Is There a Cure For Straightness???

[FourScore]

Can Somebody Cure Me Of Teh Straight?
by jazzmaniac
Tue Oct 30, 2007 at 07:23:28 AM PDT

Can somebody cure me of my straightness? It’s been a constant source of unhappiness for me, you see. Maybe somebody knows of a minister who can cure me of teh straight. Perhaps some sort of retreat would be nice. You know, with cabins, and woods, and prayer sessions around the campfire with James Dobson, then some good old gospel singing led by Donnie McClurkin.

I’ll never forget how the heterosexuals first came to recruit me...

I was just a young boy you see. My interests were American history, the effort to land a man on the moon, and watching “Lost In Space” on tv. I was as happy as a boy could be.

And then she came into the picture. She was an actress, they said. She stood there in a movie poster, clad in a bikini made of fur, in front of a cave. Raquel, they said her name was.

They said she was a “sex symbol.” I’d never heard that term before, but I somehow thought I knew what it meant. I was supposed to find her attractive, the recruiters had decided.

She had these......these breasts, you see. They were large. From the attention they generated I got the impression that this had a lot to do with why she was called a sex symbol, and why I was supposed to find her attractive.

Then I noticed that this Raquel woman had accomplices. There was a record album my family had up on the shelf: “Whipped Cream & Other Delights,” it was called, by Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass. On the cover was this woman, this naked woman embedded in a giant pile of whipped cream. She was entirely covered in whipped cream. Well, not quite entirely. She had these....these breasts, you see. These large breasts...

MORE AT:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/10/30/102328/32

[dipsydoodle]

1. Thanks

for the mammaries of another day.

[NMMNG]

2. Cute

:rofl:

[zabet]

3. Sure...

just get bent. :sarcasm:

[King Coal]

4. Lame. City. Bingo.

[Atman]

5. Blow me.

You might still be technically straight, but once your friends and co-workers find out, you'll never be considered straight again!

.

[dmallind]

6. Sure there is!

After all it's a choice!

So next time you get up, sit in front of the mirror in best Stuart Smalley fashion and repeat this mantra five times..

"I am a gay man. I find ripped musculature, bulging speedos, and square jaws sexually alluring. I enjoy having sex with other men, and gosh darn it, men like me!"

Then, when you next hear show tunes, you will magically forget all about Raquel and her pert fur-clad bosom and become deeply enraptured with a tennis instructor named Chad.

Works every time.....

[soothsayer]

7. Same thing happened to me! Except I was a young lesbian at the time...

[BlueManDude]

8. Joe Lieberman.

[TrogL]

9. anti-ex-gay resources

http://members.shaw.ca/trogl/orient.html

[Chulanowa]

10. Marriage

Or so the wags say