I had an abortion 20 years ago

[greenbriar]

I wanted the baby, fiance left with another woman, had bills up past my head, working two jobs, NO family support, and no other way out


I still think about what that child may have become and I get sad at times

I would do it again in a heart beat!

I have a 15 year old daughter. I ABSOLUTELY want that choice should the need ever arise.


do I want her to have abortions? NO, do I want her to have a choice Absolutely



I should mention that while I love my daughter very much, I was on the pill when she was conceived...We had only been married 2 years. I wanted a baby desperately...She is my pride and joy

[LostinVA]

1. Great post, brave post

[MissWaverly]

2. my sister had a baby and gave it up for adoption

It messed her up big time, she still grieves and it's been over 20 years. For all those
experts choosing for us, don't know what it's like to actually live the experience.

[Warpy]

24. Nobody has ever cared to study birth mothers and what they go

through surrendering a real live son or daughter. The ones I know have always had to fight depression and anger, sadness at never knowing what happened to their child and rage at never having the right to know.

Of course, that might shoot a hole in that happy little bubble that's been created around adoptive families, so I guess it will never be done. They'd rather force women to give birth and suffer in silence.

[TNOE]

37. Honest to God

and I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong - but EVERY SINGLE adopted child I know is HIGHLY MESSED UP - and most of them have 2 or 3 or more children without any fathers - drug addicts, etc. I guess they feel its abandonment at its worse. I'm sure there are some successful happy adoptees, but I have yet to meet one.

[MissB]

59. I'd consider my brother a success story.

And honestly, it has nothing to do with his adoptive parents (our mom and dad). My big brother is very successful, despite all the barriers put up. He simply found ways around them.

He is my hero. Honestly. He is also the guy listed in my will in case dh and I kick the bucket at the same time. I sleep well at night knowing that my kids will be raised by him if necessary. I have one other brother - a biological one- and although he is married with a couple of kids, he'd be the last person I'd let have my kids if I died.

[ulysses]

95. btw, here's my HIGHLY MESSED UP son.

Adoption, what a horrible thing, huh?

[LuckyTheDog]

98. Cute kid!

Mine just turned 4. What a blessing he is! I am sure you feel the same way about your little rascal.

[MissWaverly]

106. I don't think adoption is a horrible thing

I think our society should plow money into our young people, they are our future. Even
if young people were nurtured in a loving family oriented society which they are not, because that's not what our society values, there would still be women who would give
up their babies for adoption. I am just saying that we not value our young people enough.
We are supposed to be a sophisticated world leader, we do not invest our money into our teachers, our schools, our community centers, our libraries or our health care. It's a dog
eat dog society where people worry about their jobs. AND we should value our mothers just
as much as our ceos, I see where they have movie theaters now where you can take your baby
what an idea.

[Maddy McCall]

138. My brother's photos looked like that when he was an infant, too.

And, ulysses, I certainly don't wish on your what my brother went through. I truly hope that you never have to see someone hurt as I've seen my brother hurt, and as I've dealt with my own pain.

We couldn't have asked for better parents, but there's no kind of counseling available to help a child who has abandonment issues over being adopted.

My brother's photos from his infancy are happy photos. When he hit fifth grade, the problems began. And my parents were so adamant to make our family "happy" that they didn't stop to recognize that nothing they did would make my brother better.

He's attempted suicide four or five times--so many times I forget. His last attempt was night before last, when he swallowed fifteen Ambiens and a handful of pain medicine.

All he wants is to meet his mother and to feel that he has human roots somewhere. I'm helping him work through that process. Counseling doesn't help. His biological mother putting her arms around him will help. (They have made contact and she does want to meet him. We're working out the details now.)

[ulysses]

166. that's why we have an open adoption.

:) Glad your brother and his birthmom are in contact.

[ourbluenation]

108. Happy adoptee - nice to meet you.. I'm 42, adopted as an infant...

never felt abandoned for one second. My birth mother could not care for me since she was so young and on her own. I met her several years ago and she has no regrets and never did and I totally get that. We're great friends. I always knew I was adopted and my adopted parents are THE BEST - I have an adopted sister too - the four of us and quite a quad!

I don't do drugs, I rarely drink, I'm happily married for almost 20 years, and I have two great kids into school, politics, sports, student counsel, etc...

[Vektor]

113. I have witnessed this too. And NO, not all families fit this description -

I wouldn't make such a claim, as I have never met every family who has adopted but, of the adopted people I know closely, (adults) - there are about 6, all have problem with relationships, drugs and/or alcohol, and deviant behavior, e.g., trouble with the law, violence, etc. Really, I've seen a whole complex host of problems above and beyond the norm. The parents in all cases don't have similar problems.

So yes, I have also noticed this trend, and it may be common, but I would not want to say it happens to everyone. I'd have no way of knowing that. In fact, it'd be totally unfair on my part to suggest that. I am definitely NOT anti-adoption. I do think it may be very hard on some kids to learn they were adopted and they might not cope well. Others may do fine. I certainly wish the best of luck to all families adopting children, and to all children who have been adopted.

[mimitabby]

124. yeah, you're wrong

they're not all messed up, but some certainly are.
and some would be even more messed up if they stayed with their
drug addicted mentally disturbed moms.

[Samurai_Writer]

127. Thank you for perpetuating the 'bad birthmother' myth

Most birthmothers are NOT 'drug addicted, mentally disturbed' moms. They are young girls and women who find themselves in a desperate situation, most often with no parental or social support. Or, the 'support' consists of coercing and manipulating them into surrendering their children for adoption.


One birthmom who is disgusted with the fact that on this PROGRESSIVE board, people still cling to the stereotypes of 'single pregnant girls won't make good mothers and are drug addicted or mentally ill'.

[mimitabby]

132. sorry, but the guy was generalizing

I'm sorry; you're right.
I know not all birth mothers are bad; i know some of them. I know adopted folks who have found
their birth mothers too; and usually birth mothers give up kids for damn good reasons; including
not married, too young, not enough money, too many kids already. The moms give up their kids so that their kids can have a better chance at life. So my point (weak, as you pointed out) was that the adoptees are usually better off than they would have been had they NOT been adopted.

[Samurai_Writer]

133. Not necessarily true

Most birthmothers, with a little help, could keep their children and raise them just as well as adoptive parents do. Money isn't everything, you know. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, in most cases (talking about pregnant women of healthy newborns here, not children who have been taken from their parents because of abuse or neglect).

[mimitabby]

135. i'm not sure i know where you're coming from

i am only reporting what i have learned from 4 different women who gave up babies.
I like that "with a little help" line you put in there.
see my own post 125.

[Samurai_Writer]

136. There have been studies on birthmothers

They followed up on these birthmothers, and the vast majority of them, in as little as two years, were parenting subsequent children. My point is that most pregnant women only need some temporary help to be able to be good parents to their children. Again, adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

See my post here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=602934&mesg_id=603195

I have not written my abortion story, because to be honest, I'm getting to the point of burn-out with the abortion/adoption thing.

[REP]

160. Young, Poor Women Are Coerced Into Relinquishement

Very, very few women want to go through none months of pregnancy and labor just to hand over their helpless newborn to strangers. Anyone who is honestly interested in this can easily find a lot of information about how these young women are psychologically battered into being breeding chattel for wealthy couples (ever hear of a well-off woman surrendering her child to an infertile poor or working-class couple?)

[Dorian Gray]

129. This is the most insulting post I've read in awhile...

I know you didn't necessarily mean what you said, TNOE, but there are many adopted children who are not messed up. I am one of them. And to paint children in adopted families with this wide brush stroke is really insulting.

I'm sorry, but perhaps you need to rethink this. I was brought up by a very loving family who was always honest with me regarding my adoption. I went to college. I got married. I work in the non-profit sector (in which I deal primarily with organizations that provide foster care services and adoptions services), and I have a pretty happy life. EVERY SINGLE adopted child you know? That's really sad.

[LiberalUprising]

142. Did you even read her post?

"and I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong - but EVERY SINGLE adopted child I know is HIGHLY MESSED UP - and most of them have 2 or 3 or more children without any fathers - drug addicts, etc. I guess they feel its abandonment at its worse. I'm sure there are some successful happy adoptees, but I have yet to meet one."

Where is this 'wide brush stroke' you speak of?

She is talking only from her own personal experiences and clearly states this.

[TNOE]

146. ooops - Sorry

this post didn't come off the way I meant it too.

The point I was trying to make was that the Rightwingers act like women who have abortions wind up mentally ill, psychoitc, and then go on to lead to lives full of guilt and shame. I don't think that is the case. Of course some do (few probably), but I believe most don't because they weighed the issues and based on their circumstances, made their choice after careful thought and consideration. So I think that is one of the "myths" out there - BUT you will NEVER EVER hear them speak of the issues women go through after choosing the adoption option - which in my opinion has got to be harder on the woman. She has the morning sickness, the changes to her body, hormones, cravings, etc. - and then the pain of childbirth. Certainly those woman have more issues and scars than a woman who opts for an abortion. However, what that woman can hopefully hang on to is the love with which she made her choice. Sorry I didn't make myself clear, I certainly didn't want to offend anyone. For any woman who chooses to carry the child for 9 months and gifts that child to another, there could be no greater sacrifice in my opinion - and for those parents who loving adopt those children - again, all angels.

I just hate the myth argument that abortion is such a horrible thing for the mother (or the fetus) - when there's a whole lot of horrible in all kinds of situations - and a whole lot of blessings too - in each and every decision that is made whether to bring a life into the world, or opt not to. Its just the one-sided 'punishment' argument that I hate.

I was poorly trying to make that argument in earlier post - and I'm very sorry, I don't mean to offend any adoptive parents or adoptive children, I just think they do not want to really look into or deal with issues that adoptive children have because they need to keep that part of the equation out of the abortion debate, which is very dishonest in my opinion.

I've probably screwed this explanation up too - but bottom line is - women who choose to abort, not my business, their body, their choice - and the RW needs to stop the "mythical argument". For women who choose adoption, bless you for your courage, and for adoptive parents - bless you also. There is no "wrong" in any choice.

[Dorian Gray]

147. I know...

I had an immediate negative reaction to the post, though I know you were talking only of personal experience and trying to combat the stereotype that adoption solves all problems. (Which it doesn't.) I'm sorry I immediately jumped on your post, as well.

There are some happy adoptees, though! :)

[Kerrytravelers]

155. My mother is a prime example of an adoptee who has led a wonderful life.

She felt chosen by the couple who adopted her. She knew she was given up because her 15 year old parents couldn't properly provide for her. They loved her too much to have her suffer. For her, it wasn't abandonment, but a chance at a real life.

I'm not being combative, but I wanted to provide a story of someone who felt happy that she was given a better life with a couple who wanted a child and couldn't have one.

And even with this as her background, she is strongly pro-reproductive rights.


EDITED TO ADD: I have always wanted to adopt a child, to pay-it-forward to a child the way my mom was chosen by her adoptive parents.

[laugle]

162. What a horrible generalization--I think you are totally wrong!! n/t/

[REP]

39. Yes, There Are Studies:

J Obstet Gynecol Neonatal Nurs. 1999 Jul-Aug;28(4):395-400.

Postadoptive reactions of the relinquishing mother: a review.

Askren HA, Bloom KC.

Deer Valley OB/GYN, Mesa, AZ, USA.

OBJECTIVE: To review the literature addressing the process of relinquishment as it relates to the birth mother. DATA SOURCES: Computerized searches in CINAHL; Article 1 st, PsycFIRST, and SocioAbs databases, using the keywords adoption and relinquishment; and ancestral bibliographies. STUDY SELECTION: Articles from indexed journals in the English language relevant to the keywords were evaluated. No studies were located before 1978. Studies that sampled only an adolescent population were excluded. Twelve studies met the inclusion criteria and were included in the analysis. DATA EXTRACTION: Data were extracted and information was organized under the following headings: grief reaction, long-term effects, efforts to resolve, and influences on the relinquishment experience. DATA SYNTHESIS: A grief reaction unique to the relinquishing mother was identified. Although this reaction consists of features characteristic of the normal grief reaction, these features persist and often lead to chronic, unresolved grief. CONCLUSIONS: The relinquishing mother is at risk for long-term physical, psychologic, and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, little is known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions. emphasis mine

Med J Aust. 1986 Feb 3;144(3):117-9.

Psychological disability in women who relinquish a baby for adoption.

Condon JT.

During 1986, approximately 2000 women in Australia are likely to relinquish a baby for adoption. A study is presented of 20 relinquishing mothers that demonstrates a very high incidence of pathological grief reactions which have failed to resolve although many years have elapsed since the relinquishment. This group had abnormally high scores for depression and psychosomatic symptoms on the Middlesex Hospital questionnaire. Factors that militate against the resolution of grief after relinquishment are discussed. Guidelines for the medical profession that are aimed at preventing psychological disability in relinquishing mothers are outlined.

Community Health Stud. 1990;14(2):180-9.

Erratum in:
• Community Health Stud 1990;14(3):314.

Social factors associated with the decision to relinquish a baby for adoption.

Najman JM, Morrison J, Keeping JD, Andersen MJ, Williams GM.

Department of Social and Preventive Medicine, University of Queensland.

Little is known about the characteristics, social circumstances and mental health of women who give a child up for adoption. This paper reports data from a longitudinal study of 8556 women interviewed initially at their first obstetrical visit. In total, 7668 proceeded to give birth to a live singleton baby, of which 64 then relinquished the baby for adoption. Relinquishing mothers were predominantly 18 years of age or younger, in the lowest family income group, single, having an unplanned and/or unwanted baby and reported that they were not living with a partner. These women were somewhat more likely to manifest symptoms of anxiety and depression both prior, and subsequent to, the adoption, but the majority of relinquishing mothers were of 'normal' mental health. The decision to relinquish a baby appears to be a consequence of an unwanted pregnancy experienced by an economically deprived single mother rather than the result of emotional or psychological/psychiatric considerations. These findings document a particular dimension of the impact of poverty on health.

[ulysses]

45. hold up a sec.

that happy little bubble that's been created around adoptive families

I would ask that you not train your fire in the direction of adoptive families in the abortion debate. Closed adoptions, in which the birthparents do not know what has happened to the child, are becoming more rare. Our own adoption of Chris is open - my wife got and responded to an email from his birthmom today, and she and the birthdad are planning to come visit when they can if we don't get back to SC first to visit them.

[REP]

50. See #39

corrected post #

[ulysses]

57. so you're anti-adoption?

Curious about whether those birthmothers had been involved in closed or open adoptions.

[LuckyTheDog]

86. Anti-adoption folks puzzle me

I'll let REP address whether he/she is anti-adoption. But I know that some people are anti-adoption. Personally I think it is a gutsy choice for a woman to make and should be respected. I am all for abortion rights. For one thing, I don't think declaring abortion to be illegal does anything but put women at risk. But I also am grateful to the birth mom of my son for making the choice she did. He is the light of my life.

[REP]

114. I Posted Abstracts of Studies

You can look them up, read them and see what sample was used.

[Warpy]

71. My fire was not aimed at the adoptive families but at a system

that snatches the kid away, gives services to the new family, and completely abandons the birth mother.

This is what we have. This is the carefully constructed happy little bubble adoption agencies and the law have constructed to protect adoptive parents, often at the expense of the curious adoptee as well as the birth mother.

If you didn't like the phrase, consider why it was used.

[ulysses]

73. ok, a couple of points.

This is what we have.

Not always. California enforces open adoption agreements. We can, and should, fight for that in more states.

This is the carefully constructed happy little bubble adoption agencies and the law have constructed to protect adoptive parents, often at the expense of the curious adoptee as well as the birth mother.

Although I heartily agree that adoptees and birthparents should not be forcibly kept apart through closed adoption (for the most part - if you'd like I'll expound), I would suggest that you have no idea what it's like to be biologically childless and trying to go through the adoption process, especially the reclaim of a child as we went through a little over a year before we adopted our son.

If you didn't like the phrase, consider why it was used.

I think it was used rhetorically. I have been a clinic escort and had a 9mm clip shoved in my face as proof of what awaited me should I continue to protect women seeking reproductive services on their way into the clinic, so I'll ask you to not lecture me.

[LuckyTheDog]

85. I dunno...

My wife and I are adoptive parents. And if our son's birth mother wants to find out about about him, the agency knows where to find us. We have let the agency know that she can contact us through then any time. She hasn't done that. She also never picked up the letters or photos we sent to the agency for her early on. I guess I understand her position. She has other kids and she is getting on with her life. But should she ever want to contact us, I would be open to meeting with her face-to-face, or corresponding through e-mail.

[MissWaverly]

90. it's almost like a kind of harvest

the young blue collar guys are harvested to fight the war, the young poor girls are harvested to provide kids for the more affluent, there is very little support for them both
yet they are expected to give the most. Let me add here, that those who adopt these children deserve praise, but the system that exploits our young is wrong. There should
be counseling and birth control lessons, just because someone is pregnant does not make
them an expert on family planning. I do support those who adopt but I think society
provides little support for the unwed mother. And I am not saying war should not be fought
but the burden should not be on the lower class.

[LuckyTheDog]

91. I am not 'affluent'

I am not particularly 'affluent,' but I am an adoptive dad. The birth mother of my son had access to services (enough? not really. We don't do enough for families in the U.S.). But she also had two other kids already, And, having had an abortion once, she decided to make another choice. It was a valid choice, IMO.

In many cases, access to services would lead women to the choice of parenting... sometimes not. We should offer those services. But regardless, some women will choose abortion and some will choose adoption, for their own reasons.

Counseling for women facing an unwanted pregnancy should be universal... before and after they exercise their choice about what to do. And of course, society needs to treat all of OUR kids as if they really are the responsibility of everyone. We tend to want to punish young mother for their "bad choices," but in doing so, we're really punishing kids.

[MissWaverly]

97. I know people would be offended by that term affluent

but for those at the bottom just scrappling by it is, and then we as a society ask them
to make such great sacrifices at a young age w/o really giving them anything. We as
a society will pay millions for baseball players for a Sunday game, sports that's a priority, but for these young people, there is nothing really. That's what I am saying,
you are not to be blamed for being stable and wanting to open your home to a child, it's just that we spend too much money on games, sports, movies, etc. Nothing is plowed back
into the neighborhoods, not really.

[Dorian Gray]

130. Harvested?

Is this for real?

[MissWaverly]

150. What I am saying that the working class is set up

not to be a partner in society but to be someone that's exploited, you saw what happened
to the poor down in New Orleans. They seem to have a major war every generation and
expect the poor to fight it. What is so radical about them planning ahead so that they
will have the bodies to fight future adventures.

[Dorian Gray]

128. My adoptive family

never forced my birth mother to give birth and suffer in silence.

Sorry, I was adopted. It's something that I feel strongly about. I don't think you should blame parents who are willing to adopt children for the state of things in SD when it comes to abortion. They are families who desperately want children, but they are not responsible for laws.

[MissWaverly]

152. I am not blaming your parents for adopting you

I am blaming a society that preaches sexuality but punishes anyone who gets pregnant
w/o their own portfolio, mortgage, career, two cars, etc. What I am saying that we should
have a kindler, gentler society where kids are valued so that they don't throw their lives
away in their teenage years. My sister was heartbroken after she gave up a child for
adoption, there was no safety net for her. I hope the baby was happy and well cared for
but my sister went through hell and I would have liked some support, I don't expect
anyone to have handed her a million dollars but since a baby is a wonderful thing and she
made a family for someone, it would have been nice if she could have had some
birth control counseling and 6 weeks of group therapy. She gave those people a precious
gift and was spit on by society from all sides.

[Maddy McCall]

137. Has anyone ever studied the child? I can tell you that it ain't always...

rainbows and lollipops being an adopted child, either.

[Midlodemocrat]

144. Actually, I did my dissertation on the effects of

both closed and open adoptions on child and birth mother.

[Maddy McCall]

149. Wow. Either in PM or here, would you tell me a little about what...

you found?

I think one of the greatest problems for adopted children is that society tells them, "You're just lucky someone wanted you," which invalidates any emotional problems they might be having. I know in our case, we both felt like that from early on--that we shouldn't have any complaints about our family dynamics, because we were just lucky that we had a family that wanted us. And we had excellent parents--minus a few problems--but really good adoptive parents.

Does that make sense?

[fleabert]

153. Bubble?

adoptive families are acutely aware of the sacrifice birth mothers make and thank them every day for that sacrifice. There is no bubble around adoptive families about the reality of adoption, the bubble is around the public at large, whom have no clue as to what adoptive families go through to bring a child into their family.

do a little google on adoption preparation and see what you find.

My best friends are adopting right now, and she has already shed tears for the birth mother of her future child- as she has probably already given birth to him/her and given him up. The adoption should be completed in the next few months and the child will be around 7-9 months old by then. My friends are deeply moved by this woman's actions-even though they will never meet her or get to say thank you, as it is a closed adoption. But they will tell their child what that woman did for them.

[dogday]

27. My Aunt had a baby at 15.

She was afraid to tell her Mother until after her 5 month. By then she had to have the baby, gave it up for adoption... Sad thing is she has never been able to have another child... That is so sad...

[annabanana]

3. Thank you for telling your story.

There is no one who is "pro-abortion". No one. It is never a person's first choice, either. I'm sure that in a perfect world, with the love and support of the father, your family, and the wherewithal your story would have been different.

Denying a woman the choice of what she feels she must do with HER OWN BODY is obscene.

[greenbriar]

6. you are exactly right

oh and I forgot to mention that I am a christian. NOt all christians are extreme

I have issues in our church when they talk about it from the pulpit but I don't want to make an issue of it

[annabanana]

14. Me too kiddo

A Christian of the most lefty liberal kind (Old Line Episcopalian)

[bluestateguy]

16. I knew a kid in college who was pro-abortion

He said that if he ever got a girl pregnant that he would force her to have an abortion. He said he didn't want to be burdened with the responsibilities of fatherhood due to an unwanted pregnancy. He also said that abortion was a good thing because it meant fewer people on welfare, which would otherwise raise his taxes. He was a conservative.

[greenbriar]

21. well then he should have his pecker snipped!!! asshole

what is it with men who think they should NEVER have to face any consequences???

[annabanana]

30. he was a pig. . . . eom

[sickinohio]

54. I'll bet most fundie

right-wing men really do feel that way, at least if it happened to them personally. When it comes to someone else though, they are "pro-life".

[Raksha]

120. This bozo...were his initials GWB? n/t

[REP]

23. I Am Pro-Abortion

My first choice with an unwanted pregnancy was abortion. I have never wanted or liked children. I have never regretted my abortion. If I should ever become pregnant again, abortion would be my first choice. It would be the first choice of many women. Not all women want to be mothers.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

33. Peter Parker wonders whether you're for real or not

[REP]

36. Quite Real, and Sterilized Twice

Can't believe that not all women want to be mothers? Try 24% of US women (US Census).

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

123. Sterilized twice?

Yeah, and I had an appendectomy twice.

[REP]

161. Tubal Ligation and Endometrial Ablation

Look it up.

[ronnykmarshall]

42. Have you thought about having your tubes tied?

It's strange because I know some women that don't want to have kids, and their doctors would NOT perform the surgery because they were "too young" .....

[REP]

48. See #36

[Maru Kitteh]

55. So then you are pro-abortion for yourself but your first choice would be

to never have been/not be pregnant in the first place right? I think that's what was meant when it was said that nobody is "pro-abortion". :)

[REP]

118. Pro-Abortion for Any Women Who Makes That Decision

I strongly disagree with the poster who said that all women would have a baby instead of an abortion if possible. That's just bullshit. Even women who want to be mothers may only want to be the mother of two instead of three and some women just do not want to be mothers ever. That "woman = mother" thinking is dated bullshit and needs to be corrected.

[LiberalUprising]

143. Totally agree REP

I have known several women who never wanted kids under any cicumstances, many men feel the same way, including myself.

I don't know where this idea that a woman must have a child to feel complete comes from

oh wait, yes I do, nevermind........

[NMDemDist2]

72. that happened to me

my family has a history of mental illness and alcoholism (I got the latter) and knew from my early teens I never wanted children.

in spite of asking every ob/gyn i ever visited between the ages of 15 and 35 i NEVER had one take me seriously. I suffered from endimetrious for years from a Dalkon shield which caused all kinds of problems my whole life every month for decades after it was removed, had a entopic pregnancy that almost killed me but no Dr would tie my tubes.

thankfully I'm past that now, but I never doubted I'd abort if it ever happened.

edit to add, I got sober at 39 and MAYBE by 41 I would have been a half way decent parent, but before that? no way.......

[ronnykmarshall]

75. What really pissed me off ..

isn't getting your tubes tied reversable?? I know that when I guy gets clipped that now it's possible to reverse it.

[NMDemDist2]

77. no it's not n/t

[Midlodemocrat]

145. Actually in certain cases it is.

If the surgeon decides to cauterize rather than snip, the tubes can be reattached. I know at one time there was a study on the effectiveness of this, I'll see if I can find it.

[REP]

163. Tubal Ligation Reversals Have a Low Success Rate

If the ligation was done fulgration (burning of the tubes), it's almost impossible to resect them; if they were banded or clipped, there's a slightly better chance but it's still about 25%. I had mine done by fulgration because it had the least chance of failure (my tubes are almost 90% gone).

[REP]

117. "You'll Change Your Mind"

"What if you meet a man who wants children?"

I didn't have to deal with that, but many, many women have. How many pregnant women get asked "What if you change your mind" about having a baby?!

[enlightenment]

140. Heard it all, but my personal fav was the

"what if your child steps into the street and is killed?" line.
I don't consider children replaceable parts.

I was a single parent at 22 -- spent the next 8 years trying to convince a doctor that I wanted to be sterilized. And this was WITH chronic problems left from the pregnancy -- WITH being told that I "shouldn't" try to have more children because I would either spontaneously abort or my uterus would rupture.

The same doctor who told me not to have any more was the same one who wouldn't tie my tubes. Eight years later I sent him a picture of my mangled uterus -- after it had to be removed (happiest day of my life, btw).

sorry for the rant . . .

[REP]

157. Don't Be Sorry - Be MAD!!

No woman, whether she's had children or not, needs to be treated like a moron when she decides SHE wants to be sterilized. Even if you were making a "bad" decision (personally, I don't believe there is a 'bad' reason to decide for oneself to be sterilized), it's YOUR decision to make - and to be given that sort of cold-hearted bullshit (I agree, human beings cannot be replaced) when you had serious health concerns is an excellent reason to be really, really angry.

Congratulations on getting the 'bod mod' you wanted!

[enlightenment]

158. Ah, REP, I have so much to get angry about

these days, I need a day-timer to keep track. :)

Believe me, at the time I was furious -- thus the picture. I asked the doc who did the exam of the part to take it, so the other ass could see for himself what he had insisted I hold onto. I'm not a vindictive person, normally, but that guy was the limit.

Still, that was almost 20 years ago now -- today I get to worry about how my kid is going to afford the 'bod mod' he needs (he's an ftm tranny) without adequate insurance.

Like I said -- too many issues, not enough angry energy for them all.

Thank you for the very kind words; it's much appreciated!
:hi:

[Withywindle]

61. Brave post, and I agree with you...

I'm fortunate that pregnancy never happened to me--sorry it did to you. But, although we can never TRULY know how we'll react until we're there, I suspect my response to it would be very much like yours. :hi:

No, not all women have a "maternal instinct." Not all women have warm or sentimental feelings about their fetus. And some women have abortions without regrets.

Should a woman have to act all tragic and contrite to "deserve" an abortion?

[stepnw1f]

104. Don't You Mean "Pro-Choice"?

[REP]

116. Pro-Abortion, Pro-Choice and Pro-Birth Control

I don't think there's anything shameful or wrong with a minor procedure like abortion - just like there's no shame when someone needs a root canal. Yes, it's great if you can avoid one, but needing one is not a personal, moral failing.

[Synnical]

107. Ditto that, girlfriend

I never wanted children. 19 years, four abortions, innumerable docs. Finally an OB/GYN agreed to a Tubal. Then, I went into early, early menopause As far as I know, no studies have been done that studied the side affects of tubal ligation.


-Cindy in Fort Lauderdale

[REP]

115. Hormonal Birth Control Can Cause Early Menopause

But a tubal ligation, which does not involve the ovaries, does not. I don't have the studies on hand - and there have been quite a few - have shown no correlation. I wish it did, though - I'm 41, have had a tubal ligation and an endometrial ablation that just failed and I'm still waiting!

[lapislzi]

131. I am with you 100%

Many times the best option for the woman is termination of the pregnancy. When I became pregnant as a 22-yr-old grad student living abroad, I never even considered carrying the pregnancy to term. It wasn't going to happen.

And no, I wasn't all broken up about it. I have never regretted it for one single day. Now I have a beautiful 12-year-old daughter who I love more than anything, and that was the right decision too.

Peace to you, REP

[Arkansas Granny]

26. You are absolutely right about no one being "pro-abortion". I don't

know a single woman who has found out that she was pregnant and thought "Oh goody, now I can have that abortion I've always wanted".

[MadMaddie]

4. I did when I was a Senior in college....he was in the navy...

and did not want to get married, he wanted me to drop out of college and have a child and no support.

I have never regretted my choice.

He called me about 7 years ago and said that I made the right decision for both of us.

No regrets.....

Choice is the only answer!!

[sinkingfeeling]

5. I had an abortion in 1977. I was divorced and had a 3 year old.

I was taking methotrexate for a year before becoming pregnant. All one has to do is to read any medical dictionary about the drug's affects on a developing fetus! I made a moral and legal choice. I can only image the psychological horrors that myself, my existing son, and any child that might had made it to term would have experienced! I also am yet to see these 'know-it-alls' rush forward with tens of thousands of dollars to pay for keeping and caring for a severely mental and/or physically handicapped child!

[greenbriar]

7. I just want to bash in rushyboy and others who claim we enjoy getting

abortions.

It was a heart wrenching decision and to this day, I wonder if things had been different...

[StrongbadTehAwesome]

156. eh, they have bulls**t rhetoric for both sides of the coin.

According to the dittoheads, we ENJOY getting abortions, but yet we're ALSO "scarred and traumatized", needing counseling for the rest of our lives.

Their sophistry boggles the mind.

[trotsky]

9. BINGO.

I also am yet to see these 'know-it-alls' rush forward with tens of thousands of dollars to pay for keeping and caring for a severely mental and/or physically handicapped child!

Because as it's been said - they aren't pro-life, they are simply pro-fetus. Once that baby is born, they don't give a rat's ass.

[Seedersandleechers]

20. What is really ironic is that anti-choice people have abortions

as well. Having worked in clinics for over 15 years I have seen it more times then you can imagine.

[LisaL]

93. Yes, I personally would not have an abortion-unless the

child is severely handicapped. I guess they better stop testing for any fetus deformities in South Dakota now-they didn't even provide an exception for health of the baby, the idiots that they are.

[Divernan]

8. For most women it is a sad but necessary choice, and it is THEIRS to make.

Why do the fundies think that women get abortions as casually as they decide what movie to see!?!?
It is a hard choice to make, and one of life's worst experiences. However,the alternative choice would be even more difficult in terms of the repercussions for the woman.

I agree, you were brave to post this.

[greenbriar]

11. probably will get posted in other places

but I don't care.


Women make difficult choices every day and we do not do it on a whim.

[Raksha]

121. They DON'T think it...they just say it! One more RW talking point.

Re >>Why do the fundies think that women get abortions as casually as they decide what movie to see!?!?<<

It's just one more way of demonizing the opposition and distancing themselves from the complications of the subject. Fundies don't like gray areas, and they really, really don't moral ambiguities, such as: What do you do when you KNOW the child will born with an incurable birth defect? Fundies want to see everything in black and white, even in tragic situations where no "good" choice is even possible.

[Kerrytravelers]

10. I've never been pregnant. Mr. kt and I have already talked about

the different choices we have. In the event that giving birth would cause irreparable damage to my health, the fetus would not be carried to full term. We have talked about the need for choice and think we have a pretty good idea of what we would do in different circumstances.

Anti-choice zombies never give anything as much careful thought as we have.

[still_one]

12. no one should EVER tell someone what they should or should not do

in regards to their personal lives. I do NOT see a flood of those against a woman's right to choose, wanting to help all the unwanted children

It was quite courageous of you to share you experience

[Betsy Ross]

13. Sorry for your loss.

My only pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. My child would be 39 this October. I often image who my child might become.

I am anti-abortion AND pro-choice. I don't know anyone who is "pro-abortion." It may be a matter of semantics, but I think pro-choice needs better framing.

[RaleighNCDUer]

29. Wish I knew how to re-frame it. The anti-choice people choose

to overlook that the choice in 'pro-choice' can be a choice to not have an abortion.

[Solly Mack]

15. (((greenbriar))))

Real women. Real lives.

[az chela]

17. my daughter had 2 abortions

She was married each time,to different guys,she had a daughter who I was raising
and she is still thankful that she never had any more kids.A woman has a right to
make that decision.SHe would make the same decision again.The only problem she had were the right wingers outside the clinic calling her a murderer and telling her she was going to hell.That is what really bothered her!!!

[annabanana]

28. You just tell her

that God understands Everything

[fleabert]

18. Thank you for saying this. nt

[xultar]

19. I've had to make the choice too. I'm glad I had the choice.

I get sad when I think what could have been. But I made the right choice.

I'm older more settled and I'm considering adopting a child.

What they don't get is we all ultimately choose life whether it is helping family, volunteering, loving, adopting. LOVE and LIFE take many forms.

[cilla4progress]

126. Similar scenario

Your post touched me, and I can relate from personal experience. I had just invested time and travel in a career. My husband and I were living in our first small home. I had personal dreams yet to be fulfilled, as well as getting a foothold in my profession. I couldn't figure out - without much family support, nor career-development OR decent childcare options locally, how I could mesh it all and give each area of my life its full due. When we finally had a child I worked at home for her 1st year and didn't go back to work full-time until she was a teenager. This is the kind of mom I wanted to be -- fully present and available to her. To do this, AND establish myself professionally...as well as to pursue some personal lifelong dreams of my own that I needed for baseline life satisfaction, seemed impossible at the time. I knew I would have been an angry, unhappy mom.

I was only 5 wks. along, so it was still very early. I ultimately had only one child. I have thought from time to time that it would be nice for her to have her older sibling. But I knew then, as I know now, it was the only choice for me at the time. I have also always felt that my choice was OK with the universe or whatever. I made it in full conscience, considering the quality of life of all involved. Perhaps I should have "managed myself" better, or been more self-sacrificing? Perhaps my life happiness standards were / are too high? Was it a sad choice? In the sense that if there had been more support or opportunities - QUALITY, affordable childcare; decent career re-entry options, i.e., a living / family VS. pink collar wage, etc., I might have considered it feasible to have the child at that time. If these anti-choice people truly supported families, this is what they would work towards, rather than protesting outside abortion clinics and working so hard at demonizing women & families like me..

[GCP]

22. I never cease to be amazed that it ALWAYS seems to be male politicians

Who are anti-choice. I despise Dennis Miller these days but he used to have a good line - "If you've got a cock you don't have a vote in this issue".
I'm sick of these men who have never faced what a desperate pregnant woman has to face when she makes the decision to terminate a pregnancy - it's a power-game to them, pure and simple.
We're getting nearer and nearer the Handmaid's Tale. :grr:

[TahitiNut]

32. I guess you haven't noticed Ann Coulter, Katharine Harris, ...

... Midge Decter, Michelle Fox, Condi Rice, Elizabeth Farah, Laura Schlessinger, Genevieve Wood, Dr. Pamela Smith, Patricia Heaton, Nancy Grace, Anne Northup, Peggy Bohanon, Elizabeth Dole, Hunter Tylo, Holly Coors, Christina Hoff Sommers, Rita Cosby, Kay Bailey-Hutchison, Nicola Case, Dolores O'Riordan, Barb Van Andel-Gaby, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, Kellyanne Fitzpatrick, Janet Parshall, Kay Coles James, Gov. Joan Finney, Lynne Cheney, Beverly LaHaye, Sharon Weston, Lindy Boggs, Phyllis Schlafly, and all the Conservative Women of America (and many millions of others)? Funny, that. :shrug:

[GCP]

41. It always seems to be men when it's talked about on the news

And you're alleging that Coulter's a woman? LOL
And you haven't answered the point about the Handmaid's Tale.

[Bunny]

53. How many politicians in that group?

How many of those have the ability to enact legislation outlawing abortion?

[TahitiNut]

68. Do a little "opposition research". I did.

I gathered those names in not much more than about 15-20 minutes, representing a cross-section of politicians, performers, and activists from varying walks of life, including a Democratic state legislator. That list could easily be 10-20 times its size ... and it still wouldn't be enough. It's merely a sample of the huge number of women who're members of "Chicks for Colonel Sanders" - representing anywhere from 30% to 55% of all women, depending on what nuances in polling were used. I personally tend to regard any restrictions on choice as illicit ... believing that both the sovereign authority and the responsibility are co-extensive.

[sickinohio]

58. Pickles and dumbya must be pro-choice.

I hear one of the twins has had a couple of attacks of "appendicitis". Don't know if that is true, but it's a rumor I heard. I'm sure that mom and pop must have paid for the medical expenses of the "attacks".

[saracat]

111. Nancy Grace is a Democrat and is pro choice.

[Name removed]

25. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[CountAllVotes]

31. Welcome to the DU Justshoot!!

:hi: and welcome to the Democratic Underground! :D

:kick:

[patdem]

34. I wanted to start a thread about who among us have had an abortion, but

I am such a thread killer I thought I would just hang there all my byself till it sank.

I too found myself pregnant, but it was pre Roe and I was 16. Was happy when I found out, but his reaction was not what I expected..he said "What do you want ME to do about it" I will NEVER forget!

I could not tell my mom, but my friend told her mom, and her mom gave my friend the 'coat hanger solution' for me. It was a wire sheathed in plastic tubing, and her mom told her how to use it. It was successful, but I did not stop bleeding for 2-3 days don't rememeber how many, till I could not walk down the hallway in my house without having to stop and sit in order to keep from passing out. I had to tell my mom and she took me to the emergency room and I had an emergency D&C and was told I almost died.

I am beyond the age where I care for me, but I have three grandchildren, who I HOPE never need an abortion, but if they do, they need not almost die or even die in the process.

[sandnsea]

46. Oh bless your heart

:hug: Like I said in my post, some poor girl in South Dakota is facing that stark reality today. I was lucky enough to never have been in quite such a desperate situation, but I knew with every one of my kids that I had a choice. I can't imagine how terrified not having one would be, the way you were. Just another hug and glad you made it through. :hug:

[NMDemDist2]

76. my mom went to Mexico pre-Roe

she got septemia so bad it almost killed her. she ended up in the hospital and it took a long time for her to get fully healed

:hug:

[ninkasi]

82. That must have been the most frightening thing in the world...

I'm so glad you're here to tell us your story. All three of my children were born pre Roe, but there could have been a fourth, except that Roe was in effect then. I was breaking up with my husband...long story...but for me, it was a choice I've never regretted. My first thought then was for the three children I already had.

I knew that I would be supporting them pretty much by myself, and I knew that I couldn't financially or emotionally handle having a baby. For all of those who seem to think that adoption is ALWAYS an option, realize this; I would have had to face the disgrace, in my family's eyes, of giving up a child. None of them know about my decision.

There would also have been painful questions to answer when my children started to ask if I regretted having them. I didn't, but how could they not wonder what I would have done had abortion been legal when I was expecting them?I hated the fact that I had to decide either way, but health problems had taken me off of oral contraceptives, and my pregnancy resulted from what was, essentially, spousal rape.

I will live with my own decision, and never, ever, want to see another woman have the choice taken away from her. It was hard enough for me to decide what to do in my own case, and I would never presume to have the right for someone else.

[Katherine Brengle]

87. I am so proud of you for sharing your story...

I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to write those words, or how agonizing it must have been for you to go through that experience.

You are very brave.

[patdem]

102. You people are making me cry...I posted it as a story and now all the

fear and trauma is comming back. I do not regret what I did. The only other option was to go to a 'home for unwed mothers' and give the baby up for adoption. But the REAL fear was telling my mom. We had lost my dad only about a year before and my sister had just been married and moved away (it was his (my sis's husband) best friend who was the daddy)...and then this...it was almost more than I or (I thought at the time) my mom could take. I appreciate all the empathy from all yall!

[Katherine Brengle]

112. ...

I am sure we didn't mean to make you cry, hon. I am just amazed by your strength, and by the strength of all of the other women who have posted their own stories here. If I had a story, I don't know if I could be so brave.

:hug:

[diamidue]

141. Stop it! You are making me cry too.

I was going to type in my whole experience here, but it is still too raw even tho it happened decades ago. Just say that I was extremely shy, emotionally fragile and alone when I had my abortion. No family to turn to. No roots. No place to call home. Living out of a suitcase. I felt my only other option was to drown myself. I've learned to forgive myself by acknowledging that I did what I had to do in order to survive.
Older, wiser and stronger, I was gifted with the 2 most wonderful children in the universe. (well, my universe, anyway) ;o)

[sandnsea]

35. My children are all choices

Whether I planned the pregnancy or not, I chose to bring them into this world. And with each one of them, I did make a conscientious decision to have them. So I don't even know what it would be like to have NO choice in the matter. Actually quite terrifying, some poor girl in South Dakota is facing that stark reality today. :cry:

[IsIt1984Yet]

79. The law doesn't go into effect until July in SD.

And I think that they expect (hope) to be before SCOTUS before then.

So, today they are OK... but not for long :cry:.

[sandnsea]

83. Good

Because I was getting a little freaked out thinking about some 15 year old in patdem's shoes. Downright terrifying. We're going to have to get an underground up and running pretty quickly if the worst happens. :scared:

[peacebird]

38. I had an abortion 26 years ago - do I regret it? Absolutely not.

I was on the pill and taking it religiously, but I still got pregnant.

In all honesty I have no feelings of guilt or regret about the abortion. Does that make me a bad person - no.

I was responsible and took the appropriate precautions - they just didn't work. The zygote was not capable of surviving outside my body, therefore to my way of thinking it wasn't yet a viable human.

As for SD saying their new law is to protect women from the "harm" caused by mental anguish over abortions... well I felt nothing but relief when I left that clinic. I had thought the situation through before I got there, and after careful consideration came to the conclusion that this was the correct choice for me.

I've never regretted it for an iinstant.

[Saphire]

43. I just did what I had to do at that time in my life.

That's the way I have always seen my abortion 20 years ago. Repugs seem to think that my abortion has brought me drug abuse , mental illness and an unhappy life. Sorry, but none of that has come true. Regrets? no, not really. Would I do it again? if I were in the same situation again, you bet.

[greenbriar]

44. exactly. I met a great guy and before he asked me to marry him

I told him everything he didn't care

we married. had a child then we both went to college have GREAT jobs and a great life today.

[ronnykmarshall]

40. That was a gutsy post.

:hug:

[ulysses]

47. thanks for this, greenbriar.

:thumbsup:

[greenbriar]

52. YOu are welcome

Just wanted people to know there are real women who are affected every day and it might be the neighbor, cashier or gasp...even the teacher

[adriennui]

49. i had 2 very early abortions

which were known as menstrual extractions. i was able to take these very high tech pregnancy tests in the drs office. i was pregnant and both times i had the abortions immediately.

i don't, nor have i ever felt guilty.

my husband and i now have a beautiful and brilliant daughter.


don't take a woman's choice away.

[racaulk]

51. Thank you for posting this, greenbriar!

I think you're very brave for telling us this story. In times like this it is helpful to know we're not alone and that we have support, and your post opened up a needed dialog here at DU. :pals:

[Ksec]

56. My girlfreind did too

Way back in the seventies . I was a stupid 18 yr old and I had a 18 yr old girlfreind who ended up pregnant. Neither one of us was ready to raise a child. After much debate , which included her parents, we decided an abortion was the way to go. It never really bothered me at the time but I must admit there are times I still wonder . I cant speak for her because I havent seen her for years, but I would bet she does also. (just a guess)

I know how you feel greenbriar.

[greenbriar]

60. there are 5 mocking threads now on other boards

they just don't live in the real world

[katinmn]

63. Hell with them. You're brave and most people on DU are in solidarity

with you.

We also know that there are plenty of Republicans that have had abortions. Studies show. ;-)

[Clark2008]

66. Where?

How idiotic to think they have any say in YOUR body.

:grr:

Stay strong.

[CornField]

89. They simply cannot help themselves

Those other sites are what happens when one wraps the flag too tightly around one's neck and cuts off circulation to the brain. In short, they continue to subscribe to the middle school notion that picking on someone else makes you look good.

Much like the protestors who greeted me outside of the abortion clinic and screamed "murderer" after my son had already died in utero, they simply have no room left in their limited intelligence for anything other than their own misguided, narrow view of what must be.

[NMDemDist2]

103. (((((CornField))))))

:hug:

[Ilsa]

62. Wooooonnnnnderful post.

You are every woman. :loveya:

[loudestchick]

64. I'm combination of these highly linked issues,

I was adopted in 1968, pre-Roe vs Wade. Might I have been aborted had it been legal? Perhaps. I cannot judge. I'm now the mother of 3 delightful children, by choice. I had my first child after having been married for 4 yrs. We played a little "baby roulette" and we won. With our second child, we planned for him. We had alot of sex at the most fertile time of my cycle. With number three? A trip to Las Vegas :woohoo: She was a surprise, but a happy one. We were able to support another child...it could have been different.

It was a different story in 1985. I was 16. I was invincible.

I found out I was pregnant the week before my Senior boyfriend's Baccalaureate service. I was horrified. I'd just been named a national merit semi-finalist. My parents were oblivious. When I told my very catholic boyfriend...he threw up. He was preparing for his freshman year in college, he loved me...he was catholic. He said we should get married, we could live in his parents basement, he'd go to community college at first. I never questioned what I would do. I wasn't going to follow that path...I was going to have the procedure. He cried as he agreed that it would be best. We told our parents that we were going to a local amusement park (Worlds of Fun) the day we drove into the "city" from the burbs to the planned parenthood. (ironic chuckle)

That boyfriend an I stayed together for another 9 months. (more irony) He couldn't take the guilt.

It was sad. Do I regret it? No Do I wonder what might have been? Sure. But would I trade the life I have now for that one? Not a chance.

Now I have two daughters...I will fight for their opportunity to choose their own paths.

[im10ashus]

65. That couldn't have been an easy choice.

Let's hope they don't take that choice away from women. My heart goes out to you. I know I have had friends that I have helped through those choices and it is never easy.

:hug:

[Mnemosyne]

67. Thank you greenbriar.

You are so brave. :hug:

1975

I find it arrogant that they should force us to have to demand our right to choose.:grr: Who are they to think they should have such power over anyone's life? :grr:

[matcom]

69. I have walked through the fundie lines

for reasons i will not post here. my first wife was called names i shall not repeat in this thread. i stood toe to toe with the freaks.

THAT is all i will say on the subject. that was before the mandatory distance rules (although we DID have a police escort)

i hate those fuckers more than you can imagine. they didn't know our story. they enhanced our pain. i'd shoot every last one of them today if i believed in owning a gun.

that.is.all.

[NMDemDist2]

81. (((matcom))))

sorry man. that sucks.

[Qanisqineq]

70. I've had two

The first one, I was living with an abusive boyfriend. The second, I had just left said abusive boyfriend. The thought of women not having that choice makes me nauseous. And outlawing abortion in South Dakota hits very close to home, mine were both in North Dakota and I hope the insanity doesn't spread northwards.

[David Zephyr]

74. Bravo!

And you are a brave woman, a great mother and no one should ever, ever say otherwise!

I'm getting pretty damned fed-up with so-called "pro-life" Democrats these days.

[Just Me]

78. I had one 28 years ago and it was tormenting for quite some time.

Today, I have a 15 year old son whom I love unconditionally. He was my miracle because he wasn't suppose to happen (due to sterility).

However, if I were a younger child-bearing aged woman, I would choose NOT to bring another life into this world. It's too damned ugly and confusing and uncertain.

I worry a great deal for my only son's life and future. I sincerely believe the child I did not bear is better off never having to struggle through so much deceit and heartache and disappointment and decline in human civility and compassion and hope.

That's how I feel, for better or worse,...right or wrong.

[NMDemDist2]

80. ((((greenbriar))))))

thanks for your post

there's not much else I can say :grouphug:

[sproutster]

84. Oh come on! Listen to the Fundies -- You are depriving America

Of unskilled labor!! Have a child, let him be a slave.

God I am so pissed I should just quit posting before I go ballistic.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

88. My ex-wife aborted herself 39 years ago.

We were living together at the time. She told me, after the fact, that she just had a very bad onset of her period. I wanted to take her to the hospital because she seemed so sick, but she adamantly refused. I only found out about it a few years later because I read her diary. That was in the days when abortions were illegal.

I never questioned her about her reasons for doing it because I believed, and still believe, that it was her choice.

We divorced later for reasons that had nothing to do with that.

I have always been, and remain, a firm believer that women must have the right to control their own bodies.

I also consider it an absolute "litmus test" for a candidate.

[LuckyTheDog]

92. Good, brave post

Thanks.

[hlthe2b]

94. Thank you for bravely personalizing this issue...

I'm sorry for your regrets, but I'm glad you can focus on the complete truth--you could in no way have provided for the child in your earlier life. Nor were you in any position to financially go through pregnancy, labor, and delivery. These issues seem to escape the RW zealots who will do anything for the blastula, but squat for the babe, the mother, the child. Woman are more than incubators and I will not let these sanctimonious SOBs reduce us to that.

[NVMojo]

96. I had one and I've never regretted it.

I am not understanding all the guilt some face afterwards. It was not alive to me at 5-6 weeks. Life begins with a breath and it ends when we stop breathing. What's the issue? Don't give me no religious crap on this.

[stop the bleeding]

99. thank you greenbriar - thank you

:grouphug:

[NMMNG]

100. Kudos to you for posting this

You point out two very important things:

1. That pregancy, while it may be desired at the time, may not be economically feasible. If a child is born into poverty will lead a life of hardship, as will the rest of the family. This is an unfair burden to place on anyone.
2. Birth control, no matter how responsibly used, can fail.

This is why safe abortion must remain legal.

[BlueEyedSon]

101. Thank you

[hopeisaplace]

105. Yes, "choice" just means that "it's the woman's choice" ..I agree

it doesn't mean that everyone will "choose" to abort...it merely means
it's none of anyone else's business except those the mother chooses to
confide in. I understand that completely:

Told this story on DU before:
I've known 2 women, both married with kids, who found out they had cancer
when they were pregnant for their baby...One woman had 3 kids, the other had
4 kids. The woman with the 4 kids lost two of her kids when they were about 10
years old to a nasty genetic disease. It was so bloody sad. Sad beyond words.
Several years later, she found herself unexpectedly pregnant and they found cancer
at the same time. Both women CHOSE not to abort. Both women were given the option.
Both women passed away. Both women had their babies around the 8 month mark. The
woman with the 4 kids gave birth to a still born baby girl, and mom passed away a week
later. She and the baby were buried in the same casket. Sad beyond anything I can
type here. The lady with the 3 kids passed away 1 year later, when her new baby was 1,
and healthy.
This all happened many years ago.
My point was, it was their "choice". And that's the bottom line, I think.

I was so moved by these incidents, I wrote a poem/song lyrics about it:


FOR EMILY, A MOTHER'S CHOICE

An afternoon stroll with a friend on a heated day,
Her hair perfectly swaying to her giggle bounce
Holding her tummy, proudly humming
“I have a baby on the way”

Hugs, kisses, dreams and wishes
For this Mrs
The sun shining inside and out
So lucky she felt this day, she has a baby on the way

Daddy holds mommy’s hand
He says, thank you honey, I love you so much
Our baby is lucky to have you
and I am blessed to wear our wedding band

A visit to the doctor turned perfect joy into shock
You are very sick he told her
You won’t live with this life in you
Sit soon with your husband and have a talk

Hugs, kisses, dreams and wishes
For this Mrs.
The sun shines brightly on this day
Cause she still has her baby on the way

Her husband crying uncontrollable tears
Loving her so
He could never ever let her go
He can’t choose
he doesn’t want to lose
His wife or his child

She knew for her this baby was a voice
A wish she made so long ago
A wish come true
And there was no government telling her what to do
It was ultimately her decision, her choice

Six years have passed, and Emily asks,
“Daddy, when will I see mommy?”,
Today my sweet angel,
Today

Hugs, kisses, dreams and wishes
For this Mrs
The sun still shining on this day
as Emily kneels to pray
For mommy

Mommy had made her choice
And daddy still hurts so bad, he misses her smile, her touch
But he holds Emily today
with Mommy's light warming them both
His deep love for Emily sustains him
On her birthdays

Hugs, kisses, dreams and wishes
For Emily
The sun still shining on this day
her hair perfectly swaying to her giggle bounce,
as she plays,



(P.S. the name "Emily" is not applicable to the women in my life in the above story)

edit: typos

[katinmn]

109. Beautiful poem.

:hug: Thanks for sharing it with us.

[hopeisaplace]

110. :) thanks for reading it too

:):hug:

[lamp_shade]

119. I wonder what the punishment will be...

... for a SD woman who has an abortion and is "caught". Would it be considered a felony? Prison? How many years? 8 to life? Fine? How much? I want to be a spectator in the courtroom for the entire trial and on the day punishment is handed down. I want to see the reaction of the people of SD... the press... the country. I want to see who "cheers" and who "boos". I want to be there, and yet I pray to God it never happens.

[KharmaTrain]

122. Nearly 30 Years Ago For Us...And Still Together

Greenbriar...you know you're not alone. I've never met a woman whose wanted an abortion and that it's a choice that is the toughest any woman has to make. I respect a woman who decides to keep their baby as much as one who has her reasons she can't...as each has thought it through in ways that no man can comprehend.

In our case, my girlfriend and I were in college and thought we were being careful. She became pregnant and was scared I was going to run for the hills. No way I could do that and 30 year later we look back on that time as one that made us the couple we are today...being able to be there for each other when it really mattered.

We have two children...one turns 21 in a couple days and we gave a lot of love and made a lot of sacrafices so that my daughter and her brother could have two full-time parents and all the benefits that a close family enjoys. Every so often, my wife and I will reflect back on the one that would have been 29 this year and then look at our children and know we did the right thing.

Cheers...

[mimitabby]

125. okay, here goes. 30 years ago in Idaho

Abortions had just become legal. I was between boyfriends, and one, I just discovered was married.
So this translates into no boyfriends, who's the father? I'm single, I lived and worked in very
conservative Boise Idaho (I had already lost a job because of my liberal lifestyle a few years before)
I was pregnant! I told both guys that I was and that i was going to get rid of it. My married boyfriend
confessed to me that his WIFE had just gotten pregnant too. (his line to me was poor me we haven't had sex in a year!) So the wife and I got together and we both had the "TA" or Therapeutic abortion.
I have never regretted it. Do I wonder what that kid would be like today? occassionally; but I wonder
what my grandfather would be like today too, and he would be 110 years old.
I have two sons both in their 20's now, wonderful sons, who grew up with a mom and a dad. I can't
honestly say that I planned them either. But I had a choice.
Girls like I was will do almost anything to NOT have a child that will ruin their chances of a livelihood and a reasonable life. I am really worried about the next generation and their choices.
I have never revealed this "in public" before.

[Maddy McCall]

164. Thank you, mimi, for telling your story.

You are a brave, resilient woman.

:hug:

[wryter2000]

134. My abortion story

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=604255&mesg_id=604648

1967 before it was legal anywhere

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

139. I had one 27 years ago

I was married, but we thought we didn't want kids. I was working full time and my husband was not due to an illness. I got pregnant again a year or so later, but by then had changed my mind and wanted a child. I was secure enough in my career to be able to take a short maternity leave and my husband was willing to be a stay at home dad.

My son is my only child whom I love dearly and am very proud of - even tho' he is responsible for a lot of my grey hair ! Sometimes I wonder what #1 would have been like, but I believe that I never would have had this son if I had not had the abortion.

Miss Waverly mentioned harvesting the babies from the young girls. I actually thought about that the other day when I heard that this SD law had been passed. I wondered if the scarcity of white infants available for adoption behind some of this insanity

[ccvirgo911]

148. Adopted 42 years ago

..And it was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I grew up in a household where my brother, sister and myself were subjected to The Big 3-sexual, emotional and physical abuse. I have dealt with feelings of abandonment my entire life; not knowing who I really was, wishing I was someone else, or at times, wishing I had never been born. I live in Missouri, and birth records are sealed. This is the hardest thing I have had to deal with-a total stranger can know everything about my parentage, but I never can. My adoptive parents were totally unfit to raise children but in those days, there was a surplus of babies in this area. They were practically giving them away; neither of my adoptive parents were employed when they got me. A lot of girls came to KC to live in homes until their babies were born, since it is centrally located, so my birth mother could have been from anywhere in the country. My sister and I managed to rise above everything we went through, we both got college degrees. But my brother has had the hardest time of all. He's spent time homeless, and had drug and alcohol addictions. The depth of pain some adoptees feel is indescribable, and it never goes away. All you can do to try and find a reason to hold on when you are a child experiencing these things. And that's no way for a child to live.

[Maddy McCall]

151. God, cc.

From one adoptee to another: :hug: :hug: :hug: :loveya:

[MissWaverly]

154. I am so sorry, my sister cried a river when she put her baby up

for adoption, my sister was a very gentle girl, she kept the Owl and the Pussycat Book for years. Our parents were like something out of a Steven King novel, really. My father had
guns everywhere including under his pillow at night. When my sister gave up the baby, the
father had gotten out of the army and gone back home and wanted nothing to do with her.
We lived in a small town with only 1 red light. My sister went to the county seat to
give the baby up. If my sister had kept the baby, my parents would have been watching him
during the day. I think she wanted the baby to be loved and not mistreated which is
why she made the decision she did. She thought only of what was the best thing to do,
she did not do the "easy" or the "fun" thing.

[zippy890]

165. thank you for sharing your story

babies, children deserve to be wanted and loved.

reading your post, its hard to come up with the right words
to tell you how much I admire you and how strong you are
to be able to put your life into such perspective.

[savemefromdumbya]

159. Abortion shouldn't be a government issue

only an issue for parent(s) and their doctor to decide what's best