13 suggested audience questions for Bush's next public appearance

[EarlG]

"Mr. President, were you born awesome, or did you have to practice?"

"Mr. President, some say that we should pull down our pants and let the terrorists use our bare buttocks for target practice. Do you agree?"

"Mr. President, when you next talk to God, can you tell him that Shirleen's psoriasis is acting up again?"

"Mr. President, your wife is just beautiful, I mean really beautiful. And you have such beautiful daughters. And your mom and dad are just so great, and I love your brother Jeb, he's great too. Thanks."

"Mr. President, why do liberals hate America? Feel free to name names."

"Mr. President, there's nothing I'd like more than to feel your tongue lapping against the underside of my ballsack. How about it?"

"Mr. President, when you go to bed at night, do you find it hard to sleep because you're so excited about how well the war is going?"

"Mr. President, when you find Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, will you use them on the Democrat party? I think those people should be exterminated."

"Mr. President, I'm 100% pro-military and stand strongly behind the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq but I don't want to join the army because I sometimes get carsick. Is it okay if I just sit at home and watch Black Hawk Down instead?"

"Mr. President, can you sign my boobs?"

"Mr. President, given that the former Iraqi prime minister recently said that there is definitely a civil war in Iraq, how much do you want to slap him in his stupid face?"

"Mr. President, when you were interrupted on the morning of 9/11 you were reading The Pet Goat. Did you ever find out what happened to the goat?"

"Mr. President, do you prefer Hannity or Colmes?"

[wavesofeuphoria]

1. I truly lol'd ;) .. thanks .. I needed that

[Radio_Lady]

31. Seriously... can we email these to Helen Thomas?

I saw her on with Wolf Blitzer this week. She's the ballsiest broad I can remember -- maybe there were other news reporters, but they're probably fired or dead.

[maddiejoan]

2. hahahahahaha.

Can I use this on another message board?

[EarlG]

5. Of course :)

If you do that, it would be nice if you could give a link to my journal: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/EarlG/37

[helderheid]

3. LMAO!!

[BigMcLargehuge]

4. ROFLOL!!! (you owe me a keyboard and a tee shirt now)

I just launched a mouthful of grapejuice all over my workstation upon reading this -

"Mr. President, there's nothing I'd like more than to feel your tongue lapping against the underside of my ballsack. How about it?"

[Patsy Stone]

6. The one I keep wating for:

Mr. President? Boxers or briefs?

[Kurovski]

15. Jeff Gannon might could answer that one, too.

[Patsy Stone]

55. Hi, hon!

Baaad visual -- thanks!

[Kurovski]

60. The worst is over for me...

I've seen George in spandex.

[Patsy Stone]

70. Not to mention the hot mess that *is* Miss Burns...

Hey, Pete! Not wanted -- Dead or Alive.

Where's your journal? Slacker.

[Kurovski]

74. I don't want evidence gathered in one place.

[hootinholler]

62. Well, it

DEPENDS

-Hoot

[Brazenly Liberal]

7. We gotta take up a collection right now.

Somewhere, there's a reporter who can be bought.

From the looks of the WH press conferences, almost all of them can be bought, but we need one that comes cheap. I'm in for $5

[CottonBear]

11. Please, someone ask question #6. Please.

Maybe we could get Gannon/Guckert another press pass so he could ask.

[Brazenly Liberal]

14. I'm in for $10 if he'll lead off with that one.

[CottonBear]

16. I'm in for $10 too!

[TahitiNut]

51. Honore de Ballsack, huh?

[CottonBear]

8. LOL! You and Skinner have been so funny lately!

Y'all are usually so serious!

[greatauntoftriplets]

9. Kicked and recommended.

[jhain]

10. "Mr President,

would you like to use my question time to go to the potty now?"

[flyarm]

12. slap me silly but i thought i heard all

these questions this morning..did i not?? am i delusional??

i know i heard these questions today coming from west virginia!!


especially the woman that over praised the idiot son..didn't she ask for those boobs to be signed..or was she offering a bj??????????

with all that stress in the oval office...i am sure she offered herself for the good of idiot son!

fly

[Midlodemocrat]

13. Very, very funny. Nice work, EarlG!

[Pacifist Patriot]

17. LOL! It would sure be more honest, wouldn't it?

[johnnie]

18. Or

"Mr President, is it true that you tried to trade Sammy Sosa for Saddam Hussein to Iraq?"

"Mr President, do you ever run around the Oval office dressed in nothing but chaps; riding one of those stick-horse thingies?"

"Mr President, is it true that you have it written in your rider that all the brown M&Ms must be removed from your candy dish while out on "tour"?"

"Mr President, Ginger or Mary Ann?"

[Blue Diadem]

19. OMG that's hilarious!

*wiping pop off computer screen now*

Thanks for the laugh..your questions are great!

[oc2002]

20. and Fox will STILL complain about how Rude reporters where,

and make a special segment on Hannity on why the liberal press is going after the President HELPS the terrorists!

[Botany]

21. Hey that was an unscripted townhall meeting.

Earl,

Why do you hate America and our freedoms?

Home come you are not right w/ Jesus?

Do you think God made Adam & Steve not Adam and Eve?

Do you know that the media is causing the problems in Iraq?

Haven't you heard the tape in which Saddam tells Osoma to attack America?

You really think that them darkies should be allow to vote?

Do you know that terrorists win when we have free speech?

Did you hear bush saying today how important it is for everybody to vote?
(btw ..... living in Columbus, OH and seeing "it" first hand this was hard on me)

Why are you so bitter at a man sent from God?

[malmapus]

22. Just go with what works too!

The tried and true words of Jeff Gannon / Guckert heh

Senate Democratic leaders have painted a very bleak picture of the U.S. economy. Harry Reid was talking about soup lines. And Hillary Clinton was talking about the economy being on the verge of collapse. Yet in the same breath they say that Social Security is rock solid and there's no crisis there. How are you going to work -- you've said you are going to reach out to these people -- how are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?

[graywarrior]

23. That just snapped me back into a better mood.

[Carni]

LOL! Number six! LOL LOL LOL

Only genuine laugh I have had today!

[liveoaktx]

24. Bwahahahahahahah... I'm for the one that says Bush wants to

slap the Iraqi PM in his face.

[Swamp Rat]

25. "Mr. President, did you finish your rocketship to Mars?"

[valerief]

26. I love these! My favorite is

"Mr. President, when you go to bed at night, do you find it hard to sleep because you're so excited about how well the war is going?"

Priceless.

[understandinglife]

27. "Did you ever find out what happened to the goat?"

Very well done!!


Be The Bu$h Opposition - 24/7

[geniph]

28. "Mr. President, could you tell us all about the Oval Office rug?"

"I hear that's quite a story, and I wait eagerly to hear you obsessively recount all the details about it."

[AnnInLa]

29. Mr President: Why do you hate Black people?

Mr. President: When did you stop beating your wife?

[lonestarnot]

30. OMG The beautiful sound of laughter throughout the entire office!

Thank you!

[Chiyo-chichi]

32. Those are outstanding.

Good, good job.

[specimenfred1984]

33. "Mr. Pretzel er a President, La La La I Can't Hear You"

"Mr. President, is Terry Schiavo's brain really dead now?"

[truebrit71]

34. Funny stuff!!!!

LOL....prepare for a little late night visit....

[Gormy Cuss]

35. Great list.

I think the penultimate question is my favorite.

[meganmonkey]

36. Alert! Alert! NO SEX THREADS!!!

You said ballsack and boobs!!!

[AndyA]

37. More questions

"You're just so wonderful - how does it feel to be you?"

"Can you teach us all to be as brave as you?"

"You've been such a wonderful President...is there any way you could stay on for a third term to finish up all the wonderful things you've started?"

"Do you prefer Cherry or Grape Kool Aid?"

"Mr. President, I have wet dreams thinking about you. What do you do to stay in such great shape?"

[Binka]

38. Why Are You A Fuckwittage & Wear Cheap Clothing?

Will you sign my ass?

[Chiyo-chichi]

39. "Mr. President,

many non-existant people say that we should all cower under our beds and just let the terrorists have the run of our country. How do you respond?"

[Frank Cannon]

40. Boy, I needed a laff today

Thanx for that.

[MADem]

41. Flat out brilliant!!! And how sad for America, it is right on the money!

But hell, if we can't laugh, we'll cry into our pillows every night!!

Well done!

[im10ashus]

42. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

"Um, Mr. President, my wives and I think you are the bestest thing since there was sun. Can you come to our next prayer group meeting? We are praying for God to kill all homo-sex-als."

[Rocknrule]

59. Uh, Mistur Prezidunt

Yew r thuh gratest persun sinse Jeezus Krist. Yew r sow wohndurful I wish I cud surjikly atatch mi lips too yor purfectlee skulpted but cheyks. Gawd bles Uhmurika!

[savemefromdumbya]

43. How much is your trip costing the taxpayers?

[LuCifer]

44. BWAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice! Hey, I got one:

"Mr. Presidunce, are you a top or bottom?"

[Redstone]

45. I'd go $100 if we could buy a reporter. And $200 for each

subsequent question if he managed to get away with the first one.

Redstone

[LibDemAlways]

46. Excellent, Earl G. Thanks. My only

addition would be, "The next time you talk to God, could you put in something about me winning the lottery because I'm out of work, my wife is sick, and I lost my house. It's all Clinton's fault. God bless you, sir."

[Radio_Lady]

81. LibDemAlways, love it! n/t

[Hubert Flottz]

47. Will you get real?

EVER?

[underpants]

48. The first one is ...uh.. awesome

the second to last is damned funny too but the first one is a killer.

[Caoimhe]

49. I'll add one

Mr. President, when you were speaking in your brilliant speech Sunday, you talked about how hard it is for businesses to know whether the documents a worker provides to them to prove citizenship are fake or not. Were you thinking of consulting Jenna and Barbara for some advice on where employers might get information about fake id's?

[Up2Late]

102. Or they could just pose Steven Colbert's favorite interview question...

Mr. pResident!

"Would you say that you are a GREAT pResident, or The GREATEST pResident?"

(Which usually receives the response, "Neither!" To which Colbert always says, "I'll put you down for "Great.")

[guinivere]

50. roflmao

Mr. President, would you sign my copy of The Pet Goat?

[DUBYASCREWEDUS]

52. You all are

too much! I can't stop laughing!

"Mr. Pretzledent. Thank you for putting my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and all of my future unborn decedents in debt from the moment they are born."

[Rocknrule]

53. Here's my additions:

"Mr. President, I want to have your child, even though I'm a guy. How about it?"
"Mr. President, how does it feel to be greater and more powerful than God?"
"Mr. President, which do you find more sexually arousing, Independence Day or Saving Private Ryan?"
"Mr. President, can we kiss your ass just one more time?"

[onehandle]

54. "Mr. President, in your experience, which is better...

...a few lines of Cocaine or a few underage Mexican Prostitutes."

[9thkvius]

56. I had to wipe off my monitor screen...

after I read that one about the ballsack. I launched my Dr. Pepper all over the place. I am STILL laughing about it.

[lisby]

57. I just blew a baby carrot out my nose.

"Mr. President, there's nothing I'd like more than to feel your tongue lapping against the underside of my ballsack. How about it?"



Lisby
The lesson here is not to eat salad and read at the same time.

[ElboRuum]

58. More Choice Inquiries

"Mr. President, is it true that yours goes up to 11?"

"Mr. President, the AP is reporting that you never inhaled. Is that why no oxygen is getting to your brain?"

"Mr. President, have you found Kennedy's rumpus room yet?"

"Mr. President, I'm about to ask you a very difficult and challenging question. Would you like to borrow this copy of The Pokey Little Puppy so you can demonstrate that "catatonia under pressure" you showed on 9/11?

"Mr. President, I am so with you on these whole faith-based initiatives, there really needs to be an embrace of religion and faith if we're going to really set this country right. I, for one, am a Scientologist, and I have a few interesting policy ideas."

[OG Yankee Patriot]

61. "About Your Cocaine Arrest, Mr. Presleydent"

"You know, the one in 1973 where you had to do 1000 hours of community service at Operation PULL, a Houston poverty outreach center, so your arrest record could be sealed.
At that time, were you still technically AWOL from the ANG or officially a deserter?"

I would contribute $200 to a fund for any reporter to ask this just as it's written.

[mnhtnbb]

63. SO FUNNY! And so sad.

Heard Mark Crispin Miller (Fooled Again) talk at UNC Chapel Hill last night.
The talk was sponsored by the Orange County Dems and Young Dems of UNC Chapel Hill. Barely drew 100-150 people.

People REFUSE to acknowledge we had TWO stolen elections in this country--leading Dems among them. Miller told his Kerry story from last fall when Kerry privately agreed he'd been had by the election--and then publicly denied agreeing with Miller that Bush had stolen the election.

[David Zephyr]

64. You are wicked man.

[VOX]

65. "Mr. Prez-nit, do you speak to God, or does God speak to you?"

"Either way, faith-based softball question."

Good work, EarlG!

[iamahaingttta]

66. "Mr. President...

...why are you such an unmitigated disaster to this planet and everyone on it?"

It's not fucking funny!

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

67. Poor, poor Shirleen.

[FULL_METAL_HAT]

68. Oops, #6 should properly read:

#6 "Mr. President, there's nothing I'd like more than to feel MY tongue lapping against the underside of YOUR ballsack. How about it?"

Our Glorious Leader wouldn't know how to pleasure someone else unless, I imagine, it involves electric shocks...



{B^> FMH

[butterfly77]

69. Keep'em coming!

[Caoimhe]

71. another few

"Mr President, I really want to be you for Halloween this year and I plan on handing out GOP talking points, can I borrow your flight suit? Don't forget the tube sock, please."

"Mr. President, I find jigsaw puzzles over 500 pieces to be especially hard. What is the biggest one you've ever done and what was the picture of?"

"Mr. President, now that Jeff Gannon is banned from the White House, where do you meet up for your weekly pile driving?"

"Mr. President, How many fingers am I holding up?"

[Rainscents]

72. ROFL!!! Thanks for the laugh!

[PatrioticLeftie]

73. Those are great

It'd be hilarious to see Bush react.

[burythehatchet]

75. President Bush. Great President?

or the Greatest President?

[KatyaR]

76. Mr. President,

just how much tuna fish and powdered milk should we be storing under our beds? Are we expected to share with our neighbors, or should we just take care of ourselves and forget about everybody else?

Oh, and has the expiration date passed on our plastic sheeting and duct tape?

Classic, EarlG, classic . . . .

[democrank]

77. You`ve done it again, EarlG.

You`ve gone and attacked OUR PRESIDENT at a time when there are killers everywhere...in every neighborhood, around every corner, even in two of the three cars that just drove by on this rural road. Please start supporting President Bush. He has fought three wars: Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq
so he knows how to invent a good war plan.

You must be French or Liberal. Or both.

[shenmue]

78. "Carsick"

Excellent.

[In Truth We Trust]

79. Mr. President, which do you like better; dressing up as a cheerleader, co

wboy, or as a make believe fighter pilot? you fucking first class fraWd!!!

[Seabiscuit]

101. Mr. President, where did you learn to play dress-up?

[Kare]

80. lol thats great

"Mr. President, were you born awesome, or did you have to practice?"

[BlueJac]

82. I like it

[Up2Late]

83. LOL! Hee..hee...heee...

...he said "ballsack!"

[benny05]

84. Check out my post on GD

Concerning what happened at W's stump in WV today that you didn't see on TV:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

[Rocknrule]

85. Keep this thread on top!

"Mr. President, when you founded this great nation, how did you decide to call it 'America?'"

[upi402]

86. I reread it and it is more serious than I first thought

With Gannon/Guckert going to midnight mass at the WH all those times. Someones prayerbones were chaffed.

[Wetzelbill]

87. see, you're joking.... but this is pretty much true

[fryguy]

88. I think that IS the script they're using now.....

.....

[NMMNG]

89. ......

EarlG, can I have like 10,000 of your babies?

[Rex]

90. LOL!

As Colbert says!

President George W. Bush

A) Good president?

B) Great president?

[TheBaldyMan]

91. There's one question that has never been asked but needs to be ...

Would you care to repeat that under oath ?

For years he and the rest of his administration has been given a free hand by the spineless reporters to evade questions or just plain lie. That question should be thrown in their face every time.

Yes Mr. President/Vice-President/Secretary, but would you care to repeat that under oath ?

For years they have slandered their way through a swamp of misrepresentation but nobody has sat them down and sworn them in.

Clinton lied under oath and was impeached for that, not the blowjob. These bastards lie constantly and get away with it. If what they are saying is true they should have no problem repeating that under oath. If you've done nothing wrong you've got nothing to hide. Or as the neocons have it, if you've done nothing wrong it's only becaue you weren't under oath at the time.

[Cheap_Trick]

92. Mr. Resident.......

Is it true that you're writing your auto-biography?
Is it true that you can't decide if it's going to be about a Ford or a Chevy?
Is it true that you had to stop writing for awhile when you ran out of crayons?
Is it true that you're suffering from writers' block because you can't remember what happens after Krypton explodes?
Is it true that you got pissed off when you realized that the title "Mien Kampf" was already taken?

[wake.up.america]

96. Mein Kampf was better written than anything Bush has said without wires.

[tirechewer]

93. Ah, a typical press conference................

Excellent questions! Very good. I have a few questions to add, though.

Mr President when you are thinking of the war and get excited in bed at night, what do you do? Can you do it alone like an earthworm or do you need another person there?

If you do need another person there, why do you have Laura? Do you like freeze dried partners?

[TheWarIzaLie]

94. Very amusing!

I think alot of folks here could have very promising careers ahead of them at the Faux News Channel. Now all you have to do is sell your soul and your in!.

[tirechewer]

97. Thank you....

Thank you very much, and welcome to DU. I would give you some smilies but my pop-up stopper has gone all weird on me and it eats the pop-up for the smilies as soon as it comes up. Even if I disable it. Do you think it is possessed?

There. The only smilie I remember how to make myself.

[Dem2theMax]

95. One should NEVER read threads like this late at night.

It's too hard to keep from laughing my head off and waking up the sleeping peoples!

Bravo to EarlG and to everyone who made me howl with laughter.
My 'trying to sleep' family, on the other hand, wishes all of you were not so funny. LOL!

[CoolOnion]

98. "Mr. President, I just wanted to say..."

"...you're doin' a heckava job!"

[Seabiscuit]

99. "Mr. President, can you explain how your nephew has your smirk?"

Follow up: "Has Pickles ever asked you why your nephew has your smirk?"

[Mad_Dem_X]

100. #1 and #6 are my favorites

Superb job, EarlG!

[Generic Other]

103. You are bad earlG. It's against the law for POTUS to teabag a voter

and those who ask such softball questions should be squeezed until they squeal.