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Syrinx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:04 AM
Original message
have you ever used a racial slur?
Edited on Thu Feb-23-06 03:05 AM by Syrinx
I have.

My uncle used to be a really terrible racist. I think he's mellowed somewhat over the years, but he's
probably still a bigot.

When I was a little boy, he would try to bribe me to say "nigger." He would offer me a dollar or fifty cents to say that word. But I never took him up on it. I did his dirty work by calling him "Sir" for money. He would give me a half-dollar everytime I did (do they still make those?).

This was in the early seventies. When I was in first grade, I had black classmates. But this was pretty new in Alabama at the time.

There were a couple of black kids at school that I became friends with. There was Cedric, and a cute little girl that I can't remember her name.

What my uncle told me and what I saw even at that age, were totally contradictory.

I was just a baby, really, but I didn't see a lot of difference between my white friends and Cedric and that girl. They had a really nice tan, you know?

Well, fast-forward about a dozen years. It so happens that I'm going to visit my (African-American) friend, we'll call him Steve.

Once I get near his apartment, these guys are on the side of the road with their car's hood up. I stopped to help them, and it turns out they are criminals. They beat me up and stole my money.

As I was leaving (they didn't take my car) I leaned out the window and yelled "Fuck you niggers!"

I wish I had chosen different words. "Fuck you assholes" or something. It still bothers me a little I guess, or I probably wouldn't be pecking this in.

Anyway...

Has anyone ever said something like that, even though you know it's wrong?
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slybacon9 Donating Member (848 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:13 AM
Response to Original message
1. I can honestly say, I never have used the N bomb
Not to make myself out to be great or anything. I was just lucky to be raised with great parents.

I have, though, endured countless racial jokes without putting up too much of a protest when around bosses and family members (aunts and uncles).

To me that is just as bad. I wish i was stronger.

I've never "been good at" using racial slurs though. They are kind of like poop jokes... They just seem too ignorant to even let out of my mouth.
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Syrinx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:18 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. I had good parents too
That's probably why I didn't go the wrong way.

I don't think my uncle was in the KKK. But he probably wouldn't have criticized them too boldly.

I think just grabbed the nearest perjorative, and unfortunately, it happed to be racial in nature.
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Texacrat Donating Member (286 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:20 AM
Response to Original message
3. Yeah
Edited on Thu Feb-23-06 03:21 AM by Texacrat
Honestly, considering the circumstances, I don't fault you.
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Peter Frank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:24 AM
Response to Original message
4. Obvious answer...
...we all have, before we grew up.
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Syrinx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:29 AM
Response to Reply #4
6. hey
Thanks. :thumbsup:
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:25 AM
Original message
I called my 6th grade French teacher that..
....I was raised to be a racist...but I grew up and saw through what I'd been told as well...and if looks could kill I would have been dead on the floor that day..she was furious but didn't discipline me...in hindsight it literally hurts me to think about the incident...I wish she was still around for me to apologize with all my heart. :cry:
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LittleClarkie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:25 AM
Response to Original message
5. I was surprised when a co-worker called me nigger
Mind you, she's black and I'm white. Took it as a bizarre compliment that she felt comfortable enough with me to shoot that into the conversation.
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Peter Frank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:30 AM
Response to Reply #5
7. Where's Big Clarkie? n/t
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LittleClarkie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:34 AM
Response to Reply #7
10. Not my day to watch him.
:)
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Peter Frank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:47 AM
Response to Reply #10
13. ;)... n/t
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Behind the Aegis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:43 AM
Response to Reply #5
12. Context is everything,
It may have been a compliment, The use of the word 'nigger' among African-Americans has mixed reactions. However, some use that word as a form of empowerment (taking the word back from the oppressor). When used that way, it is considered a form of "in-group solidarity." The 'in-group' can use it, but others cannot. Therefore, if she called you a "nigger," it may have actually been a compliment in that she felt you can relate to her.

Again, I wasn't there. But the context often can reveal the real intention. I have several friends (mostly Black women), that call me "girl" when talking to me (I am a gay man). They usually 'correct' themselves, but it has never been an insult, but rather an acknowledgment that I am their close friend and get where they are coming from. Besides, I have no issue being called female...I see nothing wrong with being female, so it doesn't insult me. The only time it is insulting is when the intention is misogynistic in nature.
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Behind the Aegis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:32 AM
Response to Original message
8. On occasion, but usually for a reason.
Edited on Thu Feb-23-06 03:34 AM by Behind the Aegis
I teach diversity seminars. So, I use the word 'nigger' in that sense. Have I ever directed it at someone? Only once. There was a group of African-American men sitting on a staircase. I was walking to the Student Union. There were five of them. They started calling me "faggot," "butt pirate (which I think is kinda funny)," and a few other choice words. I stopped, faced them, a pointed at each one of them a called them a different derogatory name for AA folks. They were so shocked, they just sat there. I then said..."so, how does it feel to be targeted for who you are, even when the person targeting you knows nothing about you?" About that time, the leader of the Black Student Union came outside...they called him over and told him what I had said. He looked at them and said, "if you made him call you that, then you obviously deserved it!" It's not that they deserved it, but it brought their attention to the fact that attacking someone you don't know based on something like race, religion, or sexual orientation is just stupid. Bigotry is bigotry...always!

While I may not 'attack' people because of race, I have called women that "special word" when "dumb-ass" would have sufficed. I used the word because I knew the person was a woman. I have made prejudiced remarks about overweight people. I feel bad after I do it. The fact is that we all carry around certain prejudices, some more heinous than others, and in a fit of anger or despair, fall back on our prejudices.

No one is perfect or free of prejudice. All we can do is continue to challenge ourselves and ask "how would I feel if someone called me a ----- ?"

On edit: After reading my own post, I realized I have called people out on race....I have used the term "white trash" on more than one occasion, when "trash" would suffice.
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RoyGBiv Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:33 AM
Response to Original message
9. Once that I recall ...
Edited on Thu Feb-23-06 03:35 AM by RoyGBiv
I had several people in my family like your uncle, so various kinds of racial slurs were used in my presence up until the time I was old enough and had enough of a forceful disposition to tell them to shut the hell up in my presence at least. (My grandmother's father, whom I thankfully never met, was in the KKK and was very violent. Grandma strived to be his exact opposite.) I mention this because I would not doubt I echoed some of these words when I was young and either don't remember it or have forced it out of my consciousness. Thankfully this wasn't my mother or grandmother, both of whom raised me, and I'm certain they corrected me early and often if it did come out.

But I did fling the n-word once in my life and under similar circumstances, only it was directed toward someone who had been a close friend whom I had discovered was stealing from me, had been for a long time, and had also been sleeping with my soon-to-be ex-wife. Having analyzed myself to great lengths over the incident -- which still plays over and over in my mind in one of those bad replays of a nightmare you keep hoping you can change but never can -- I realize I chose that word because it was the most hurtful thing I could think to say at the time. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me. I was red hot with rage, but the moment that came out of me and the moment I saw the look on his face ... it all went away, and I literally cried myself to sleep that night. It was surreal when I said it, too, a feeling I cannot possibly describe fully. I felt faint, my vision blurred, and my voice went up three octaves. The double-shot of having been betrayed by a close friend and then having betrayed myself by forgetting everything I believed just to enact some petty revenge I think just about turned my brain to goo. It really tore me apart for a very long time, and I wondered if some latent, genetic racism was hibernating inside me waiting to come out.

That was years ago. Remember it like yesterday as one of the worst moments in my life, not so much because of the other shit going on at the time (and there was a lot of it, obviously) but because of what I said.



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Syrinx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 03:40 AM
Response to Reply #9
11. thanks for that
Especially the part about why you chose your words.

For me, too, it was about trying to hurt them. The people that hurt me.
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ThoughtCriminal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 04:07 AM
Response to Original message
14. Is Red-Neck Racist?
Closest thing I can think of, but I don't think you have to be particular race to be a "Red-Neck". I think it might in certain context be biggoted as opposed to racist.
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madinmaryland Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 07:03 AM
Response to Reply #14
27. Not sure about red-neck, though
Trailer Trash has been construed as bigotted.

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QC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 01:56 AM
Response to Reply #14
36. It's more a matter of class hatred, which many think is perfectly OK. n/t
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B Calm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 04:35 AM
Response to Original message
15. You would be lying if you never have said anything racist.
Edited on Thu Feb-23-06 04:36 AM by B Calm
This is America. The only thing we can do is fight racist thoughts.
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bluestateguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 04:37 AM
Response to Original message
16. About Condoleezza Rice, yes I have
I'll let you figure out the word I used.
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 04:38 AM
Response to Original message
17. nope
and I've never tolerated it from others, either
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fujiyama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 04:47 AM
Response to Original message
18. I have never used a racial slur
but I'll admit, I have laughed at ethnic and racial jokes...
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 04:50 AM
Response to Original message
19. I was raised to be prejudiced...without ever using the words.
It was my mother's influence. I am just thankful that my father's influence far outweighed hers and that my young adulthood was spent in situations where I could experience diversity.
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 05:13 AM
Response to Original message
20. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Behind the Aegis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 05:53 AM
Response to Reply #20
22. Well...
...for someone who "abhors" racism...you seem to have no problem mimicking it!
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Clark2008 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 05:58 AM
Response to Reply #20
23. OK - who thinks this is Michelle Malkin posting something
God-awful just so she can talk about it in her husband's latest column?

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Behind the Aegis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 06:04 AM
Response to Reply #23
25. Now, now...
Edited on Thu Feb-23-06 06:04 AM by Behind the Aegis
...let's not jump to conclusions...or conspiracy theories....but, why no "slams" on Asian-Americans?! :shrug:

:evilgrin:
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Clark2008 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 06:14 AM
Response to Reply #25
26. LOL... true.
But, my goodness, that post was a doozy.
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izzie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 05:15 AM
Response to Original message
21. I think humans have always pushed at the third member of a group
And it must be true that any women my age, over 70, must have put men, in a male run world, in a place one would not called good or the best light and said it to them. I think if you study the Civil Rights history you would find women did a lot and understood the problem but they were pushed out of it right at the start It never would have worked if women had just seen the problem as women were not looked at as important in such things.We even lost the womens amendment battle for our self. Some states even re-voted on it after passing it once.
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wake.up.america Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 06:01 AM
Response to Reply #21
24. Never have. Takes no effort on my part.
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William Bloode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 07:16 AM
Response to Original message
28. Sure,
I use them all the time. I have never used the terms in anger or hate. In fact one of my black fiends and i often have a bit of racist banter for fun. He'll call me a spear chuckin' tomahawk throwin' honkey cocktail(since i am of mixed race), and i'll call him a burr headed coon. Nothing mean or offensive to it, we are both twisted and just have fun with it.
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Devlzown Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 07:30 AM
Response to Original message
29. Yes.
I spent a great deal of time around my grandparents when I was a child and they referred to black people only as niggers. They wouldn't say it out of hate or meanness, usually, it was generally used very matter-of-factly -- the same way you'd say someone is Irish or Indian. It took me a while to quit saying that.
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-23-06 07:53 AM
Response to Original message
30. No. 'Nuff said.
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mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-25-06 10:52 PM
Response to Original message
31. sure
all the time. it is awful.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-25-06 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
32. Nope. Thanks, Mom!
And I'm one of those people who honestly doesn't think she could do it, even if someone was offering her a billion dollars. The psychological and emotional conditioning to resist bigotry is that strong.
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Syrinx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 02:03 AM
Response to Reply #32
39. I'm against bigotry too
In the situation I described, I had just been pistol-whipped, and I had a black eye, bloody nose and bruised ribs. I was probably the angriest I've ever been in my life. I feel bad about my word choice, but if I had had a gun, I probably would've shot them in the leg or something, and I wouldn't have felt guilty about that.
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DanCa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-25-06 11:15 PM
Response to Original message
33. I grew up in a mixed family and on the south side of Chicago
Edited on Sat Feb-25-06 11:16 PM by DanCa
I have aunts and unlces of just about every ethnic persuasion there is so I don't use the words. Unfortunately my fundie sister uses slurs at every oppurtunity but thats another story. I must admit that when i was seven or eight I used a gay bash word. I am so so sorry that I did that about thirty odd years ago that it still bugs me. I just wanted to publicly appologize for that ignorant little kid I once was. I didn't even know what I was repeating at the time.
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DenaliDemocrat Donating Member (536 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-25-06 11:22 PM
Response to Original message
34. What if you say it but it's among friends??
I have one black friend who refers to all of his friends as "my Nigger (insert friends name here)". For him, it's a term of endearment. It does not matter to him if you are black as midnight or white as the driven snow. If you are Tony's friend, he calls you his nigger.
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rainbow4321 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 01:51 AM
Response to Original message
35. Nope...I actually helped get a racist suspended once from work
It was a while back. He made the comment that people from other countries needed to not be allowed in the US. Reported his comments to his supervisor along with his other racial comments from that day and how offended I was, etc..found out later that he got suspended for a few days because of the offensive comments. I was surprised since I was expecting him to "only" get a verbal/written warning. Management actually did the right thing for a change!
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Raine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 01:57 AM
Response to Original message
37. Yes
ashamed to say I have, the only excuse I have is that I was a kid and mimicked what I heard. I have NEVER EVER used a racial slur since becoming an adult.

I think it is difficult if not impossible for any person who grew up in America to have never ever used a racial slur.
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AlCzervik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 01:59 AM
Response to Original message
38. My grandfather used to refer to my dad as "that jew Kay married"
i learned early on how much that hurts.
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Orangepeel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 02:05 AM
Response to Original message
40. I've used the word "gyp" which is an ethnic slur
I didn't mean it as an ethnic slur, and I felt awful after saying it (although I don't think the person I was in the conversation though anything of it). I don't think I'll ever say it again, but it is hard when it is just part of the language.
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WinkyDink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 02:11 AM
Response to Original message
41. Never the "N" word here, either.
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sandnsea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 02:13 AM
Response to Original message
42. Not directed at anybody
But I'll use any word if I think it's necessary to make a point, I have at DU. But I've never used an ethnic or religious slur at anybody. Stupid fucking asshole has been more than sufficient so far! :)

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Syrinx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 02:21 AM
Response to Reply #42
44. "stupid fucking asshole" is good
I recall using the "N-Bomb" exactly once in my life. I can't recall how many times I've used your old stand-by. ;)
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XOKCowboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 02:18 AM
Response to Original message
43. I also was raised racist...
in Oklahoma in the 60s. I think that it's thanks to my Dad that it never "took" on me about black people. He employee several black people that I got to know well and I never heard "the word" from him. Now he hated the Japanese due to his experiences in the war and he used many racial slurs when it came to Asians so go figure. His mother was an intelligent, dynamic woman but she was completely racist as were most white people in OK at the time. It's just the way it was.

Heck I still have some friends back home that can't believe that I roomed on the road with a black man. It would do me no good to explain to them that he's one of the best people I've ever met, it's just inconceivable to them. I did say friends also. Yes they are racist but are also people who's word is their bond and would have my back in any situation. They are good people but have that one character flaw. We're not talking about crossburners, it's just how they think.

Have I ever used a racial slur? Not to anyone's face and not in public. I admit to some bad thoughts at times but I've been able to supress them.
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Syrinx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-26-06 02:27 AM
Response to Reply #43
45. just a little clarification
I wasn't "raised racist." My uncle (one of my father's brothers) was terribly racist. But my parents were never like that. My mother's best friend (I did not say "some of her best friends") is black.

And it's probably not good to suppress your thoughts. Rather, you should confront and examine them, and learn from them. Suppression is almost never a good thing.

:hi:
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