Trash-can transcript: Reid and Feingold Discuss Censure Resolution

[Skinner]

The following transcript appears to be from a recent meeting involving Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) and Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI). It was found in a stinky trash heap in the bowels of the Hart Senate Office Building by a keen-eyed Democratic Underground reader. An unknown number of pages are missing from the beginning of the transcript, which is why the conversation seems to begin so abruptly.

and that's why I've got this extremely painful welt on my left ass-cheek. I told him, "This is our Senate, too, you know!" but for some reason he wouldn't listen. I just don't understand it. I was very polite.

(Silence)

SEN. FEINGOLD: (Clears throat.) So, um. I thought we were here to talk about the censure resolution.

SEN. REID: Ah, yes. The censure resolution. You have to pull it.

SEN. FEINGOLD: I'm not going to do that. The president broke the law. Everybody knows the president broke the law. You, of all people, know he broke the law. Hell, the Republicans all know he broke the law. The president practically admitted it.

SEN. REID: Don't waste my time with this "he broke the law" bullcrap. You and I both know he did.

SEN. FEINGOLD: So, what are we going to do about it?

SEN. REID: Just hold your horses. We'll do something about it, I promise. But we can't just go off half-cocked. We've got to think strategically.

SEN. FEINGOLD: Strategically. OK. So what do you suggest?

SEN. REID: I've got an idea, but I don't think you'll like it.

SEN. FEINGOLD: Really? Try me.

SEN. REID: We don't do anything.

SEN. FEINGOLD: Um.

SEN. REID: It's what they'll least expect. And that, my friend, is what makes it so brilliant. (Smiles, raises eyebrows, and taps index finger against side of forehead as if to say "I'm always thinkin'.")

SEN. FEINGOLD: With all due respect, I think they might actually expect that. Since that has been our strategy on almost every issue for the last year or so.

SEN. REID: And? (Reaches into inside jacket pocket. Pulls out a crumpled printout from the Internet with the headline, "Bush approval rating lowest ever," waves it over his head, and then slaps it onto the table.) Read it and weep, cheese boy! (Does little victory dance and pantomimes receiving high-fives from senators Lieberman, Clinton, others.)

SEN. FEINGOLD: Please don't call me that.

SEN. REID: Hold on a second, I'm getting high-fived.

SEN. FEINGOLD: Right.

SEN. REID: (Accepts imaginary behind-the-back high-five from Senator Nelson of Nebraska. Turns attention back to Sen. Feingold.) Have you ever read Sun Tzu?

SEN. FEINGOLD: As a matter of fact, I have.

SEN. REID: The Art of War. "It is said that you should never attack your opponent when he's caught breaking the law, because his own lawbreaking will be his undoing. You can just sit back and accept the congratulations of your compatriots for your good fortune when he crashes and burns."

SEN. FEINGOLD: Sun Tzu never said that.

SEN. REID: Ah, yes. But he could have said it. Which is why it sounds so true. I, myself, have never actually read the book. But I heard Newt Gingrich lecture about it a few years back. That guy was something else.

SEN. FEINGOLD: Sun Tzu or Newt Gingrich?

SEN. REID: What? Look, politics is much too important to be left to a bunch of well-meaning-but-misguided liberals from the Northeast and West Coast.

SEN. FEINGOLD: I'm from Wisconsin. It's closer to the middle of the country than Nevada.

SEN. REID: Wisconsin! Bah! Wisconsin is just Vermont with cows and cheese.

SEN. FEINGOLD: I'm pretty sure Vermont has cows and cheese, too. But we're getting off topic here. Are we going to go after the president or not?

SEN. REID: We will. But we can't do it now. His poll numbers are too low. We'd look mean for kicking a man when he's down.

SEN. FEINGOLD: So, can we go after him when his poll numbers come back up?

SEN. REID: Certainly not! It would be suicide to attack a popular president. Are you insane? You have to think one step ahead here. Always anticipate the response. If it's bad, then you keep your powder dry.

SEN. FEINGOLD: So, when can we attack the president? The man has fucked everything up. For cryin' out loud -- name an issue, and I guarantee he's fucked it up. Surely there has got to be some issue we can use to attack him.

SEN. REID: Sadly, there isn't. If we attack him on the Iraq war, terrorism, or national security, we look weak. If we attack him on civil liberties, the environment, or education, we look liberal.

SEN. FEINGOLD: So, what's left?

SEN. REID: Nothing. We're still waiting, Zen-like, for the perfect issue. Patience, my son. We have all the time in the world. Eventually, everything will just come together, and we shall achieve political Nirvana. (Closes eyes and assumes a sort-of lotus position.)

SEN. FEINGOLD: That seems like a long time. I think I'm going to go ahead with the censure resolution. (Begins to leave.)

SEN. REID: (Calls over his shoulder.) That's what Frist wants you to do!

SEN. FEINGOLD: Is that so? How do you know?

SEN. REID: Because he says so.

(Feingold shakes head, leaves.)

I actually like Harry Reid. But I started writing, and it seemed funny to paint him as a feckless bumbler. --Skinner

[msongs]

1. has reid issued his daily blanket apology for being a democrat today? nt

[jane_pippin]

2. Ha! Nicely done.

Edit: (I think Harry's ok too. But you're right, it's funny this way.)

[Neil Lisst]

3. I like Harry, too, but like Forrest Gump's mama said ...

Stupid is as stupid does.

Nice work.

[AX10]

4. kick

[Dora]

5. Apt and funny!

And while our elected reps continue to sit on their hands waiting for the perfect issue, we're still hurtling towards that cliff.

The problem with waiting for Bush and the GOP to destroy themselves is that they'll destroy this country in the process.

The Democrats are playing at senseless "strategery." It's time to stop strategizing and start kicking ass.

[Norquist Nemesis]

6. "his own lawbreaking will be his undoing"...assuming of course

that the sheriff shows up at his door and arrests him, the prosecutor investigates and tries him, and the jury brings down a verdict.

At this point, the Sheriff's muching donuts, the prosecutors are cowering from threats, and the jury's ready and waiting.

[spuddonna]

7. LMAO!!!

I just choked on my coffee! That was awesome...

BTW - We need to send someone to find the previous page... I must know who owns that welt!!

[bigtree]

8. sweet

and sad

[leveymg]

9. Hope like hell they don't choose Vegas for the '08 Convention after this.

And, I don't think DU's going to get those floor-level seats this time.

This is incredibly funny. Sadly, it's reflects exactly how the present batch of party leaders think.

[kentuck]

10. Skinner ?

Are you making this shit up ? It's good!

[ewagner]

11. ROFLMAO

That's probably just how the conversation went down.....

This is getting posted on our local Dem blog...right NOW!!!!!!!

[mattclearing]

12. Classic. n/t

[flpoljunkie]

13. Very nice done! Thanks, Skinner!

[madokie]

14. believeable for sure, its funny now that i've read it.

[bklyncowgirl]

15. I'm glad I didn't eat lunch at my computer today.

Talk about your messy keyboard.

Thanks that was great.

[yodermon]

16. Damn Skinner!

You need to write more of this stuff!

[Skinner]

19. I'm trying.

Here's yesterday's effort: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Skinner/69

I'm feeling inspired by the new DU Journals.

[Coexist]

17. thanks for the giggle...

[wiggs]

18. Anybody ever see Skinner and Ed Helms in same room same time? nt

[JerseygirlCT]

20. Well done! nt

[JohnnyCougar]

21. LOL!!

I like Reid, too. But right now, I think he deserves a swift kick in the rear.

[SeattleRob]

22. well...

In my "Superintendent Chalmers" voice: Skinner!!

Very funny!

Thanks!

[Wheezy]

23. You're on a roll this week, Skinner! n/t

[jsamuel]

24. funny (always thinking...)

[Rainscents]

25. Skinner... This is brilliant!

It's so right on!!!

[myrna minx]

26. LOL!

SEN. REID: Wisconsin! Bah! Wisconsin is just Vermont with cows and cheese.

THanks for the laugh.

[katinmn]

27. LOL!

SEN. REID: And? (Reaches into inside jacket pocket. Pulls out a crumpled printout from the Internet with the headline, "Bush approval rating lowest ever," waves it over his head, and then slaps it onto the table.) Read it and weep, cheese boy! (Does little victory dance and pantomimes receiving high-fives from senators Lieberman, Clinton, others.)

[NanceGreggs]

28. ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!

But it's frightening close to what might actually be the truth.

[Hutzpa]

29. LoL!! Kick!

[butterfly77]

30. If this is for real...

This is about how I imagined Reid to be thinking, Reid is a little wimp.

[thereismore]

31. That's a parody, right? Right? nt

[Catherine Vincent]

32. Skinner have you been digging in D.C. trash cans?

LOL!

[IronLionZion]

33. I'm pretty sure dumpster diving might be breaking the law

but in that case, Harry Reid will give you enough rope to hang yourself!

I like Harry too but this policy of wait-and-see just isn't working. Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different outcome is a form of insanity. It causes the high levels of frustration that drive sensible DUers towards wild-eyed lunacy and emotional self-destruction.

I applaud Feingold, Harkin, and the others for doing something about it. I applaud Harry Reid for being the wise old man who will be more useful when he is majority leader this year.

[Call Me Wesley]

34. Thanks for the laugh! (nt)

[Kurovski]

35. "Because he says so."

Sharp! Do 'ya think the National Press club might consider this skit? Clooney as Feingold and Jim Carrey as Reid.

[TechBear_Seattle]

36. Brilliant! n/t

[The Doctor.]

37. LOL... very well done!

Send a copy to Reid's office yet?

[understandinglife]

38. Thanks for this, Skinner.

Be The Bu$h Opposition - 24/7

[oc2002]

39. Reid is a model wimp for the democratic party.

[radio4progressives]

40. I can't tell if this is authentic?

is this FOR REAL?? or this crafted with tongue firmly planted in cheek?

[gkhouston]

41. why don't you ask

the good senator to drop trou and then we'll know?

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

42. You Made This Up Yourself Skinner? Very Very Funny!

And thanks for the disclaimer at the bottom too, that made me feel even better about enjoying what had been above it (cause I like Harry too, and the disclaimer helped me feel I could laugh at the above written without feeling like I was mentally dem bashing )

43. Reid as feckless bumbler - but he strikes a good pose

this was funny.

[lavendermist]

44. Skinner, Where have you been hiding this

wonderful creative writing wit? Better than yesterday's.
I love it!

[Skinner]

46. Funny, that.

For the last five years, I've been spending all my time and effort dealing with people's complaints and problems. But not so long ago, I realized that it isn't my job to make people happy. So now I've got a little more free time to spend doing things I enjoy, instead of things that make me miserable.

[EFerrari]

51. Very cool. lol

Misery is very overrated.

[lavendermist]

64. Well, keep enjoying your new found freedom...

and greater sense of reality. We will all benefit from it.

[EFerrari]

45. That's FUNNY.

LOL

[Usrename]

47. It would be funnier if it wasn't about real mayhem and carnage.

Sort of reminds me of the scene in "Cabaret" where they are all mocking Hitler and his minions. Makes you wonder where we're headed, and if it's even possible to change course. Americans, including some elected Democrats, are not willing to oppose the tyranny of a homegrown war criminal, they just watch him as he keeps upping the ante on this wager. I guess that is sort of funny if you squint hard enough.

[LaPera]

48. Funny, yes, but we need to attack when our opponent is weak! Don't

let our opponent get stronger by waiting...(paraphrasing, Sun Tzu)

The Democrat's should be attacking now, long before the elections in Nov. it'll take the media that long to even report it!!!

The spineless Dem's.... are they that afraid of losing their privileged lifestyle? YES!!! Censure Bush! "The Art of War"!

They have Bush and the republicans on the ropes...fucking attack already!

The republicans and the media are trying to convince us that everyone still just loves Bush...Not a day goes by when more people see what BushCo is really all about, and are abandoning Bush and the republicans...How many new coverts do you think they get each day, very few if not none...They are losing and time to expose them, exploit their lies and attack now!!

[Minnesota Libra]

49. Skinner, did you write this? The "I start writing..." part threw me......

......but it sure sounds like something Reaid might say too. Personally, I'm proud of Feingold and proud that he didn't wait any longer!!

[FogerRox]

50. Funny as hell--& I read "Art of War" last month

[Lost-in-FL]

52. Is this made up??

[dgauss]

53. That reminds me of reading Catch-22

Feingold = Yossarian

[TheModernTerrorist]

54. I think he's holding out

for the midterm elections... thinking long-term. By NOT bringing up the impeachment issue, it won't be as big of a threat for '06, thus won't shake the Republican electorate that would actually re-elect some of these asshats, thereby giving us a better chance in the elections, and THEN, once we have control, we SLAM them with impeachment.


...that's my take on it. I don't like waiting that long for justice, but I also don't like the idea of never SEEING that justice...

...I dunno, I can't see into the future, so I can't say which is better *shrug*

on one hand, wait it out, don't embolden their side to come out and vote (since Impeachment is "the only issue" that will save them), yet by NOT doing so will make us look weaker (not because we don't support impeachment, but because we'll be "perceived" as such through the media), and might give the possibility of losing ground... not to mention all the other havoc they'll wreak between now and then.

[Swamp Rat]

55. LOL!

STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!!!

SUPPORT FEINGOLD!!!

[Voltaire99]

56. I love it!

High time these do-nothing Dems felt the lash of satire!

Well done, Skinner.

[appnzllr]

57. It would be better if -

It would be better if bogus things like this were kept off of DU. The whole point of DU is to disseminate facts and news. While it is rather funny, and while it seems to voice the frustration of many Democratic voters over how the Democratic leadership can't seem to take advantage of the moronic nature of this administration and its resulting poll numbers, there are plenty of people who will not see this for what it is -- Satire. Maybe there could be another website where satire could be displayed. Maybe they could call it www.theonion.com . Just a thought. But really, this is March already, and November isn't that far off, and it doesn't look like the Democratic party is getting any steam up. Maddening.

[Bucky]

58. Actually the front pages says "news and satire"

It'd take a pretty big dimwit to not recognize this as satire. :hides:

And I say this as someone who, at first blush, probably comes closer to Reid's point of view on this issue. From a legal point of view, I think you need to firmly establish the facts. Of course Frist is the bigger ass for short circuiting the debate on the censure--which gives partisan cover to the president (and allows GOP senators to dodge debate). But tactically, it still seems like Feingold played a weak hand.

[A Simple Game]

61. Feingold did play a weak hand, and he probably knew it.

But you have to play poker with the hand you have, not the hand you would like to have.

I believe Feingold did the right thing, he got it into the news and people are talking about it. When people talk about it, if they are truthful with themselves and others, they will admit that censure is the least we should do to *.

[KoKo]

59. That's incredible! Great read!

...and I don't like Harry Reid...find him wimpy and forgetful... He reminds me of the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland...always befuddled and in a hurry...never getting anywhere.

So...it was a great read for me...

[xchrom]

60. sometimes i could kiss you, skinner!

that was funny!

[Trevelyan]

62. I don't like Reid. I gave him a chance but he is a DINO by his actions.

We need to dump Reid and get Feingold into the Democratic Leadership position NOW!!!

[Trevelyan]

63. K&R I have to admit it is a funny article, as funny as anything can be

considering we are living in a banana republican dictatorship.