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Thanks to many in life, I now see my mom was evil and a destroyer of worlds :) (it's satire folks)

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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:33 PM
Original message
Thanks to many in life, I now see my mom was evil and a destroyer of worlds :) (it's satire folks)
As I am approaching another anniversary of her death (Dec. 31, 2004 at 2:05am) this year I am finally able to look back at her life and instead of missing her and crying about it (like I did last night when I found a Halloween thingee she painted) I can now instead breath a sigh of relief that someone who rivaled hitler in evilness has passed on.

Some examples:

1. When some neighbors were protesting the first black family moving in, mom and her friend made the new family a cake to welcome them (the protesters eventually moved out BTW). I used to think this was a sign of something good, but now I know mom was trying to kill them with fat, sugar, etc. Mom was wise - why protest when you can clog their arteries and be done with them eh?

2. Mom made many meals that had beef in them, and we know how that is destroying the earth and she should have been a vegan. At the very least there should have been laws that fined her for it.

3. She smoked. I think she was trying to give her and all of us cancer. She never did get it, but she was sure she could off us all and tried her best.

4. She had 3 kids, and thus added to the burden of the earth. All us kids, eating beef, fried foods, more kids on buses for schools using more oil and gas. Oh, she knew what she was doing alright. She packed us lunches (with peanut butter, just to taunt kids with allergies to it at school) and was even involved with the school. The one Jewish kid in our school - well mom always made sure I played with him because he was lonely, I even have a pic of me in a three legged race with him. Mom must have been a RW fundie and wanted me to help those christian dominion folks via Israel end the world (since her efforts weren't making as much progress as she liked I suppose).

5. We had 2 cars and every other weekend drove 80 miles one way to see her mom and dad's mom and stay with them. All that mileage to visit people? Naw - she used it as an excuse to help us get rid of those nasty winters, anyone remember the blizzard of '77? Mom did.

6. She shopped the cheapest places she could most the time, knowing it would promote slave labor in china and Taiwan. It wasn't about providing for us, it was another shot at changing or destroying the world.

7. Mom grew up poor, uneducated, and should never have been allowed to have children. In fact, I don't think I should have been allowed to either. I have a sink full of dirty dishes to do today, been there two days almost and hopefully others in the community will have children's services come in, arrest me, take my daughter, break up my marriage, give my daughter to my ill wife, throw me in jail because I cannot pay support, then take my daughter from my wife because she is too sick to always have a spotless house. That would make my daughter happy and insure she has a better life. If they had taken me from mom I am sure all our lives would have been better too.

8. She actually reviewed what we were going to learn in sex ed in elementary school. She wanted control over our education to rob us of learning. Even though she did not object to anything, she 'wanted to be involved' - yeah right, she wanted to control me and make sure I was oppressed. I know better now.

9. She let me collect money door to door for the Jerry Lewis telethon each year - and we all know how evil he is. I didn't know it, but mom, she was on the cutting edge of evil :)

10. Lastly, she decorated like hell for halloween and Christmas. Lots of lights and all that, all that extra electricity being used. I get it now. Hell, she even used a dryer for our clothes, and did not wash them by hand.

It goes on and on, I am too stunned by the evil to continue though.....

:rofl:

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Marrah_G Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:36 PM
Response to Original message
1. Now THAT was funny
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AuntPatsy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:37 PM
Response to Original message
2. I have to nominate, loved it.
:toast:
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:40 PM
Response to Original message
3. Bwahahaha!
My mom is as evil as yours was!

:rofl:

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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 02:33 PM
Response to Reply #3
8. oh, and I almost forgot
I used to ride in the very back of the station wagon on those long trips and play with toys, no seat belts in the very back. She would then smoke (not sure why she rolled the window down though....) as I was hurtling at 55mph towards my doom. She had it in for me alright, I was just too dumb to see it!
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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 11:08 PM
Response to Reply #3
12. Damned evil moms we had
:rofl:
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rocktivity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:44 PM
Response to Original message
4. You were in a three-legged race with a Jewish kid?
Edited on Thu Oct-11-07 01:44 PM by rocknation
No political career for YOU!

:rofl:
rocknation
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Clark2008 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:44 PM
Response to Original message
5. Bravo!!
:applause:


Reminds me of my "evil" Mom. :hi:

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rucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:44 PM
Response to Original message
6. I see a whole new direction for Yo Mamma jokes. n/t
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 01:45 PM
Response to Original message
7. Oh, thank gawd. I thought my kid was posting!
:rofl:
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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 06:24 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. ROFL
Ya never know....(my wife loved your reply!)
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Zookeeper Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 06:30 PM
Response to Original message
10. Wonderful piece, as usual, Straight!
:thumbsup:

(It made me feel better about how my kitchen looks at the moment.)

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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Oct-11-07 07:28 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. I got em all done :) Now the wife is cooking a nice pork roast with sauerkraut
and damn it smells soooooo good! Which, I guess, means I too am destroying the world :rofl:
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Zookeeper Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-12-07 12:00 AM
Response to Reply #11
13. Pork and sauerkraut....
Yum! I was eyeing the sauerkraut at the grocery store today, but had already planned something else. It must be fall, because I'm craving foods like your dinner or maybe a nice borscht.

:hi:

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