett should be ashamed.

It's a private tragedy and of no value to the general populace. It's prurient interest. I will always be mad at Sandra Day O'Connor for what she did, but this is a sad family situation and the media here are exploiting it. Disgusting.

[peacetalksforall]

4. Agree about the shamefulness of it all re the press - but a focus on the A disease is

good - if there are people who don't know that forgetting a spouse or child and devoting attention to another is possible, they should - and in real life, celebrity can bring knowledge to others.

[Demit]

9. That's the kind of information family members will get, if not from their own observation, then

from the medical community members involved in their loved one's care. This story is not intended to be educational. It's sensationalism masquerading as such.

[peacetalksforall]

18. Yes, you're right - no sensationalism, but now that it's out, it can be

a learning experience. And there could be a time when a celebrity with the same situation could bring it up on their own.

[blondeatlast]

6. Agreed on all points. nt

[enough]

11. As the daughter of an 86-year old Alzheimer's patient, I find nothing prurient here.

This is about profound suffering and the ways different families deal with it, and sometimes find a ray of happiness. Did you actually watch the video? It is very dignified, and very true-to-life, I can attest. Justice O'Connor's son participates.

I am grateful to the O'Connor family for talking about this.

[Demit]

14. My reaction is to Gannett's presentation: "A new page in O'Connors' love story" is the focus

of their piece. The story goes on to summarize one family only—the O'Connors. There's nothing in there about different families. I would have liked to read about them.

[Dora]

5. A blessing for them all.

We can all find a lesson in this - what is love? What is a loving act?

These people know.

[JohnnyLib2]

7. Good for the O'Conners.

I'm saying that both as family member of an Alzheimer's patient and as an advocate. Please note the quote below from the original article in the OP. Such changes in life are a reality for families dealing with this disease.

"Lisa O'Toole, manager at the center where John O'Connor resides, said the facility participated in the TV report "to educate the public about the disease process."

[Neshanic]

8. This was on Gannett's NBC station KNPX. It was reported with dignity, and

I had no idea that this occured. It seems that it is more common per the people who work with Alzheimers in group care settings. How can anyone think badly of this? The patient is comforted in the only way they know reality is for them at the moment. The societal repugnance of this by some is not flattering, and that's a kind and good person that can see beyond it.

My father had Alzheimers and Parkinsons, and even my callous family would not of batted an eye.

[Samantha]

10. Watch "Away From Her" starring Julie Christie

Then you will totally understand.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

16. I was going to bring that film up! It is an excellent example. nt

[lse7581011]

12. My Dad

passed on 6 weeks ago from this horrible disease. He knew Mom and I (somewhat) until about 10 days before he died. My heart goes out to Mrs. O'Connor. I know what the nastiness of this disease can do.

[JohnnyLib2]

13. Condolences to you and your family.

Seeing it through to the end, it's all we can really do.

[qwlauren35]

15. Although the first sentence infuriates me...

And in fact, I find myself questioning the word "romance", I can completely understand how two Alzheimer patients who see each other every day could develop a "relationship". Part of it depends on how complete the progression is. If the patient doesn't even recognize family, I too would be happy if my relative made a friend.

I wonder if the people who are uncomfortable with the situation itself have relatives with Alzheimers. My uncle is very attached to his caregiver, and although she's established clear boundaries, we are all glad to see him smile when she comes. Her presence is calming for him.

People with Alzheimers are still sexual beings. They can't help it. That part of them just doesn't go away. If, after seeing my spouse disoriented, confused, frustrated, unhappy, agitated and unmanageable, he became happy and calm, I probably would accept the reason.

After a spouse develops Alzheimers, there is no longer a "marriage". There's just love.. and tremendous sadness that the person you knew, talked with, laughed with, raised children with, struggled with and made up with... is gone, never to return. And if you love someone, their happiness tends to be yours.

[Drifter]

17. If that isn't love ...

I don't know what is.

Cheers
Drifter