Every single homophobe I've known has changed

[mudesi]

I just ran into a very, very old friend from way back in my high school days. Like all the other people I knew from a time when homophobia was an acceptable social norm, this man has completely reversed his views/prejudices/hatred on homosexuals.

How, one might ask, did this man change? The same way all the other people I knew to be homophobes changed: He met one. Funny how a little bit of personal interaction with a gay person is all it usually takes for these ignorant people to stop hating.

Gay people work with us. They are our neighbors. They are our friends. They are our relatives. They help you when you're stuck on the side of the road. You help them when they're stuck on the side of the road. They watch the same television shows as us and listen to the same music. They are in our churches, they participate in our weekly community baseball games, they are all around us.

And when the realization finally hits you, the homophobe, that you have been working, socializing, and liking a person whom you had no idea was homosexual, that ingrained, almost incomprehensible hate that was drilled into you as a child washes away like so much litter into a storm drain during a hurricane.

Society is changing. I only wish it would change a hell of a lot quicker.

[wicket]

1. Great post

:thumbsup:

K & R

[peacetalksforall]

2. Beautiful. That is the only beautiful and up message that I've read today.

Thanks for posting.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. i agree. things are better.

[JuniperLea]

4. I worked for a gay couple for many years...

And knowing my then husband was a total homophobe, I never told him. Then one day I told him I was going to their birthday party (born three days apart) and asked if he wanted to go. He passed... then the next day got pissed because I went alone. Well, all hell broke loose, and long story short, he knew these guys for years too, but never knew they were gay. So when he accused me of having some sexual deal going with one or more of them, I started cracking up... then told him, I'm not really their type... and explained. Then he got pissed because I never told him they were gay... I laughed my ass off yet again... why? Why would I bring that up? What does that have to do with my job, our other business dealings with them, what?

Well, he was a little shy the next time he saw them, but he got over it. And I never heard him say a bad thing about gays again.

Yep, people can change.

[redqueen]

5. What a great post... what a great sentiment.

Wonderfully said. Proud to give the fifth rec.

:thumbsup:

[cboy4]

6. That's really nice to hear. :)

Now if we can only talk sense into the Log Cabin gay Republics who support the very people who hate gays and vote against our civil liberties.

Like that pervert Craig, who enjoys public toilet sex.

Gay Republicans! Talk about a classic oxymoran. :eyes:

[sinkingfeeling]

7. I also wish things would change faster. We need to see peoples of all

races, religions, countries, cultures, and sexual orientation as fellow human beings.

[varun]

8. I remember when

gay people were paraded on morning talk shows (TV) like some strange animals.

Things have changed for the better...at least in the Western countries. There are still pockets of homophobia in this world.

I cant wait for things to change. I am impatient.

[JuniperLea]

10. Come to Long Beach, CA!!

We have yearly Gay Pride Parades and Festivals! And the homeowners (gay, straight, whatever...) along the parade route deck their houses out in rainbow decor... The city hangs rainbow, gay pride banners... It's a great time! And the Shoreline Drive that is used for the Long Beach Grand Prix is blocked off for the festivities. It's the happiest place on Earth!

[zonkers]

42. I agree. LBers really do get along. Good town.

[yardwork]

9. That's why the closet is so evil.

When gay people pretend to be straight, they perpetuate the evil.

[RaleighNCDUer]

38. OTOH, the closet exists because of the persistant evil

that exists in the straight community - coming out to the wrong person can be physically dangerous. The closet may itself be evil, but sometimes it's a necessary evil.

[NMMNG]

11. Once they find out we're not the demons they believe us to be

They can't keep hating us like they want to--at least not so easily.

[pingzing58]

12. All our leaders over 50 yrs of age grew up in a homophobic world.

Our children today are growing up in a different world where they have gay friends and it's ok with them. Many cultures in the world have accepted gay and transgendered men and women. History is full of such examples. In the U.S. we are still dealing with our PURITANICAL roots.

[JenniferJuniper]

13. I live in Massachusetts

and I've got a brother-in-law who is your typical macho right-wing, Bush-voting guy. He and my sister live in a neighborhood that was an old farm that was divided up into lots back in the 1940's. Their living room window basically backs up to a yard belonging to a gay couple - we'll call them Adam and Steve - who live in a beautifully converted barn.

Well, I was over there last Saturday and I could see Adam and Steve were having a big party - lawn chairs and tent and balloons. They were getting married after being together for almost 20 years.

I noticed my brother-in-law occasionally glaring toward window at the festivities. Oh, boy, I thought, he can't take the idea that he lives so close to these guys and they are actually being allowed to marry. Finally, I asked him what was wrong. "I can't believe it", he said. "What?", I not so innocently asked. "Those guys!" Well, what about those guys?

"We've lived here for two years, we invited them to the baby's birthday party, I helped them cut down the huge tree in their back yard, AND THEY DON'T EVEN INVITE US TO THEIR WEDDING!"

Now, I don't know why Adam and Steve didn't invite them to the wedding, but that isn't the point of my story. For me, this was proof that progress is indeed being made. One right-wing brother-in-law at a time.

[JuniperLea]

19. Great story!

Thanks for that

[swimboy]

14. This is a long tall cold drink in a frosted glass!

Thank you for this post! The refreshment has done me good. :thumbsup:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

15. Excellent post

Funny, but unless someone tells me, I don't know their sexual orientation. I've had lots of friends who are gay or lesbian, and, in fact, some are spiritual brothers and sisters.

[Klukie]

16. Your example is exactly why...

I think society would be better off if we were all required to move away from home for a couple of years when we turn 18. In other words, get out of the box that so many of us are brought up in and tend to spend our lives in. This is my own personal theory but in my experience it has proven pretty true. The man you described above eventually changed his position on the issue because he evolved. I wonder how long it took him to do so? My theory is this... If we only ever live what we know, we can never evolve or grow because we never get to see all aspects of a situation. It is not a new theory but it is one that I believe gets overlooked. My whole life I have been evolving in my opinions and beliefs, but that growth would have been dramatically stunted had I never left my very small hometown. Leaving opened my eyes to people and experiences that I would have otherwise never seen. I am thankful for it. I hate to imagine how close minded I may have been had I not left. When I return to visit family that never left, I am always saddened by their lack of empathy and their severely inexperienced points of view. Don't get me wrong, there are some that have stayed that have grown over the years and there are some who never needed to leave to get the bigger picture, but these folks are few and far between. For those who grew up in large, diverse areas, this tends not to be such a problem but for those who never step outside their little hometown boxes, it presents a scary mentality and I haven't even mentioned throwing religion into the mix.

[Jade Fox]

24. Make that out of the country.....

not just away from home.

Americans have the choice to avoid finding out anything about people different than they are. (Look at our illustrious President: he had never been to Europe before he became President, tho he certainly had the means to travel. Can you imagine that lack of curiosity?) Reality intervention is the best way to bust stereotypes, and sometimes the only way.

[eridani]

17. There are some great stories on this in the Larua Flanders book--

--Blue Grit{/i]

Gena Edvalson chose to engage rather than duck when she moved back to her native Salt Lake City from California. "People from outside Utah are shocked when they hear I come form an LDS family and live in a conservative suburb of Salt Lake. They're even more shocked when they find out I'm a lesbian, that I have a partner who's about to have a kid, and that my father, who is eighty-three years old and very Mormon, lives in the house with us."

On Utah's DOMA amendment: By Edvalson's account, it was a forward loss. Progressives in many red states talk about "losing forward." It't the notion that you can end up ahead of where you started--even if you lose, because during the fight you pick up allies. "Our job is to build bridges to potential allies," says Gena. "If you don't go near the water, it's hard to build a bridge."

The next Democratic candidate considering running for president would do well to talk to activists like Justin Turner of Cincinnati Citizens to Restore Fairness, fighting to overturn the anti-gay Article XII.

From a skimpy minority of 32 percent who voted in favor of repeal in February 2004, the Restore Fairness campaign won over 53 percent of the vote on November 2. The campaign set a goal of turning out 60,000 supporive votes; the repeal proposition won with over 65,000. The gains came disproportionately from the most conservative parts of town.

"The key was to put a human face on the message and to address it head on," Turner told me on the phone from his home after the proposition passed.

Kerry campaigned in Cincinnati with the losing, instead of the winning, side. he brought onto the stage with him the one group of African American leaders that was not part of the Cincinnati for Fairness Coalition.

Those inconveniently irreverent and striving real people--whom pundits dare not mention by name but allude to with the code name "culture" --those Americans are the Democrats' base, whether the party likes it or not. Just ask any Republican. No amount of reframing or remessaging or plain ol' distancing will change that.

The truth is that Democrats, progressives and fair-minded Republicans will never be anti-gay or antichoice or anti-racial justice enough to quiet their opponents. The only people left with any doubt about where Democrats stand on cultural issues are those whose lives are at stake--the Democrats' base.

[Sapphocrat]

18. K&R

Thanks so much for posting this, ls. :)

[grace0418]

20. My husband came around when his dear friend and roommate came out.

He wasn't hateful before, just didn't understand. I guess phobic would be appropriate. Anyway, for years I was telling him "Sweetie, I guarantee that _____ is gay." and he would deny it. Naturally, I was right, and soon my husband really started to realize that it's just another part of a person's make-up like anything else.

[rateyes]

21. My gay brother, after 20 years of marriage, got divorced

from his wife and came out to me on a visit to my home. He and I were talking one day about the fundy position on homosexuality, and he said to me that it cannot be sustained.

He said that, sooner or later, even most Christians who believe homosexuality to be a choice/sin, will wake up to understand the hatred that is being preached from the pulpits toward gays.

He says that the attitude will be, "I still think homosexuality is a sin, but I'm just not that damned mean."

I think you are onto something with this post.

(For the sake of full disclosure, I am a straight Christian who once believed homosexuality to be a "choice," but not a "sin." I no longer believe it's a choice. And, I lost my homophobia long before my brother came out of the closet.)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

22. I just found out that one of my good female friends has a girlfriend.

(I won't say if she's lesbian or not because I think she's had boyfriends before, but you get the point.)

She lives in a rather conservative Catholic household--Fox Noise is always on in the background, her father wouldn't let her join her soccer team for ice cream at Ben and Jerry's because it's a "liberal establishment," she goes to a local private Catholic all-girls high school, etc. etc. etc. Anyway, she is really into this other girl, just like any two hetero teenagers caught in the throws of puppy-love would be. It was an enormous pleasure for me to realize that what I first felt when I learned of this was only the usual giggly gossipyness that surounds all hetero teenage relationships, and that our other friend in this particular "trio" of mine completely agreed that homophobia was stupid, pathetic, ignorant nonsense. Now all I feel is, well, mostly nothing, partnered with the silent rage at the knowledge that if and when her relationship is fully exposed, she will probably have her ass beaten--literally beaten--by her father, as if we were living in the fifteenth century,

[Jed Dilligan]

23. I remember a time not long ago

when, if I was in a room full of white people, I could assume I was the only one who wasn't racist...

if I was in a room full of straight people, I could assume I was the only one who wasn't homophobic...

and if I was in a room full of men, I could assume I was the only one who wasn't a chauvinist.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

25. K&R w/ a present that i made...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78lHcrxGx94

[treestar]

26. I have an uncle who is a total right wing nut except for this one issue

Because he had a stepson for a while who was gay. He has every politically correct view on this one issue that a liberal could wish for. Everything else - he's a dumb fundie.

Which is why I don't like it much when people put you down for saying you have a black friend, etc. Progress is good.

I've also noticed that if a person knows a particular illegal alien, they always complain about why the government won't give their friend a green card and go on how great and hard working said friend is and why is it so hard? But illegal aliens in the abstract ought all to be deported.

Never underestimate the effect of personal knowledge.

[Matariki]

27. This is one of the best arguments when people oppose 'hate crime' laws

and laws against 'hate speech'. While it's true that 'feelings' can't be legislated, non-the-less as society condemns such things via laws, people eventually change. I mean, they learned the hate from societal intolerance in the first place right?

[csorman]

28. Fantastic post!

This should be required reading for homophobes everywhere. Chances are, those purveyors of intolerance know at LEAST one homosexual with whom they are friendly (though they most likely do not know this). I know some reformed homophobes who say that this is exactly why they changed their ways - they would end up saying to me "they're actually just like us!" - wow, what a shocker!!! The question is, who is "us"?

[LastDemocratInSC]

29. Prejudice rarely survives experience

[Drum]

30. Helluva post!

Thanks for that...and recommended for hope

:thumbsup:

[ulysses]

31. yup!

In my case, it was a young woman for whom I had a "thing" in college. After she sat me down and explained things - she had just made peace with herself - I had a few "oh!" moments.

[Roon]

32. Before he met my Mother, my step-father broke up with a woman

because her son was gay. He was married to my Mother for a few years when I came out. I never knew about his former girlfriend until then. He was more accepting this time because he really likes me. He finally realized that if he rejects everything gay, he isn't going to have anyone left.

[toughboy]

33. Unless there is money and power involved in trashing men who have sex

with other men. I think there are more of them than actual gay men in the US. I can't say my impression or attitude towards lying, hypocritical Republicans who believe they can make up laws and call it following the Rule of Law in this contry. It's NOT cool to be a Republican. But it's really super ultra cool that Obama considers gay bashing sexual psycho Senator Coburn his friend and a potential advisor if he gets elected President. Nevermind, I don't want to get in the way of anyone's beatification. Hey, have a Blessed Day!

[Skittles]

34. COOL

I have often wondered about homophobes - DON'T THEY ACTUALLY KNOW ANY GAY PEOPLE? Well yes they do but they just don't know it. Another compelling reason for gay folk to come out of the closet - yes INDEED! Harder to demonize someone as perverted and evil when you know them - and like them.

[DarkTirade]

35. Of course, the flipside is that the more homophobia is encountered,

the more chance is that any homosexuals around those people will be forced to stay in the closet. :\

[Ian_rd]

36. Society is indeed changing. And like the great majority of issues in history, we're on the right

Like the great majority of all other culture wars, we (liberals) will win this one too. We wrote the Bill of Rights. We abolished slavery. We achieved Women's Suffrage. We passed child labor laws. We invented Social Security. We integrated schools. It's a constant fight and we've been losing for a few years with Republicans in power, but in the end we always win.

This is an awkward time for the GOP, an unwelcome consequence of the strange marriage between the corporate wealthy class and evangelical religion that formed their political power base half a century ago. Gay men and women are rich too. There will be more gay CEOs every day, more flat-taxer neocons with gay kids and friends. And not all of them will be willing to stand by while gays are bashed and held back as second class citizens as Cheney and his daughter are willing to do. The GOP more and more is facing the decision to either back-off on their gay bashing and protect their wealthy donations, or to continue to appease their lunatic base. The tiny wealthy class funds them while right-wing evangelism secures them an obedient voting block. Let the tug of war begin. We get to watch, knowing that we'll win in the end. Gay people will be getting married legally within the next ten or fifteen years I predict. And then one day the Right will start pretending they embraced it the whole time, like emancipation, suffrage, social security ...

[Stuckinthebush]

37. Every time I encounter a homophobe, I ask him or her...

"What do your gay friends think about your attitudes?"

They always look at me in shock and say, "I don't have any gay friends!!"

You are right, all it takes is getting close to someone who is gay to change one's attitude about homosexuality.

[Emerald]

43. The first person

whom I knew was gay was a bit of a jerk. Gays and lesbians are just folks, some wonderful, some not. But to judge someone based on their sexuality (so long as it is adult and consensual) is backward.

[cascadiance]

39. I think it is so important to engage kids as they are growing up on this!

I myself, before as a young kid, didn't meet hardly anyone that was honest about their identity as a gay person. Some men acted effeminate which many kids joked about, including myself when lack of personal knowledge of these people and how they ticked lead to a form of objectification of them as a target of ridicule that kids often feel they need to have as they are growing up and are still learning about the world. I learned tolerance later on, but it wasn't until I moved to California where I was truly able to appreciate their struggles for acceptance and that they were just human beings like any of us and needed our help in making sure that they aren't targets of unfair discrimination, etc. in society.

It doesn't mean that we all have to understand gay sexual behavior from day one any more than we don't learn about heterosexual sexual behavior from day one before we know that men and women could love each other as we grow up.

That's why this Larry Craig situation is sad. Because it will lead many to try and believe that he is an example of what it is to be a gay person, when he is more of a pack of repressed mental issues that perhaps include gay tendencies, but a lot of which has little in common if any with what most normal every day gay people have as life experience and feelings in society. I hope we can continue to remind others that there are many decent people around us who are gay that DO NOT compare to what he has as a history.

[Kajsa]

40. The first people( in my former neighborhood) to put up

the US flag on 9/11 were the gay couple living next door.
They beat out all the old time Repubs on the block.
I will never forget that.

They were the most considerate, helpful and friendly
neighbors on the entire block. And yes, they were
Democrats.;-)

Thank you for this beautiful, upbeat post.

:D

[Apollo11]

41. But we should also respect people who are DIFFERENT

Why should I only respect people who watch the same TV shows and listen to the same music as me?

Why should I only respect people who are in the same church? (or in my case - other atheists)

Surely if all people are equal then we should all respect each other despite our differences.

It shouldn't be necessary for everyone to conform to the same social norms and try to "fit in" with the majority.

[Nothing Without Hope]

44. YES!!! I agree, and this is one of the hopes for the future. K & R

Edited to add: The Bed Franklin quote I cite in my comment line is especially apt here. I don't know what old Ben himself thought of homosexuals, but his words apply.

[VWolf]

45. I was a homophobe until sometime around

1993, when I first saw Philadelphia (the movie). I was 27 at the time. I wish I'd never been anti-gay, but at least I came around eventually. I wonder if it ever gets to the point where you can't change someone's mind, regardless of what you do. I'd like to think there's always hope for everyone.

[JDPriestly]

46. How right you are.

That is why Larry Craig's conduct is so wrong. The more that homosexuals are "in the closet," the less honesty and tolerance we have in our society. Larry Craig is enabling the hate. Thank you for this beautiful post.