Stupid freep e-mail of the day

[walldude]

Why this guy insists on sending me these things is beyond me. I got this today after an arguement about the media coverage in Iraq. Anyone have a good response for me?



An Army Spec Ops grad was attending some civilian college courses
between assignments.
He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.
One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member
of the ACLU. One day he shocked the class when he came in, looked to the
ceiling, and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to
knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went
by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Sp Ops troop got out of
his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off
the platform. The professor was out cold.
The soldier went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other
students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor came to a couple minutes later. Noticeably shaken, looked
at the soldier and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did
you did that?"
The Sp Ops troop calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting
America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit. So He
sent me."

[rucky]

1. why do they have to make things up?

don't they have any facts to share, or is it all fables for them?

sick, violent, strawman fantasies.

[Dogmudgeon]

7. Right-Wingers' Fantasies

Daydreams that include pronging Lady Federline are wa-a-a-ay too common for Mighty Patriots like them; they need a good, stiff dose of Blood, Guts, and God Almighty in their ejaculatory stimuli.

--p!

[DUHandle]

16. an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU

heh heh heh

[mzteris]

31. and a liberal college professor.....

ding ding ding ding ding

[NoodleBoy]

2. ok, so

1) What college did this occur at.
2) What's the name of the professor.
3) What's the name of the soldier.
4) Where's the media coverage of a student assaulting his teacher.
5) Where's the college's reprimand for the teacher telling his students his religious and political views.

[EstimatedProphet]

40. Hey, it didn't happen, but it's still true

There's no answer for any of those questions. It didn't happen after all. But it's still true, because it's "truthy". See, it no longer matters for a fact to be true. It just has to be truthy, because what's really important is that people WANT IT TO BE TRUE. Freepers long for a day when they can run into someone like the professor and have the nerve to act like the soldier instead of pissing their pants like they always do. So, because they want the story to be true-it's true.

[NoodleBoy]

41. yep, I definitely feel the truthiness to it

[Iris]

42. is "truthy" like "common sense"?

[EstimatedProphet]

46. Truthiness

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truthiness

[Iris]

52. Yeah. I'd say that's equal to the way a lot of people like that throw

around the term "common sense".

[Jack Rabbit]

3. I presume God was too busy to send the MPs and press charges

Hopefully, somebody else was not.

[Richard Steele]

4. Typical thuggish inferiority-complex fantasy. That never happened. nm

[electropop]

5. Ask your friend if his positions are so weak that he must resort to

implied threats of violence to make you shut up? Make sure to broadcast this to the list of recipients.

[CrispyQ]

6. I wonder what G-d would think of violence that is

perpetrated by people who say they are doing G-d's will?

[Viva_La_Revolution]

11. My God is a gentle, loving God...

Their God is a psychopath, and he scares me.

[NYCGirl]

8. That's mentioned at Snopes:

http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp

Scroll down for the story in question.

[meegbear]

9. Fluffed up e-junk

http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp

Scroll down towards the botton

[immoderate]

10. God is protecting our soldiers?

Not a very good job. About 2500 dead, 15,000 wounded. Maybe he should protect them from George Bush.

--IMM

[oasis]

12. After an assault, the victim always has a conversation with the lunatic

who knocked him out.

[Norquist Nemesis]

13. How about: "Sources, please?" n/t

[HughBeaumont]

14. YEAH, LET'S PUT ON SOME PANTERA!!

Ha ha, now you're arrested for assault and sued! HA HA HA HA HA!! How's Bewsh that war working out for you, you fucking armchair jarhead? Sing it with me - "RE" "SPECT" "WALK!" "ARE YOU TALKIN TO ME??"

Republicocks and their jack-off fantasies make me laugh.

[walldude]

15. I don't think he intended this as a real story,

He thought this was hilarious.

[Maestro]

17. Ask him why he only responds with a joke

and other untrue ocurrences. Oh wait, he's a kool-aid drinking reichwinger. They can't respond with the truth.

[calmblueocean]

18. WTF!? You should just e-mail him back and ask

...why the soldier didn't just open fire on the guy, jump up on the desk, and shout, "There's plenty more where this came from if you don't think like we think!" How is this fucking soldier protecting free speech?! Aaaaaaarrghghghg can't even argue with this kind of insanity.

[MADem]

19. And now....the REST of the story!!!!!

Campus police arrived, and detained the Special Ops (more like Special ED) nitwit for assault and battery upon the professor. He was turned over to the local police for booking and was confined until he could make a fairly substantial bail.

The professor obtained a judgment against the guy, who was jailed for 18 months, with time off for good behavior. The professor subsequently sued the guy in civil court, and was awarded a $400K judgment, 40% of which went to his lawyer, who, in Tenet-like fashion, cheerfully chortled that the case was a "slam dunk" as he deposited his fees into his already hefty bank account.

Special Ed was then courts-martialed, and convicted of a number of counts ranging from conduct unbecoming to missing movement to dereliction of duty. He was given an other-than-honorable discharge, reduced in rank to E-1, fined three by three, and given an RE-4 discharge code.

God looked down, from his/her perch on a fluffy cloud, shrugged, and said "What an asshole!!!"

[Maestro]

21. Excellent!

Good ending.

[HughBeaumont]

22. Hee hee, but in a freeper's fantasyland

You're allowed to punch whoever you want in the face and get away with it. Kicking them back to reality is merely party-pooping.

[MADem]

26. Ya know, I get such a kick out of your name!!!

Do you look anything like this guy? And more to the point, has June spoken to you about being hard on the Beaver????

[HughBeaumont]

35. Not even close.

And "June" doesn't look like that, either.

She thinks I treat the Beaver quite well . . . several times, in fact.



I think that guy was the best TV dad ever.

[johnnie]

27. True

freepers all like to fantasize that they are John Wayne.

[XanaDUer]

45. Chuckle...

Yup. John Wayne, fighting America's enemies on a backlot in California...just like Ronnie Reagan.

[bunkerbuster1]

29. In freeper fantasy land, college profs would waste 15 minutes of classtime

to make a rather idiotic point.

In freeper fantasy land, every liberal is an idiot. Helps to remember that.

[HughBeaumont]

37. Also, total strangers break out into patriotic songs . . .

in the middle of diners against idiot liberal professors.

[bunkerbuster1]

38. Oh, that's a classic! and it has another recurring Freeper riff

the "poor liberals struck dumb by the overwhelming Jeen Yuss that is MEEE" line, to wit:

"No one said a word to me as I started to walk back."

yeah, you mouth off to 20 anti-war protesters, and nobody's going to say anything in response. uh huh.

[calmblueocean]

23. Ding ding ding!

Love it!

[GreenPartyVoter]

30. *lol*

[Clark2008]

33. One thing, though.

The professor wouldn't obtain judgment from the guy - the state would. Assault is a crime against the state. The case would be styled: "State v. Nitwit" and not "Professor v. Nitwit."

However, the professor COULD obtain a judgment from the guy in civil court.

Just posting to make your wonderful ending more accurate.

[Catrina]

53. Excellent response, and most likely closer to the truth of the end of

that story.

Freepers, in their fantasies, never go beyond the part where, in their imaginations, they blow away some unarmed liberal professor or other stereotype (most of whom don't exist except in Rush's fevered imagagination).

This will take them beyond the part where you punch someone and in the real world, what is more likely to happen to a dummy who engages in assault. Normal people can do that by themselves, but freeper types do need help in that department.

Haven't they ever seen the bumper sticker that says:

hit me please, I need the money?

[rurallib]

20. Meanwhile one of the students called the police with his cell phone

The police booked the Sp Ops soldier on a charge of assault with intent to do great bodily injury. The SpOPs soldier was referred for PTSS (post traumatic stress syndrome) testing at his local VA hospital. Since funding had been cut, the soldier had to wait a year for testing.
During that time his marriage broke up after he beat his wife. During an argument she had said "Who made you God?" The soldier snapped and beat her badly. He is now incarcerated on assault charges.
The professor in the first assault case has decided to file suit since he lost his hearing in one ear. An appeal to his republican congressman for help has not been answered.

[DRoseDARs]

24. Point him to Snopes (mentioned earlier in thread) and also point out...

...that his God is impotent if he needs some thug to do things in his stead.

[johnnie]

25. Oh lord

*That* has to be one of the dumbest ones they have come up with yet.

Typical repuke bullshit. "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit. So He sent me."

"And because I didn't like what he said I went over there and punched him in the mouth. Free speech is only for the people who believe in the omnipresent God unless He is busy protecting soldiers, then he isn't omnipresent at that particular time."

[Bridget Burke]

28. If you pal is so fond of those who have served overseas...

Perhaps it's time for him to join up.

[pacalo]

32. "Why does the rightwing always cloak their made-up crap

behind the military when there are so few rightwingers signing up to fight in Iraq? Actions speak louder than any words you can make-up to support your twisted thinking. P.S. Stop hiding behind the military: 70% of them see through Bush's crap & want to come home (maybe you can enlist to take one troop's place)."

[wryter2000]

34. God's doing a piss-poor job of protecting our soldiers

I'd ask the freep why he and his ilk insist on making God look stoopid, and I'd hit "return to all" so his whole list reads your reply. Maybe he'll stop sending you crap.

[Ron Mexico]

36. A good response would be to block his address. (n/t)

[jmowreader]

39. This is the freeper Brazilian joke. Just send him that.

[paineinthearse]

43. Yet another permutation of Einstein-humiliating-the-atheist-professor

See http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp

"Stories about atheist professors being bested by true believers who did have answers at the ready are both ventings of this frustration and expressions of delight in finally seeming to have been armed with deft responses to fling back. These are tales of affirmation, modern-day parables of trials overcome and fierce adversaries bested by those who held fast to what they believed in, even in the face of ridicule rained down by authority figures. Like parables, they are meant to inspire similar resolve in those with whom they are shared — should those members of the flock ever find themselves in like circumstances, they should feel moved to emulate the brave little students of legend who stood up to the big, bad atheist professors."

[Blue_Tires]

47. thanks

i was about to post that the OP's email was a golden oldie going back at LEAST 10-12 years (I first saw it during the middle ages of AOL), but without the Iraq invasion variation...

[antigone382]

44. Yeah, let me tell you about a special ops guy that I know...

He served in Afghanistan and Iraq, too. He's in college right now, majoring in religious studies (not just Christianity, either...right now he's taking a course on Buddhism and other Eastern religions). All he ever wanted to do was be a U.S. Army Ranger, and he made it, though he faced incredible obstacles that made it even harder for him to get into Ranger school than what the average joe faces--and once he got in, he managed to graduate from Ranger school as one of their top gunners, in spite of breaking his femur in a parajumping accident. But that guy is home now, and he'll never look back...see, your fabulous president lied to him and sent him to a war zone for no reason, where he spent a few months walking around with a broken metal pin in his leg, jabbing into his hip bone the whole time; he watched his friends get blown up and picked up the pieces to mail back to their families...he killed, and saw people killed, in incredibly brutal and unforgettable ways...and he was lucky enough to get the fuck out, though not lucky enough for the VA to properly take care of the leg they helped damage irreparably.

So if a professor of his wanted to make a point, I'm pretty sure he's experienced enough pain and violence that he'd just sit back and let the guy, and maybe see if he couldn't learn something in the process.


And this isn't just some cute forward...this guy is my brother. So fuck you.

(edited to add that my "fuck you" is of course not directed at the OP, but at all the asinine, clueless people who forward pointless messages like this one)

[Catrina]

54. So sorry about your brother ~ the truth is so different from the insane

fantasies of the ever-diminishing cult that George Bush and his Christian taliban followers would like to believe. They play way too many video games.

I hope your brother is doing well and that he gets the care he needs and deserves.

I would send that story to the freeper in the email ~ he needs a large dose of reality ~

[petronius]

48. These stories are hilarious!

I particularly like the bit about the room being so silent "You could hear a pin drop." In my experience, when I say something incredibly stupid (it happens occasionally) and then stop lecturing, it takes students about 5 seconds to start discussing last night's episode of the OC...

[YouthInAsia]

49. But they're not in Iraq to protect me from shit.

So I dont get it.

[Warren DeMontague]

50. Yes, because what is freedom if not the right to kick the shit outta folks

who don't share your political opinions or your religious beliefs.

[kevinbgoode]

51. Are they still confusing God with George Bush?

Or is God Pat Robertson this month?