Quickie Rehabs are really in vogue now & a growing industry

[NoAmericanTaliban]

I've noticed a new trend in celebrity rehabs. Just like with MBAs the amount of time you have to spend in rehab is getting shorter & shorter. It used to take months & months of long rehab sessions to get over whatever demon has you possessed. Now these same rehabs can rid you of those demons in a matter of weeks. It is just simply amazing the progress America has made in the rehab industry. Of course the costs of the rehab is still the same, but who cares if you can be out in a matter of a week or so. Just think of it as the new compressed version of the MBA. It used to take years to get one, but now it is only a matter of months. Oh, the joys of progress.

Here are some recent success stories:

Ted Haggard - cured of homosexuality in just a month or so. I never knew they had that program. Great way to spend that church money those suckers donated to you, eh. You knew it would be so easy. Maybe this could be written in the Bible as a miracle to the power of prayer.

Miss 'Party Girl' USA - Tara Connors - in just weeks she was cured from being a drunken coke head slut to doing the talk show circuit. Thank God the Donald has such a forgiving soul & is way above publicity gimmicks. What would have happened to her if she didn't have such a great boss or wasn't that pretty?

Rush - This poor man was plagued by painful war injuries for years of his life. These injuries came from sitting down for hours at a time and confronting evil liberals and that witch Hillary in the great war against Christmas. To endure the pain he had to take massive amounts of pain killers and spend over $100,000 of his own money. To get over his years of addiction he went to rehab in just months he was cured. Just like the pain killers he bought, he used his own money for the rehab. Nothing but the tax payers on his mind.

Soon we may be all cured of our demons in just days for the right price. Just think of the success stories then.

[Beelzebud]

1. Drive-Up Rehab

[Occulus]

4. Mail-Order Rehab

Sorry, no COD's.

[Beelzebud]

5. 12-Step Correspondence Course.

[youngdem]

2. In fact, I am opening one for nympho supermodels next week

Referrals are appreciated.

[underpants]

3. It appears to just be a place to go get some sleep

and not have to worry about your adoring masses.

Oh tis so difficult being rich and famous

[kenny blankenship]

6. Productivity gains have caught up with substance abuse