Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

Is there treatment for the social aspects of Asperger's?

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Health & Disability » Asperger's/PDD Group Donate to DU
 
Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-19-09 03:23 PM
Original message
Is there treatment for the social aspects of Asperger's?
I'm really sick of having no friends.
Refresh | 0 Recommendations Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-19-09 07:27 PM
Response to Original message
1. No, unfortunately.
:(
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-20-09 07:52 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. There's no behavioral therapy to learn what to look for or anything??
:(
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-20-09 08:25 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. Maybe get a book on body language?
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-20-09 08:46 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. That's a good place to start.
I want to be able to recognize the implicit meanings of phrases during the conversation and not on the ride home when I'm wondering what went wrong.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-21-09 10:06 AM
Response to Original message
5. My son has the same problem, Deep13.
:(

:hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-22-09 11:12 PM
Response to Original message
6. I suspect some have/are looking into this.
I think its true at schools, where kids get some guidance. Will try to find out.

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-02-09 06:44 PM
Response to Original message
7. Schools in MD working on it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-03-09 01:02 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. I wish
I'd known about these programs before, especially the one in Montgomery County, where I live. My son graduated in June, but he had a miserable time in middle and high school, since he had Asperger's along with Tourette's Syndrome. Thinking about all he went through is painful. I wish I could have done more for him then.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-03-09 04:14 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. I'm sure you do, kimi.
I'm in Hagerstown, lived in DC for 20+ years. Daughter went to Good Counsel because they have a nice program for those with learning differences; thank goodness we found it.

How/where is he now?

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-03-09 05:17 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. Ah, you're right in the neighborhood!
We pass by Good Counsel regularly. Montgomery County was actually pretty good when it came to special ed in the elementary schools, but not so much in middle/high school, we found. Scholastically he's done well, and is in his freshman year in college in Iowa and getting therapy weekly. His grandparents, who live in the same town as the college, say that he's doing fairly well. He doesn't answer his phone and has a single room specifically because of his social issues, so I'll see how he's doing when we go out for Christmas. How is your daughter doing now?
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-03-09 05:26 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. She doing well;
Edited on Thu Dec-03-09 05:33 PM by elleng
Junior studying special/elem ed at West Virginia Univ!!! She's got a real knack for teaching! My brother + family in Fairfield, IA; nephew at Grinnell. Dad just moved there from FL a year ago. Good to hear yours is near grandparents.

edit: Just thought of daughter's interviews at Good Counsel and St. John's, which also has a program for learning differences. She was such a pro, even then! Was asked 'what if' questions, as in, how would you teach a student to do x, y, or z. She came up with the BEST responses, showing not only did she know the type of teaching she'd benefit from, but also how the school should do it! Thanks for the memory!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-08-09 12:55 AM
Response to Reply #12
16. Moms need those memories don't we? :)
So nice to hear that your daughter is doing so well, she's very fortunate to have you close to her.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-08-09 02:02 AM
Response to Reply #16
17. Thanks, kimi!
Wish I were closer, physically! She can't find time to visit!!! I beg her to tell me about her 'student teaching,' or whatever its called while they're still in school, but no luck!!! I just have to imagine!!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-03-09 01:06 PM
Response to Original message
9. I don't know if this is a possiblity for you
My 18-year-old with Asperger's is doing weekly counseling with a therapist who specializes in the syndrome. It's going slowly from what I understand but he's learning some social skills and is recognizing how he can modify his usual social patterns. Whatever you do, best wishes to you.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-04-09 10:12 PM
Response to Reply #9
13. I have a therapist for the same reason! I wish your kid luck!
:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
hunter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-07-09 12:17 PM
Response to Original message
14. Until my mid-twenties I constructed an increasingly elaborate structure of social "rules."
I thought everyone else was doing the same and that it was some failure of intelligence that my models failed... often spectacularly.

Throughout college I suffered a very painful series of increasingly hideous social disasters. For example, I was asked to leave college twice, basically for telling people what I thought in grotesquely inappropriate situations and then stubbornly allowing the resulting arguments to escalate.

I eventually recognized that much of people's behavior and responses to any given social situation was innate to them. The weren't pretending to enjoy social situations, they actually enjoyed social situations. Most people simply knew how to respond to other people in the social situations ordinarily encountered every day without thinking about it much. It was automatic. There were no intense calculations of what was "normal" or expected, of what should be said and what should be left unsaid. It wasn't some wretched and unnatural chore for people to be social. When asked the academic equivalent of "Do you think this dress makes me look fat?" they weren't inclined to answer as I was, "You are fat. It's all that junk food you eat and your pop-culture diet plan is bogus."

The stress of maintaining a facade of normalcy made me crazy. I'd go for long distance runs day or night, anywhere, sometimes until my feet were bleeding. I'd let my intellectual obsessions overwhelm me.

It took too much energy to live like this and I kept crashing and burning until I threw away the models and social calculations. One of the things that has become most apparent to me is that the "Golden Rule" is crap. You don't treat other people the way you'd want to be treated because we are all different. Instead you treat people with love and kindness and after that you treat them as they expect to be treated, within those parameters of love and kindness. The only time you violate another person's expectations is if they expect to be treated like crap by you. Truly mean people, say the tiny minority of telephone debt collectors who actually enjoy being cruel to people, racists, misogynists, bullies, clique leaders... will shrivel up and blow away when you refuse to partake of their poisons.

I'm still a huge screw up. I just got into yet another fight with my wife last night, a fight that is always the same fight because I miss social cues and I "don't listen." But at the start of these fights it's often my perception that I'm facing an entirely novel situation. I never see the same old fight coming and I always want to bang my head against the wall in frustration when it happens.

As others here in this group I have weekly therapy because I have a couple of other mental health issues. Without modern meds, without my friends, family, and professional counseling, I'd simply drift away into some sort of amicable homelessness. I've been in that place before; living in my car, living in tiny shacks, sofa surfing, haunting university libraries, wandering around in the desert... and I don't want to go back to that life if I can help it.

So I guess I'd say there is no treatment, only the acceptance of who you are and the setting of realistic goals for yourself. If a person is born colorblind no force of will is going to make them perceive colors in the same way most people see colors. In a similar way my perceptions of social situations will always be outside the norm. There are however some advantages to be found here: In the same way that some colorblind people can be more aware of patterns than those who are not colorblind, perhaps I can see patterns in human social behavior that are masked by those innate social skills other people posses.

My life got a lot better when I stopped trying so hard to figure out the complex rules of the social calculus. Self-acceptance and self assurance is an attractive quality in people.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-08-09 12:52 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. Thank you for posting this
You've done me a huge service by explaining things in a way that makes so much sense, and it helps me understand my son better. So often I'd feel like banging my head against the wall cause I'd explain to him things that seemed so obvious to me, and for the longest time I thought he was willfully defying me on certain matters. Extremely frustrating for both of us, and I see now that it was sort of like expecting a blind person to know what the color blue is. I wish I'd known then what I know now.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-09-09 11:24 AM
Response to Reply #14
18. Thank you, Hunter.
You have explained much of what my son goes through.

It helps so much to understand his perspective.

:) :hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-10-09 10:57 PM
Response to Reply #14
19. Great post!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
miscsoc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-13-10 12:52 AM
Response to Reply #14
20. great and helpful post
"
I'm still a huge screw up. I just got into yet another fight with my wife last night, a fight that is always the same fight because I miss social cues and I "don't listen." But at the start of these fights it's often my perception that I'm facing an entirely novel situation. I never see the same old fight coming and I always want to bang my head against the wall in frustration when it happens.
"

I'm sure everyone w/ severe AS/autistic attributes must feel some sort of recognition reading this.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-13-10 01:54 PM
Response to Original message
21. My oldest son has Asperger's. He's 27 now,
and did not figure out what it was that made him so different until he was 18 years old and halfway through high school.

I'm largely grateful that we got such a late diagnosis. And there just weren't programs out there for people his age as he was coming through school.

I did notice that I had to rehearse him for social situations, and I knew that wasn't normal once a kid was past three or so. And I knew many other moms thought I was really an overbearing, interfering mom, but he needed a lot more intervention and help than their kids did. I found that by explicitly explaining to him what he needed to say and how he needed to behave was very useful.

Several years ago he was in college, living in a dorm. And I asked him if the guys on his floor ever complained that their girlfriends were high maintenance. He said, yes, many of them said that. I told him he needed to think of us neuro-typicals as all being high maintenance, just like those girlfriends. A light went off in his eyes, and I think it helped. He's still somewhat socially awkward, he still doesn't get nuances of behavior, but he has his circle of friends and to me he's the most wonderful young man I know. Along with his younger brother, who is about as opposite of having Asperger's as a person can be and still be within the so-called normal spectrum of behavior.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-13-10 02:04 PM
Response to Reply #21
22. And how right you are! We are ALL high-maintenance!
:thumbsup:

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
phylny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-13-10 08:45 PM
Response to Original message
23. We often have social skills groups in our clinic,
especially during the summer. Mine is a pediatric clinic, and we teach kids how to play games with others, how to learn to "share" the topic of conversation and take turns in a conversation, how to ask questions about someone else's "specialty interest/area" even when you really don't care about it ;), and how to understand facial expressions and idioms.

Call some of the clinics in your area (I'm a speech-language pathologist, but other professionals may work on this as well) or, look for an SLP in your area by going to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association's website: http://www.asha.org/findpro/
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
sakabatou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-14-10 01:57 PM
Response to Original message
24. No, there's no treatment
But I go to group events with other people on the spectrum. It can be fun, sometimes.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Tue Jul 22nd 2014, 01:20 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Health & Disability » Asperger's/PDD Group Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC