Bush: "We all must rally around Iraq and smirk in the face of adversity!"

[politicaholic]

Newrepublicanville, KS - President Bush was in Kansas today to tour the newly constructed Intelligent Design Science Museum, a remarkable architectural feet for it is the first building to be completely made of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and held together with prayer. After touring the many exhibits, lingering particularly long in the "If We Came From Chimps Then Why Don't We Look Like Them?" exhibit, he spoke to the press (consisting solely of the Lawrence Four Square Church newsletter editor Mike Something-or-other).

"Thank you, as you know I am here to speak to you about the resort country of Iraq. On 9/11, after the initial shock had worn off and I'd eaten a hearty breakfast and combed my eyebrows 100 times each, I jumped on Air Force Uno and flew over Kansas. What struck me that day as I looked over the corn fields was that even though Saddam had personally flown two planes into the World Trade Center and New York, Washington D.C., and the state of Pennsylvania were all engulfed in flame, Kansas remained relatively untouched. All I have to say about that is thank God almighty...next time you won't be so lucky."

The President went on to say, "Now, I'm not going to lie to you about the situation in Iraq...it's GREAT! I know there's been some explosive news being leaked by the liberal media, but I will look at the people of Kansas and America and tell them directly to their television sets that it was Iran's fault all along. Their leaders have latent homo-terrorist tendencies, loved Saddam, and wish to see that all of the daycares, Starbucks, and free 24 Hour Fitnesses we've been building over there burn...BURRRRRRN!!! There is NO civil war. Iran is just trying to make it look that way so that we'll be distracted and not notice that they're building a nukular bomb in a project called 'Project - Blow Up Merka, Perhaps Starting With Kansas...Most Likely Starting With Kansas Unless Allah Tells Us Something Different...Project'."

President Bush is getting on Air Force 1 tomorrow to resume his Do Anything To Avoid Doing My Actual Job Tour. Next stop, San Francisco, TN.