What do you say when a Jehovah's Witness comes knocking at your door?

[RiverStone]

I live in a very rural area with a long driveway --- though that does not dissuade a carload of JW's from driving down every now and then.

About a month ago, I was rather annoyed at my space being interrupted and asked the church lady with the handful of watchtower brochures -

"With all your talk of paradise and peace on earth, what do you think of Shrub's immoral war of aggression in Iraq? In fact, instead of trying to convert people to your religion, how about converting all that time to REALLY working toward peace on earth and ending our regime's policies of illegal wiretapping, torture, and a war against a sovereign nation who we attacked first?

With that she sheepishly looks over to the carload of suits parked nearby and whispers to me: "Well, I don't like President Bush but all those folks in the car with me do."

My response: "Then come back someday when your not in the company of hypocrites and I'll tell you the gospel of working within a peace movement really dedicated to making a difference NOW...and by the way, please DO NOT come down my driveway anymore!" She said she would put me on a Jehovah's Witness do not visit list???

The 'anti JW vist list' has not taken effect yet, as just yesterday - I had a bright, brainwashed, and cheerful teenage JW knock at my door. She invited me to the district convention of JW...


WTF do you say to these people? :shrug:

[Buzz Clik]

1. I tell them that nobody is home.

[barb162]

156. Giggle. That's good.

[seemslikeadream]

2. I start educating them

Don't let them get a word in

[Orrex]

3. Say nothing. Don't let them in. Just start disrobing in the doorway

Alternatively you can ask "Are you here about the Witnesses I have buried in my basement?"

[Quantess]

28. True story...

My boyfriend was standing stark naked, in front of the door, reading his mail, when we got a knock at the door from Mormons. He ran away and made me answer the door. I was laughing when I opened the door, partly because I know they could probably discern his naked silhouette through the mottled glass window. They took no for an answer really easily, that time!

[Orrex]

32. That very episode is what drove me out of the LDS, in fact

:evilgrin:

Well, that, plus the underwear policy.

[RiverStone]

39. Underwear policy?

Please, enlighten us Orrex?

The naked option works for me! Of course, I have gotten really fit --- maybe that would bring more of em? :)

[demobabe]

155. Mormans have special undergarments they gotta wear

Cute to see them in their ankle to neck covered up pajamas in Phoenix when it's 115 degrees outside...

look up Mormans... find lots of wacky stuff. Things I could never make up.

[potisok]

63. Got to agree with #3 & #28

They seem to find nudity offensive, one shot and they put an X on the fence post and have never returned. Wasn't necessarily on purpose just happened, lived at the end of a long road on top of a hill in the country and wasn't expecting guests. Might of help when I told them there was no god on my hill. Always beleived it was the nudity.

[krispos42]

134. "One shot".... oh, that sounds dirty

"It's... it's... HAIR GEL!!"

[Speck Tater]

4. Quote them two isolated bits of scripture...

"Judas went forth and hanged himself."

"Go ye and do likewise."

[durrrty libby]

5. Tell them you worship Satan

[Orrex]

33. No! Then they redouble their efforts

Tell them that you already have a copy of the Book of Mormon and that you'll call them if you have any questions.

[durrrty libby]

40. Ok then tell them you have your super secret Mormon underwear on

[librechik]

104. Tell them THEY worship Satan--that's what my hubby does

then he explains how linguistically Jehovah and Satan are the same mythic figure. It takes awhile.

:rofl:

[thereismore]

6. I told them "Get out of my doorstep, blasphemers." nt

[tsuki]

71. I do the same. Funny, they don't visit me anymore. nt

[trackfan]

7. I don't answer the door.

Sometimes, I play the piano loudly, just so they know that someone is inside, but not answering the door.

[blondeatlast]

8. I tell them I'm not interested, thanks, and they go away. nt

[Edweird]

77. Me too. I'm not nasty unless they won't go away.

[karlrschneider]

9. I say "Get the fuck off my property."

...

[napi21]

10. I answer the door, accompanied by my dogs, and I smile and

say "I'm Catholic, I'm not interested in changing, but thanks for stopping by!" I then close the door and walk away. They promptly leave after they recover from their shock.

[RebelOne]

62. I answer the door accompanied by my 108-pound Rottweiler and

tell them, "No, thank you. I'm an atheist." They usually don't stick around.

[datasuspect]

11. i answer the door armed

"may i help you?"

[EnviroBat]

12. I say, "Mmmmmm dinner... Won't you come in?" n/t

I usually answer the door with some plastic bags, a roll of duct-tape, and a large kitchen knife...

[librechik]

13. the only way to get rid of them permanently

tell them your mother is a JW and you get all the literature from her. Since you are a "convert" by extension, they cross you off the list.

Worked for me!

[Critters2]

25. My Mom's been dead for two years

So she's prolly a Mormon by now.

[NavyDavy]

14. your just in time for the sacrifices! or satatn said you would be

coming

[liberal N proud]

15. Depends on a couple of things

1. My mood.
2. If my wife is home or not.

Same as any door to door salespeople.

If I am in the mood and my wife is not home, I will mess with them a little bit. After all they knocked on MY door. I will ask them questions about number of spots in Heaven and how many JW's there are.

But if my wife is home or I am not in the mood, No thanks, already got religion. My wife doesn't appreciate me harassing those who knock on the door.

[Virginia Dare]

16. NEVER invite them to come back...

because they WILL, again and again, and if you aren't home or you don't answer, they will drop their crap on your doorstep OVER AND OVER. You have to be very direct with them, like you would any telemarketer. I'M NOT INTERESTED, DON'T EVER COME TO MY DOOR AGAIN, AND ANYTHING YOU LEAVE WILL GET IMMEDIATELY THROWN IN THE TRASH.

[Catherine Vincent]

17. Not a thing.

I don't answer the door. :)

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

18. A couple came to the door about a month ago. We had a nice talk about..Buddhism.

Unlike the Mormons who reacted with horror when they came, the JW's were polite and curious.

[JoDog]

52. I worked with a JW

and she said that JW's are encouraged to stay polite and respectful, no matter what. They actually have classes on how to act when going door to door, and when it is inappropriate (and even illegal). That's quite different from other churches that go looking for converts by sending teenagers out with a copy of the Bible and a lot of attitude.

[shain from kane]

19. There are self-help books on the subject.

Strangers at Your Door: How to Respond to Jehovah's Witnesses, the Mormons, Televangelists, Jimmy Swaggart, Cults and More (Paperback)
by Albert J. Nevins (Author)

[displacedtexan]

20. I just quote Jack Nicholson.

"Peddle crazy somewhere else. We're full up here."

[Joe Chi Minh]

29. Brilliant. It's nice and inclusive too.

[Horse with no Name]

21. Invite them in for an intervention

:evilgrin: When they whip out their "Bible"...take it in your hands and say "OH NO...we'll use MY Bible" and then open it up and start quoting scripture.
They won't stay long and they will never come back.:)

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

22. Just As An Aside Question: If We Are So Against Bringing Religion Into Politics, Why Is It

necessary to have brought politics into her religion? I'm a bit perplexed on the premise.

[dogday]

23. Who are these people that knock on everyone's doors?

all I get are people trying to sell me a new phone service......

[Nimrod2005]

24. I just listen for about 1-2 minutes, then say I have to run...nt

[valerief]

26. Nothing. We don't answer it unless we know the person.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

27. I have a nifty little iron plaque by my door that says:

My eternal soul is my own business
No religious soliciting of any kind is welcome

If they knock I point to it and say no thank you. Usually they just leave the papers stuck in the door w/o knocking since I've posted the plaque.

[RiverStone]

42. Cool plaque!

Ummm, maybe my next woodshop project...

[shireen]

30. i don't want to be saved by YOUR God .... nt

[treestar]

31. Tell them you are Catholic or Jewish and they will leave

I got that information from a thread I posted when they visited me last weekend. They will leave politely if you're Jewish, and will leave really fast if you're Catholic.

In the alternative, tell them you're the devil. :evilgrin:

[Beausoleil]

47. I do that

I tell them I'm Catholic and have used that explanation for quite a while. Not entirely untrue, either. I was raised Catholic and if I were to ever start going to church again (not likely) it would probably be the Catholic church. The devil you know and all that.

[Madspirit]

81. I wonder

I wonder how fast they would leave if you told them you are Muslim.

Lee

[mitchtv]

95. I don't know but "Catholic"

then mumble something about "heretics" and they go

[crappyjazz]

149. Funny ... the biggest conversion rate to JW is from the catholics

but i'm sure mentioning that you're catholic makes them wet themselves :eyes:

[Old and In the Way]

34. I always get the impression that 'the light is on, but nobody's home'

with these people. They have such a simple, uncomplicated perspective of the world around them.
I pretty much just smile at them and say, "thanks, but I'm not planning on going to the same place you'll be going to." Really, can you imagine spending all of eternity with these people?

[B3Nut]

96. You ever see some of their publications?

You ought to get a load of their "art". It's usually so saccharine and kitschy it makes plastic lawn flamingoes look tony. To my mind, spending eternity with people that aesthetically bankrupt would be a decent working definition of "hell"... ;)

Todd in Cheesecurdistan

[Greyskye]

35. i just smile...

...and say "no thanks, we're not interested" as soon as I see the literature/bibles in their hands. I then gently close the door as I tell them to "have a nice day!".

I'm not going to change their minds, nor are they going to change mine. No sense in ruining everybody's day by being rude.

I have yet to have anybody coming to my door do or say anything in response to this. If someday someone does get 'feisty', I'll have a good time debating religion with them (if I don't have anything else to do).

[nonconformist]

36. Say "no thank you, I'm not interested" and shut the door.

They'll leave.

[madrchsod]

37. i got them really good the last time....

i told them i believed in the teachings of Christ (which i do) and that i try to live by the word every day of my life. i said something like-christ said to pray in dark closets not in public,... they became perplexed but said thank you and gave me their literature....

[MistressOverdone]

38. I have the same long driveway situation

and somebody in the family usually goes out to the car and screams "don't get out of the car! the dogs are out!"

They usually turn around and leave. And no, I'm not kidding. Driving up country lanes to farmhouses is not a good idea. We once had one idiot who turned in the wrong direction, opened the first gate he saw, got out and closed it, only to find our prize bull, "Badboy" (aptly named) trying to get his horned head into the driver's side. The poor fellow tore his pants climbing the fence and is truly lucky to be alive.

[yardwork]

57. LOL! I grew up in the country.

I'm amazed at how many people will walk around in people's yards in suburbia. This is NOT cool in the country for many reasons, as you point out.

[Coyote_Bandit]

41. I tell them that I'm pentecostal

(even though I'm not) and then I tell them that I respect their faith and expect them to respect mine. Usually they leave. If they persist I suggest that they should also listen to my views - which include the laying on of hands and speaking in tongues. Some gibberish syllables makes them uncomfortable. Have only had to go that far one time.

Haven't figured out how to rid myself of the fundies and pentecostals that feel compelled to proselytize however.

[Ilsa]

43. Keep a shredder by the front door and shred it in front of them when they

give it to you. Then ask for more, and if they give it to you, shred it also. Say that God told you to destroy their evil pamphlets.

[bpeale]

44. i tell them to get off my property & then close the door

[Madspirit]

45. I Don't Answer

I yell from my couch..."Private Property. Get your religious asses off my property." Actually, since in my neighborhood at least, they always send ancient ladies or even the disabled, I am polite the first time...IF I make the mistake of even answering the door, which if I know ahead of time who it is, I don't. If they say one word after I tell them "No thank-you; I am not interested"...THEN I yell for them to get their monotheistic religious asses off my property.
Lee

[negativenihil]

46. "get off my lawn" n/t

[ThomWV]

48. True Story Of How I Got Rid Of Them Forever At Our Country Home

Unfortunately we can't see them coming like you can.

They paved the road (tar and chip) a couple of years ago. Before that it was like many dirt roads, not so bad when it was dry but a royal pain when wet. The when-wet problem was compounded by an on-again, off-again spring that would pop up right in the middle of the road after a few days of steady rain and then last for a few weeks afterward. That mud hole would get deep.

Over the course of 3 or 4 years I had tossed everything imaginable into that mud hole to try to stiffen it up a bit. Lots of big rocks, more then one sizable chunk of unsplitable firewood, and various other odds and ends. Anyway the mud hole persisted despite my efforts to make the road more passable.

I had been in the woods skidding logs back to the house with an old tractor I used to have. It was cold and raining, just a miserable day, and there they were - a carload of their finest, ready to come and give the good word, stuck in that damned mud hole.

At some level I have respect for those young guys. They were doing what they thought was right in a world in which so many people do so many thing that anyone knows are dead wrong. They are always clean and polite. Dense little bastards, but mannerly. I was already covered with mud, as you might imagine. They were hung up in that mud hole in a relatively new Buick what wasn't going anywhere.

I got off the tractor and walked up to the car. The rain was getting heavier and was mixed with sleet. I told them to stay in the car - don't get out and muddy up those fine black suits. I walked back to the front of the car and looked under. They were sitting on the frame but it wasn't all that bad, the tractor would pull them off it with ease. I went back to the tractor and dumped off the sawlog I had pulled to a shed where it would soon be cut and split. Then I pulled back into the road and down to their car. I spun the tractor around and stopped it in front of their car. Then I walked back to the car again. The young fellow behind the wheel rolled down his window. I repeated that they didn't need to, and in fact shouldn't, get out of the car and get dirty. I would hook up the chain and pull them out, "Don't worry about it". Then I asked the big question. Were they out preaching the good word?

The young man answered "Yes". They were indeed out preaching the word. Fine, I said. I then pointed at my house, not 50 feet away. I said, "See that house?" The responded that he did. I said, I'll get down and crawl around in the mud and hook you up, and I'll pull you all out of the hole, then when after I've pulled you all out of the hole just stop while I crawl under and unhook the chain. None of that is any problem; but you see that house? Well you promise that you will never ever stop at that house again, and out the car comes. We got a deal?

The young boy and his companions (4 of them in total) quickly agreed. I pulled them out in seconds, got them unhooked, and saw them on their way. Not one has ever been back since.

[RiverStone]

55. Fun story.

Thanks ThomWV :)

Wonder if they prayed to get out of that damn hole --- and look who delivered them! Maybe that taught em a lesson?

[Javaman]

97. With your one act of kindness of pulling them out of the mud, you probably

did more of gods work in that one act than these tools had done in a lifetime.

[cloudbase]

49. Tell them you're a former JW who has seen the light.

Their doctrine is to shun you, and they'll be gone lickety split.

[hootinholler]

50. I invite them in for group sex.

I haven't had one of them take me up on it yet, but I'm no Ken-doll, or GI-Joe. I had a young man and a grandmotherly type show up one day, she was shocked but I think the young guy might have been into it, lol.

-Hoot

[Madspirit]

54. Hilarious

I had a friend do that to a couple of Mormon Boys who knocked on her door. They were trying to make small talk and asked her what she likes to do. She said she likes to seduce Mormon boys. They left fast and she's pretty hot. I guess it scared them. :rofl:

Lee

[flvegan]

51. I tell them that I'm a Pastafarian, and that the FSM loves them anyway.

Actually, I just tell them, "no thanks" as I no I'm not going to "convert" them or enlighten them to anything anyway.

I've only maybe had 2 in all my time here. I think that the barking of great dane and a number of pit bulls keeps them away.

[yardwork]

53. Well, the ones who knock on my door are always very elderly African American people

and I can't bring myself to be rude to them. So I usually hide, or if I do answer the door, I just very firmly say "No thank you" and then close the door (not slamming it). They usually manage to jam a copy of The Watchtower in my hand. It invariably has lots of hateful comments about people like me - gay and Pagan. It's discouraging.

[RiverStone]

58. An idea...

Oh yardwork, too bad you don't know where they live.

Imagine driving up to their house with a few of your gay and Pagan friends. You could always invite them to the next Pride parade or Solstice celebration? Maybe try and catch them on their way to church?

Just Kidding.

I know, live and let live --- but I'd enjoy turning the tables on them sometime.


peace~

[yardwork]

75. Hmmm....I know where their church is...just down the road....

Nah, I can't do it.

[lapislzi]

80. I'm not rude

but nor do I have any compunctions about taking that copy of the watchtower to line Budgie's cage.

[damntexdem]

56. I used to invite them in to argue evolution with them.

I don't have the time to waste, nowadays, so I tell them to go away.

[Az]

67. If I am not in the mood to talk I point them to Luke 6:30

And then I start asking them for their clothes.

Luke 6:30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

[Az]

59. I invite them in

I do not engage in religious debate unless invited or attacked. Coming to my door is an invitation to the dance.

[Throd]

60. Care for a bong hit?

[lazyriver]

76. That works!...at least for fundies. See my story at #61...

[lazyriver]

61. I don't get any JW's but used to get local fundies

on Saturdays. They became a nuisance to me and my three neighbors. We are very rural and apparently they believe we must need and will be open to some soul savin'. The first time I politely told them I accept no solicitors at my home and reject all organized religions. The second time (same three people in the same car two months later) I reiterated my original comments and added, "I am also now asking you politely as a gentleman not to return. If I was interested in hearing about your god, I would be attending your church. Please do not come back".

A year later they came back. The same car stopped on the street and sent two teenage girls up to my door with their packet of propaganda. I watched them stuff the papers under my porch door and as soon as they walked away I came out and followed them back to the car with a pad and pen. The driver was the same guy who came by the first two times. I was not polite this time. I took his license plate number and name and told him I would be calling the sheriff if he did not leave immediately or ever returned. He said he was not doing anything illegal as long as I did not have a sign on my property clearly stating "No Solicitors". I pointed to the "literature" the girls left under my door now blowing around my yard and said, "I think littering is a crime asshole, now get the hell out of here or I'm making a phone call".

In discussing the issue with one of my neighbors, he said he believed Maine law said if you don't have a sign saying "no solicitors", they can legally walk onto your property. I am not into signs on my property and never put one up. Two months later I looked out my window on a Saturday morning to see a strange car in the driveway. A guy in a suit got out and started walking to the door with a packet of papers in his hand. I rushed out to intercept him and after establishing he was with the same damned church as the others, asked him onto my porch. After he walked up the steps and began his "Accepting christ as my savior was the greatest move I ever made" bullshit I interrupted and said, "How about a bong hit"? He got really flustered and started saying he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him, "I have some wicked weed from California and a big batch of home brew so why don't we get all fucked up and debate the existence of god"? He quickly gathered his papers and bolted, barely touching half the stairs on his dash back to the car.

That was three years ago and they have not been back since.

[Gemini Cat]

64. I usually tell them to piss off.

That seems to do the job nicely.

[demnan]

65. I usually tell them I'm a devil-worshipper

I know, I'm so bad - I just love that look that comes over their faces :evilgrin:

[crappyjazz]

150. That "look" is more than likely ... oh yeah, we've NEVER

heard that one before

[onenote]

66. I politely say I'm not interested. And they politely leave.

And I suspect that, despite the blather and posturing on this thread, that is what most people would do.

[ContraBass Black]

68. "I'm not interested. Peace be with you."

[hfojvt]

69. I think it was Phil Collins who said it best

"Hello, I must be going."

[Orrex]

108. Sacrilege!

"Hello, I must be going" was in fact said best by Captain Spaulding in 1930's Animal Crackers, decades before Phil Collins was a gleam in anyone's eye!

[Ganja Ninja]

70. "No thanks." And I close the door. n/t

[Midlodemocrat]

72. I tell them I'm not interested. Usually I don't open the door.

But my FIL used to talk to them :eyes:, so for a while after he passed away, they would come around looking for him.

[Az]

73. Luke 6:30 is your friend

Luke 6:30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

It is amazing how fast most evangelists turn their tail and run when you hit them with this verse and then start trying to put it into practice.

[lapislzi]

74. I politely explain that my family and I are atheists

and that we do not care to discuss religion.

I am never rude to anyone who comes to my door. I am polite but firm. They go away. A few months later a carload of new recruits will show up. I think I am their test case for rejection, in which case I am pleased that I am performing a public service.

[RebelOne]

78. Here are several ways to get rid of them permanently.

How to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses

When you open the door and there's one there saying, "hello, I'm collecting for the Jehovah's witnesses...", interrupt them and say, "Great, I'm Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"

A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The Watchtower scattered around...

My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime. The Witnesses just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed disbelief.

Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the Witness will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!" and just see what happens.

Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to Witnesses. For extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car. Pretend you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the witness. Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.

More at link.

http://www.keegan.org/jeff/humor/jehovah.html

[Az]

79. The two quickest and easiest methods

Answer the door in a black robe or naked. Either method is sure to keep your Saturdays interruption free for some time to come.

[Gormy Cuss]

91. A chalk outline with Watchtowers spread about!

That is a perfect revenge fantasy. I lived only a few blocks from a Kingdom Hall for many years and the JWs showed up like clockwork every 3 months. I asked them to stop and was always told that I'd be put on a list and it never happened. It took a considerable amount of effort to be polite each time that they came knocking.

[yy4me]

82. I know this sounds rude but now, when they come to the door,

I tell them to please go away and close the door immediately. Three years ago, a man and a young boy came to the door. When I told them "thank you but I am not interested", the man yanked on my screen door which was locked. He was trying to stuff some magazines at me and in yanking the door, he broke the latch. Needless to say, I was angry. I will not give them even a polite response any more and they better not pull on my door handle or I will call the police.

Note to JW's: I do not believe in peddling religion. You may choose to worship any way you want or not but do not try to force your beliefs on me. And keep away from my house.

[SemperEadem]

83. close it without saying anything.

[Minimus]

84. My Aunt is a Witness - nicest woman you would ever meet. I have

even been to Kingdom Hall with her - just out of curiosity. I do not agree with her type of "Christianity" but I respect her right to believe how she wishes. She does not try to convert our family but she does do the door to door thing.

JWs believe that only so many people will get to heaven (I forget the exact number) so whenever one comes to my door I usually say: "Since you believe only a limited number will go to heaven why do you continue trying to convert people? You are just promising a space in heaven that is not even available."

They usually have a hard time responding to that!


edit for typo

[Az]

88. She is going to save you after you die

JWs believe they can pray for intercession for loved ones even after they have passed on. In fact the JW church has one of the largest repositories of family histories in the world specifically for the purposes of praying ancestors into heaven.

[Minimus]

89. But will there be enough room in heaven for me?

[JerseygirlCT]

143. Nope. That's the LDS

They're quite different.

[Rosemary2205]

120. 144,000

And the bible really does say 144,000 though there are myriad ways to interpret it.

[crappyjazz]

151. You might want to ask your aunt about that

they're not talking about spots in heaven, believe me

[RiverStone]

85. YIKES - Check out these *TOP SECRET* JW tools of the trade!

Digging a little deeper --- this is even more fucked up then I thought.

here:

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/2919/tools1

Looks like the best thing we can give them is a paper shredder!

[Hekate]

161. Words fail me -- that level of detail borders on OCD & is kind of stunning. nt

[Raven]

86. I tell them I'm a devout Catholic...they run away. nt

[dropkickpa]

146. Yep, this one works great

Especially in my VERY catholic neighborhood. (I'm NOT catholic, but it works better than telling them I'm an athiest, that just gets them all excited)

[madokie]

87. come on in we need another partner for a foursome

then start grabbing at their balls

[ploppy]

90. A nice sign on my front door

No soliciting - divine or otherwise. It works well!

[malta blue]

92. When I see them coming,

I quickly cue op "Closer to God" by Nine Inch Nails and answer the door with a horse crop in my hand. I then tell them I worship Satan and to leave.

It works every time...:rofl:

[alphafemale]

93. What really irritates me is when they bring a small child along.

Most people aren't about to say what they really think, or be rude, with the kid there.

And I think they know that.

And that's why they've started bringing small kids along.

[treestar]

98. Exactly, last Sat. I had two middle aged ladies with a child

the little girl only handed me an invitation to the District Convention, though, and the adults didn't try to talk about anything.

[alphafemale]

127. Yep. Most times the kid looks like they rather be ANYWHERE Else.

A Dentist's chair even.

[treestar]

139. Exactly, poor kid! It's Saturday! Time to PLAY!!!

[kineneb]

101. my friend's way of dealing with the accompanying adults

she kneels down to the child's level and says "Can you say 'child abuse'?". They all scuttle away quickly. Apparently, she had a bad experience with fundamentalists as child.

[ProfessorGAC]

94. You'll Love My Routine!!!

I tell them i just talked to God about 15 minutes ago and he told me they were coming by. Then i say "He said to tell you that you've got it all wrong!" They usually leave at that point.
GAC

[treestar]

99. ..

:rofl: Love it!

[JitterbugPerfume]

100. I told the last onr the truth

I am an athiest .

SHE couldn't get off of my property fast enough! I think she thought it was catching :rofl:

[Orrex]

106. You're an atheist? Ewwww! And I PM'ed you once!

I'm always worried that that kind of declaration could backfire and make them even more resolute in their proselytizing efforts.

But it if works...

[Az]

107. Seriously. Luke 6:30 is your friend

It works real simple. Have them turn their ever present bible to Luke 6:30 and have them read it.

Luke 6:30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

And then start asking them for their clothes, wallets, cars, whatever strikes your fancy. They will leave. And it is unlikely they will come back.

[DiverDave]

102. I just tell them I'm late for work.

and No, I don't want any literature.
When they tell me "god bless you" or "We will pray for you" I tell them "Thanks, I need all the help I can get"

[Old and In the Way]

103. Many years ago, I had a group show up to share the good word.

I was under my car, fixing the exhaust pipe. I didn't hear them come up and get out, as I had the radio on pretty loud in the car. While trying to break the hanger bolts, I slipped the nut and drove my knuckles into the hanger, doing a nice skin job in the process.

Starting swearing like a trooper....every possible combination of cuss words. I scrambled out from under the car and was confronted by these people...obviously an awkward moment.

So one of them asked if I had time to talk with them. I said, not really. He asked if they could come back when it was more convenient. I said, sure....but only if you can answer this: "If God is all powerful, why can't he make a square circle? If he can, show me a picture and I'll convert immediately. Don't come back until you can supply the evidence." If nothing else, I gave them something to think about.

[maveric]

105. Any religious solicitor gets a cold and hard "NO!"

I dont give them more than 2 seconds of my time.

[spoony]

109. "I appreciate how seriously you take your religion but no thank you."

[LanternWaste]

110. "Thanks, but I already...

"Thanks, but I already have a fulfilling life in faith. But thank you for your time."

I know it's not as witty, edgy or mean as some of the other responses, but it's polite, civil and doesn't waste anyone's time.

[Sequoia]

111. Who's there?

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

112. I tell them I am a Buddhist and the last time I said this, i started to discuss Buddhism

with the Witness. She seemed to be a person still searching and she was very interested! Normally, they just leave when I say that.

[Hubert Flottz]

113. "WTF do you say to these people?"

Beware Of Dog! The Jehovah's Witless that fails to believe........my sign, is in a world of Deep Doo-Doo!

[opihimoimoi]

119. Take WILLY to the JW Attack School and teach him to Tree them Jws quicker than a NANO SECOND

Then call the Sheriff on them..for harrassing WILLY...

If that don work...send in Wifey as a back up....

[Hubert Flottz]

121. I'm gonna' call the game warden on them for littering the next time

they throw them little book of theirs in my driveway when they are running from Willy...

Willy make it back out that gate in one piece?...that's Willy's full name

[opihimoimoi]

163. Eagles cannot fly really good using only the RIGHT WING....LOUD AND CLEAR

Sorry, LOL. Your Punch line is too fkn tiny..

I thought I'd give it a makeover......

Thats Willy's full name.....?? Holy Bat Shit...

[JohnLocke]

162. "I'm Jewish."

[DFW]

114. It has happened

In the States, it was a black limo, and two 15 year old kids got
out, dressed in black suits and ties in 100° heat in a small town
in the outer part of Cape Cod where there isn't a suit or a tie
within 50 miles. It was obvious who they were. I sent my wife out
to talk to them in her native German, and under no circumstances
to let on that she understood English.

When it happens here in Germany, I do the talking--in Catalan.

It has worked every time so far.

[SoonerPride]

115. I say "adults do not need security blankets, I'm sorry you are not adults. Goodbye"

n/t

[opihimoimoi]

116. Ya can't tell um SHIT..they have swallowed the cool aid...brain washed beyond hope

JWs are a GOD CULT

They are instructed on how to capture peoples minds...training sessions disguised as bible study if I may...even got books on HOW TO....

In the hopes of "saving one or two of them JWs"...I usually/try to.... yell/scream/etc, "You guys are either Nuts, Brain washed, and/or BOTH"...."Have a good day"...I haven't changed one mind yet....it seems they are over board with this EVERLASTING LIFE CRAP....

If ya really need help...see post 119 and ask Hubert to borrow WILLY.

[Tyo]

117. I tell them that I'm an atheist but my boyfriend is a Satanist

and he deals with all the religious stuff around our house. If they'd like to wait a minute, I'll get him. They never wait.

[proud patriot]

118. I like playing AC/DC for them

Actually only did it one time and they have not been back . :)

[LostInAnomie]

122. Ask them if they are interested in Kissing Hank's Ass

http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

[L. Coyote]

123. Just answer the door naked and say, "Would you like to come in?"

They blacklist your address to avoid temptation :rofl:

[uppityperson]

124. No thank you, go away you are trespassing, put us on your "do not visit list"

If they come back, remind them they are trespassing and tell them I will call the police if they do so again. I found out that they have a "do not visit list" that I got on for a couple years.

[Contrary1]

125. I will tell you what my nephew did

after he and his two roommates repeatedly requested they not be bothered...

All three answered the door with nothing on but underwear and their pet snakes
draped around their shoulders. That pretty much took care of it.

[DFW]

154. I guess we should get some pet snakes

Just in case the next batch is fluent in German or Catalan.........

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

126. I tell them I have my own faith and am comfortable with it

and I have no desire for a conversion.

[tammywammy]

128. "I'm not interested, thanks." And then they leave

There's no reason to be nasty. :shrug:

[MedleyMisty]

129. I never answer the door

Generally when someone knocks on the door I am terrifed and freeze and turn stuff off and try to be very very quiet for a while.

So I don't know who knocks on the door occasionally, but whoever it is I don't talk to them. If it's someone I actually know, they'll keep knocking and maybe yell or something and I'll answer then.

[Oeditpus Rex]

130. 'God's not here'

[HCE SuiGeneris]

131. I'll take 3 boxes of the Peanut Butter Patties®/Tagalongs®

:9

[ljm2002]

132. I tell them that I do not discuss my religious beliefs...

...with strangers, and close the door. Politely but firmly.

[krispos42]

133. "If I had known you were coming, I would have worn pants!"

or...

"Oops, you're not my secretary!"

:rofl:

[PsN2Wind]

135. I just ask them if they'd mind waiting

for 10 or 15 minutes, my Viagra is just starting to work.

[krispos42]

136. "Oy vey, meshuggener goyim!" (close door) n/t

[JohnLocke]

164. Bwhahhaha.

:D: ;)

[knitter4democracy]

137. I tell them to save their resources for someone who'll want it.

I ask them if it's really good stewardship to give something to me, a person who's just going to recycle it immediately. I ask them if they really enjoy wasting God's resources and His followers' money. That usually makes them leave.

[Spirochete]

138. Usually it's my sister

so I let her in. Maybe she's let the word out that I'm a lost cause, because the rest of them don't pester me.

[Simeon Salus]

140. Does nobody just laugh out loud? Works for me every time.

After they announce themselves, I just smile wordlessly, then start chuckling a bit.

Eventually I build into a belly-laugh (which isn't that hard under the circumstances), and finally just move away from the door laughing hysterically, starting to lose breath control, closing the door gently behind me.

Nobody visits twice.

Always makes me feel great!

[lonestarnot]

141. Fart machine in the mailbox takes care of 'em.

[JerseygirlCT]

142. I just smile, say "no thank you!" and close the door.

There was one lady who literally stuck her foot in the door, but even she gave up when I continued to close it, and pulled her foot away and left.

[bread_and_roses]

144. The truth. I'm an atheist. They leave immediately. (n/t)

[LWolf]

145. They've been here a couple of times.

Drove down the very long driveway and parked. Started to open the front gate to get to the house and were barked at by the dog. Noticed me working out at the edge of the front pasture. Walked to the pasture gate. My sheep crowded the gate like they always do when someone approaches, so they stopped. I kept working. They stood and watched me. I kept working. Eventually, I lifted my head, smiled, and waved. They smiled and waved back. Then I turned my back and went back to work. A moment later I heard their car start up, and they rolled back out of my driveway. Since then I close the gate at the entry to the driveway on Sundays, so they can stand out in the private road and wave.

About 5-6 years ago, in my former home, I was working in the backyard when the family took off to go somewhere. I'd been out, got home, went straight out back, and was wrestling with the chain saw, trying to get it started. My family didn't realize I'd gotten home. They left, and locked the door behind them. When I finished, and came around to go in the house, I was locked out. I checked all the windows, and found that one was unlocked, but stuck. I searched around for something to "unstick" the window with, but all I could find was a crowbar. I was just coming around the side of the house, crowbar in hand, when the JWs opened my front gate and walked up to the door. They turned, smiled, and asked if they could share the "good news" with me. I smiled graciously and said, "Sure, if you want to wait awhile. I've got to break into the house first." They looked a little strained, said maybe they'd catch me another time, and swiftly left.

That front gate had to be locked every Sunday to keep them out.

Why do people just assume that it's ok to open someone's gate and walk in?

Why can't the gate be treated like the front door? A closed gate should indicate that you "knock" and receive an invitation to enter.

[DemBones DemBones]

147. Tell them you're Catholic. Or say "Thanks, I'm not interested," and close the door.

DON'T slam the door or be rude to them.

Having had family members who became Witnesses, I can tell you that if you're rude to them, answer the door nude, etc., you've made them happy. They get to tell everyone about how you persecuted them.

Also, remember there is no law that says you must answer your door.

[MiniMe]

148. I let the dogs bark, and don't try to stop them. Then tell the JW sorry, can't hear you

I feel like that woman with Randi Rhodes who put her fingers in her ears and said "I can't hear you"

:rofl:

[havocmom]

152. I tell them it's the day I sit on the porch to clean guns

Usually makes for a very short visit.

[WhiteTara]

153. I've been bathed in the blood

is my response. They usually go away.

[Maru Kitteh]

157. Hey, Ma! Grab the chain saw and the whipped cream - weez got's company!

Yes, I did say that. It was FUN.

[krispos42]

158. Ask them if they are red meat or white meat.

And what wine is appropriate for the meal.

:evilgrin:

[Hekate]

159. I say "Go in peace" as I simultaneously shut the door.I disagree w/their religion,but they mean well

JWs are apolitical, and in repressive countries they may be actively persecuted by the government because of their pacifism, refusal to make oaths of allegiance, and refusal to salute flags.

They believe The End Is Nigh, and want to share that with you. Whee.

I don't believe in their religion at all, but aside from running on half the day if you give them the slightest chance, they don't harm anyone, and they will go away if you refuse to engage.

Hekate

here's one link of many
http://www.rickross.com/reference/jw/jw235.html

[magellan]

160. I knew a guy who kept a hooded robe, pentacle necklace and candle near his door

...just for the JW's and Mormons. I :rofl: every time I visualize him answering the door in that get up.

"Yesssss, may I help you?"