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It Was My Fault (A Lesson from Grief)

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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:05 PM
Original message
It Was My Fault (A Lesson from Grief)
Today is Wednesday, December 13, 2006, and it is officially one of the worst days in my life. Compounding my misery is the fact that it really is All My Fault. (For those who know that I'm 5-1/2 months pregnant with twins, the babies are okay; this isn't about them.)

Today there was a preventable accident. Granted, that magic word accident should be helping, but its not. I keep replaying the scene over and over in my head, and wishing things had turned out differently. I am posting this story in General Discussion instead of the Lounge so that hopefully, other people may avoid the same situation. Mods, if its the wrong place, my apologies in advance; its been a rough day.

This morning I took three of my dogs to the groomers Anya, Tessa, and Noche. I have had Anya and Tessa since they were nine day old orphans, while Noche has been with us since she was three weeks old. Anya and Tessa were part of our first foster litter, along with their sister Loki. Of course, back then they were known as Red, White and No-Spot, despite the fact they were pure black because we tried using nail polish on their heads to determine who was who so we could keep track of feeding them. Neither their eyes nor ears were open; we bottle-fed them, and ended up keeping Anya and Tessa, while Loki went to live with our best friends. (Loki had nuzzled up to the wife, and that was that, otherwise I think all three would have been permanent members of the household, with our foster career being over!)

Over the course of the next four years, we fostered another 85 puppies for our local rescue group, and despite learning about a lot of idiots and rotten people, the experience was an amazingly positive one. For us, it was about the dogs, and as a side benefit, it was an outlet for my nurturing nature while we dealt with the hell of infertility.

My husband and I are good dog owners. Our pets are extremely well mannered because we trained them that way. We dont let them jump on people, they have a bed they go to when guests arrive, and they are very affectionate. We child proofed them from a young age pulling on their ears, their tails, playing with their faces, and exposing them to a variety of people. They sit, they stay, and they are pretty good on a leash (initial excited pulling, but then appropriate heeling once the walk gets going). They come when they are called, and are always up to date with their vaccinations and licenses. As a matter of fact, they were just seen yesterday (Tuesday, December 12, 2006) by our vet, who, as usual, gave us compliments on their good manners.

Anya and Tessa are Flat Coated Retriever mixes. If you arent familiar with the breed, think of a pure BLACK Golden Retriever (complete with beautiful wavy coat), or a long haired Black Labrador. Noche is a German Shepherd/Rottweiller/Chow mix, which sounds scary, but she is one of the most amazing and lovely dogs on the planet, to the point where we have frequently considered taking her for therapy dog work. (She is a Lover Girl!) We also have two other perma foster dogs Ladybug, an Australian Shepherd who is a couch potato, and Fuzzball the Magnificent, who we think is a Lhaso Apso/Cairn Terrier mix. As the only boy in the household, Fuzzball likes to think hes the Alpha dog, which is pretty funny considering he weighs about fifteen pounds, while the rest range from 50 to 80 pounds. Periodically the big girls just whap him down with a paw when he gets too hyperactive, although things have calmed down since Onyx the Wonder Kitten joined the household a few months back she believes ALL the dogs are here to be her personal play toys, and she loves to wrestle with Fuzzball.

I tell you about my puppies (six years old now), so you can understand the depth of the loss that hit me today. As I said, I took Anya, Tessa, and Noche to the groomers. They were excited, but I refused to put their leashes on them until everyone calmed down and did a sit for me. I had already opened up the back of the Trailblazer, and the girls were eager to go. I got pulled out to the car, and all three jumped in, just like they had a million times before. They sat down, I closed the hatch, and off we went to the groomers a seven minute drive at the most. I remember thinking that I would stop off for McDonalds on the way back, and being proud of how well behaved my dogs were being. (All three were happily looking out the back window.) It was a good day, and I planned to do another trip with Ladybug and Fuzzball, despite the fact Im technically only allowed out once a day due to the whole five and a half months pregnant with twins thing that has me on house arrest/modified bed rest.

When I pulled into the parking lot at the groomers and went back to get my dogs, I noticed a mud puddle. I remember thinking to myself better not park here when I come to pick them up and began opening the back of the vehicle. I only opened it a little bit, and immediately ordered my dogs to Sit! just like I always do only this time, my hyper excited dogs didnt obey orders, and all three of them scrambled out of the vehicle, and as I vainly lunged for them and their leashes (catching a small part of Anyas tail), all three of them took off across the parking lot, with a sudden attack of deafness to my shouted orders to Come, Stop, GET BACK HERE!

I wish I could say this was the first time they had every disobeyed orders; it wasnt. Usually sudden attacks of deafness can be attributed to the Evil Ones (aka squirrels) who inhabit our backyard, or the unwatched door held open by an unsuspecting niece or nephew that demands an immediate romp down to the end of our block followed by a quick return trip home. They are rarely out of sight, and in that, this time was no different.

Except this time, we were at the groomers, and they ran into the middle of the street, where Anya and Tessa, running in tandem as always, were both hit by the same car, and killed pretty much instantaneously.

It was my fault. I should have grabbed the leashes, I should have trained them better, I should have been more careful I should have, I Should Have, I SHOULD HAVE!!!

I had been chasing after them across the parking lot. I stopped. I screamed. Noche was trying to follow them, but she came back, only she knew something was up, and thought it was time to play some chase the groomer caught her, and meanwhile she (the groomer) was screaming at me not to go near Anya and Tessa, and yelling at the other people NOT to let me go near them because I was pregnant with twins, and a very nice man grabbed me, and wouldnt let me go to them. I yelled for someone to call our vet (Where was my cell phone? In my purse? Where was my purse? I had left it at home because it was just a quick trip down the street), and then, when no one would let me go to my baby girls, I begged the groomer to go be with them. They werent moving after the first initial horrible bounce, but the woman who had hit them, bless her heart, had stopped, as had several other people. Someone pulled them out of the street. Everyone was very nice to me.

It didnt make things better, but I am grateful for the kindness that was shown.

I was taken back to the groomers, and ordered to stay. Noche had been taken into the shop, and was doing fine. I called my husband and hysterically begged him to come home. He had an hour long drive, and made it in record time. We got a hold of the vet, and the very nice man who stopped me from seeing my dogs like that transported them first into my vehicle, and then, into his own vehicle where he took them to the vet. (I still wasnt allowed to see them; I later learned they were intact, but bleeding from the nose and mouth.)

I apologized to the woman who hit them, who was apologizing to me. We were both crying. It wasnt her fault; it was mine. It was my duty to keep my dogs under control, and I had let them slip away from me. I felt bad for her, because she was obviously an animal lover, and she didnt do it on purpose.

Everyone kept yelling at me to calm down and think of the babies, because I kept crying. I just couldnt stop. Honestly, I still cant. It feels like a nightmare that I pray God Im going to wake up from soon. Finally, my groomer put her four month old newborn in front of me, and ordered me to remember to think of the two babies Ive got growing inside of me. Her son is adorable, and he thought the funny faces I was making were hysterical; did I mention that everyone was being very kind?

Afterwards, my groomer showed me a little Safety Snap Hook that I didnt know existed that I could have used to attach their leashes to one of the handles inside of the car. It is killing me that I didnt know about this thing before hand Ive seen them before, but never put it together with use it to attach leashes to car so dogs cant escape. I would have gladly spent the few dollars that would have kept my puppies safe.

My mother came, and drove my vehicle and I home. We arrived at the same time as my husband. The vet called with the news Id already been given they were gone; it was pretty much instantaneous, and there was nothing that could have been done to save them (except, of course, not let them get hit by a car!).

My heart (and that of my husband) has been completely ripped to shreds. There are those who will post sympathetic and supportive comments, and I thank you in advance. There are those who will make snarky comments, because this is a message board, and that happens sometimes. To those people, let me assure you there is nothing you can say that will make me feel worse; I let my beloved dogs get hit by a car, and they are gone forever. I Get It!

I am telling this story so other people who have dogs can hopefully avoid the same situation I was in today. Everything else aside, if Id known about the Safety Snap Hook thing, my dogs wouldnt have been able to get away from me, even if theyd wanted to, and I wouldnt be sitting here grieving them right this minute. You can find them pretty much anywhere, but if you want to see what Im talking about, heres a link: http://www.homedepot.com/prel80/HDUS/EN_US/diy_main/pg_...

Either way, I know it was my fault. Yes, it was an accident, and these things happen. Believe it or not, that isnt making things any easier at the moment, but given time, perhaps it will. I am lucky we didnt lose Noche, too, and I realize that. I was blessed to have Anya and Tessa in my life, and I would rather suffer through their loss than never have known them at all. Its going to be a little bit of time before that stops hurting, too.

Nevertheless, the house is emptier tonight, and will be for a long time to come. I can only ask that other people learn from my pain: Please do what it takes to keep your beloved pets safe there is no time that is a good one for a loss such as this. Even if your dog is perfectly trained, remember that it only takes one excited hyperactive moment to lose them forever.

Get to the hardware store, get one of these Safety Snap Hook things, and then PLEASE USE IT!

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
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radwriter0555 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:13 PM
Response to Original message
1. Oh sweetie, I am so sorry, how awful for you to be going through such a sad and tragic thing.
Your advice is excellent. I have a doggie that leaps from the car too, and boy is he fast. I have a clip to keep him attached in the car and thank you, I will ALWAYS make sure I use it now, I promise.

All you can do now is grapple with your grief and as the days pass, it will ease up. Really do try to keep your stress levels down for the babies, because nothing you do now can save the doggies or bring them back. You have several other little lives that depend on you to be strong and calm.

Thank you for your great advice in light of your tragedy. It's up to us to learn from our mistakes, isn't it?

Big big big big big big hugs to you. I understand completely how you feel, I really, really do. I'm so sorry.
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Cleita Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:15 PM
Response to Original message
2. All I can say is
:grouphug:

And a little bit of wisdom of a friend who told me that when it's any loved one's "time", we have nothing to say about it.

Don't blame yourself over and over for something you couldn't foresee.
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MacGregor Donating Member (148 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:15 PM
Response to Original message
3. Oh, I'm so sorry about your pups! :(
:grouphug:

Be well, Ida. (I wish I knew something, anything, better to say, though... ;()
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Hepburn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:16 PM
Response to Original message
4. OMG.........
Edited on Wed Dec-13-06 11:19 PM by Hepburn
....I am so sorry about your dogs. I am a dog lover....and if anything happened to my pup, I would just curl up into a ball and cry for hours. I still cry over my last dog that died two years ago ~~ cancer.

I don't know what to tell you. I am sitting here crying my eyes out after reading this. I don't think it was your fault. Some times even with the best plans things just go wrong.

I am so, so very sorry. And...I am taking my dog to the groomers this week. You can rest assured getting her in and out of the car I am going to be extra careful. Hopefully, you have caused a lot of us dog lovers and owners to take some extra time with our pets.



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NoBushSpokenHere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:17 PM
Response to Original message
5. Sending you special thoughts
Will pass along the information about the Snap Hook to other friends who have pets. Always difficult to lose animals, I hope you are able to grieve away the pain and release the guilt you are feeling. Again, special thoughts to you.
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CPschem Donating Member (606 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:18 PM
Response to Original message
6. so sorry...
The same thing could have happened to me- but now I'm going to buy those hooks you mentioned to protect my two dogs. You should feel good about that because if I hadn't read your post I wouldn't have known about such a device. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. You seem like a very caring person who didn't deserve this.
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:19 PM
Response to Original message
7. I am so so sorry.
That is just horrible.

Even "good dog people" sometimes can't control every act of their dogs. Many dogs just have a "go nuts" gene that takes over sometimes.

It's not your fault. It was an accident.

My heart goes out to you. Think of the joy you and Anya and Tessa gave one another.

And yes, the safety snap is a good thing. Thank you for sharing that excellent advice.

:hug: :cry: :hug:
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rhiannon55 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:40 PM
Response to Original message
8. Oh, I am so sorry
What a brave and caring thing you have done in writing about your loss while the pain is still so fresh and your heart is still in the process of breaking. I don't think I could do it. Thank you for offering your terrible experience as a cautionary gift to others.

Take care of yourself and those babies. :hug:
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Wonk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:41 PM
Response to Original message
9. 5th Rec and kicking this back to the top
:grouphug:

My dog is getting old and slow, and not prone to running away, but that's a good idea anyway. I'll pick up a safety snap hook this week for him.
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Mythsaje Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:41 PM
Response to Original message
10. I'm so sorry to hear this...
I have felt the surge of panic when a dog roamed closer to the road than I felt comfortable.

I'm lucky to have started with shibas this time around. They are NEVER allowed off-leash, and never trusted not to take off. They MAY show perfect recall, but they can not be trusted.

I share your pain.
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kimchi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:52 PM
Response to Original message
11. I am so sorry.
My carelessness ("she'll be FINE" as she jumped the fence) left my cat paralyzed, and I live with that every day. Very soon she will be gone (recurrent UTIs that have become resistant to antibiotics.) Tomorrow I will know for sure if there is anything to do except put her down. (Not to negate your pain, just to say that I understand that humans make mistakes that our animals end up paying for.)

I know there is nothing I can say to take away the pain or the guilt, but I hope you can heal and find some peace. Thank you for taking the time to remind us to protect our pets even in your time of grief, and for sharing your dogs with us.
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Triana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:55 PM
Response to Original message
12. Don't be too hard on yourself....there's no way you could have known...
...it wasn't deliberate on your part. Take care of you. You *are* worth it and so are the little ones you have inside. My Mom locked our dog in a hot car (unknowingly - he liked to jump in there - loved to go for car rides!). She went to get something out of the car - he jumped in. She shut the door. Hours later she wondered where Boo-Boo was. He was still in the car. This was in 98-degree heat. She found him, dead with a blue tongue in the car. She was horrified. She still feels really bad about it - BUT - she didn't do it deliberately. She couldn't have known. We had to keep reminding her of that. It happens. It just does. The pups just do stuff they ought not to and catch their owners unaware and it costs them their little sweet lives. It's no one's fault, really.

:hug:

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badgerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-13-06 11:56 PM
Response to Original message
13. I'm so sorry for your loss.
:hug:
Thank you for reaching out to spare others what you are going through.
I don't think that Anya and Tessa blame you, and I truly believe that animals stay where they are loved, even after death.
They know they were loved and treasured, and that is what is important.
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vixengrl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:00 AM
Response to Original message
14. Oh, Ida, how I feel for you!
:hug: I can tell you've been a good dog-momma--and this must have been so horrible for you, but thank you for sharing information for other dog-parents so they don't have to experience this kind of loss. I know you must have been so shaken, and I really wish you the best--because that was just an awful, sudden thing. My sympathies for your lost girls. My heart goes out to you.
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Batgirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:07 AM
Response to Original message
15. my heart goes out to you
Doesn't every day have moments where, if the timing were different by even a few seconds, the most banal of activities could take a turn for the worse. When my kids were small, I lived in a constant state of vigilance to ward off the numerous disasters I knew were lurking out there. But still my youngest boy slipped on the ice and slid into the road when I let go his hand to put letters in the mailbox. The car that was coming was a few seconds too late and so I was spared the tragedy you are going through. Not because I was smart or careful, because of sheer luck and timing. Even the most scrupulously careful person is still human. You are obviously a great pet owner who loved those dogs and did everything you knew to give them a wonderful life.
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Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:59 AM
Response to Reply #15
28. Batgirl said that so well - my heart goes out to you, too
No matter how cautious or careful you are, you cannot possibly control everything at every time. Those dogs had such a wonderful owner, and you obviously made their lives as happy as they made yours.

I have to hold onto one of my dogs collars everytime I take them into the back yard because if I don't, 1 out of 50 times, she'll run off, right into the street. Sometimes I forget. That one forget could be the last one - thank you for sharing your story - I think it will help me to remember to hold on to her collar.

It wasn't your fault.

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alittlelark Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:07 AM
Response to Original message
16. OMG - that's the nightmare scenario I play over and over and over....
In the nightmare The story ends w/in the 1st 5 minutes. Yours continues. I do rescue as well.



SHIT HAPPENS. This was way big shit - but it happened. At least they went quickly and had been loved.

Damn...I'm too blurry to keep typing.
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Horse with no Name Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:09 AM
Response to Original message
17. I am so sorry Ida.
So terribly sorry.
I cried reading your post, I can't imagine how you felt.
I hope you find peace in knowing that it happened instantly and all your beloved pets remembered was doing something they loved while being around someone they loved.
:hug:
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rknryd Donating Member (45 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:15 AM
Response to Original message
18. oh my that's so sad.
I'm very sorry this has happened to you and your family. Geez as an animal lover myself I am unfortunately all too familiar with the pain and heartache you are surely feeling :cry:
Man my heart aches for your loss.
:hug:
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renate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:16 AM
Response to Original message
19. no--it REALLY ISN'T your fault
And it's certainly not theirs either. They were just being dogs. It's in a dog's nature to run and to be goofy and disobedient sometimes.

It was absolutely nobody's fault.

Especially since you'd never even heard of the safety hooks before. Even if you had heard of them, this wouldn't be your fault... it's just that you'd have regrets about a decision not to use them. But still... NOT your fault.

I just hate to think of yourself as being to blame in any way. From the way you write about the woman who accidentally hit them, it's pretty clear you've forgiven her--actually, it looks like you realize there's nothing about her actions to forgive. The same goes for you, and I hope that through the pain and grief you can see that.

I am so sorry. It's a small comfort but a comfort nonetheless that Anya and Tessa died instantly. Depending on your beliefs, it may even be a small comfort that they died together, even though that leaves your house twice as empty.

This little poem/story is kind of corny, but it's also kind of lovely, and Anya and Tessa have each other to play with while they wait:
http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

:hug:
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Shakespeare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:22 AM
Response to Original message
20. Oh, Ida, I'm so sorry...
What a horrible, horrible thing--but please don't blame yourself. You are a GOOD dog owner.

I'm so, so sorry. :cry:

:hug: :hug: :hug:
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librechik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:24 AM
Response to Original message
21. Jeez, Ida--what a horrible experience. You must be devastated.
I wish I could help you digest this--but what can anyone say? Your story will haunt me.

God bless you and the babies.
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:28 AM
Response to Original message
22. Ida, I am so sorry
I know nothing anyone can say right now will help you feel better.

Please know we're all thinking of you and the sweet puppies that are at the Rainbow Bridge. :hug:

Julie
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Bluerthanblue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:29 AM
Response to Original message
23. Sweet IdaBriggs....please...
Edited on Thu Dec-14-06 12:33 AM by Bluerthanblue
... stop one minute, and listen to this.

You loved those fur-children in the absolute best way a person ever could. And all the 'should- have- would have- could have' would not stop their leaving this world when it was time for them to leave. As much as we would all like to believe we have the power to control life, to keep those we love SAFE and HEALTHY and HAPPY (and you and your husband clearly did that for these girls, and for your other family members, not to mention all the foster 'kids' you nurtured, sheltered, and watched 'fly'- the painful reality of life on earth, is that very sad, stupid, terrible things DO happen, despite the very 'best' of care, and the most diligent 'watchfulness'.

This is a truth that many people never come to accept, often times because this acknowledgment makes life a very 'scary' place. Which it is- but this also makes life so precious, and so exquisitely sweet.

I'm so grateful those pups had YOU to share their life with- They were loved, guided, and cherished as the friends and life companions the beloved four footed family members they were.

There was NOTHING you could have done- even if you had had them on the special leashes, think about what might have happened had you been rear-ended? If they were leashed in place, they would likely have faced a similar fate- We can take all the precautions in the world, but they won't stop sorrow.

I do understand how you feel, and why you feel as you do. But I hope in time, as you say, you'll come to see that you did your very best for them- And, to be fair, they did their best for you- They didn't want what happened to happen, nor did the woman who hit them-

Life can be so unfair,- so incredibly unfair, and unpredictable. I'm glad you see the joy their presence in your lives brought to you, and that even this this agony you are experiencing now, was worth it.

But please, tuck into your heart, the knowledge- the truth, that - NO- it 'was not your fault'- You cannot control the world. Neither can I, and as I often say, if I could it would probably be a REAL mess-

Be gentle with yourself. YOU need to do everything you can to take care of IdaBriggs- And let others do for you- because you have been through a very distressing, awful experience.

I hope you will find comfort, peace and rest. I hope you'll come to realize that accidents DO happen, despite everything. And that you'll remember the love, and good times you had with your pups... my heart aches for you, and with you.... and the tears that run down my face are all too familiar....

There is nothing anyone can say or do, that will ease this pain- but someday you'll know, it wasn't 'you' or 'them' it was .... the time that was meant to be.....

much love and comfort is wished you- and all of those you hold dear,
forgive yourself-
it wasn't your fault,
you were a bright shining light in their lives, as they were to you-

blu
:hug: :grouphug: :hug:
:hug: :cry: :hug:
:grouphug: :grouphug:

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roguevalley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:38 AM
Response to Original message
24. oh, honey. I am so very sorry.
I have the same burden. My little Tippy, the one in this picture, was on the bed and i had to step out of the room for a second. I KNEW HE WOULD JUMP. I KNEW it. But I went anyway. He did. He got a broken vessel in his leg and died in agony in my arms three or four days later. I should have known. I replay it in my mind but somehow, this is the way it is to be. I never cried so much. I will tell you, you will feel less misery as time goes on. Hug your baby and know you are loved. Things happen. Accidents happen. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Take care and know it gets better.
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Bullwinkle925 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:42 AM
Response to Original message
25. I hope you can realize that today was fate. We can't all be perfect all the time.
You gave these dogs a very good home and it sounds like they were tremendously happy with you. I know this has been a very traumatic time for you. I can only say that I'll keep you in my thoughts - and that when I do acquire a puppy - I'll be certain to purchase one of those. Thanks for alerting all of us - you didn't have to, but YOU DID.
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jillan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:51 AM
Response to Original message
26. From one dog lover to another
I am crying with you :hug:

Thanks for sharing. I never knew about those hooks before.
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me b zola Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:52 AM
Response to Original message
27. My thoughts and best wishes are with you Ida
Where/when did this begin, when something goes wrong with a mother's child we see it as our fault? Please don't do this to yourself. Your babies had a wonderful life because of you. God, do I know the grief--and the guilt--but I tell you to stop beating yourself up.

I wish you comfort, Ida, I wish you peace. There are other babies out there, four legged & two legged, that are depending on you. :hug:
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Greybnk48 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 01:00 AM
Response to Original message
29. I know how you feel, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm older than you, and can mark three times in my adult life where we lost a beloved pet and I felt (and still feel) it was my fault. It is a horrible

feeling; pure anguish. I hope your advice is taken seriously by those who read it. All three times I learned something--too late--but still pass on my

information when appropriate to other pet owners. Hopefully posting your experience will prevent this from happening to some other dog lover here

on DU. It must have been difficult to post this. Thank you so much.
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Garbo 2004 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 01:14 AM
Response to Original message
30. I'm so sorry Ida.
Heartbreaking. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done, but still...

:hug:
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China_cat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 02:10 AM
Response to Original message
31. How utterly awful for you.
I'm so sorry. I know how hard it's been this last year losing 2 dogs and 2 cats to old age and disease.

For those who need and would use them, there are also seat belt harnesses for dogs (a harness with a loop in the back that the seat belt goes through)http://www.canineauto.com/champion.htm is just one of many.
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REP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 02:19 AM
Response to Original message
32. I'm So Terribly Sorry
I know it's been said before, and that you can't believe it, but it was a terrible accident, and not your fault. They forgive you - forgive yourself.
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crispini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 05:11 AM
Response to Original message
33. We all do the best we can with what we got.
You would not rag on someone else. You would be kind and understanding. Please try to extend that to yourself when you can do so.

:hug:
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tbyg52 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 05:38 AM
Response to Original message
34. I am so sorry for your loss
and grateful that you took the time to post this important information.

:hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug:
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GCP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:00 AM
Response to Original message
35. I am so sorry
Edited on Thu Dec-14-06 06:00 AM by Godlesscommieprevert
Please don't tear yourself apart because of this - you did everything you could at the time, none of us can ever be 100% perfect !00% of the time.
You and your husband gave the dogs a wonderful life, they died at a time when they were enjoying themselves.
Please don't let your grief spoil your pregnancy, if necessary get some kind of safe trank from the doctor to get through this, and know that we're all there for you, many of us have lost beloved pets in similar circumstances, and the grief does pass.
(((Hugs))) :grouphug:
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:06 AM
Response to Original message
36. I have to say your thread title scared the shit out of me because I
know you are pregnant. That being said, I can't begin to express the depth of my sorrow for what you had to undergo.

It wasn't your fault, Ida. It could have been me. My little dog slips her collar all the time and the last time I took her to the vet, she squirmed out of my arms and went running towards the door. Nothing happened, but it could have. I would have been devastated as you are, but you are a responsible pet owner and you loved your dogs.

God bless, Ida. I hope your sweet little Noche can bring you some comfort in the days ahead.

:hug:
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Solly Mack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:16 AM
Response to Original message
37. ((((((IdaBriggs)))))
I am so sorry,IdaBriggs.

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malaise Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:26 AM
Response to Original message
38. What a sad incident
I feel pain the pain for you and yours. This too will pass as you clearly love dogs.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:41 AM
Response to Original message
39. you had me in tears thru out the post. i am not one to dismiss accidents
they are what they are. i am sorry for you experience today. it will be something that flashes in your mind for a while. it is a sad sad thing that happened. you take care of you.
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BoneDaddy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:42 AM
Response to Original message
40. Sorry for your loss
Pets are part of the family for sure. But do not blame yourself. Managing three dogs out of a car while pregnant is a task fit for Hercules. Cry, grieve and stop blaming yourself, this is just an ugly and very unfortunate situation.
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lynne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:52 AM
Response to Original message
41. Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss . . .
... as a Mom of three labs, I can't imagine what you're going through.
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:01 AM
Response to Original message
42. .
:hug:
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Avalon Sparks Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:07 AM
Response to Original message
43. I'm so, so, so, so, sorry.
Ida I'm so sorry for your loss. It is horrible. Our furr babies are so innocent and losing them rips everything from your heart and soul. I understand how you feel believe me.

Please, please don't blame yourself. You said they never bolted before so why would you expect them to bolt now? There's no way you could have known.

This was an accident completely - a horrible, terrible accident. It is not your fault.

As pet's caregivers it is a natural reaction to assume all responsibilty - even over things we can't control like freak accidents and illesses.

It's not your fault because if there was anyway you knew this could happen you WOULD have done everything to prevent it. YOU DID NOT KNOW!!!!!!!

I am so sorry this happened. I understand the pain and heartache. There are many resources on the web that deal with pet loss grief. I know that when I lost my cat of 18 years last Dec 23rd these resources helped my cope and understand.

Thinking "If only I did this..." or "It's all my fault" are natural reactions to pet loss. Again the fact is if you had known you would have done them.

You are a good pet owner and this was a horrible accident. Your furr babies understand and you will see them again someday over the rainbow bridge.


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FedUpWithIt All Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:11 AM
Response to Original message
44. ....
:hug:

I am so incredibly sorry.
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DarbyUSMC Donating Member (352 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:28 AM
Response to Original message
45. You've saved some other pets today. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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sendero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:35 AM
Response to Original message
46. I'm so sorry to hear..
.... of your loss, I can only imagine your pain.

But this sort of accident could have happened to anyone, even a conscientious pet owner.

Don't blame yourself too much - it would truly be your fault if you were indifferent to their safety, but that is clearly not the case.

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HeeBGBz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:36 AM
Response to Original message
47. I'm so sorry, Ida
I know it hurts, but you shouldn't blame yourself. Some things are unforeseeable, until the curse of hindsight.

(((hugs)))
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DIKB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:43 AM
Response to Original message
48. My deepest sympathies.
I too have dogs, and know how ornery they can be. I hope that at the very least a few people take your advice and take the proper precautions so they don't have to go through what you did.

I only wish there were some other way to ease your pain.

I'm gonna go give my dogs a good hug and a rub-down. Thank you for reminding me of how much I care for them, and for what could happen.
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Dorian Gray Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:46 AM
Response to Original message
49. Your story made me cry a little...
I love my animals, and I feel your pain. And I know it doesn't make a difference in your thoughts to hear it, but it truly isn't your fault. I understand that you are sad, and that is so natural. But don't blame yourself, sweetie! Please don't. You have a lot to look forward to with the birth of your beautiful children. I know this loss is hard, though, so allow yourself to mourn.

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Alamom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:55 AM
Response to Original message
50. I'm so sorry. No matter how hard we try or how well we are able
to take care of our beloved pets, sometimes, a situation is not within our power to control or change.

To grieve for our pets is very natural & normal, but don't blame yourself. Don't take on that heavy load of believing you did something wrong. You didn't. This was an accident.


Take care of yourself and your babies. This is most important now.

Love and concern coming your way from one animal lover to another.
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knitter4democracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 08:04 AM
Response to Original message
51. The best thing to do is cry.
Your babies will be fine if you let it all out. Holding it in, in my opinion, is worse. Crying releases the toxins of grief and anger and doubt and fear.

God, I am so sorry a horrible thing like that happened. The dogs were being dogs, and it really wasn't your fault. You could've had them in crates in your car, and it still could've happened. I am so, so sorry. It's just horrible.
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roody Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 08:10 AM
Response to Original message
52. I'm so sorry about your dear doggies.
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rainbow4321 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 08:11 AM
Response to Original message
53. It could've happened to any of us..
I had something similiar happen with my Jack Russell...I didn't put her harness on her when I took her to the groomers. Thought it's a quick trip, from the car to the door, I'll just hook her leash right to her collar instead of taking the time to put the harness on her.
She ran hard and fast as we left the parking spot, breaking out of the collar...leaving me holding the leash/collar and her running out to where the cars go by thru the parking lot. My heart stopped and then pounded. The more I went after her the more she ran in circles in the path of where cars drive, the more I stood still and called her the further she ran.
Total miracle that she finally went up to the sidewalk and finally stopped running. Countless "what ifs" crossed my mind all day long after that.

It could honestly happen to ANYone at anytime, you had no way of knowing.

I can't imagine losing either of my dogs..heck, I cried and cried when I had to leave one of them at the vet (she had gone septic, I think, from bilateral ear infections)..not knowing at the time what the
final diagnosis would be, I just knew she was so, so sick.
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IndyOp Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 08:54 AM
Response to Original message
54. Ida... They died instantly and now are running around in a gorgeous meadow
on the other side. Anya and Tessa are not in pain. They are not afraid. They are not angry with you. They are still loving you from the other side.

What helps me is memorialize the lost ones - with candles and pictures displayed openly for everyone to see. It is too easy for people in our lives to trivialize the loss of pets. Honor them. Keep them in your life. Grieve for as long and and loudly as you need to...

:hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug:
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 08:57 AM
Response to Original message
55. What can I do but
:hug:?
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volstork Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 09:00 AM
Response to Original message
56. so sorry
I know how devastating it is to lose a dear pet. Prayers coming your way....
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nashville_brook Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 12:15 PM
Response to Original message
57. i'm so sorry for your loss
:hug:
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Strawman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 01:01 PM
Response to Original message
58. I am so sorry for your loss, Ida
My wife and I have two pups and two cats that are like our kids. We lost one of our cats last March when he swallowed something and died on the operating table at the vet when they tried to remove it from his stomach. We felt guilty too (asking ourselves over and over why did we leave stuff out? etc.) and it was an awful period in our lives. For whatever it's worth, I know how you feel. One thing that helped us in our greiving process was having a little memorial service in our home for Archie and we purchased a beautiful pet urn from this site http://custompeturns.com / to honor the memory of his beautiful little soul in our home. Just writing about it again now makes me want to cry.

Thank you for the courage to share your story with the rest of us. I will certainly take your advice and purchase two of those safety hooks.

Hang in there, Ida.


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REACTIVATED IN CT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 01:07 PM
Response to Original message
59. Hugs to you
And thank you for mentioning the Safety Snap Hook thing. I will be getting one immediately for my rascal who would do the same thing as your dogs did.
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Mr Rabble Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 01:11 PM
Response to Original message
60. oh my god im so sorry. Condolences.
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Vox Acerbus Donating Member (155 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 01:13 PM
Response to Original message
61. I Wish I could Give you Time & Distance
Edited on Thu Dec-14-06 01:14 PM by Vox Acerbus
On 12/8/05, just one year ago, as my husband and I walked from an emergency clinic in sobs because our cat had just died horribly in my arms due to an illness that I am to this day convinced was my fault because I did not see it earlier, and didn't get a second opinion before I gave him the medicine that a careless vet provided just to get us to leave her alone. I am almost certain that medicine and the insufficient diagnosis exacerbated his condition and killed him. I wished for time & distance.

Not time to go back in time (though that was desirable too), but to be two days, two weeks, two years, two decades, from the sick pain of my grief. The pain I know you're going through right now.

I am so sorry for your loss. Saying, "Don't blame yourself" won't work, I know this. Because I have had people tell me the exact same thing. It doesn't help.

I wish for you time and distance from this great pain, and the strength to get there. While saying "Don't blame yourself" doesn't help, I will say this - you are not the only one. So many of us blame ourselves for so many things that we wish we could change. Part of the reason your blaming yourself hurts so much is because you are such a caring and loving pet parent. If you weren't, this wouldn't weigh so heavily for you.

You're in my thoughts and prayers (though I'm not sure my prayers are worth much, but I'll try). I am crying just reading your story, because I know so well the guilt and grief. *hug*
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Cameron27 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 01:31 PM
Response to Original message
62. Ida please take care of yourself,
what happened was horrible and tragic, but could have happened to any one of us. A few months ago the very same thing happened to me when I stopped to pick up a video. I was lucky, fate was on my side that day and there were no cars close to my old buddy.

You're in my thoughts, and all I can say is I'm so very sorry.
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juajen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 02:03 PM
Response to Original message
63. I'm so very sorry, dear
I will not even bother you with some of my tragic pet stories. You're in my thoughts. Take care of precious twins.
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Tace Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 04:53 PM
Response to Original message
64. So Sorry For Your Loss, Ida
Thanks for posting this. Cheers
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DemReadingDU Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:06 PM
Response to Original message
65. I am so sorry for you, such a tragic accident
and thank you for letting us know about the Safety Snap Hook to prevent other accidents
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Lisa0825 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:20 PM
Response to Original message
66. I am so so sorry.
I wish I could be there to hug you in person. :hug: :cry:

I would like to ask your permission to post your story on the website for the shelter I voilunteer with. Hopefully it will help others by sparing them the pain I know you are feeling.

I am so so sorry. I know it seems like an impossible request, but please don't blame yourself.

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
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Dastard Stepchild Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:27 PM
Response to Original message
67. I am so sorry!
These things happen. They really, really do. I know that may not help right now, but, well.. things do happen. Last week I had my little gal on her leash and she slipped from my fingers. Usually I don't think much of it because she won't move from my side, but she saw a rabbit and took off. We live on an INCREDIBLY busy street and I saw her making a beeline for it. I was screaming and running after her and I grabbed her in time, but not without the terror of my life.

I don't know why I shared that... maybe to let you know that it happens to all of us all the time. Little things that suddenly become very big things.

I'm just so sorry to hear this. So very sorry.
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Libby2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:27 PM
Response to Original message
68. Awe Ida
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
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judaspriestess Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:38 PM
Response to Original message
69. I'm so sad with you for your loss
when we lose our babies its devastating. Please remember it was a tragic accident and not your fault but I can most certainly understand your guilt. We always seem to blame ourselves. Your doggies are beautiful angels now and will ALWAYS be with you.

my deceased kittyboy is with me always. God bless you.
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riderinthestorm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 06:51 PM
Response to Original message
70. Every pet owners greatest fear is to lose their pet in a tragic accident
and it's such a heartbreaking thing. But you are very courageously sharing your story and you will save other dogs' lives tonight by doing this.

I am so so sorry for your loss. It's going to be a rough for a while - please take care of yourself.
:hug:
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:37 PM
Response to Original message
71. Oh God, Ida, I am so, so sorry
I can't even imagine your pain. Please, be gentle with yourself. I will hug my big old lab tonight with you in mind.

I am so sorry for your loss.
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Lone_Star_Dem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-14-06 07:44 PM
Response to Original message
72. I'm so very sorry
I know it doesn't help one bit right now to say this, but forgive yourself. You loved them dearly and they knew you loved them. It was a tragic accident, but an accident none the less.

Thank you for being brave enough to use your grief as a way to help educate others.

Again, I'm very sorry for the lose of your dear furry family. :hug:
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Eurobabe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-15-06 08:47 AM
Response to Original message
73. Oh how terrible for you and the dogs...
:hug: :hug: it was an accident, I know that doesn't make it easier. Hopefully in time you will heal...we send our condolences to you and your family.

The 48%ers.
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